woah oh oh

1. had the best night last night with friends! side note: bus drivers are amazing. "you know who are" will understand this statement...
2. but really, this four day weekend thing going to be legit as hell.
3. basketball game today? not so fun. homework? more fun, sadly, than the game. 

short post again tonight--this might become a trend. but what's important to me is that I'm still posting. this, though, will be a slightly superficial post. I want to talk about going out, having fun, partying. college is about studying and going to school. trust me, I understand that or else I wouldn't have gotten a 4.0 last semester. but it's also about getting crazy when it counts. partying and having a good time out with friends is crucial to having balance at college (for me). I'm not saying that partying is for everyone and that if one doesn't party he/she won't enjoy college. not at all. but for me, it's important to go out with my girls and let loose. as most people know, I love to dance. I went out earlier this week and barely drank anything but just danced all night and it was SO FUN. overall, music and dancing and partying can make for some unforgettable nights in college. again, all the people I'm referencing will understand. good times ahead! I can feel it--this semester is going to be a freshman year throwback--just with my sophomore smarts and sass.

obsession

1. had no classes--love the idea of a four day weekend every weekend! did some homework and caught up on some tv shows and my sleep today.
   
2. during a meeting today for the lab I volunteer in, a senior who started volunteering this semester asked me if I was a graduate student! haha, I said corrected her but felt pretty happy about the mistake. 
3. beautiful weather today; it's just a teaser though since january and february here are the worst months ever weather-wise.

briefly, since it's a friday night, I want to talk about obsessions. I just read an article about how heidi montag from the hills is obsessed with plastic surgery, getting over ten surgeries in one day. this, to me, seems like the dumbest obsession ever. she isn't even trying to be fake a give some dumb reason for it either (which is good); she admits that hollywood pressure has made her want to look perfect, so she keeps spending money on useless surgery. it just got me thinking about obsessions. when I took abnormal psych last semester, we of course covered eating disorders. similar to OCD, people with an ED feel a compulsive need to control their food in some way (and trust me, after doing the research about it, there are so very many ways). anyway, all this talk about obsession makes me question what I'm obsessed with, since I feel like most people in this world have an obsession. maybe it's harry potter? after all, I have read the books and seen the movies countless times. maybe it's with shoes? anyone who has seen my famous shoe tree can attest to the fact that I love shoes and buy them a lot. perhaps I'm obsessed with  my major. I love the field I study and any friend or family member can also verify that. mildly, I'm obsessed with fear. I'm just afraid of a lot of things and try to avoid them (a post yet to come). anyway, we all have our obsessions and I think it's wise to sit back and think about what those obsessions are, and whether or not they are positive or negative. plastic surgery? negative, imo. harry potter? definitely okay with me.

boys

1. had four classes today and have now started my four day weekend! I don't even know what to do really. I don't even have enough homework to merit four days to work on it. which is totally okay with me.
2. trying to focus on the positive in life and hoping the negative will work itself out. I just don't even know where to start with the haiti earthquake. it depresses me beyond belief. donating tomorrow.
   
3. I applied for a job at the starbucks in the hospital right on campus and got called back for an interview. so hopefully I can impress as a barista and make $12 an hour to pay off some of this wintertime debt...

like I said, I'm trying to focus on the positive and also trying to write on lighter subjects so all my posts don't seem dark and gloomy. so, as the title so clearly suggests, tonight's post is about boys. guys. men. I think "boys" most aptly applies to college males, though. anyway, my overall impression is confusion. do I want a boyfriend? no. in response to the subsequent question, the answer is, as my mother used to say, which part do you not understand, the "n" or the "o?". a boyfriend in no way appeals to me right now. they are time-consuming, distracting, whiny, and jealous. at least, this is the impression I have about boyfriends at this point in my life. sorry to the guys reading this (do people read this blog?), no hard feelings. and while I recognize that not all guys are like that, they should recognize that not all girls want a boyfriend! hello?! just because I enjoy talking to you or ask you to dance at a party or ask if you want to hang out does NOT mean I want to declare our undying love. I'm curious what happened to this concept called "dating." whenever it comes up in conversation with my guy friends, they are like "whoa. you mean, hanging out one-on-one with more than one guy? at the same time as another guy? that's not okay, no way." excuse me, but what the hellllll? people used to date, am I right? anyway, this post took a completely different direction than I intended, but I'm happy with it. on another note, there may be guys in my life, but some seem to have a problem with my "independent woman" thing I have going on. whatever...it's just me. and to the same guys who hopefully are still reading this post...just lighten up. not every girl who expresses interest wants "a ring on her finger."

a need for change

1. no classes today would have been fun, but I had HOURS of reading to do instead! literally, I read for my classes tomorrow from 10-present and am still not finished. this is what I get for having a social science interests.
2. started up lab meetings again for the lab I volunteer have volunteered in since last semester. it's hard for me to explain how excited my major makes me. 
3. hopefully this weekend I can catch up on my sleep! the first week back is always hectic...but I have a four day weekend so maybe it'll be a sleepy day on saturday.

change. the "yes we can" speechwriter was just demoted because he hasn't been...producing life-changing speeches recently. he is very young (25? 26?) but maybe he'll grow from this demotion and learn to make some miracles again. going off that, the change I feel approaching in my life is much needed. a change of pace with a new semester, a new year, a new decade is very welcome. I just feel this...anxious excitement for what is going to happen. sure, it's scary, but I like feeling possibility in the air. I'm not really sure the direction this change will take me, but I guess I'll learn to go with it. this summer will hopefully be awesome (!) and maybe I can learn to accept changes in my personal life that have been long-coming. anyway, I'm stoked for whatever comes, and trying to keep a positive attitude (which may be hard...see #1 and previous posts). but we'll see. yes, I can!

average

1. today was an average day. went to all my classes. they seem pretty interesting, albeit a few of them seem like some work. but hey, welcome to college, right? pretty sure I'm going to love my history class, and I officially decided to declare an English minor. still haven't decided about whether or not I'll drop down to a history minor or not yet.
2. had lunch with a good friend; it was nice catching up with him. also, I'm hoping to go out with some friends again tonight. oh, asher roth, you were right about one thing...man, I love college.
3. I've decided that another fear to add to my long list is that my computer will crash and I will lose all my documents and pictures. yikes. Perhaps I should purchase an external hard drive...

like my title suggests, today was an average day. while nothing went wrong, per say, nothing really good happened either. the cold and dreary weather is keeping me in this mildly depressed and pensive mode. hopefully, sunny days and warm[er] weather are ahead, and things will start to look up. like I said, I'm banking on friends and busy class prep to get me through the end of january and the despicable month of february...sorry for the short post. some days, I just don't have that much to say (which is a shocker to all of you who called me a chatterbox my whole life, I'm sure...)

not a happy post

1. had an awkward morning. woke up early to attempt to get a volunteering spot--no such luck. tried to buy books, but forgot my student id, so again, had to traipse back to get my keys and student id to purchase homework. but no classes and a great lunch with friends I missed made the day better.
2. a meeting about my summer possibilities also cheered me up.
3. got terrible news from home--the brother of one of the girls from my church and high school passed away today after a long battle with cancer. he was 24. needless to say, I was speechless. nothing can prepare one for news like that, even if it was expected.

again, needless to say, this will not be an uplifting post. I want to talk about death. this is such an obscure and scary topic for me. I'm one of those people who needs to know things. what are my plans this weekend? where am I going to grad school? will my life turn out okay? this is one reason why dealing with an issue for which there is no certainty makes me extremely nervous. I just want to know. what is death like? what is after death like? these two questions are among the few basic questions that have plagued humanity for thousands of years. it seems as if the questions with no answer are the ones that cause the most controversy, speculation, and despair (makes sense). and perhaps, most important for me right now, why does death happen to those who I would say aren't ready for death? a life lost so young is always felt more than an older person who had lived out a long life. the (again) unfairness of it all--a promising life being snatched away so before 1/3 of the life was even complete--boggles me. again, I apologize for the depressing and realistic dimensions of the two last posts, but I can't seem to get these issues off my mind.

wondering why

1. arrived back at school, safe and sound. still have yet to unpack...
2. watched my two favorite schools win in basketball!
3. still have yet to buy my books also...but it's okay since my first class in on tuesday!

I am left wondering why every time something bad happens. this is not an uncommon reaction, I know, but it's something I have always wanted to address. why, why, why do bad things happen to good people? I mentioned in yesterday's post that tonight's post would relate to magic. in this aspect, it relates to the lack of magic when magic is most necessary. why does a young man get cancer that stops the progression of his life, cuts off his future, and ultimately ends his life? why does a father and husband suddenly pass away from an undiagnosed condition? the questions never end. every time I see a news story or hear an account of something bad that has happened to a good person or family, I get upset. it all seems so useless, so heartless, so unfair! and I'm aware that this post may sound like a whiny, immature child who doesn't understand that life isn't fair. but when people say "life isn't fair," do they ever stop to think about how unfair that statement is? like, sure your life is going well, so you can say that it isn't fair for other people; but in your down moment, is that really what you want to hear? it's such an insensitive response. I don't do well with insensitivity. and I don't do well with others' pain (see previous post). but really, why does life suck so much sometimes? blunt, I know, but true. it's just....unreal how much bad stuff happens. and so much isn't under any type of control that humans have. it's just frustrating. and sometimes when I want magic the most, it isn't there.

my second goal is to save a life.