all Qs and no As

1. had a YaYa adventure today that was lots of fun! my grandmother turned 77 and it was quite a party. 
2. had a fun night with my boyfriend, my sister, and her boyfriend. hung out and ate a good dinner after that.
3. watched sherlock holmes for the first time and like it a lot! it was kind of slow in the beginning, but it greatly improved towards the end. 

i keep getting anxious about florida. i'm excited, but i wish i knew more of what to expect. and i wish i knew what was going to happen while in florida for 2.5 months. who i'm going to meet, what i'm going to be doing, where my apartment will be, when i'll get to see my friends/family/boyfriend, why the timing in my life is sometimes really off (or seems to be). i can never have the answers. i mean, what would life be if we knew all the answers already? isn't this blog url livlinglife2010? that means go with the flow and live life, experience life, see what happens and where life takes me. i have some ideas for blog posts but i also kind of want some ideas for things to write about. so if you have any particular thoughts, please comment!

sleepytime

1. volunteered this morning doing manual labor for three hours. it wasn't that bad but i had to shower and have small blisters on my hands. 
2. stared yann martel's new book (author of life of pi). it's pretty impressive so far.
3. got to spend part of my day with the boyfriend and really enjoyed myself. he met my two good girlfriends too, after we ate out at the place where i used to work.

i am really tired tonight (almost fell asleep twice while writing this post). okay, three times. i just need to go to sleep and hopefully have good dreams. speaking of dreams, i have a few good ideas for posts for the next few nights.

go, go gadget arm!

1. tried to bake chocolate almond biscotti today and didn't have enough sugar! what a let down. i'm considering making some bread in the morning. 
2. went to lunch with two of my best girl friends. it'd been awhile since we'd all been together! that is definitely one thing i am going to miss about this summer--seeing my friends from home whenever i want to.
3. i confess--i bought another swimsuit today. but! i got rid of three bathing suits, so that's something, right?! ...right? i also bought a cute dress that was on sale for $3 from $20. 

technology has changed this planet, time after time. the semantics of the term "technology" are a bit challenging, i admit, but i am meaning the general and accepted definition of technology. my mother just purchased the new ipad and she ordered and ipod a few days ago. it came in today and it was amazing how compact and beautiful a piece of technology can be. so much goes into that small device, and so much comes out of it. and while technology amazes me, it is also still severely lacking. why can't we stop the oil from pouring into the oceans? hey BP, why don't you tell me that, you sons-of-bitches? oh wait, you're saying it's halliburton's fault? halliburton, you claim that transocean ltd. is at fault? tsk tsk, no one will take responsibility. how is it that the technology that has the potential to change how the planet operates, to move us forward, is not being adopted and funded? the only answer i can come up with is lack of public support, combined with greed and laziness. people don't want to change and people like to complain and be negative--it gives us something to do with our lives. and a way to deal with the guilt. the execs of these companies and the people in power are greedy and want to cut corners and make as much money as possible. what is with this insane obsession to have more money? why have so few people in history actually been content with what is in front of them. i get the idea of wanting to better yourself, but these people are not doing good with their wealth. they are, like, ruining the environment? yes, that sounds right. and laziness, ahh sloth. *notice that both greed and sloth are two of the seven deadly sins* this goes back to being afraid of change. people are just too lazy to recycle and to turn off the lights and to drive a cleaner car and to look for better alternatives. our society is so centered on waste and want. forget the "not" part of that phrase--all we do is want and waste. it's unbelievable to me. how can people be unable or unwilling to look to the future when the earth is DESTROYED because of HUMAN ACTIONS? i don't understand it and will continue to try to do my best to do my part in this green revolution. i wish people would just get the f***ing wake-up call already. and don't get me started on the religious right who have no respect for this planet. what was God's word about protecting and tending to his creation? it seems as if that has been thrown out the window in the face of "more important" concerns. UGH.

tough stuff

1. went to the mall today and only bought one thing! tried on bathing suits and didn't find any i liked. that is probably best since i'm pretty sure i have 12 already...
2. made dinner tonight--it was pretty basic but it's still fun help out my mom sometimes and act like an adult. 
3. played a fun game tonight with a fun person. 

it hit me tonight that i am leaving very soon. like, in a week and a half soon. can i do this? am i strong enough to do this? i think so. i am tough (generally) and have a high pain tolerance (among others). i like adventure and i like to travel. let me clarify... i like adventures like getting lost in venice and catching subways in rome and driving a stick in barcelona and eating food i can't pronounce in paris.  i don't like adventures like getting lost in the dark streets of tallahassee alone on my way home from work, or going out to a bar or to dinner alone or having a really boring and pointless summer. that's what i am most afraid of, i think. that i will go down this summer and spend 2.5 months there and it won't be worth it--that it will be boring and monotonous and not a new and exciting experience for my career. that i will have wasted a summer i could have spent with family and with my boyfriend before he leaves me for a semester, and then i leave him for another semester. but i guess i won't know until i try! and then again, i am not tied into anything. if i am not happy, i can change my situation (within reason). but i'll be damned if i don't give it a helluva shot.

"have a cup of tea," indeed! well i'm sorry, but i just haven't the time!

1. had a pretty lazy day today. it was nice. but i did some more unpacking towards the end of my day and am almost finished!
2. had a delicious dinner (of course) and got to see my uncle. love the family. 
3. a chill night to match a chill day. i'm liking this summer so far...

Mad Hatter: Do you care for tea?
Alice: Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea.
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!

oh, the tea party. i think they are crazy! i feel like tea partiers are crazy for at least one reason: sarah palin. anything she is associated with must be crazy like she is. oh wait, i'm distracted, i can see the communists in russia planning an attack on the us. hold on, hold on, oh wait! that's the grizzly bear i'm going to shoot on my next helicopter hunting trip. just kidding! or maybe that's the group of angry and vicious sarah palin haters coming for me at last! i think she should move to california and try and make "roots" there since she spends so much of her money on lip injections and face lifts. not to mention the wardrobe and hair styling! maybe her calling is in hollywood as a B movie actor? no, they have too much intelligence for her. while she may not be smart (really, how can she be? like...really.) she can play the game. hockey, i mean. isn't that her calling in life? i am just wondering how a hockey mom gets elected in alaska...or anywhere. it terrifies me to think about some of the psycho soccer moms i grew up around running in any sort of election and winning. but hey, first step booster club,  next step VP of the united states! okay, so enough on my sarah palin rant. the tea party. they are named after the tea party protest in boston before the revolutionary war, right? real cool, guys. the tea party only happened once. and i also get this strange sense that the british crown rule is not parallel to the government right now. but who knows! maybe the (sane) rest of the american public will be called tories and traitors and be tarred and feathered! how exciting. i get it--you hate taxes. cry me a river and don't drive on any road, okay? or eat and food you don't grow yourself, or buy anything, or support the economy that you hate so much that is directly tied into the government you hate. if you're gonna be a rebel, then do it, damn it. be like that couple in the northeast (maine, maybe?) that holed up in their fortress and stopped paying income taxes and bought ak-47s instead. take that, government! but really, i just feel like this movement is comprised of adults who are little bitches who can't take some hard times. just man up and leave sarah palin behind and leave the tea party. disclaimer: i am not really educated on this subject beyond the typical new stories and a wikipedia page.

wow

1. unpacked my car and put some more stuff in temporary storage, soon to be packed up again. can't wait to leave, but i know it'll be hard too. 
2. had a great date and good dinner. i like the movie we saw too, date night. it was pretty funny. 
3. went to a friend's 21st and had a great time! just hung out but it was nice seeing people i went to high school with and sharing memories.

it's hard for me to think right now. i'm tired and confused and just want to go to sleep. a lot is about to change in my life and it will be really interesting to see what happens. oh, and my grades for the semester came back--3.500. lowest gpa i've ever gotten but still made dean's list for my fourth consecutive semester. so i did well enough, i guess, but i'm still disappointed. i need to work harder next semester, but i am also hopefully going to life the classes in am registered for in the fall better than i liked my spring classes. anyway, i promise a more exciting post tomorrow night--today has just been kind of weird.

this one's for the mothers

1. went to church for the first time in a long time. it was nice, but i still don't really feel like it's where i need to be figuring out my religious questions.
2. had a wonderful mother's day brunch with my family and my grandparents. mom loved her present and card (aforementioned crafting of last night).
3. i watched national treasure: book of secrets tonight and precious. the national treasure i'd seen before but it's fun to watch movies about conspiracy theories. precious was a great movie--really powerful.

that's a good intro to a post about moms. precious' mom was crazy-horrible. she was mean and hateful and abusive and disgusting. but she was a product of her environment. her childhood was terrible, i'm sure, and her husband was a pedophile and her sole livelihood. that is not the only explanation though. she was lazy and jealous and mean and worthless. and her actions (and inactions) cannot be excused. but precious never had a mother--she had a monster. but the best thing about mother's day for me is that it makes me thankful for the wonderful mother i have. she and my father raised my sister and me to be people who they are both proud of, and i'm proud of us too. i am just very thankful to have the mother i do and have the childhood that i did. so thank you, mom, and thanks to all mothers.
list item: plant flowers outside my apartment. 

those creative juices

1. had a pretty good time volunteering today. it was fun to paint a wall and then decoratively paint it. seeing the result of hard work is always nice.
2. it finally sank in that i don't have to do schoolwork for three months! best feeling ever.
3. i like to plan. i am going to plan lots of things for this summer! 

like i said, i helped paint the wall today at my community center. and i've been doing polyvore lately and doing themed sets. also, i did a little crafty project tonight and that was fun too. i just like to be creative and this blog has helped me do that too. writing is something i didn't do much before i started this blog, except for writing papers. but i'm glad that i decided to make myself pursue this blog project. best new year's resolution i've ever had. but i think that the polyvore sets have helped me express my creativity more too. it's been so fun and it's the kind of creativity i like. but i've always been this way--even as a kid, i was always crafting and creating and it didn't matter how good it was, it was just fun for me. revisiting that part of me is something i've decided i need to do more. creativity.

it's a new day

1. packed up all my stuff and moved out today (with a helper). it's so weird that i'm done with dorms forever, but it's a wonderful feeling. i loved dorm life, but it's time to move forward. 
2. arriving at home made me so happy. the last 15 minutes of my drive is off the interstate and so beautiful and country. i always get excited and start to act goofy. 
3. went to a delicious italian place for dinner with my parents and of course i loved it. great way to start my weekend!

i can't believe i'm now a junior in college. while we were celebrating last night, mention of "the j word" kept coming up because we are all scared to admit that we're juniors in college! in two short years it will be bye-bye to college and hello real world (aka, more school). that is crazy to me, but also exciting...sort of. i don't know anything about the real world! what is a 401(k)? how do you buy a house? what kind of insurance do i need? when do i write a will? being an adult is HARD sounding! so how come everyone does it and makes it through alive? there must be some life secret i am missing. but anyway, i miss everyone. i have made some great new friends and that was all i really wanted to come from sophomore year. i like to meet people and get to know people, and that's what i've done, thanks to my helper. but i am done for the night--been exhausted all day, in all ways. can't wait to have the time to blog for real this summer! summer, glorious summer!

grandness

1. took my last exam today! i'm so relieved that sophomore year is over, but it feels really weird. i will miss all my new friends (and old ones, of course). i can't wait for this summer and next fall, though.
2. as much as i want to hold on to that 4.0 for this semester, i know it won't happen. 
3. this is my last night in the dorms. wow. i can't wait to be in an apartment but i'm not going to lie, dorm life was totally worth it. good times.

i love all my suities. freshman year was amazing and sophomore year was awesome too. i loved not every minute but a lot of it. it's weird, at the end of my sophomore year, i have nothing else to express except gratitude and happiness. so much has changed this year (2010) and it has done nothing but make me happy and excited. i knew 2010 would be a good year for me. i knew it!

i love...

1. took my english final today--i don't feel like i beasted it but i think did pretty well. we'll see on tuesday night, when my grade is available (supposedly). 
2. took some time after my exam to relax tonight, before gearing up for the history one tomorrow. my plan is to wake up and study some more, then take it at 12; it's supposed to take all 3 hours--yay. 
3. had a minor breakdown tonight, but that is over with and i am moving on! and no, it wasn't that bad, just some tears that were a long time coming. but hey, it's good to cry every now and then, and i'd held out for a long while. 

lame jokes. my facebook profile infobox says this and it's true. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saLm2AZfcto
this is a great source of lame jokes, but my favorite is definitely laffy taffy wrappers. they always have the best jokes ever. and telling them with friends is the only way to go (especially friends who will eat the banana ones)! so that was my way to feel better tonight. lame jokes. sometimes the silliest things are hilarious. one of my personal favorites...
Q: Where do kings keep their armies? 
A: In their sleevies.
HAHAHAHAAAA!!!

strength

1. got two of my four final class grades back--both As! so far, a 4.0...but we'll see how long that lasts after my finals tomorrow and thursday. 
2. i went to a yummy breakfast and a delicious midday snack with friends. it's odd how my life has changed so much this year. reflection is revealing a lot to me. 
3. i can't wait to be done, but i'm also nervous! this summer will be...i can't even think of the right words for it right now...

but i will have strength. i came up with a phrase to describe myself awhile ago--heartstrong. my heart is strong and my head is strong and those are the places from where i get my will. after tonight, it's hard to say what strength is. i know that i say i am strong now, when things are going relatively well, but what happens when the rug is pulled out from under me? so much can change so quickly and take us all by surprise, but how we deal with that change is what makes us. sometimes, it is nearly impossible to find strength. but i just have to remember who i am and what i've been through. i learned recently about a password protection feature on word. i can't wait to take advantage of this. while i have enjoyed this blog and all it has offered me in terms of growth and reflection, it has definitely been hard and will only get harder as the days dwindle down. but i know i will miss the blog once my time is up, so i have decided to start a password protected journal to fill the void. like i've said before, i'm terrible with diaries, but i think just typing how i feel will be a great way for me to journal because i can actually read what i write and i won't get a cramp. but anyway, back to strength. i am lucky that i was taught to grow from my life experiences. they have made me the woman i am today and i would change nothing about how i have lived my life. maybe it takes time for me to see how decisions i am making now will affect me, but i have seen how past decisions have shaped my life and i'm pretty proud of myself thus far.

trying harder

1. studied for a lot of my day. it was hard and involved staring at a computer screen. thanks for the migraine, exam week!
2. watched american gangster tonight as a study break. i have watched a movie for the past several nights, and i like it that way. 
3. this year needs to end, but i will miss it. sophomore year has been epic.

i need to try harder on this blog. i swear, once the semester is over (3 days, oh my gosh) my posts will get better. it's sometimes hard to find inspiration in the monotony of everyday life, but then again, that is what my blog is about. seeing the beauty in every day, even if it sucks. but my day was beautiful today, even if it was stressful and long. it was still another day. and stress in my life will soon take a breather because the school year is ending. so i'll just keep my chin up and push on through.

animals

1. finished my 10 page paper today! all that is left is for me to edit it and turn it in. yay for being productive on a sunday!
2. i also spent some time outside with friends lying out in the sun. oh, glorious sun. 
3. did my sunday night dinner ritual with my boyfriend, just added in coldstone ice cream after dinner. delicious combo. 

i watched the matrix reloaded tonight, too. that was a good movie, but definitely not as good as the first one. i am supposed to watch the third one now to finish the story, but i may just read the summary on wikipedia. we will see. but anyway! i wanted to post about, gee, i wonder what...animals maybe? could it be so obvious? yes. i love animals, especially my kitty now and my kitty who passed away recently and my dog who was stolen. animals are so fun to play with and so much fun to be around. it's my theory that everyone feels younger and fresher and livelier around animals. they bring out the best in people, in my opinion. and i think that the therapeutic value of animals is incredible also. just being around my cat makes me feel calmer and happier. research has shown that pets have a positive impact on lots of people with mental disorders. but all that aside, i miss my cat who died recently and i miss my kitty. but i'll be home soon enough, even if only for a little bit, and will get some cat time. but i will always do my damndest to have a pet in my life.

bucket list--adopt an animal.

byah!

1. took my roman art final this morning and got a 96 for the final grade in that class! i'm so happy to have my first A of the semester pinned down. also, i really enjoyed that class and it obviously paid off.
2. almost finished my 10 page paper that is due on may 7th--see, i'm not procrastinating that badly!
3. went out to a delicious dinner with my friends and an even more delicious dessert. orange leaf, i love you.

i watched the matrix for the first time tonight! it. was. so crazy. one of my favorite quotes from the movie was when the oracle says something along the lines of "would you still have knocked that vase over if i hadn't said anything?" that was one of my main problems with the oracle, but this is addressed later in the movie when morpheus tells neo that "she told you exactly what you needed to hear." but it raises another interesting question that the bad guy (mustache guy, cipher) brings up. how is what morpheus is making his followers do any different than what the agents expect from humans? he is still expecting blind obedience to his version of the truth--it's just a different kind of truth. and if reality is only a neurological processing result, then how is what morpheus says is reality real? anyway, it was a damn good movie and i am still undecided about whether or not to see the second and third--the opinions differ.

woes

1. studied and wrote a paper for most of the day.
2. spent some of that study time outside, which was nice. 
3. we figured out i can get a 69 on my exam tomorrow and still get an A in the class. cool.

one of my other classes is not looking so great though--i guess that is what happens when you don't care about a class, huh? anyway, short post tonight, i'm looking to go to bed early and get some sleep. let's hope i wake up in time! i have two alarms set for 7 am on a saturday--sweet!

and so it begins

1. today was the first reading day...that means exams tomorrow!
2. my first exam is saturday at 8 am (did i mention that it's at 8 am in the morning...on a saturday...blasphemy)
3. i am slowly losing my voice and gaining a cough. perfect timing, body!

oh man. it's exam week here. you know what that means. the sweatpants-in-public incidence rises, the adderall bottles pop open, and the fight for a table in the terrible dining halls heats up. people wander around for a good quarter of an hour looking for a study room in the libraries. i never understood that, even though i participate in the endless quest also. i KNOW there will not be an open study room, yet i endlessly HOPE that one will magically open up as i walk by. and the one time in the four semesters i have been in college, it has actually happened. this is what sustains my hope. before making it to the library, though, i have to find the motivation to study. motivation is as abstract and difficult to grasp for a college student as molecular biology or quantitative psychology or ancient history. it. is. so. hard. spring exams are the worst too. like really, it's beautiful outside and you expect me to study in a dusty library?! in-con-ceivable! and it's the end of the year and, honestly, no one gives a shit anymore. it's the end of the year, it's springtime (so close, SO CLOSE to summertime), and how much does that GPA matter anyway, right? now to those of you who are concerned about my academic career...good thing you are because i certainly am not! joke. i am, i swear. but i have a nice movie to watch and a whole day to study tomorrow for a 40 question multiple choice final that is 20% of my final grade. really now, would you be studying either? **disclaimer** yes, obviously, i am still studying and taking my finals seriously. but still, i can gripe.

so over it

1. very hard morning, even harder day as it went on. so glad it's about to be over...
2. tomorrow starts my work days until saturday when my first exam is. let's go!
3. i'm just so tired. 

a huge part of me wants to just cry. i'm so tired and stressed and in pain and emotional. this is not good, since exams are starting and i need to pull myself together and make it through. i promise, a longer and more interesting and hopefully funny blog post tomorrow night.

hokay, here is the...end

1. LDOC!!!
2. i had a great night--made some polyvore sets, wrote two pages of my ten page paper due may 7th, and watched chopped with my boyfriend. now it's bed time. i love sleep.
3. great day planned tomorrow and then it's crunch time.

i am writing a ten page paper for my class and loving it. nerdy? yes. but classic C. i am approaching the end, my classes are over and exams start soon. after the end comes the next beginning. i'm so excited/nervous! great things await me, of that i am sure.

so close...

1. last day of no monday classes for the semester!
2. i am slowly becoming more obsessed with polyvore.com. 
3. i'm a very happy lady. 

my change has taken effect, or rather, has been in effect and i'm very happy with the outcome. i hope that i can keep on keeping on and make use of the happiness i've established.