for those we...

1. woke up late again, but was more productive today than yesterday. 
2. it was a feast day! yay for eating junk food!
3. bed early tonight. like, really early. i'm thinking 10.

i need to talk tonight about sacrifice. this is a pretty personal topic. sacrifice is really individual and what each of us has done in terms of sacrifice for other people can change dramatically from person to person. i have had so many people sacrifice so much for me. when i think of my all that my parents and my family have done for me, i get so overwhelmed. i don't like to feel indebted to people, so i like to relieve that burden by helping other people. this is a trend in my posts lately, but it's a huge part of who i am. i need to be able to pay back the people in my life who have done so incredibly much for me. and what's hard for me also is not knowing about all the sacrifices that have been made for me for things i don't even realize or know about. how can i ever repay what i don't know about? and the answer to that is by doing similar things for people around me. not similar things, really, but sacrificing for the sake of someone around me just because it's what they need. so that's what i'm going through in my life right now. there are things i rarely sacrifice, like my school and career ambition, but sometimes i have to learn to defer in other parts of my life to do what is best. it's like socialist feelings--feel what is best for the most people. i have to balance my need to live my freakin' life the way i want to live it with needing to realize that other people are affected by how i act and by what choices i make. this has been a bit of a wake-up call. not that i've been running around being selfish and ruining lives, not at all. i just need to remember that choices i make has this inexplicable and unforeseeable effect on people. i have lost my train of thought now. but basically, sacrifice is a big part of my life right now, and it's difficult to deal with. but it's something that needs to happen.

the next item for my list: go on a roadtrip. like a legitimate roadtrip with friends involving not much planning, junky food, amazing music, and beautiful weather.