accident

1. went to a pool party for a few hours and met some fun people. yes, that's right, i met people!
2. baked cookies for the dinner that i was invited to tonight by family friends. their little girl is so adorable!
3. fell asleep watching house. yes, you heard me. i fell asleep watching house. 

that led to some worry and some freak out, but all is well now. i apologize for the freak out but i lock the doors in my apartment and to my bedroom, so unless someone breaks the glass (which trust me, i'm afraid of that too) i'll be fine. it's interesting because last night the family i was with talked about safety in this area and crime rates and stuff like that. they said the incidence of muggings and robbing by gun and rape were pretty high, but that is expected in a college town. i was like, say what? my college town is pretty safe. or at least i think it is, but i'm sure there is a lot that i don't know about. anyway, i'm a smart girl and i know tips and tricks for how to be safe. and while i'm smart, it also looks like i can be a bit forgetful and careless at times. my apologies, dear readers. why i watch house: for house himself (3rd from right) and for some british doctor (3rd from left)

veg head

1. had some more work in the lab today and got a grand tour of the building. the really nice, brand new, huge building, where i now work. 
2. finished up committed and she annoyed me some at the end of the book, just like how she did in eat, pray, love, but oh well, it was still a good read. on to the help!
3. took a little cat nap today and i knew i shouldn't have because now i'm not tired. oh well, good thing tomorrow is saturday!

people always freak out when they find out that i am a vegetarian. not only a vegetarian, but have only had meat twice in my life, both times on accident, both times i freaked out! my mother turned vegetarian at 15 (hippie) and raised both of her daughters that way. no, my dad is not and could never be a vegetarian. i would have it no other way than to be vegetarian. it is unique, good for my health, good for the earth, and means i get to eat a lot of pasta and fish--yum! yes, let me clarify. i am a broad spectrum vegetarian. an ovo-pesco-lacto vegetarian. a pescatarian. whatever you want to call it, i eat seafood and dairy. so i'm not vegan (i eat animal products like eggs/milk/cheese/etc.) and i'm not a strict vegetarian (since i still technically eat meat). but i like it best this way. even at a steakhouse or bbq joint, i can pretty much find something to eat. it's easy to accommodate being vegetarian, especially in these times. i'm not trying to make people be vegetarian and i'm not grossed out by meat, it's just not something i'm interested in ever eating. the impact of red meat and poultry farming on the planet is enormous and i think it's selfish that people don't want to give up any sort of lifestyle to better this planet. i'm not saying give up all red meat, i'm just saying eat less. your heart will thank you too. red meat is typically pretty bad for you and not necessary for protein or minerals or vitamins, all of which are available from other, healthier sources. will my kids be vegetarian? absolutely. will my husband? probably not, it's not a big trend in the male population. at best, i suggest trying it for lent or for new year's or for the hell of it. can't believe i forgot to mention sensation salad as one of my favorite foods...and no, this is not sensation salad (at all) but it's still a yummy looking salad. mmm!

"i believe in a thing called love"

1. had more lab stuff today. it's so nice to finally be doing stuff with my summer! i'm not one to be lazy for long periods of time (more than a few days, vacations not included).
2. ate kashi pizza for dinner and it was so yummy! i think i'll blog soon about being vegetarian. 
3. since i've started to work, i look forward more to the weekend! it'll be a nice break and my vacation starts on tuesday night (hopefully). 

thank you, the darkness, for the lovely song from which i pull my post title. i'm reading this book committed by the eat, pray, love lady and mainly it just makes me want to re-read that book (for the third time?) and be really jealous of her life. but the movie will come out soon (starring julia roberts, love) so that will be good. but this book raises some excellent points about matrimony and society and human nature. it's historical and funny and personal and evaluative and obvious all at the same time. what i like most about her book is that she examines marriage from all angles and gives me more hope about the institution. she also makes a virtually flawless argument for same-sex marriages. but, that is another topic. anyway, she makes marriage seem much less scary than how i see it now. and this is coming from a self-proclaimed marriage phobic, as she calls herself. i am afraid of divorce just like every other human being and i am especially afraid of it because i just don't want to deal with what i have seen people around me deal with. i couldn't imagine saying vows to someone you think you will love forever and then just ripping that bond apart over "irreconcilable differences." like, what the hell. imagine starting over after something like that. i don't know how people have the courage to do it. but her book is a pretty good and logical look at marriage and i think it's interesting to read about in this day and age where marriage has a lot of problems to contend with--same-sex, divorce, infidelity, celebrity portrayals, religious aspects, etc. anyway, it's a good read.

yeahhhh booiiiiii

1. had my first meeting with my primary summer mentor today and it went so well!
2. got an autographed copy of his second book with a personal message included. so. cool.
3. went out for mexican tonight all by my lonesome. can't really say i enjoyed the experience, but it was good food. 

there is so much that happened to me today that i can't really talk about on this blog. i don't make my personal life really transparent on this blog for safety reasons (though i feel like fewer than five people read it anyway) so i can't discuss how excited i am about today! i see good things coming from this summer and it validates what i am doing so much to know that i have approval on all ends. i just hope that what i'm doing gets me to where i want to be in the end.

tired

1. met with the primary grad student tonight--it was a good start and made me even more ready to dive in!
2. no pool time but started a new book anyway. committed, by elizabeth gilbert, sequel to eat, pray, love.
3. went out tonight and it was so much fun! finally, out of the apartment.

not much to say tonight--very tired. but after my meeting tomorrow with the professor, i will have more of a grasp of what i am doing and talk more about it tomorrow night! not much substance for a picture, but here goes...it's a great new music video that is out. ask me more if you are curious...

yeeee

1. almost finished the book that i started this morning. it's like i'm going through all my books in one or two days. pretty soon i will have none left!
2. went to the pool today but it was too sunny and too hot--i only lasted 3 hours! 
3. i officially start tomorrow--can't wait! it's finally here, haha, i hope i'm not let down!

being in a new place is definitely scary. i don't know anyone and it's hard meeting new people. i start tomorrow and i hope like no other that there are other undergraduates in the lab. or that it wouldn't be weird for me to go out with the grad students, although that is probably not the case. i just want to be around people i know or am getting to know and be in a lively place. and i hope more than anything that this summer turns out to be a good one. it's already june and i can't imagine starting tomorrow and finding out that it was all for nothing. but those are just my worries and fears and concerns...i hope that i am wrong. big day tomorrow! it's bedtime.

it's sunday!

1. i lose track of days so easily in the summertime.
2. i'm almost finished with this book serena--it's great so far but doesn't compare to the female villains Cathy and Umbridge. well, not yet, but i'm not finished with the book yet, haha.
3. watched the next foot network star premiere tonight. i would love to go on that show!

maybe that should be my bucket list item--try out for next food  network star. but i really want to accomplish everything on my bucket list from this blog and i don't know if i'd have the guts to actually do that! but maybe that's the point. hey, what is there to lose, right? bucket list item: try out for the next food network star! on another note, i'm starting to like my summer situation better and am starting full-throttle on tuesday--exciting! not much to say again tonight, except that we're more than halfway through the year--how weird! this blog is only half-over but it's also got a long way to go. xoxo, thanks for reading!

again?

1. did some errands today and ran around town for a bit. but it thunderstormed most of the day so i stayed inside and started a new book and watched some tv. you know, the usual.
2. talked to a bestie for about a half hour on the phone tonight! it made me really excited for the fall!
3. I WENT OUT TONIGHT! shocking, i know. but i went out with the girl who i am subleasing from, so random. but it was fun and hopefully her friends i met will be going out partners for the future. 

so i'm not really in the blogging mood tonight, but here i am, blogging anyway. this is dedication. well, stubbornness. i hope that the beach trip with my family and the boyfriend works out! a summer with no beach trip is not a summer. BP can go to hell because i will find a way!

bakelitequeen

1. no pool today, which put me in a sour mood. i had on sunscreen and everything! 
2. finished bel canto by ann patchett and HATED the ending. don't even want to talk about it. 
3. went to an arts festival thingy in downtown with the family friend's friend and her family tonight. it was fun being with people! and they have an adorable little girl who was dressed as a ladybug just for fun. 

i got a package today from my grandmother and it was an empty bottle of chardonnay and a new bakelite bracelet!!! i've been using empty wine bottles to put my bracelet collection on and it looks fabulously shabby chic--love it. i have this thing about bakelite. it's a slight obsession for which i blame my grandmother. she has a wonderfully fabulous bakelite bracelet collection. but maybe i am ahead of myself--what is bakelite, you may ask? it's a vintage plastic from the 30s and 40s that was made only for that time period into jewelry, appliances, knick knacks, anything you can think of. it went in and out of being hugely collectible and it's back on the up and up. my grandmother got me started on it and now i have a nice collection of my own. i love the stuff and wear it a lot. it makes such a pleasant noise and is totally unique on the accessory front. so i'm very excited to have a new piece and i always have to hold off from buying more! look how cool...

"it don't matter if you're black or white"

1. enjoyed reading a book during a nice morning thunderstorm. then the sun came out and i went to the pool to keep enjoying my book!
2. didn't realize until late in the day that it was thursday today! i thought it was wednesday. yay! less than 2 weeks until the hopeful beach trip...
3. went out for coffee tonight with a family friend's friend and really enjoyed it! she told me more about this place and also mentioned that i might get some baby sitting clients. that'd be great!

oh, thank you michael jackson. he sure did have some glory days. anyway, what prompted me to talk about racism was something my boyfriend mentioned to me yesterday about a text one of the ladies at his job received. essentially, it was very racist and stereotypical. something i argue about with him a lot is southern culture. i love the south and he's a northerner (kind of, also a transplant). so while i understand the concept of living in the south, it is really foreign to him. he claims that you have to be born into southern culture to get it. that may be true, but i am just thankful that i wasn't born a northerner. anyway, racism is a big issue for him. don't get me wrong...it infuriates me. it was pretty prevalent at my high school and always a topic for jokes. mainly racism against blacks or hispanics, but sometimes asians. so blatant racism bothers me a lot and often upset me in school. what i want to make a point of proving, though, is that everyone is racist. yes, EVERYONE (even you). while not every person is blatantly racist, most social psychology research agrees that people of all races have stereotypes about other races/religions/social classes/intelligence levels/genders/sexual orientations/etc. so while it may be an uncomfortable topic, especially for people who claim not to be racist, it is true. everyone is racist or prejudiced in some ways. part of it is just in-group and out-group bias, simple social psych stuff. but a lot of it is more deep seated for us--how we were raised, in what environment, around which people. racism is not always taught, but can be picked up from parents, friends, media, books, any source of information that people use to shape their world views. anyway, my point is that, yes, racism is an awful thing and has torn people and countries apart, there are none who are guiltless. racism affects everyone and racism exists in everyone. disclaimer: this picture is not meant to imply that racism is only whites hating blacks--that is not so--"racism" encompasses a lot of things in the context i am using the word.

lazy day

1. woke up relatively early, applied for another job, started a new book. such is my life right now. 
2. sometimes i get paranoid that i repeat blog post titles. 
3. have i had a lazy day before? oh goodness yes, but hopefully not as a title! forgive me, if that's the case.

i want to be productive. i want to start my work here. and i would love to have a real job that pays money too. i like being productive and working hard and being a useful contribution to society. i could never be an heiress! i would feel so lazy and slovenly and bored. and yes, i could travel and shop and eat and do whatever i wanted all day, but what's the fun in that? why spend the money from daddy's (or mommy's) little piece of plastic? the fun is to earn the money yourself and then do all of that stuff! and if an heiress, where's the real contribution to society? i mean, yes, you could give to charities, but does it mean as much when a celebrity who has mega millions gives $10,000? not really. and where is the exercise of the brain? sure, you can go to school for fun, but there is no drive to make money or to make a name for yourself through a job or scholarship. so that's that. glad i'm not an heiress (but also a little bit jealous)!

a facade of culinary woes

1. the pool was nice today! it's really hot here but the pool definitely helps buffer some of the heat. 
2. finished the book on suicide (thankfully) and am starting a new book tomorrow! can't wait to read novels again, haha. 
3. found a perfect pair of red pumps. alas, they must wait until i have some spare change. 

sometimes i don't write about what i really want to on this blog. it's not a diary and i can't use it as a portal to vent all my feelings. unfortunately. so tonight, i am using a facade of talking about the food network show chopped instead of using this space to talk about what i really want to. this show is about four chef competitors who face off against one another and compete for a $10,000 prize. the twist is that each round of the competition, appetizer/entree/dessert, there is a basket of mystery ingredients that have to all be used in that round. 20 minutes/30 minutes/30 minutes. every time i watch this show i live vicariously through the chefs. i would love to go to culinary school and learn how to cook for real. i would love to study in france and italy about how to cook amazing food. but there are also other things i want to do with my life--more pressing things that i am more passionate about. for now, i will stick to watching the show and talking about what i would cook if it were me.

this book i'm reading

1. went to the pool today until it started to thunderstorm! it was nice to get some sunshine time in but we need rain here too.
2. grocery store, vacuum, wash dishes, make dinner, tidy up. such a productive person (today anyway).
3. watched the bachelorette from 8-10. this girl is kind of stupid and keeping some dud guys around. and the guys aren't even all that decent this season. bummer. 

i'm reading this book "why people die by suicide" for my summer work. it's a really depressing book, naturally, that is basically all about this model that tries to explain why suicide happens. i'm about 2/3 of the way through it now and on the chapter about genetics, neurobiology, and mental illness risk factors (yawn). but the final chapter is about prevention and treatment--what i'm most excited to learn about. okay, not excited, but most interested in learning about. the book has some pretty sad anecdotes about suicide and one really stuck out in my mind. a new yorker article in 2003 (i think) wrote about golden gate bridge suicides and told a few stories, one about this guy whose suicide note said something like "i'm going to walk to the bridge. if anyone smiles at me, i will not jump." well...he jumped and died. that is so heartbreaking. our society these days is so globalized and connected yet there are over 1 million suicide deaths per year worldwide. all it would have taken was a simple smile from someone, and the man would not have jumped to his death. it is an uncomfortable story, especially when coupled with the refusal to build a suicide barrier on the golden gate bridge for "aesthetic reasons." such. bullshit. but anyway, my rant about suicide is more a rant about people becoming desensitized. i was driving on the highway one night with  my boyfriend in the front seat when a man came out into the road slowly, waving his hand for me to stop. he seemed pretty normal, glasses and average clothes, and i slowed down to stop but my boyfriend told me to keep driving. granted, it was a deserted road and late at night and kind of suspicious, but i wanted to stop. i felt bad and guilty and like i wasn't helping someone who needed help. i would not have stopped if i was alone, but i figured it couldn't be that bad with my boyfriend in the car. he pointed out how it was weird and possibly unsafe and was logical about it, but i still couldn't get the image out of my head. and i walk past homeless people almost every day in my college town but usually don't stop and help. as a young female, the issue of safety is always brought up as a reason not to help people. but when did our society become so unhelpful and so untrustworthy? it's a damn shame.

this is kitty genovese, by the way.

carrie was right

1. woke up late today and still felt crappy...
2. so i went to the doctor and found out that i have a sinus infection. yay for me!
3. watched legally blonde and made dinner, then did some more homework-ish stuff.

okay, i hate to admit it. carrie from sex and the city 2 was right. carrie annoys me usually and is such a drama queen, but she was right about one thing in the new movie--time flies. she says in the beginning how years pass and suddenly a decade has gone by in what feels like a second. i have this document on my computer where i record all the topics of my blog posts to make sure i don't repeat topics. i got behind on this document and hadn't recorded any topics since march 30th. going back through all my posts and reading them again made me realize how quickly this year is passing. every christmas i get all excited for the new year and know that it will seem to take forever to go by, but in all reality it flies! it's already may 30th!!! where has this year gone--into thin air?! i feel like such an old person talking about time flying by, but it really is true. and i know that once august hits and school starts back up, i'll be like "ugh, a whole nother semester." but before i know it, it'll be december 31st again and hopefully i'll be preparing to go to italy for a semester. so much in life is temporary and i want to do great things with my life but have to question the necessity of it all. i get that being the best is important and working my butt off is important too, but there also has to be joy and zest for life in order for all of that to mean anything. i've realized with this blog that it's hard to talk about stuff just on the fly--i thought it would be easy to think of nightly topics, but it's been hard! but i am still committed and still stubborn and still all the way invested in this project. reading other blogs is fun too. and i love that i just came up with this idea one night and decided to stick to it--that's a very typical move for me. i'm very driven by emotions and how i feel at the time. so i decided to do this thing and have been doing it since.
bucket list item--design a room for my house that is just for me.

ehhh

1. slept late and went to the salon today. talked for awhile with the people there, but they are all kind of old, haha. well, too old for me to hang out with anyway. 
2. saw sex and the city 2 again (matinee) and got more out of it this time. i have the seasons to watch but forgot a vcr player and the first three seasons are all vcrs--so i'm screwed until my family comes to (kind of) visit. 
3. made dinner tonight and then went out to tcby and bought myself a parfait! great decision. thinking about going running tomorrow unless it's sunny and hot (aka pool weather).

i think tomorrow might be a legally blonde kind of day. i love that movie (!) for obvious reasons and need some inspiration. i am reading a book that is pretty depressing right now and want to get through it so that i can read some novels instead. i am starting to feel safer in the apartment but am still worried about being out and alone, so i try to keep my head on straight at all times. living in a city is a big adjustment for me, especially when i'm living alone! i don't have much to say, other than i am still waiting to adjust and still waiting to start work. that is next week, and my mentor seems pretty excited about it, which is good because i want to be busy busy busy! this summer  needs to be what i thought it would be...

simple as

1. went to the pool today. i think that everyone else knows how stupid it is to be outside around here during the summer. but it was nice for me! no one was there, though. 
2. went to the workout room too and it was lame-o! broken machines and no free weights. to get to use the rec center on campus, i'd have to pay $$$ if they even let me join (since i'm not a student). looks like it'll be DIY workouts this summer...
3. did some work on an abstract for a conference and made dinner and watched tlc. it was a nice friday evening, but i'd rather be hanging out with other people (like what was happening in other apartments i can see). 

so i have had a  few thoughts about myself and my life confirmed by this summer's experience so far. i love my college. i love my family. i love my friends. i am shy at first, but i like being with people. i am a scaredy cat. let me elaborate... the college where i go to school is my perfect fit; it's the right size and the right population and the right place for my career interests. i love the people i have met and can't wait to spend two more years meeting more wonderful people. on that note, i love my family. my family is my soul and i would not be me without every single member of my family. big, fun, loving, crazy. the best! my friends--i can't even say how much i love them! the best part is that we all get along and love to hang out and go out and love college. my home friends and my school friends have very special places in my heart and i am fiercely loyal to them (same goes for family). i am shy around people i don't know well. i have a hard time simply introducing myself to new people, especially when i'm alone and not with another friend or group of people. i would much prefer being approached than to do the approaching. i am afraid of a lot of things! i much prefer the daylight hours and being a young female in a city alone at night is kind of intimidating. but i am also smart and (mostly) rational so i can think about the situation logically. but i still sleep with the door to my mini-apartment locked at night! overall, these three days have been quite a learning experience so far--i'm just anxious to get started!

doing the damn thing

1. walked around campus today--it was so hot. like a whole new level of brain-stifling hotness. can't wait to deal with it all summer!
2. got my student id card, did some few remaining errands, and figured out the bus system (kind of). also went on mini-job search. 
3. saw sex and the city 2 tonight!!! all by myself and loved every minute of it (the clothes! the shoes! the hats! the men! the decor!)

so i have decided that i should just woman up and do this summer thing. yes, i am writing this as much as a declaration of commitment as a promise to myself as an attempt to prove that i can and will. i'm still nervous in this big apartment alone, but i am doing it. i miss my family and my friends and my boyfriend and my mountains but i am doing it. i have to do it. part of me is looking into the future with this summer. living on my own, doing what i love to do (hopefully in a cooler climate), and being me. i want to make friends here, though, and want to have things to do on the weekends and people to have over to my apartment. so that's my next step. it'll probably be the toughest one (secretly, i'm maybe, kinda, sorta, possibly shy around people i don't know) but that will be the ultimate test for me in this new place. p.s. i LOVE and WANT carrie's dress...

the best laid plans...

1. shew. big day. moved to my new summer location and it took a long time (8.5 hours) and i only had to stop for help twice (both times near the end because street names had changed).
2. being an adult is hard! i had to unpack my car by myself, move everything to the second floor, and then go to walmart for misc./groceries. note to self: check for shower curtain before going to the store and then realizing that you don't have one. 
3. i am kinda anxious being alone in this apartment all by myself--it's pretty creepy. i am sure i will get used to it, but for now, it's lonesome and strange.

i don't exactly know where to start tonight. i have crossed one item off my bucket list that i'm making for this year--living alone. so far (yes, i realize that it's just been one night, but first impressions are important!) i am not so sure that i am the kind of person who can live alone. i love solitude, yes, but i also like people. and half the fum of an apartment (own room is half--duh) is having friends who live with you! two problems: my apartment is empty, and i have no friends in this town. sooooo. riiiiiiight. ummmm. hopefully i'll meet people at the pool tomorrow. and i am going around the campus sometime this week/weekend to get a feel for things. it'll be very different, i'm sure, since it's summer. it's hard to believe that  my summer has actually started. the plans i freaked out in happiness/excitement about are finally about to happen and it's crazy! this year is flying by and i can't wait to see what else is in store. yes, i am still nervous (!) but i have faith that it will all turn out somehow, even if it's not the way i envisioned. 

"on the wing"

1. had a wonderful, yet bittersweet day. 
2. can't wait for tomorrow, but am nervous about driving. 
3. i love a starry sky. 

i don't have much to say tonight, other than au revoir. here's to (hopefully) a helluva summer!

risky business

1. had breakfast with one of my besties today. said goodbye and it was sad! but i can't wait for people to come visit meeee. 
2. did some errands and started to pack since i am leaving on wednesday. 
3. very excited/nervous and still need directions...working on that now. 

the bachelorette premiered tonight! the new girl, ali, gave up her job working for facebook, her apartment, and her life to go on the show and hopefully find love. touching, yes, but not the reason i am blogging tonight. her fear of leaving the conventional behind is what broke her off from jake, but she gave that up to find love (on a reality tv show that only produced two successful couples in 15 or so seasons...right...). anyway, ali is taking a risk and i admire that. i am taking a pretty big risk on wednesday, moving to a totally new city for an internship that i am not even sure will work out how i want, but i am feeling okay about it. really nervous but confident that i will do well. i feel blessed for the opportunity to learn about and test myself. i want to push to the limit and figure out some more stuff. this 20th year has been working out pretty well and i still have great hopes for 2010. it's almost halfway over and that's scary but to be expected. time marches on, and i just have to keep on keeping on. i'm excited and apprehensive all at the same time. like i said earlier today, "i guess this is 'growing up,' huh?"