grading hat

1. turned off my phone and just woke up when my body wanted to wake up this morning. it was a nice feeling. 
2. ONE WEEK UNTIL I AM HOME!!!
3. took criticism on my first draft of the paper personally (of course) and FINALLY found bedding that i want. i hope it's still available in the morning...

criticism. i don't take it well. i take everything personally and it always just makes me feel like a disappointment of a person and a bad writer and like there is no hope for me to improve and mainly just like a disappointment. i hate feeling this way. i've gotten better at letting things roll off my back but i'm still not quite there. i can handle insults about my appearance or personality pretty well, but i just hate criticism to my writing. it always affects me negatively. so this draft for the paper i turned in and got some criticism, good and bad, but i always zero in on the bad. i don't know how to just let things go, either. i can't not think about it or get upset or see things positively. it's just not in my nature. i'm eager to please on the academic front and always feel disappointed in myself when i don't. on that note, i should get back to work on this paper. hopefully i can deliver better goods next time.

madness

1. what a night. 
2. had work for a little bit today and worked on revisions for the suicide paper.
3. took a nap earlier but hopefully i can still get to sleep early tonight. 

i don't really feel much like blogging tonight. not much to say and not in the mood to think of anything to write about. sorry for being boring...

BIRTHDAY!!!

1. TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! WHOO HOO!!! i was a party animal from the young age of...birth. and there are pictures to prove it. 
2. really starting to feel like my old self again! it's a great feeling. oh! and i got a free cupcake for my birthday today from the cupcakery!
3. I LOVE MY PINK SPARKLY NAIL POLISH. and i only have one participant tomorrow, the early slot, but then i can gym and go to the pool for the rest of the day!

figured i would blog early since jersey shore commences in about 45 minutes and i have to get dressed and all dolled up before that. then we are watching the show and going out! this way i can blog now and when i get home i can just go to bed and sleep. i set my alarm now so all should be good for the morning. i have nothing much to say but encourage you all to read this article http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/03/AR2006120300974.html i know the girl who wrote it and i really like the article/message. but i feel fine about turning 20--it feels the same right now but i'm sure it will sink in later that it's a weird thing to no longer be a teenager. so tonight is the rager dedicated to no longer being a teenager!

ohemgee

1. wowza! it's almost my birthday! yeeee, i'm excited! 
2. walked outside today to the library and back (across campus) and it was 97 degrees but felt like 105. yay, me! i was sweating so much. had class and then lab and then the gym. 
3. i did an extra set of things at the gym today and decided to add on to my gym time every day to push myself a little more. then grocery shopping, just like every wednesday afternoon. 

i think it's happening tomorrow. my fingernails are finally getting painted sparkly pink! but only in honor of my birthday and the jersey shore season two premiere. thanks mtv! i also have a bit of a break from work tomorrow--only half of my participant slots are full. so i think i will lie out by the pool for the first part of the day and then head into work after that, then gym. then party time! got a card/picture in the mail today *xoxo to my suitie* i'm just excited and happy right now! one week. one week! and then a week and a few days! this summer has been awesome--such a good experience for me. will write more on this later...perhaps, my last night here?! yes.

belly laugh

1. long day of work today, followed by gym and then some relaxation. 
2. chopped came on tonight--love my monday and tuesday nights!
3. have some planning and shopping to do to wrap up my final week and then some here and get ready for college!

i'm going to an actual library tomorrow to do research for this paper in an actual book! it's shocking. no one does research in books anymore! it's sort of coming full circle though since i started off my lab work finding some articles in the library and i'm (almost) finishing my time down here doing the same thing. not much to say really. luckily i'm getting the second book from the donna tartt lady to read (thanks) and i think i'll read the namesake next at this point. i like that i've read a lot this summer! i still need to read the help. i'm also interested in the constant gardener. i should have time before school to read all these books. it's hard to find time to read anything other than school books during the semester! but having my own room and a real living space may make that easier. that's what my shopping is for--the apartment. no more spending money this summer/semester. unless it's needed, of course. ta ta! *notice the good mood tonight*

don't let it get away

1. gym early this morning! my trainer kicks my butt; i'm always sweating bullets when i leave! but that's a good thing. he claims he's seen results already, but i think that was just motivation. 
2. worked more on the paper. there is one article i want and one book i want but of course they aren't available online or where i am! very annoying. but it should turn out okay anyway.
3. finished my book at 3 am (hadn't done that in awhile!) and then felt the effects of reduced sleep today. long day tomorrow so i'm going to bed very soon to rest up. 

i read the plot of SALT online the other day. glad i didn't pay money to go see it! it seems really violent and also kind of hard to follow. also, i'm not a huge fan of angelina jolie. but it sounds like it sets up for a SALT 2 so maybe it's just a money making enterprise. probably. aren't all movies? right, yes. anyway, i know that i'm a wuss and can't handle violence so that's why i read plots online. i read the plot for shutter island. the birds. when a stranger calls. seven. pretty much any movie that looks kind of interesting but remotely scary, i have someone screen for me (pun intended) and tell me if i can handle it. if not, wikipedia, here i come! the scariest movie i've seen is the shining. it was terrifying. but my boyfriend at the time had told me every single thing that happens in the movie, so i knew what to expect. yeah, it was still scary. and i watched it alone in my basement during the day. that book last night even scared me! i won't give away major plot details but it involves a murder (clear from the beginning, have no fear...wait...) and by the end i just had the heebiejeebies. and it was 3 am and i was alone in the apartment! but all the doors were locked and i was ready to fight off ghosts from the book if necessary. such nonsense on my part! a lot of my fears like that are so silly. but they seem real at the time. like, i lock my bathroom door to wash my face even when all the other doors are locked too! i don't like having my eyes shut with the door open. but hell, so much light from the balcony seeps into my room that i could see anyone coming in a heartbeat anyway!

poly-bull****

1. lounged around the apartment today. it was deadly hot outside so i didn't tan by the pool and i still couldn't go to the gym. my next personal training appointment was moved from 9 to 10:30 tomorrow morning. can't wait to go!
2. almost 400 pages into my new book and still have a ways to go. it can be quite verbose at times and excessive in detail and meaningless description but it doesn't really feel like it drags. it's interesting still, but just makes for a long book.
3. watched the next food network star and was happy about who they sent home (don't want to ruin it if some readers haven't watched yet). then i watched this crazy show on TLC called "strange sex." it was about these weird and unusual sex stories from couples or individuals. four different stores: polyamory, birth orgasms, sex addiction, and coital incontinence. WEIRD stories. slightly disturbing. and sex addiction isn't a real addiction, by the way. 

not much in a blogging mood tonight but one subject i had already wanted to talk about, cheating, ties in relatively well with the subject of polyamory, something i just learned about tonight! it is called "the learning channel" after all...  polyamory is supposedly the sentiment that you want to be emotionally and physically intimate with more than one person and everyone in the arrangement agrees and wants that same thing. perhaps you can sense my...sarcastic bite about this topic. i feel like it's just a massive cop out. um, hello, have you ever heard of a more precise definition of "have my cake and eat it too?!" didn't think so. yes, i should be open to new experiences and different kinds of love and relationships and all that jazz. but this just seems excessive. maybe i'm traditional (not a word i would use to describe myself typically) but i feel like relationships should exist between two people. but maybe i just haven't progressed to the idea of sharing love with more than one person yet. thankfully. i just think it's an excuse to experiment and change things up but still experience commitment and stability. that isn't fair! sure, maybe it works for some people (obviously) but it doesn't seem like that would be healthy to me. isn't intimacy suppose to be...intimate? meaning that emotional/physical/mental/spiritual bonds shared between two people aren't shared also with a third, fourth, fifth person at the same time? it just seems like cheating to me. and the woman on the show was so manipulative and self-righteous and egotistical and selfish. it just really, really turned me off from the idea of polyamory being healthy and successful in real life. kind of like communism...it would work on paper or in the perfect world...but yeah, no, it doesn't work. and going back to my original idea of cheating, researchers have found that most affairs in marriages/relationships start in a similar way--by sharing things with a person other than your significant other. okay, obviously i don't mean telling your friends about your bad day at work or your relationship problem du jour. but when one starts to share more with someone other than who one shares one's bed with, it can create problems. being emotionally or mentally intimate with someone other than your boy/girlfriend is where most of infidelities start. it's like building a whole new relationship really, so it makes sense that physical infidelity would follow. basic gist: cheating often starts out with a seemingly innocent friendship or working relationship that turns personal rather than staying on the side of impersonal. and polyamory seems to do just that--be intimate with more than one person. how can the bonds remain steadfast when more than one person is in the relationship? and it just seems really unequal. most of the time, it will be one women and more than one man, or one man and more than one woman. in most settings, it doesn't seem like the two or more people of the same sex will be sharing the emotional etc. intimacy so it just becomes an unequal and unfair relationship. i'm not on board yet, but who says i have to be?
bucket list item: sell my baked goods in some sort of store. not my own store necessarily, but someone's coffee shop or bakery or something.