pow pow pow

1. saddest day ever! my sex and the city marathon is officially over. i knew how it was going to end but it was still so good/sad. and i even know how the two movies happen, so i know more than the original viewer did. such a great show. groundbreaking, really. 
2. time to get back to the real world outside of manhattan. i have books to read and pools to sit by and gyms to go to (though i did go today) and labs to volunteer in. oh, and i guess people to see
3. and a soccer game to watch on sunday! viva espana. the octupus picked spain, so i am too. also, i like spain more than the netherlands, although i did have the change to study abroad in the netherlands and do research. i speak spanish (sort of) so my loyalty is there. 

i love working on my application for florence for next spring! i picked the wrong year to blog apparently! well, not true at all; this blog has been fantastic. i love all that it's done for me and all that has happened so far in 2010 (well, not all, obviously, but a lot of it). maybe i'll keep like a every-few-days-or-so blog in florence; that'd be fun. you know by now my history of journaling. it just won't get down on paper in florence. so i'll have to find someway to record my travels! but not having a strict schedule will be nice. i feel like i am jinxing this! what if i don't even get to go?! that would be tragic. i am so looking forward to it. though a semester away from the college i love is a scary thought. somethings have just been predetermined though. i always thought i'd go to college, always thought i'd study abroad, always thought i'd be a psych major. looks like things are shaping up as expected. the abyss in my life is post-graduation. take a year off? go right to grad school? go to grad school in clinical psych? live in a new place? so many options! so many choices! i am very indecisive. sex and the city has given me this feeling that having so much planned for my life is a bad thing. these women took years to find everything they wanted. is it possible that i can know so soon what i want to do, and actually go for it? i think that's pretty ballsy in itself, though, having a certainty about one's life. i have my guns and i'm sticking to them. figuratively, of course. guns don't match my outfits.

ERS

1. went to the gym, as promised, and then went to work until about 3:30. lazed around and then got ready for my night out at the comedy club. the acts were okay...the headliner guy was funny though. and it was free!
2. slowly working through season six of sex and the city. carrie still annoys me and i still love samantha's jokes and charlotte is so funny and traditional and miranda just needs mental help.
3. tomorrow is friday and i'm so happy. i miss my college life and my college friends and my college. i can't wait for august 7th to role around so i can go back home, and then august 17th so i can move in to my apartment!

there are so many days left that i have to blog! people, make some suggestions here! i know i have, like, zilch readers but maybe someone will stumble along this blog in cyberspace? maybe? it's like when you wear a really cute outfit to a bar or dinner with your friends and you hope for someone to comment on it. you tell yourself, "oh it's just for me--i want to dress up and feel good about myself." right, be real, you are just showing off and want compliments. but hey, everyone needs reassurance! no harm in that! i don't even know what i'm blogging about tonight. maybe i need reassurance. my few readers, please comment, or i will disown you as family members/friends or break up with you! not really, but please? just one comment? k, thanks.

< / 3

1. i'm so sick and tired of allergies! they need to stop bothering me and move on to someone else! or better yet, just leave us all alone.
2. went to LBD (little black dress) night at a hotel downtown and wore black skinny jeans, a black sparkly tank top, and fuchsia platform heels. it was a good night! 
3. finished up season five of sex and the city and set my alarm to go to the gym before work in the morning. i've figured out that from 3-6 the gym is way too busy and i need to go in the morning. 

lost love? broken hearts? trashed relationships? hurt feelings? can it get any worse? yes, throw kids into the mix. anyway, the post i'm supposed to write tonight is about lost love. it seems so hard to contemplate, but most everyone experiences it more than once during a lifetime. maybe not lost love, but lost potential for love. maybe i've been watching too much sex and the city, but i think that charlotte was maybe right on her + or - two great loves in life rule. i think it's kind of easy to fall in love and i think it's relatively easy to make a relationship work, as long as you take the proper steps. relationships fail for two main reasons: money and sex. don't marry someone if you haven't talked about these two issues. hell, don't even move in with someone if you haven't talked about them. having different views about finances or sex can ruin relationships (or so the research says) but i think people just forget to plan ahead these days. sure, what do i know about making a marriage work? that is a fair statement. but i have observed relationships over the years and it takes a lot of work to make things...work (for more than three dates). commitment is tough! so is it worth it? i can't answer that yet, except to say that i was single for a long time in college and am now in a relationship and couldn't be happier. i talked with my good friend yesterday and determined that i am a relationship person. i am, i'll admit it. but that doesn't mean i can't be single and flirt and have fun with the best of them! but i need to meld those parts of my personality together in a relationship. i love to have fun and talk and meet people and get attention (i'm a leo--blame my birth month), but i also love to be settled and content and making it work with just one person. don't get me wrong, this relationship isn't a piece o' cake (unfortunately...i love cake!) but it's also not impossible and doesn't make me crazy and i don't constantly question myself (yes, i've been there). so this wasn't exactly a post about lost love, but hey, it's my blog and i'll write what i want to.

ouch.

1. drove back to my summer program place today. all i know is that after 8 hours in a car and with only two stops, my butt sure is hurting. 
2. watched the bachelorette show that i missed last night and got to see some of lisbon, portugal from the show. it looks beautiful! just another place in europe to visit...
3. had good talks with friends today/tonight. can't wait to be back at school and with everyone again!

i'm really tired and want to go to bed. but i have a blog topic for tomorrow night, if nothing else pops into my head. lost love. this topic is fueled by the second half of the bachelorette that i watched tonight featuring jake and vienna on why their relationship ended. both called the other a "fame whore." all i have to say about that is...you went on TV to find love--of course both of them are fame whores!

a "quasi" post

1. went tubing today on a river for my boyfriend's sister's 18th birthday. fun times all around but it made me really tired and dehydrated and my lips got sunburned. i was happy to be invited, though. 
2. had a family dinner and talked about the rest of my summer and plans for moving back to college.
3. played scrabble for the first time in my life! ending score: 98; final score: 83. not bad for a first timer?

don't let other people make you think that you are wrong! believe in yourself and take a stand! i had the word "quasi" spelled out on the board tonight and the Q was worth 10 points and also was a double letter score, so it would have been 20 points + the points for the other letters. but my ex-english teacher mother told me that quasi was always a prefix and i couldn't use it. so instead of sticking with my word and winning the points and making her lose a turn, i backed down. stupid, stupid me. so i learned my lesson the hard way and now know to stand my ground. and i wouldn't have lost 10 points at the end either because i would have used my Q. hmph. so that's my scrabble story. don't make the same mistake i did!

happy 4th of july!

1. had the family over for a big 4th of july party! i loved seeing everyone and had such a great time. 
2. i got an early birthday present that i am very excited about! crate and barrel, here i come...
3. watched the fireworks at the community center to end the celebration. 

this is one of those nights where i don't really want to be blogging, i just want to be sleeping. but i had a great day and i'm glad i got to celebrate america's birthday with my family. how exciting to think about what happened on the first birthday! such intrigue and excitement and sadness and newness! cool stuff like that doesn't happen anymore! then again, i am biased and think the revolutionary war is really cool. even though it was gruesome and tiring. but hey, we were fighting for independence! pretty damn cool story, if you ask me.

watch fireworks on the capitol steps in DC

ba da BA DAAAA

1. ran some errands, met my besties for lunch, and did some chores at home. why did i come home again? oh right, for a vacation. and to see my family. but hey, it's better than spending the 4th of july holiday alone! too bad that's how i'll spend my birthday...
2. worked a lot on my study abroad application. i'm overly eager and a planner and very organized, so naturally, everything will be turned in weeks early and after be checked and double- and triple-checked.
3. watched quantum solace in HD and for free and it was awesome. i'm not sure if i'm a fan of HD, though. it almost seems too realistic. like, hard-to-believe real as opposed to movie-screen real. 

watching the bond movie made me think about the government. and the night before the 4th of july seems to be an appropriate time to talk about the government. according to interesting new research, the original draft of the declaration of independence used the word "subjects," written by thomas jefferson. he then erased the word using his thumb while the ink was still wet. perhaps he felt that it wasn't a fitting word choice. maybe john adams or benjamin franklin edited the draft after he wrote it and put "w.c." next to the "subjects." anyway, our government was formed by rebels and hell-raisers and pissed off british subjects. i think that is such an intriguing way to start a history, don't you? and now, where are we? did the people living back then have any idea of what really happened in government? the elite and intellectual few ran the country and didn't worry the public about silly affairs of the state. you'll have a hard time convincing me that anything has changed. yes, the electing public is more educated and aware (kind of) and there are laws and ethical practices that people in power have to abide by (supposedly). but i still can't help but think that i have NO IDEA what is really happening in government. the secrets must be overwhelming. the responsibility and the enormity of the job would truly be back-breaking. but someone's got to do it! no, not you, georgie. sorry, but the americans have had enough of you after eight years of hell. i can't believe that a little less than half of my life was spent under your leadership. how tragic for my reputation. but hey, the first time i voted, mr. obama was elected. now that is something to be proud of.

cop out

1. woke up in my home bed and it was a wonderful feeling. although the bed where i am living this summer is a full and my bed at home is a twin so it felt kind of small for the first time in my life!
2. ran some errands in town and had lunch with a friend. i am not in town but for a few days so i can't see many people. but that's fine, i mainly want to stick around my family and boyfriend and close friends anyway. 
3. had the boyfriend over for dinner and watched (kind of...i really slept) through the replay of the netherlands vs. brazil game. it sounded exciting from what i remember. 

i watched the stars tonight and they are so beautiful where i live. there were so many out and i could even see the milky way. i miss seeing stars. they remind me of my future and all i want to accomplish in my lifetime. they also remind me to take care of the planet. it's such a freak of nature that humans are even on a planet that can sustain life and it's sad to think about all the ways we are destroying that planet. but maybe we will learn...i hope soon...

hoooome

1. basically all i did today was drive. a long, long way. but now i am home and so happy to be here!
2. i ate lunch at taco bell? 
3. and i didn't get lost once. 

such an exciting day, i know. but it was great driving the road home and it's so wonderful to be back in this house. i love my house! and my family and my mountains and my kitty. seeing friends and boyfriend tomorrow, and then more friends this weekend and the celebrating the 4th of july on sunday with all the family! can't wait. i'm pretty sad that i have to leave on tuesday. but i decided to leave my internship early and come home about a week sooner in august than i was planning previously. it's great to be home. living far away really makes me appreciate it--i don't know how some kids go to college in such far away places. glad i'm not one of them!

quickie

1. worked today and went to a pre-practicum class for the grad students who are entering their second year. basically, the class teaches people how to be therapists. interesting stuff!
2. finished up season four of sex and the city and had a small dinner over conversations with the new roommate.
3. packed and got directions for my trip back home tomorrow. i cannot wait to be home!!!

quickie post tonight--must get to bed and get some sleep for the long drive! and i put off blogging because i had stuff to do and blogging is usually always put off. plus, a semi-boring day anyway. but i hope i make it safely! i'm definitely nervous, but let's hope the driving gods and God are on my side. and let's hope i don't run into this!

confidence vs. cockiness

1. a busy day in the lab and a semi-exciting one too. the professor i'm working for and the lab team i'm working with are both really doing their best to make my summer worthwhile. i believe at the end of this summer i will have several thank you notes to write (perhaps i should start a list now...).
2. gave myself a pedicure today. sparkly red polish to match the upcoming holiday. i'm going home for the 4th of july and can't wait to see my family/mountains/boyfriend/friends/kitty.
3. onto sex and the city season three! i love aiden! yay! too bad i know how this whole series really ends up...with her marrying big and then kissing aiden and then staying with big. bummer!

ego--what's the deal? i mean, i get being confident, but why the need to be an asshole? and the only thing conceiving this post is the tv show chopped, no interpersonal life crisis. anyway, some people are so egotistical and arrogant. trust me, i've had my fair share of those guys (and girls) in my life. still do, for that matter. but i'm not saying that i'm not an ego maniac sometimes, especially when my ego is bruised. but i've also always seen excessive ego as a defense mechanism for low self-esteem (or something psychological like that). i always get the most testy and arrogant when i'm feeling either really legitimately proud of something i've done or really bruised from something not-so-good that i did. but some people just have over-reactive egos! like, get over yourself already! maybe if you didn't have such a massive ego then doing poorly every now and then wouldn't come as such a shock. everyone screws up sometimes. but don't whine about it and just get back up and get back to life. while i'm writing this, i am (obv) thinking of samantha from sex and the city. talk about ego. then again, girl can back it up. and she can also accept defeat and loss of dignity (on those rare occasions when things happen to her). okay...that's not entirely true. she fights and doesn't take shit from people, but after all of that, she can still take a punch to the ego every now and then. unlike this chef on chopped! don't put all your eggs in one basket.

bueller? bueller? anyone? anyone?

1. WOW no one comments on my blog anymore.
2. headache. too much sex and the city, not enough sleep. 
3. long day tomorrow, thankfully, and hopefully a gym visit that is not as crowded with "tanning salon" barbie clones and scowling juiceheads who don't share equipment. 

do i love this place? eh, wouldn't go that far. i think part of me would fit into new york city for awhile. i can be cynical and sarcastic and critical and a fashionista with the best of them! i could never last though; i'm way too much of a country girl to make that happen. but really, i should get some sleep. long day and longer one tomorrow. it would be fun, though, to live there just for a summer...or just for graduate school...

haterade

1. breakfast with my family friends, walk around the lake (tallahassee water retention center?), and relaxing day with sex and the city. 
2. went to the gym and got hated on by some juiceheads and then hit on by a guy who didn't have much to say. i thought headphones were enough to clue people in to my serious workout routine, but maybe a shirt that says "speak nicely or be able to run fast" would be a better option. 
3. talked more with the girl who lives in the apartment with me now. she is really nice and we get along and have a few things in common. example: neither of us have veins.

procrastination is still the name of the game. now, i'm putting off bedtime to watch sex and the city! and i put off blogging to...watch sex and the city! oh well, the addiction will still be over. and i have to get up somewhat early so i'm still getting to bed at a decent hour. of course, i'm team aiden, but how can i also not be team big? it is possible to be...well...too nice *cue memories of earlier conversation with new roommate*. and really, her and big were meant to be together. they both kind of annoy me. i like samantha the best because she's the funniest. miranda is just awkward and whiney, and charlotte is the definition of too sweet, but so endearing and eager. but hey, i like them all and their conversations over lunch or cocktails are my favorite parts of the show. and to think, it was written by a guy*. anyway, i should stop ignoring the male readers. oh, pish posh. maybe they should watch a few episodes--it could do most men on this planet some good to see things from a female perspective.
bucket list item that was so anticipated: complete (not "compete") a mini-triathalon. oh god. there, i said it.

*allegedly gay, which would make a lot more sense.

would i really do this?

1. i watched the USA lose to ghana in a heartbreaking loss. we basically watched the soccer game instead of playing the soccer game. donovan, i still love you. and dempsey, i love you too. team USA forever!
2. joined a gym today for the remaining six weeks or so of my stay. it was a nice feeling--i plan on going tomorrow and working out and sweating. oddly, i can't wait. 
3. a girl who lives in the apartment i'm subleasing from moved back in today for the summer. her plans fell through, so here she is for the summer. it's weird; i finally adjusted to the change of living alone and have to adjust all over again to living with a girl i met...an hour ago. oh, and she told me i live on the "buggy" side of the apartment--greeeeaat. 

i can't believe i actually made a random decision to blog for an entire year and am actually doing it. it's a weird feeling, being almost six months into 2010. i mean, this year has been a blessing, but it's also been somewhat of a whirlwind. so much has happened to me! i love my life right now and am very happy with it, but i know that come august, that life will be very different. my bucket list item for tomorrow is somewhat shocking...well, for me it's shocking. i've made a commitment to doing every last thing that i put down on my bucket list, at some point in my life. so when i list something, it's serious. you already know how i feel about commitments--look at what i'm doing now--blogging for 365 days, for crying out loud. so there is really no question that i must follow through on my bucket list, or else i'm a big faker! not okay. so you'll see tomorrow what all the suspense is about...let's hope it doesn't disappoint!

"these are my confessions"

1. went into the lab for a bit today and then worked in the clinic some too. left around 4 to start my weekend off right!
2. the tcby right next to my apartment closed--i'm taking that as a sign from above that i need to stop eating delicious frozen yogurt parfaits to cool myself off from the 100 degree heat. 
3. just realized that i have a salon appointment on saturday right in the middle of the USA vs. Ghana soccer game--WTF--and if i cancel, i have to pay $50--again, WTF?! so i'm going to call in the morning and try my damndest to get it pushed up or back. i need to see this game. 

okay, so i feel like it's finally time for me to be up front about something--my major/minors in college. i have spent so much time tiptoeing around this issue and hinting at it and i feel like no one except people i know really read this blog anyway, so i might as well just talk about it. i'm a psychology major and history and English double minor. now it's probably not that big of a deal to my few readers for me to say this, since they already know my school life, but it's nice to finally say it. so psychology basically is my life. i love the field and i love the labs in work in at college and for this summer. i study peer relations, health-risk behaviors, and suicide/NSSI (non-suicidal self-injury) in one lab, and bi-polar disorder with a focus on assessment in my other lab. i love both labs but prefer the former lab; it was the first i entered and it's where my passion really lies (for now). this summer, i am working in a psych lab that studies suicide and NSSI, as well as eating behaviors and it has a pretty neuro-focused feel to the lab, which isn't my thing per se, but is important to the field. basically, i love psychology and am very content with it being my life. my history minor, i'm also crazy about. i declared a history major when i was a first semester freshman after a great history course on modern european history. i declared that as my concentration, and was well on my way to a major. but this past semester i decided to drop down to a minor because i don't want to take a seminar-based course that requires a lot of time and effort and work. i want to focus on my thesis for psych, as well as have time for my English minor and other cool classes. but who knows, maybe i'll get bored and ambitious and change my mind later. the English minor i declared last fall semester and did it kind of on a whim, similar to my history minor. i have an English teaching sister and a mother who taught English, as well as an aunt. maybe it's in my blood? all the same, it's a good minor to have, i think; it shows people who read my resume that i can write well enough to have a minor and that i am well-rounded. plus, i really want to take this jane austen class my senior year. best class ever! so since i'm an English minor, some may wonder why i don't use entirely correct grammar at all times (capitalization). i''m lazy and stubborn. it's a lot easier for me to type this way, in an informal setting, and people also have nit-picked me for not using capitalization, so i naturally went against that trend. it may grate on the nerves of some, but it's just who i am in this setting, as well as other informal settings (email, facebook, etc.). but i can and obviously do use perfect grammar in papers and assignments and anything remotely professional or formal. so that's my story of my school life.

t-minus five weeks

1. went back into the lab today for about 5 hours. had a good day--one part of what i'm doing is really interesting. 
2. weirdly enough, though, i'm ready for the weekend. i want time to myself to recharge and to get used to alone life again. i'm sure i'll be over that sentiment soon enough.
3. went bowling tonight with the lab group and bowled a 128! best score i've ever gotten. three strikes in a row! it was awesome. 

i don't feel much like blogging again. it's been a wonderful week but i'm sad to see it go. i'm definitely feeling the homesickness right about now. and i miss my family but i also just miss my home. and while it's not new for me being in a college setting, it's new being in that college setting and not knowing anyone. i came to college knowing several people, and also knew and loved my suitemates. but this is different. it's a new environment where i don't really know anyone and i'm in a new job setting. and while i love what i am doing and am pumped about getting a letter of recommendation for grad school, i also am not impervious to feeling lonely. and yes, i'm meeting people, but it's not like college. i love college! and this summer is just like a semi-extension of college but it's also practice for real life. my birthday is five weeks from today--how nerve-wracking! i'm excited but also really anxious. hopefully these five weeks will pass slowly...

remember to smile

1. watched the USA kick ass in the game against algeria today!!! can't believe we had another goal taken away from us but i'm so happy that donovan came through in the clutch and scored a win in our group and automatic advancement to the quarterfinals! so exciting.
2. didn't do much other than watch soccer and hang out with my boyfriend. it was a great day. 
3. went to carrabba's for dinner and now i think a movie is in order!

i've been thinking more and more about safety and things i can do to stay safe! basically, i think i have somewhat of a chance if i'm ever in a hand-to-hand combat situation, but i'm afraid of a gun or knife situation--that would be tough to get out of. and while i am afraid of this scenario that is pretty statistically low of a chance and the area where i am living now is really pretty safe, i would rather be more prepared than less prepared. knowing how to protect myself is important, especially as a young female who is alone in this area for the summer. anyway, it was a bit of a tangential post but i think it's important to talk about. again. oh, and remember to smile at people. smiles brighten days.

shawty

1. saw toy story 3 today and it was SO good. the first movie came out in 1995--it's the series of my childhood. the short movie in the beginning is really cute too. 
2. went out to a yummy italian dinner with the boyfriend and then ate marble slab ice cream! they were right next to each other...i couldn't resist. 
3. goofed around tonight and watched chopped on food network, of course. also got some work-related stuff figured out. 

this is one of those nights i don't have much to say, or much that i can really talk about on this blog. i feel a lot of things but this isn't the avenue to express those things. so this is another short post night, but those are pretty frequent occurrences on this blog. forgive me, and until tomorrow...

versus

1. drove home from the beach today. how sad. it was a great trip but i miss the beach and my family already. can't wait to see them for the 4th!
2. found the recycling center today and went on a grocery trip with my boyfriend. just hung around the house and made plans for tomorrow. so glad to have him here for a few more days!
3. no bugs were in my apartment when i got home--good sign. i had a few emails from my job but nothing super important. i am a volunteer, after all. 

an important talk tonight happened between my boyfriend and i. we talked about religion and spirituality. i've blogged about this before but it was so nice sitting with him after dinner and just talking. we sat at the table for several hours and had a wonderful conversation. it was very natural and good conversation. we click. and i miss the beach and miss my family, but like i said last night, i know i'm doing the right thing with my summer and i'm doing what's best for me.

goodbye again

1. last day at the beach. it was a good day, hot and not very windy, but still good. i love the beach so much and am sad to leave. 
2. i was walking with my boyfriend along the beach and we saw a huge school of rays! while it was really cool, it's something i've never seen at this beach before and i'm worried that it was because of the oil spill.
3. it was father's day! i love my dad very much and was glad that i could spend it with him.

i hate saying goodbye to my family. i love them all so much and i am very glad that i got to spend some time with them as a reprieve from my summer. while i'm very glad to be doing what i'm doing this summer, taking a leap and making a career move, it's still rather hard and i find myself wishing sometimes that i had just stayed home this summer, or stayed at college. it would have been a good summer, i feel sure, but very different. i can see in my mind what it would have been like and am happy with that image. but i'm also very happy with what i am actually doing this summer--i think i will be grateful for it later, too. but the morning is fast approaching and i will have to say goodbye again. goodbye to my family, for now. the goodbye to my boyfriend comes later this week. i hope they all make the drive back safely. another reason for me to be nervous...but my dad is a very good driver. but it's the other people on the road i'm worried about! happy father's day and happy sunday!

bucket list item: go to a world cup soccer game.