not a happy post

1. had an awkward morning. woke up early to attempt to get a volunteering spot--no such luck. tried to buy books, but forgot my student id, so again, had to traipse back to get my keys and student id to purchase homework. but no classes and a great lunch with friends I missed made the day better.
2. a meeting about my summer possibilities also cheered me up.
3. got terrible news from home--the brother of one of the girls from my church and high school passed away today after a long battle with cancer. he was 24. needless to say, I was speechless. nothing can prepare one for news like that, even if it was expected.

again, needless to say, this will not be an uplifting post. I want to talk about death. this is such an obscure and scary topic for me. I'm one of those people who needs to know things. what are my plans this weekend? where am I going to grad school? will my life turn out okay? this is one reason why dealing with an issue for which there is no certainty makes me extremely nervous. I just want to know. what is death like? what is after death like? these two questions are among the few basic questions that have plagued humanity for thousands of years. it seems as if the questions with no answer are the ones that cause the most controversy, speculation, and despair (makes sense). and perhaps, most important for me right now, why does death happen to those who I would say aren't ready for death? a life lost so young is always felt more than an older person who had lived out a long life. the (again) unfairness of it all--a promising life being snatched away so before 1/3 of the life was even complete--boggles me. again, I apologize for the depressing and realistic dimensions of the two last posts, but I can't seem to get these issues off my mind.