cop out

1. woke up in my home bed and it was a wonderful feeling. although the bed where i am living this summer is a full and my bed at home is a twin so it felt kind of small for the first time in my life!
2. ran some errands in town and had lunch with a friend. i am not in town but for a few days so i can't see many people. but that's fine, i mainly want to stick around my family and boyfriend and close friends anyway. 
3. had the boyfriend over for dinner and watched (kind of...i really slept) through the replay of the netherlands vs. brazil game. it sounded exciting from what i remember. 

i watched the stars tonight and they are so beautiful where i live. there were so many out and i could even see the milky way. i miss seeing stars. they remind me of my future and all i want to accomplish in my lifetime. they also remind me to take care of the planet. it's such a freak of nature that humans are even on a planet that can sustain life and it's sad to think about all the ways we are destroying that planet. but maybe we will learn...i hope soon...

hoooome

1. basically all i did today was drive. a long, long way. but now i am home and so happy to be here!
2. i ate lunch at taco bell? 
3. and i didn't get lost once. 

such an exciting day, i know. but it was great driving the road home and it's so wonderful to be back in this house. i love my house! and my family and my mountains and my kitty. seeing friends and boyfriend tomorrow, and then more friends this weekend and the celebrating the 4th of july on sunday with all the family! can't wait. i'm pretty sad that i have to leave on tuesday. but i decided to leave my internship early and come home about a week sooner in august than i was planning previously. it's great to be home. living far away really makes me appreciate it--i don't know how some kids go to college in such far away places. glad i'm not one of them!

quickie

1. worked today and went to a pre-practicum class for the grad students who are entering their second year. basically, the class teaches people how to be therapists. interesting stuff!
2. finished up season four of sex and the city and had a small dinner over conversations with the new roommate.
3. packed and got directions for my trip back home tomorrow. i cannot wait to be home!!!

quickie post tonight--must get to bed and get some sleep for the long drive! and i put off blogging because i had stuff to do and blogging is usually always put off. plus, a semi-boring day anyway. but i hope i make it safely! i'm definitely nervous, but let's hope the driving gods and God are on my side. and let's hope i don't run into this!

confidence vs. cockiness

1. a busy day in the lab and a semi-exciting one too. the professor i'm working for and the lab team i'm working with are both really doing their best to make my summer worthwhile. i believe at the end of this summer i will have several thank you notes to write (perhaps i should start a list now...).
2. gave myself a pedicure today. sparkly red polish to match the upcoming holiday. i'm going home for the 4th of july and can't wait to see my family/mountains/boyfriend/friends/kitty.
3. onto sex and the city season three! i love aiden! yay! too bad i know how this whole series really ends up...with her marrying big and then kissing aiden and then staying with big. bummer!

ego--what's the deal? i mean, i get being confident, but why the need to be an asshole? and the only thing conceiving this post is the tv show chopped, no interpersonal life crisis. anyway, some people are so egotistical and arrogant. trust me, i've had my fair share of those guys (and girls) in my life. still do, for that matter. but i'm not saying that i'm not an ego maniac sometimes, especially when my ego is bruised. but i've also always seen excessive ego as a defense mechanism for low self-esteem (or something psychological like that). i always get the most testy and arrogant when i'm feeling either really legitimately proud of something i've done or really bruised from something not-so-good that i did. but some people just have over-reactive egos! like, get over yourself already! maybe if you didn't have such a massive ego then doing poorly every now and then wouldn't come as such a shock. everyone screws up sometimes. but don't whine about it and just get back up and get back to life. while i'm writing this, i am (obv) thinking of samantha from sex and the city. talk about ego. then again, girl can back it up. and she can also accept defeat and loss of dignity (on those rare occasions when things happen to her). okay...that's not entirely true. she fights and doesn't take shit from people, but after all of that, she can still take a punch to the ego every now and then. unlike this chef on chopped! don't put all your eggs in one basket.

bueller? bueller? anyone? anyone?

1. WOW no one comments on my blog anymore.
2. headache. too much sex and the city, not enough sleep. 
3. long day tomorrow, thankfully, and hopefully a gym visit that is not as crowded with "tanning salon" barbie clones and scowling juiceheads who don't share equipment. 

do i love this place? eh, wouldn't go that far. i think part of me would fit into new york city for awhile. i can be cynical and sarcastic and critical and a fashionista with the best of them! i could never last though; i'm way too much of a country girl to make that happen. but really, i should get some sleep. long day and longer one tomorrow. it would be fun, though, to live there just for a summer...or just for graduate school...

haterade

1. breakfast with my family friends, walk around the lake (tallahassee water retention center?), and relaxing day with sex and the city. 
2. went to the gym and got hated on by some juiceheads and then hit on by a guy who didn't have much to say. i thought headphones were enough to clue people in to my serious workout routine, but maybe a shirt that says "speak nicely or be able to run fast" would be a better option. 
3. talked more with the girl who lives in the apartment with me now. she is really nice and we get along and have a few things in common. example: neither of us have veins.

procrastination is still the name of the game. now, i'm putting off bedtime to watch sex and the city! and i put off blogging to...watch sex and the city! oh well, the addiction will still be over. and i have to get up somewhat early so i'm still getting to bed at a decent hour. of course, i'm team aiden, but how can i also not be team big? it is possible to be...well...too nice *cue memories of earlier conversation with new roommate*. and really, her and big were meant to be together. they both kind of annoy me. i like samantha the best because she's the funniest. miranda is just awkward and whiney, and charlotte is the definition of too sweet, but so endearing and eager. but hey, i like them all and their conversations over lunch or cocktails are my favorite parts of the show. and to think, it was written by a guy*. anyway, i should stop ignoring the male readers. oh, pish posh. maybe they should watch a few episodes--it could do most men on this planet some good to see things from a female perspective.
bucket list item that was so anticipated: complete (not "compete") a mini-triathalon. oh god. there, i said it.

*allegedly gay, which would make a lot more sense.

would i really do this?

1. i watched the USA lose to ghana in a heartbreaking loss. we basically watched the soccer game instead of playing the soccer game. donovan, i still love you. and dempsey, i love you too. team USA forever!
2. joined a gym today for the remaining six weeks or so of my stay. it was a nice feeling--i plan on going tomorrow and working out and sweating. oddly, i can't wait. 
3. a girl who lives in the apartment i'm subleasing from moved back in today for the summer. her plans fell through, so here she is for the summer. it's weird; i finally adjusted to the change of living alone and have to adjust all over again to living with a girl i met...an hour ago. oh, and she told me i live on the "buggy" side of the apartment--greeeeaat. 

i can't believe i actually made a random decision to blog for an entire year and am actually doing it. it's a weird feeling, being almost six months into 2010. i mean, this year has been a blessing, but it's also been somewhat of a whirlwind. so much has happened to me! i love my life right now and am very happy with it, but i know that come august, that life will be very different. my bucket list item for tomorrow is somewhat shocking...well, for me it's shocking. i've made a commitment to doing every last thing that i put down on my bucket list, at some point in my life. so when i list something, it's serious. you already know how i feel about commitments--look at what i'm doing now--blogging for 365 days, for crying out loud. so there is really no question that i must follow through on my bucket list, or else i'm a big faker! not okay. so you'll see tomorrow what all the suspense is about...let's hope it doesn't disappoint!

"these are my confessions"

1. went into the lab for a bit today and then worked in the clinic some too. left around 4 to start my weekend off right!
2. the tcby right next to my apartment closed--i'm taking that as a sign from above that i need to stop eating delicious frozen yogurt parfaits to cool myself off from the 100 degree heat. 
3. just realized that i have a salon appointment on saturday right in the middle of the USA vs. Ghana soccer game--WTF--and if i cancel, i have to pay $50--again, WTF?! so i'm going to call in the morning and try my damndest to get it pushed up or back. i need to see this game. 

okay, so i feel like it's finally time for me to be up front about something--my major/minors in college. i have spent so much time tiptoeing around this issue and hinting at it and i feel like no one except people i know really read this blog anyway, so i might as well just talk about it. i'm a psychology major and history and English double minor. now it's probably not that big of a deal to my few readers for me to say this, since they already know my school life, but it's nice to finally say it. so psychology basically is my life. i love the field and i love the labs in work in at college and for this summer. i study peer relations, health-risk behaviors, and suicide/NSSI (non-suicidal self-injury) in one lab, and bi-polar disorder with a focus on assessment in my other lab. i love both labs but prefer the former lab; it was the first i entered and it's where my passion really lies (for now). this summer, i am working in a psych lab that studies suicide and NSSI, as well as eating behaviors and it has a pretty neuro-focused feel to the lab, which isn't my thing per se, but is important to the field. basically, i love psychology and am very content with it being my life. my history minor, i'm also crazy about. i declared a history major when i was a first semester freshman after a great history course on modern european history. i declared that as my concentration, and was well on my way to a major. but this past semester i decided to drop down to a minor because i don't want to take a seminar-based course that requires a lot of time and effort and work. i want to focus on my thesis for psych, as well as have time for my English minor and other cool classes. but who knows, maybe i'll get bored and ambitious and change my mind later. the English minor i declared last fall semester and did it kind of on a whim, similar to my history minor. i have an English teaching sister and a mother who taught English, as well as an aunt. maybe it's in my blood? all the same, it's a good minor to have, i think; it shows people who read my resume that i can write well enough to have a minor and that i am well-rounded. plus, i really want to take this jane austen class my senior year. best class ever! so since i'm an English minor, some may wonder why i don't use entirely correct grammar at all times (capitalization). i''m lazy and stubborn. it's a lot easier for me to type this way, in an informal setting, and people also have nit-picked me for not using capitalization, so i naturally went against that trend. it may grate on the nerves of some, but it's just who i am in this setting, as well as other informal settings (email, facebook, etc.). but i can and obviously do use perfect grammar in papers and assignments and anything remotely professional or formal. so that's my story of my school life.

t-minus five weeks

1. went back into the lab today for about 5 hours. had a good day--one part of what i'm doing is really interesting. 
2. weirdly enough, though, i'm ready for the weekend. i want time to myself to recharge and to get used to alone life again. i'm sure i'll be over that sentiment soon enough.
3. went bowling tonight with the lab group and bowled a 128! best score i've ever gotten. three strikes in a row! it was awesome. 

i don't feel much like blogging again. it's been a wonderful week but i'm sad to see it go. i'm definitely feeling the homesickness right about now. and i miss my family but i also just miss my home. and while it's not new for me being in a college setting, it's new being in that college setting and not knowing anyone. i came to college knowing several people, and also knew and loved my suitemates. but this is different. it's a new environment where i don't really know anyone and i'm in a new job setting. and while i love what i am doing and am pumped about getting a letter of recommendation for grad school, i also am not impervious to feeling lonely. and yes, i'm meeting people, but it's not like college. i love college! and this summer is just like a semi-extension of college but it's also practice for real life. my birthday is five weeks from today--how nerve-wracking! i'm excited but also really anxious. hopefully these five weeks will pass slowly...

remember to smile

1. watched the USA kick ass in the game against algeria today!!! can't believe we had another goal taken away from us but i'm so happy that donovan came through in the clutch and scored a win in our group and automatic advancement to the quarterfinals! so exciting.
2. didn't do much other than watch soccer and hang out with my boyfriend. it was a great day. 
3. went to carrabba's for dinner and now i think a movie is in order!

i've been thinking more and more about safety and things i can do to stay safe! basically, i think i have somewhat of a chance if i'm ever in a hand-to-hand combat situation, but i'm afraid of a gun or knife situation--that would be tough to get out of. and while i am afraid of this scenario that is pretty statistically low of a chance and the area where i am living now is really pretty safe, i would rather be more prepared than less prepared. knowing how to protect myself is important, especially as a young female who is alone in this area for the summer. anyway, it was a bit of a tangential post but i think it's important to talk about. again. oh, and remember to smile at people. smiles brighten days.

shawty

1. saw toy story 3 today and it was SO good. the first movie came out in 1995--it's the series of my childhood. the short movie in the beginning is really cute too. 
2. went out to a yummy italian dinner with the boyfriend and then ate marble slab ice cream! they were right next to each other...i couldn't resist. 
3. goofed around tonight and watched chopped on food network, of course. also got some work-related stuff figured out. 

this is one of those nights i don't have much to say, or much that i can really talk about on this blog. i feel a lot of things but this isn't the avenue to express those things. so this is another short post night, but those are pretty frequent occurrences on this blog. forgive me, and until tomorrow...

versus

1. drove home from the beach today. how sad. it was a great trip but i miss the beach and my family already. can't wait to see them for the 4th!
2. found the recycling center today and went on a grocery trip with my boyfriend. just hung around the house and made plans for tomorrow. so glad to have him here for a few more days!
3. no bugs were in my apartment when i got home--good sign. i had a few emails from my job but nothing super important. i am a volunteer, after all. 

an important talk tonight happened between my boyfriend and i. we talked about religion and spirituality. i've blogged about this before but it was so nice sitting with him after dinner and just talking. we sat at the table for several hours and had a wonderful conversation. it was very natural and good conversation. we click. and i miss the beach and miss my family, but like i said last night, i know i'm doing the right thing with my summer and i'm doing what's best for me.

goodbye again

1. last day at the beach. it was a good day, hot and not very windy, but still good. i love the beach so much and am sad to leave. 
2. i was walking with my boyfriend along the beach and we saw a huge school of rays! while it was really cool, it's something i've never seen at this beach before and i'm worried that it was because of the oil spill.
3. it was father's day! i love my dad very much and was glad that i could spend it with him.

i hate saying goodbye to my family. i love them all so much and i am very glad that i got to spend some time with them as a reprieve from my summer. while i'm very glad to be doing what i'm doing this summer, taking a leap and making a career move, it's still rather hard and i find myself wishing sometimes that i had just stayed home this summer, or stayed at college. it would have been a good summer, i feel sure, but very different. i can see in my mind what it would have been like and am happy with that image. but i'm also very happy with what i am actually doing this summer--i think i will be grateful for it later, too. but the morning is fast approaching and i will have to say goodbye again. goodbye to my family, for now. the goodbye to my boyfriend comes later this week. i hope they all make the drive back safely. another reason for me to be nervous...but my dad is a very good driver. but it's the other people on the road i'm worried about! happy father's day and happy sunday!

bucket list item: go to a world cup soccer game.

forever young?

1. i'm so dehydrated! no matter how much water i drink, the hot sun at the beach just sucks the moisture right out of me. it's not a good feeling. 
2. i finally got the water out of my ear! it has been in there since earlier today and it was an awful feeling--i forgot how bad; it used to happen to me all the time when i was little.
3. watched a wedding on the beach and had a lovely dinner and lovely night. 

they played the forever young remix at the wedding and it made me think about being forever young. it sounds terrible. i mean, part of enjoying youth is having the age and wisdom to look back on your younger years. or so i'm told. i think it's weird that i'm going to be a junior in college, but i'm still so young! i have a long way to go. i wouldn't want to live forever, but i sure want to live a long and full life. i think only the gods and people of fairy tales wanted to live forever. it's certainly not a realistic idea and it's definitely not a good one. there is a reason humans have a limited lifespan, there is no need to cheat nature.

life is good.

1. watched the USA vs. Slovenia game this morning and we got robbed from the third goal! it was such bullshit. and the refs made some bad calls throughout the game. but nothing can be done about it now...i just hope USA gets to advance or i'll have to find a new team to support.
2. spent the rest of the day at the beach and alternated between the beach and the pool, since i can't get in the oily ocean. walking along the beach today i actually got some oil on my foot, but dawn dish soap took care of that. 
3. had a good talk with a good friend today. 

so i'm not a snob, i'm just picky. i'm selective about my food and my drink and what movies i will watch and music i will listen to. i want high-quality experiences in life and i like to pick and choose things to fill my time with that reflect that sentiment. i guess that can be seen as snobby, but i just see it as the only way to live life. why not make the most out of what you have? i understand that some people aren't like me and are content to live a different lifestyle and i have no problem with that at all--go for it! but i guess the most important thing to do is live the life that makes you happy. this was a theme of my conversation today and it is something people tend to forget in the hype and stress of daily life. it's also why everyone needs to visit/live in europe and get that mentality and keep it in mind. americans stress out too much. and our happiness levels aren't even that high. so obviously all the prosperity isn't the key to happiness.

responsibility

1. i'm very tired from the emergency room trip last night. i didn't sleep very well either because our room was very stuffy. but maybe tonight will be better since i'm worn out from the sun and the activity on the beach. 
2. game seven was tonight in the nba series. oh wait?! who cares. not me. some people, a lot of people, i guess. but noooot meeeeee.
3. had a great first day at the beach but it's illegal to swim and there is oil residue on the beach as well as a sheen on the water. 

the responsibility that BP needs to take for this oil spill is obvious. being down here and seeing how the oil spill is affecting the area is a wake-up call that i didn't need, but other people do. what's interesting is that there isn't a lot of tar or crude oil or thick sludge on these beaches, but the place is still dead. there is no traffic, not many people on the beach, not many parties in the restaurants, nothing like what is normal for this time of year in this location. and the general mood is just one of depression. but the workers are out here and cleaning up the beaches as things come onto the beach. there are booms out in the water that are visible and a lot of boats just sitting in the water. i assume they are tracking the oil patterns and even putting out booms, but i'm not sure. an escrow fund was created in the amount of $20 billion to cover the costs of clean-up. it's my opinion that the amount given is not even close to the amount that will be necessary to fix all of this. the wildlife and the environment being destroyed is priceless. the monetary loss of lost livelihoods and lost tourism and business can at least be calculated, as can clean-up costs. but BP is not accepting responsibility and are avoiding blame. it's horrifying. but maybe this will wake-up the american public, as well as the global community.

emergency!

1. woke up kinda late and finished packing for the beach! it was kinda stressful, of course, but we got on the road and had a safe trip to the beach!
2. I SAW MY FAMILY!!! YAY!!!
3. walked along the beach on the gulf of mexico and did not step on any tar balls or see any oil. good start so far...

long night. spent in the emergency room. my boyfriend has a food allergy. will write more tomorrow. for now, it's time to go to bed! i'm even feeling the time difference more because where i came from is an hour later than here.

YES.

1. went into the lab for a few hours today and worked. it was cool for the first part and i think the other stuff i trained for will be interesting too. 
2. MY BOYFRIEND CAME TO VISIT!!!
3. leaving tomorrow morning for the beach to see my family! we'll see how long we are able to say, but hopefully the beaches stay clean-ish for a week or so.

i'm so happy that i have company in my apartment! it feels great to have him with me again and i am so happy that everything is normal between us. and i get to see my family tomorrow! and go to the beach! it's going to be so much fun. i can't wait to spend time with everyone and just take a break and chill. i hope that we can bring some business to the ailing gulf coast too. the oil spill is...momentously bad.

we shall see

1. not a very eventful day. went to the mall and saw the new movie killers. i liked it! i laughed a lot and loudly. then came home and cleaned and did some chores for the arrival of my boyfriend tomorrow!
2. TRIED to watch the bachelorette tonight at 8 but couldn't until 8:34 because abc was out in the area due to thunderstorms. of course! at least i got to watch most of it. 
3. started to tentatively pack for the beach, but i'm still expecting a no-go at this point. like the title says, we shall see...

we shall see a lot of things. beach? maybe. from there...i'm not really sure what is going to happen. i had a good talk with an old friend tonight and was just reminded about how sure i am that things will work out. i don't know how or when but i know they will. perhaps this is a naive confidence that i have in my friends and myself, but i am convinced. i think that we will all accomplish what we want to in life, albeit with some regrets and mistakes along the way. but i have wonderful friends from different stages in my life and i love them all. i hope for the best.

"i'm in miami trick"

1. lazy morning and lazy day. tried to lie out in the 100 degree, 80% humidity, full sun weather but was not able to handle it for more than an hour. my skin is probably thanking me. 
2. pedicure today--hot pink was the final color choice. i thought it would be beach appropriate, but it looks like that trip probably isn't happening.
3. the oil is washing up on the gulf shore in a lot of areas now and totally ruining lives. i can't believe people are putting up with this bullshit! why can't people wake up and move past the greedy and lazy dependence on oil?!

enough of that rant. i'm trying to be positive, as was suggested to me by a few people. so one more day til i get to see my boyfriend, which is wonderful (!), but i miss my family a lot and was so hoping to see them for a whole week at the beach. thanks a lot, BP. anyway, i am eager to get on with this summer. yes, i love summer, but i miss college a lot. the whole environment is wonderful and every weekend feels like a little taste of summer. okay, i am going to quickly take my previous statement back. i love summertime and always have. it's my birthday season, my sister's birthday season, independence day, the end of school, and a lot of other awesome things. while i am working this summer, it is still summertime. i can take a break if i want to, i can (hopefully) go to the beach, and i don't have to worry about scheduling every minute of my life or doing this or that homework. grab the margaritas, the bathing suit, the sunglasses, and let the fun gear up!

weekly bucket list item: get a henna tattoo. parents, read again--henna. now repeat, henna, henna, henna.