it's a new day

1. packed up all my stuff and moved out today (with a helper). it's so weird that i'm done with dorms forever, but it's a wonderful feeling. i loved dorm life, but it's time to move forward. 
2. arriving at home made me so happy. the last 15 minutes of my drive is off the interstate and so beautiful and country. i always get excited and start to act goofy. 
3. went to a delicious italian place for dinner with my parents and of course i loved it. great way to start my weekend!

i can't believe i'm now a junior in college. while we were celebrating last night, mention of "the j word" kept coming up because we are all scared to admit that we're juniors in college! in two short years it will be bye-bye to college and hello real world (aka, more school). that is crazy to me, but also exciting...sort of. i don't know anything about the real world! what is a 401(k)? how do you buy a house? what kind of insurance do i need? when do i write a will? being an adult is HARD sounding! so how come everyone does it and makes it through alive? there must be some life secret i am missing. but anyway, i miss everyone. i have made some great new friends and that was all i really wanted to come from sophomore year. i like to meet people and get to know people, and that's what i've done, thanks to my helper. but i am done for the night--been exhausted all day, in all ways. can't wait to have the time to blog for real this summer! summer, glorious summer!

grandness

1. took my last exam today! i'm so relieved that sophomore year is over, but it feels really weird. i will miss all my new friends (and old ones, of course). i can't wait for this summer and next fall, though.
2. as much as i want to hold on to that 4.0 for this semester, i know it won't happen. 
3. this is my last night in the dorms. wow. i can't wait to be in an apartment but i'm not going to lie, dorm life was totally worth it. good times.

i love all my suities. freshman year was amazing and sophomore year was awesome too. i loved not every minute but a lot of it. it's weird, at the end of my sophomore year, i have nothing else to express except gratitude and happiness. so much has changed this year (2010) and it has done nothing but make me happy and excited. i knew 2010 would be a good year for me. i knew it!

i love...

1. took my english final today--i don't feel like i beasted it but i think did pretty well. we'll see on tuesday night, when my grade is available (supposedly). 
2. took some time after my exam to relax tonight, before gearing up for the history one tomorrow. my plan is to wake up and study some more, then take it at 12; it's supposed to take all 3 hours--yay. 
3. had a minor breakdown tonight, but that is over with and i am moving on! and no, it wasn't that bad, just some tears that were a long time coming. but hey, it's good to cry every now and then, and i'd held out for a long while. 

lame jokes. my facebook profile infobox says this and it's true. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saLm2AZfcto
this is a great source of lame jokes, but my favorite is definitely laffy taffy wrappers. they always have the best jokes ever. and telling them with friends is the only way to go (especially friends who will eat the banana ones)! so that was my way to feel better tonight. lame jokes. sometimes the silliest things are hilarious. one of my personal favorites...
Q: Where do kings keep their armies? 
A: In their sleevies.
HAHAHAHAAAA!!!

strength

1. got two of my four final class grades back--both As! so far, a 4.0...but we'll see how long that lasts after my finals tomorrow and thursday. 
2. i went to a yummy breakfast and a delicious midday snack with friends. it's odd how my life has changed so much this year. reflection is revealing a lot to me. 
3. i can't wait to be done, but i'm also nervous! this summer will be...i can't even think of the right words for it right now...

but i will have strength. i came up with a phrase to describe myself awhile ago--heartstrong. my heart is strong and my head is strong and those are the places from where i get my will. after tonight, it's hard to say what strength is. i know that i say i am strong now, when things are going relatively well, but what happens when the rug is pulled out from under me? so much can change so quickly and take us all by surprise, but how we deal with that change is what makes us. sometimes, it is nearly impossible to find strength. but i just have to remember who i am and what i've been through. i learned recently about a password protection feature on word. i can't wait to take advantage of this. while i have enjoyed this blog and all it has offered me in terms of growth and reflection, it has definitely been hard and will only get harder as the days dwindle down. but i know i will miss the blog once my time is up, so i have decided to start a password protected journal to fill the void. like i've said before, i'm terrible with diaries, but i think just typing how i feel will be a great way for me to journal because i can actually read what i write and i won't get a cramp. but anyway, back to strength. i am lucky that i was taught to grow from my life experiences. they have made me the woman i am today and i would change nothing about how i have lived my life. maybe it takes time for me to see how decisions i am making now will affect me, but i have seen how past decisions have shaped my life and i'm pretty proud of myself thus far.

trying harder

1. studied for a lot of my day. it was hard and involved staring at a computer screen. thanks for the migraine, exam week!
2. watched american gangster tonight as a study break. i have watched a movie for the past several nights, and i like it that way. 
3. this year needs to end, but i will miss it. sophomore year has been epic.

i need to try harder on this blog. i swear, once the semester is over (3 days, oh my gosh) my posts will get better. it's sometimes hard to find inspiration in the monotony of everyday life, but then again, that is what my blog is about. seeing the beauty in every day, even if it sucks. but my day was beautiful today, even if it was stressful and long. it was still another day. and stress in my life will soon take a breather because the school year is ending. so i'll just keep my chin up and push on through.

animals

1. finished my 10 page paper today! all that is left is for me to edit it and turn it in. yay for being productive on a sunday!
2. i also spent some time outside with friends lying out in the sun. oh, glorious sun. 
3. did my sunday night dinner ritual with my boyfriend, just added in coldstone ice cream after dinner. delicious combo. 

i watched the matrix reloaded tonight, too. that was a good movie, but definitely not as good as the first one. i am supposed to watch the third one now to finish the story, but i may just read the summary on wikipedia. we will see. but anyway! i wanted to post about, gee, i wonder what...animals maybe? could it be so obvious? yes. i love animals, especially my kitty now and my kitty who passed away recently and my dog who was stolen. animals are so fun to play with and so much fun to be around. it's my theory that everyone feels younger and fresher and livelier around animals. they bring out the best in people, in my opinion. and i think that the therapeutic value of animals is incredible also. just being around my cat makes me feel calmer and happier. research has shown that pets have a positive impact on lots of people with mental disorders. but all that aside, i miss my cat who died recently and i miss my kitty. but i'll be home soon enough, even if only for a little bit, and will get some cat time. but i will always do my damndest to have a pet in my life.

bucket list--adopt an animal.

byah!

1. took my roman art final this morning and got a 96 for the final grade in that class! i'm so happy to have my first A of the semester pinned down. also, i really enjoyed that class and it obviously paid off.
2. almost finished my 10 page paper that is due on may 7th--see, i'm not procrastinating that badly!
3. went out to a delicious dinner with my friends and an even more delicious dessert. orange leaf, i love you.

i watched the matrix for the first time tonight! it. was. so crazy. one of my favorite quotes from the movie was when the oracle says something along the lines of "would you still have knocked that vase over if i hadn't said anything?" that was one of my main problems with the oracle, but this is addressed later in the movie when morpheus tells neo that "she told you exactly what you needed to hear." but it raises another interesting question that the bad guy (mustache guy, cipher) brings up. how is what morpheus is making his followers do any different than what the agents expect from humans? he is still expecting blind obedience to his version of the truth--it's just a different kind of truth. and if reality is only a neurological processing result, then how is what morpheus says is reality real? anyway, it was a damn good movie and i am still undecided about whether or not to see the second and third--the opinions differ.

woes

1. studied and wrote a paper for most of the day.
2. spent some of that study time outside, which was nice. 
3. we figured out i can get a 69 on my exam tomorrow and still get an A in the class. cool.

one of my other classes is not looking so great though--i guess that is what happens when you don't care about a class, huh? anyway, short post tonight, i'm looking to go to bed early and get some sleep. let's hope i wake up in time! i have two alarms set for 7 am on a saturday--sweet!

and so it begins

1. today was the first reading day...that means exams tomorrow!
2. my first exam is saturday at 8 am (did i mention that it's at 8 am in the morning...on a saturday...blasphemy)
3. i am slowly losing my voice and gaining a cough. perfect timing, body!

oh man. it's exam week here. you know what that means. the sweatpants-in-public incidence rises, the adderall bottles pop open, and the fight for a table in the terrible dining halls heats up. people wander around for a good quarter of an hour looking for a study room in the libraries. i never understood that, even though i participate in the endless quest also. i KNOW there will not be an open study room, yet i endlessly HOPE that one will magically open up as i walk by. and the one time in the four semesters i have been in college, it has actually happened. this is what sustains my hope. before making it to the library, though, i have to find the motivation to study. motivation is as abstract and difficult to grasp for a college student as molecular biology or quantitative psychology or ancient history. it. is. so. hard. spring exams are the worst too. like really, it's beautiful outside and you expect me to study in a dusty library?! in-con-ceivable! and it's the end of the year and, honestly, no one gives a shit anymore. it's the end of the year, it's springtime (so close, SO CLOSE to summertime), and how much does that GPA matter anyway, right? now to those of you who are concerned about my academic career...good thing you are because i certainly am not! joke. i am, i swear. but i have a nice movie to watch and a whole day to study tomorrow for a 40 question multiple choice final that is 20% of my final grade. really now, would you be studying either? **disclaimer** yes, obviously, i am still studying and taking my finals seriously. but still, i can gripe.

so over it

1. very hard morning, even harder day as it went on. so glad it's about to be over...
2. tomorrow starts my work days until saturday when my first exam is. let's go!
3. i'm just so tired. 

a huge part of me wants to just cry. i'm so tired and stressed and in pain and emotional. this is not good, since exams are starting and i need to pull myself together and make it through. i promise, a longer and more interesting and hopefully funny blog post tomorrow night.

hokay, here is the...end

1. LDOC!!!
2. i had a great night--made some polyvore sets, wrote two pages of my ten page paper due may 7th, and watched chopped with my boyfriend. now it's bed time. i love sleep.
3. great day planned tomorrow and then it's crunch time.

i am writing a ten page paper for my class and loving it. nerdy? yes. but classic C. i am approaching the end, my classes are over and exams start soon. after the end comes the next beginning. i'm so excited/nervous! great things await me, of that i am sure.

so close...

1. last day of no monday classes for the semester!
2. i am slowly becoming more obsessed with polyvore.com. 
3. i'm a very happy lady. 

my change has taken effect, or rather, has been in effect and i'm very happy with the outcome. i hope that i can keep on keeping on and make use of the happiness i've established.

how low

1. woke up at noon today and had a great morning. not having a roommate is weird but nice because i can live on my own schedule now. 
2. i discovered a new frozen yogurt place today, thanks to my suitemate, and went not once, but twice. it was so amazing. the flavors are delicious, it's cheap, and there are so many toppings. and it's all low- or non-fat and all natural. what could be better?...that's right, nothing. 
3. listened to some music today and cleaned my room and re-organized it. sometimes i get in really productive moods. those are good moods!

dancing. i love to dance. i always have, ever since my sister and her friend "taught" me how to hip hop dance when i was 11. good timing, too, since i had my first school dance the fall after i turned 11 and started the 6th grade. it's the best way for me to release stress. going to the bar on thursday nights has been the most fun i've had in a long time. i go out with my friends, don't have class on friday, and just dance for hours. it's such a good workout and it's SO much fun. i've been told that i'm a pretty good (hahaha) dancer too, so that's good to know. when i hear a song come on that i love, i just want to dance. this kind of relates to my post about  music, but dancing is whole nother lever for me, because i'm actually good at dancing, as opposed to singing. give me a night in college to do whatever i want and it's probably going to involve dancing with people who know how to dance for most of the night. on that note, my bucket list item:
take dance lessons for other kinds that i'm not so good at...to be determined later.

f is for fate

1. i woke up at 2 pm. it was so amazing. i had nothing school-wise to do today and it was so nice. 
2. the semester is winding down and i'm getting geared up for last day of classes (ldoc) and finals. then summer! 
3. rain in college=horrible. at least it is the weekend and i didn't have to walk to class. 

fate. i think it was fate that what happened tonight happened. those who were with me tonight know to what i am referring, those who were not, don't worry, it's not a big deal. but i think it was a message, a sign, so we'll see what happens from here. tomorrow is sunday! one of the few sundays left in the semester...

synonymous.

1. no classes again today; volunteered for my psych lab for most of the day. 
2. ate a yummy dinner with my boyfriend and hung out with friends all night. 
3. got an email from my mom about summer plans...i'm excited! 

tired. exhausted. sleepy. dead. dreamy. loopy. weary. drowsy.
any synonyms for how you feel?
sorry for the short post. i'll do better tomorrow! 

it's that time

1. HAPPY EARTH DAY!!!
2. had a decently fun night out with my friends; can't wait for this weekend!
3. tomorrow is friday! yay! and my summer plans are coming together very nicely...

so, it's the start of the weekend for me. you know what that means...short blog posts. i'm really exhausted tonight. but today was earth day, the 40th anniversary, and i hope everyone celebrated. think about your imprint on this planet and ways to reduce your carbon footprint.

11:11

1. such a fortuitous time to start my blog!
2. had a good (long) day today volunteering in my primary lab. i'm so ready for bed.
3. tomorrow is my last real day of classes! next tuesday is basically a giveaway day; we go over exam material and summarize the semester. a celebration is in order!

i think biology is crazy. i've written about this before, but i've been seeing a lot of statuses lately about people i know from high school having babies and being pregnant and it's so weird to me. the whole aging process is becoming more and more of a miracle to me as the days pass. to think that we all started as microscopic specks and grew in the womb and then were born and then grew up...it's all so weird to me. to think that two people can create an entirely new individual is so fascinating to me. it's interesting that i didn't like biology more than i did because the life process enthralls me. to just think about how we all started and how we'll all end up is crazy, so crazy. even crazier is that our existence on this planet is an eye blink in planet time. not even that, actually. each individual life is so important and so miraculous, but so short and inconsequential at the same time. again, c'est la vie. and it's a beautiful day.

life's little things

1. classes today...the semester is winding down! only two more days of classes to go before finals. so scary!
2. have to wake up really early again, but it's worth it.
3. 4/20 and my 111th post! how fortuitous.

my university hosted a showing of planet earth tonight and had free food to go along with it. we watched jungle and deep ocean. jungle was so cool and deep ocean was just as cool but not as great of filming. it's hard to do time lapse video underwater! but some of the animals in the deep ocean are crazy. it was so fascinating watching nature play out on video. there is so much that happens that humans have no idea about. the little things in life have started to fascinate me. it's part of my recent interest in fate and the "pretty little mistakes" that characterize our existence on earth. watching the mold grow across the forest floor and the mushrooms pop out of the ground...things that happen so slow in real life are sped up by the human technology. but what is crazy is how much we have captured on camera and seen of this world doesn't even compare to what is out there. and while i become disheartened and discouraged by the destruction humans have caused and the depth of our infiltration into the natural world, i am hopeful that we cannot reach all ends of the earth. that there will remain pristine parts of this planet, away from human eyes and human reach. i am hopeful, but maybe that is naive. earth day is fast approaching and i encourage all of us to remember the little things and to watch our steps.

(kind of) sports

1. woke up at 5:15 in the morning and got ready to go to high school all over again! it was such a long day. i've been awake for almost 18 hours right now. that's why i'm about to gtb (go to bed)!
2. came back to college (yippee!) and ran more participants for my second lab. oh, academia.
3. i had a short talk with one of my grad student advisers about this summer and my expectations, the realities, etc. it made me feel better.

baseball. i hate it. it is a pointless sport that is played by guys who like their dip can and steroid needle more than being athletic. soccer is a real sport. i love soccer (perhaps because i played it for 10 years). there is so much action and so much excitement and so much hotness! soccer players are real athletes. world cup 2010, let's go.

sometimes...

1. slept late-ish today, had a wonderful morning and afternoon, did some homework, ate a yummy dinner, now going to bed! 
2. i have to wake up at 5:15 am tomorrow morning for the lab i work in. dedication is the word of the week.
3. i got to play with and babysit kids on the autism spectrum today and it was really fun. they were adorable. all had their specific quirks, but dealing with them wasn't hard after learning how they had to function. but that in no way takes away from the unbelievably hard job parents of children on the autism spectrum have.

...i just get really tired of bullshit. why is there so much petty, unnecessary crap that happens? most of it seems absolutely ridiculous to me. yet my life (just like everyone's) is full of drama sometimes. people can just be really catty and stupid and jealous and projecting. but there isn't much more that i can say without getting way too personal.
my bucket list item: go to a beach famous for its shells and find the best ones on the beach for my collection.