doubt

1. went to the movie today and then to the mall. saw despicable me and it was really cute/sweet and i got a few wardrobe staples that i'm pretty excited about. 
2. came back to the apartment and watched some food network and made dinner. talked with my boyfriend and online shopped for college apartment stuff for the rest of the night. 
3. world cup final tomorrow...viva espana!!! can't decide if i'm going to watch it here or go to a sports bar. 

not much to talk about tonight. but the past few days i've been thinking about my time this summer. i know it was well spent and i've really enjoyed getting more lab experience. everyone tells me that i made a great decision and i really set myself apart resume/experience wise and i believe them all, but i can't help but have seeds of doubt. i know that what i did was best for me career wise, but should that have been all i thought about? i could have lived at home another summer or stayed in my college town and done research there. and it wouldn't have looked as good and i wouldn't have gotten the experience or the letters of rec, but other parts of my life might be more in order. i just miss my family so much and my home and my friends and my boyfriend. i can't help but think that last summer was my last one at home and i didn't even know it. like, from now on, i will not officially be living at my childhood home. i'll visit and still have my room, but it's not like i'll spend a lot of time there. that's a scary thought! my childhood is basically over and i'm not even in my twenties yet. will the steps i took this summer all end up being worth it? i don't know; it's hard to say. i'm sure it will be worth it, but i won't have any idea until further down the road. it's hard taking such a leap like this. i just wish i could know now whether or not i made the right decision.

pow pow pow

1. saddest day ever! my sex and the city marathon is officially over. i knew how it was going to end but it was still so good/sad. and i even know how the two movies happen, so i know more than the original viewer did. such a great show. groundbreaking, really. 
2. time to get back to the real world outside of manhattan. i have books to read and pools to sit by and gyms to go to (though i did go today) and labs to volunteer in. oh, and i guess people to see
3. and a soccer game to watch on sunday! viva espana. the octupus picked spain, so i am too. also, i like spain more than the netherlands, although i did have the change to study abroad in the netherlands and do research. i speak spanish (sort of) so my loyalty is there. 

i love working on my application for florence for next spring! i picked the wrong year to blog apparently! well, not true at all; this blog has been fantastic. i love all that it's done for me and all that has happened so far in 2010 (well, not all, obviously, but a lot of it). maybe i'll keep like a every-few-days-or-so blog in florence; that'd be fun. you know by now my history of journaling. it just won't get down on paper in florence. so i'll have to find someway to record my travels! but not having a strict schedule will be nice. i feel like i am jinxing this! what if i don't even get to go?! that would be tragic. i am so looking forward to it. though a semester away from the college i love is a scary thought. somethings have just been predetermined though. i always thought i'd go to college, always thought i'd study abroad, always thought i'd be a psych major. looks like things are shaping up as expected. the abyss in my life is post-graduation. take a year off? go right to grad school? go to grad school in clinical psych? live in a new place? so many options! so many choices! i am very indecisive. sex and the city has given me this feeling that having so much planned for my life is a bad thing. these women took years to find everything they wanted. is it possible that i can know so soon what i want to do, and actually go for it? i think that's pretty ballsy in itself, though, having a certainty about one's life. i have my guns and i'm sticking to them. figuratively, of course. guns don't match my outfits.

ERS

1. went to the gym, as promised, and then went to work until about 3:30. lazed around and then got ready for my night out at the comedy club. the acts were okay...the headliner guy was funny though. and it was free!
2. slowly working through season six of sex and the city. carrie still annoys me and i still love samantha's jokes and charlotte is so funny and traditional and miranda just needs mental help.
3. tomorrow is friday and i'm so happy. i miss my college life and my college friends and my college. i can't wait for august 7th to role around so i can go back home, and then august 17th so i can move in to my apartment!

there are so many days left that i have to blog! people, make some suggestions here! i know i have, like, zilch readers but maybe someone will stumble along this blog in cyberspace? maybe? it's like when you wear a really cute outfit to a bar or dinner with your friends and you hope for someone to comment on it. you tell yourself, "oh it's just for me--i want to dress up and feel good about myself." right, be real, you are just showing off and want compliments. but hey, everyone needs reassurance! no harm in that! i don't even know what i'm blogging about tonight. maybe i need reassurance. my few readers, please comment, or i will disown you as family members/friends or break up with you! not really, but please? just one comment? k, thanks.

< / 3

1. i'm so sick and tired of allergies! they need to stop bothering me and move on to someone else! or better yet, just leave us all alone.
2. went to LBD (little black dress) night at a hotel downtown and wore black skinny jeans, a black sparkly tank top, and fuchsia platform heels. it was a good night! 
3. finished up season five of sex and the city and set my alarm to go to the gym before work in the morning. i've figured out that from 3-6 the gym is way too busy and i need to go in the morning. 

lost love? broken hearts? trashed relationships? hurt feelings? can it get any worse? yes, throw kids into the mix. anyway, the post i'm supposed to write tonight is about lost love. it seems so hard to contemplate, but most everyone experiences it more than once during a lifetime. maybe not lost love, but lost potential for love. maybe i've been watching too much sex and the city, but i think that charlotte was maybe right on her + or - two great loves in life rule. i think it's kind of easy to fall in love and i think it's relatively easy to make a relationship work, as long as you take the proper steps. relationships fail for two main reasons: money and sex. don't marry someone if you haven't talked about these two issues. hell, don't even move in with someone if you haven't talked about them. having different views about finances or sex can ruin relationships (or so the research says) but i think people just forget to plan ahead these days. sure, what do i know about making a marriage work? that is a fair statement. but i have observed relationships over the years and it takes a lot of work to make things...work (for more than three dates). commitment is tough! so is it worth it? i can't answer that yet, except to say that i was single for a long time in college and am now in a relationship and couldn't be happier. i talked with my good friend yesterday and determined that i am a relationship person. i am, i'll admit it. but that doesn't mean i can't be single and flirt and have fun with the best of them! but i need to meld those parts of my personality together in a relationship. i love to have fun and talk and meet people and get attention (i'm a leo--blame my birth month), but i also love to be settled and content and making it work with just one person. don't get me wrong, this relationship isn't a piece o' cake (unfortunately...i love cake!) but it's also not impossible and doesn't make me crazy and i don't constantly question myself (yes, i've been there). so this wasn't exactly a post about lost love, but hey, it's my blog and i'll write what i want to.

ouch.

1. drove back to my summer program place today. all i know is that after 8 hours in a car and with only two stops, my butt sure is hurting. 
2. watched the bachelorette show that i missed last night and got to see some of lisbon, portugal from the show. it looks beautiful! just another place in europe to visit...
3. had good talks with friends today/tonight. can't wait to be back at school and with everyone again!

i'm really tired and want to go to bed. but i have a blog topic for tomorrow night, if nothing else pops into my head. lost love. this topic is fueled by the second half of the bachelorette that i watched tonight featuring jake and vienna on why their relationship ended. both called the other a "fame whore." all i have to say about that is...you went on TV to find love--of course both of them are fame whores!

a "quasi" post

1. went tubing today on a river for my boyfriend's sister's 18th birthday. fun times all around but it made me really tired and dehydrated and my lips got sunburned. i was happy to be invited, though. 
2. had a family dinner and talked about the rest of my summer and plans for moving back to college.
3. played scrabble for the first time in my life! ending score: 98; final score: 83. not bad for a first timer?

don't let other people make you think that you are wrong! believe in yourself and take a stand! i had the word "quasi" spelled out on the board tonight and the Q was worth 10 points and also was a double letter score, so it would have been 20 points + the points for the other letters. but my ex-english teacher mother told me that quasi was always a prefix and i couldn't use it. so instead of sticking with my word and winning the points and making her lose a turn, i backed down. stupid, stupid me. so i learned my lesson the hard way and now know to stand my ground. and i wouldn't have lost 10 points at the end either because i would have used my Q. hmph. so that's my scrabble story. don't make the same mistake i did!

happy 4th of july!

1. had the family over for a big 4th of july party! i loved seeing everyone and had such a great time. 
2. i got an early birthday present that i am very excited about! crate and barrel, here i come...
3. watched the fireworks at the community center to end the celebration. 

this is one of those nights where i don't really want to be blogging, i just want to be sleeping. but i had a great day and i'm glad i got to celebrate america's birthday with my family. how exciting to think about what happened on the first birthday! such intrigue and excitement and sadness and newness! cool stuff like that doesn't happen anymore! then again, i am biased and think the revolutionary war is really cool. even though it was gruesome and tiring. but hey, we were fighting for independence! pretty damn cool story, if you ask me.

watch fireworks on the capitol steps in DC