forever young?

1. i'm so dehydrated! no matter how much water i drink, the hot sun at the beach just sucks the moisture right out of me. it's not a good feeling. 
2. i finally got the water out of my ear! it has been in there since earlier today and it was an awful feeling--i forgot how bad; it used to happen to me all the time when i was little.
3. watched a wedding on the beach and had a lovely dinner and lovely night. 

they played the forever young remix at the wedding and it made me think about being forever young. it sounds terrible. i mean, part of enjoying youth is having the age and wisdom to look back on your younger years. or so i'm told. i think it's weird that i'm going to be a junior in college, but i'm still so young! i have a long way to go. i wouldn't want to live forever, but i sure want to live a long and full life. i think only the gods and people of fairy tales wanted to live forever. it's certainly not a realistic idea and it's definitely not a good one. there is a reason humans have a limited lifespan, there is no need to cheat nature.

life is good.

1. watched the USA vs. Slovenia game this morning and we got robbed from the third goal! it was such bullshit. and the refs made some bad calls throughout the game. but nothing can be done about it now...i just hope USA gets to advance or i'll have to find a new team to support.
2. spent the rest of the day at the beach and alternated between the beach and the pool, since i can't get in the oily ocean. walking along the beach today i actually got some oil on my foot, but dawn dish soap took care of that. 
3. had a good talk with a good friend today. 

so i'm not a snob, i'm just picky. i'm selective about my food and my drink and what movies i will watch and music i will listen to. i want high-quality experiences in life and i like to pick and choose things to fill my time with that reflect that sentiment. i guess that can be seen as snobby, but i just see it as the only way to live life. why not make the most out of what you have? i understand that some people aren't like me and are content to live a different lifestyle and i have no problem with that at all--go for it! but i guess the most important thing to do is live the life that makes you happy. this was a theme of my conversation today and it is something people tend to forget in the hype and stress of daily life. it's also why everyone needs to visit/live in europe and get that mentality and keep it in mind. americans stress out too much. and our happiness levels aren't even that high. so obviously all the prosperity isn't the key to happiness.

responsibility

1. i'm very tired from the emergency room trip last night. i didn't sleep very well either because our room was very stuffy. but maybe tonight will be better since i'm worn out from the sun and the activity on the beach. 
2. game seven was tonight in the nba series. oh wait?! who cares. not me. some people, a lot of people, i guess. but noooot meeeeee.
3. had a great first day at the beach but it's illegal to swim and there is oil residue on the beach as well as a sheen on the water. 

the responsibility that BP needs to take for this oil spill is obvious. being down here and seeing how the oil spill is affecting the area is a wake-up call that i didn't need, but other people do. what's interesting is that there isn't a lot of tar or crude oil or thick sludge on these beaches, but the place is still dead. there is no traffic, not many people on the beach, not many parties in the restaurants, nothing like what is normal for this time of year in this location. and the general mood is just one of depression. but the workers are out here and cleaning up the beaches as things come onto the beach. there are booms out in the water that are visible and a lot of boats just sitting in the water. i assume they are tracking the oil patterns and even putting out booms, but i'm not sure. an escrow fund was created in the amount of $20 billion to cover the costs of clean-up. it's my opinion that the amount given is not even close to the amount that will be necessary to fix all of this. the wildlife and the environment being destroyed is priceless. the monetary loss of lost livelihoods and lost tourism and business can at least be calculated, as can clean-up costs. but BP is not accepting responsibility and are avoiding blame. it's horrifying. but maybe this will wake-up the american public, as well as the global community.

emergency!

1. woke up kinda late and finished packing for the beach! it was kinda stressful, of course, but we got on the road and had a safe trip to the beach!
2. I SAW MY FAMILY!!! YAY!!!
3. walked along the beach on the gulf of mexico and did not step on any tar balls or see any oil. good start so far...

long night. spent in the emergency room. my boyfriend has a food allergy. will write more tomorrow. for now, it's time to go to bed! i'm even feeling the time difference more because where i came from is an hour later than here.

YES.

1. went into the lab for a few hours today and worked. it was cool for the first part and i think the other stuff i trained for will be interesting too. 
2. MY BOYFRIEND CAME TO VISIT!!!
3. leaving tomorrow morning for the beach to see my family! we'll see how long we are able to say, but hopefully the beaches stay clean-ish for a week or so.

i'm so happy that i have company in my apartment! it feels great to have him with me again and i am so happy that everything is normal between us. and i get to see my family tomorrow! and go to the beach! it's going to be so much fun. i can't wait to spend time with everyone and just take a break and chill. i hope that we can bring some business to the ailing gulf coast too. the oil spill is...momentously bad.

we shall see

1. not a very eventful day. went to the mall and saw the new movie killers. i liked it! i laughed a lot and loudly. then came home and cleaned and did some chores for the arrival of my boyfriend tomorrow!
2. TRIED to watch the bachelorette tonight at 8 but couldn't until 8:34 because abc was out in the area due to thunderstorms. of course! at least i got to watch most of it. 
3. started to tentatively pack for the beach, but i'm still expecting a no-go at this point. like the title says, we shall see...

we shall see a lot of things. beach? maybe. from there...i'm not really sure what is going to happen. i had a good talk with an old friend tonight and was just reminded about how sure i am that things will work out. i don't know how or when but i know they will. perhaps this is a naive confidence that i have in my friends and myself, but i am convinced. i think that we will all accomplish what we want to in life, albeit with some regrets and mistakes along the way. but i have wonderful friends from different stages in my life and i love them all. i hope for the best.

"i'm in miami trick"

1. lazy morning and lazy day. tried to lie out in the 100 degree, 80% humidity, full sun weather but was not able to handle it for more than an hour. my skin is probably thanking me. 
2. pedicure today--hot pink was the final color choice. i thought it would be beach appropriate, but it looks like that trip probably isn't happening.
3. the oil is washing up on the gulf shore in a lot of areas now and totally ruining lives. i can't believe people are putting up with this bullshit! why can't people wake up and move past the greedy and lazy dependence on oil?!

enough of that rant. i'm trying to be positive, as was suggested to me by a few people. so one more day til i get to see my boyfriend, which is wonderful (!), but i miss my family a lot and was so hoping to see them for a whole week at the beach. thanks a lot, BP. anyway, i am eager to get on with this summer. yes, i love summer, but i miss college a lot. the whole environment is wonderful and every weekend feels like a little taste of summer. okay, i am going to quickly take my previous statement back. i love summertime and always have. it's my birthday season, my sister's birthday season, independence day, the end of school, and a lot of other awesome things. while i am working this summer, it is still summertime. i can take a break if i want to, i can (hopefully) go to the beach, and i don't have to worry about scheduling every minute of my life or doing this or that homework. grab the margaritas, the bathing suit, the sunglasses, and let the fun gear up!

weekly bucket list item: get a henna tattoo. parents, read again--henna. now repeat, henna, henna, henna.

accident

1. went to a pool party for a few hours and met some fun people. yes, that's right, i met people!
2. baked cookies for the dinner that i was invited to tonight by family friends. their little girl is so adorable!
3. fell asleep watching house. yes, you heard me. i fell asleep watching house. 

that led to some worry and some freak out, but all is well now. i apologize for the freak out but i lock the doors in my apartment and to my bedroom, so unless someone breaks the glass (which trust me, i'm afraid of that too) i'll be fine. it's interesting because last night the family i was with talked about safety in this area and crime rates and stuff like that. they said the incidence of muggings and robbing by gun and rape were pretty high, but that is expected in a college town. i was like, say what? my college town is pretty safe. or at least i think it is, but i'm sure there is a lot that i don't know about. anyway, i'm a smart girl and i know tips and tricks for how to be safe. and while i'm smart, it also looks like i can be a bit forgetful and careless at times. my apologies, dear readers. why i watch house: for house himself (3rd from right) and for some british doctor (3rd from left)

veg head

1. had some more work in the lab today and got a grand tour of the building. the really nice, brand new, huge building, where i now work. 
2. finished up committed and she annoyed me some at the end of the book, just like how she did in eat, pray, love, but oh well, it was still a good read. on to the help!
3. took a little cat nap today and i knew i shouldn't have because now i'm not tired. oh well, good thing tomorrow is saturday!

people always freak out when they find out that i am a vegetarian. not only a vegetarian, but have only had meat twice in my life, both times on accident, both times i freaked out! my mother turned vegetarian at 15 (hippie) and raised both of her daughters that way. no, my dad is not and could never be a vegetarian. i would have it no other way than to be vegetarian. it is unique, good for my health, good for the earth, and means i get to eat a lot of pasta and fish--yum! yes, let me clarify. i am a broad spectrum vegetarian. an ovo-pesco-lacto vegetarian. a pescatarian. whatever you want to call it, i eat seafood and dairy. so i'm not vegan (i eat animal products like eggs/milk/cheese/etc.) and i'm not a strict vegetarian (since i still technically eat meat). but i like it best this way. even at a steakhouse or bbq joint, i can pretty much find something to eat. it's easy to accommodate being vegetarian, especially in these times. i'm not trying to make people be vegetarian and i'm not grossed out by meat, it's just not something i'm interested in ever eating. the impact of red meat and poultry farming on the planet is enormous and i think it's selfish that people don't want to give up any sort of lifestyle to better this planet. i'm not saying give up all red meat, i'm just saying eat less. your heart will thank you too. red meat is typically pretty bad for you and not necessary for protein or minerals or vitamins, all of which are available from other, healthier sources. will my kids be vegetarian? absolutely. will my husband? probably not, it's not a big trend in the male population. at best, i suggest trying it for lent or for new year's or for the hell of it. can't believe i forgot to mention sensation salad as one of my favorite foods...and no, this is not sensation salad (at all) but it's still a yummy looking salad. mmm!

"i believe in a thing called love"

1. had more lab stuff today. it's so nice to finally be doing stuff with my summer! i'm not one to be lazy for long periods of time (more than a few days, vacations not included).
2. ate kashi pizza for dinner and it was so yummy! i think i'll blog soon about being vegetarian. 
3. since i've started to work, i look forward more to the weekend! it'll be a nice break and my vacation starts on tuesday night (hopefully). 

thank you, the darkness, for the lovely song from which i pull my post title. i'm reading this book committed by the eat, pray, love lady and mainly it just makes me want to re-read that book (for the third time?) and be really jealous of her life. but the movie will come out soon (starring julia roberts, love) so that will be good. but this book raises some excellent points about matrimony and society and human nature. it's historical and funny and personal and evaluative and obvious all at the same time. what i like most about her book is that she examines marriage from all angles and gives me more hope about the institution. she also makes a virtually flawless argument for same-sex marriages. but, that is another topic. anyway, she makes marriage seem much less scary than how i see it now. and this is coming from a self-proclaimed marriage phobic, as she calls herself. i am afraid of divorce just like every other human being and i am especially afraid of it because i just don't want to deal with what i have seen people around me deal with. i couldn't imagine saying vows to someone you think you will love forever and then just ripping that bond apart over "irreconcilable differences." like, what the hell. imagine starting over after something like that. i don't know how people have the courage to do it. but her book is a pretty good and logical look at marriage and i think it's interesting to read about in this day and age where marriage has a lot of problems to contend with--same-sex, divorce, infidelity, celebrity portrayals, religious aspects, etc. anyway, it's a good read.

yeahhhh booiiiiii

1. had my first meeting with my primary summer mentor today and it went so well!
2. got an autographed copy of his second book with a personal message included. so. cool.
3. went out for mexican tonight all by my lonesome. can't really say i enjoyed the experience, but it was good food. 

there is so much that happened to me today that i can't really talk about on this blog. i don't make my personal life really transparent on this blog for safety reasons (though i feel like fewer than five people read it anyway) so i can't discuss how excited i am about today! i see good things coming from this summer and it validates what i am doing so much to know that i have approval on all ends. i just hope that what i'm doing gets me to where i want to be in the end.

tired

1. met with the primary grad student tonight--it was a good start and made me even more ready to dive in!
2. no pool time but started a new book anyway. committed, by elizabeth gilbert, sequel to eat, pray, love.
3. went out tonight and it was so much fun! finally, out of the apartment.

not much to say tonight--very tired. but after my meeting tomorrow with the professor, i will have more of a grasp of what i am doing and talk more about it tomorrow night! not much substance for a picture, but here goes...it's a great new music video that is out. ask me more if you are curious...

yeeee

1. almost finished the book that i started this morning. it's like i'm going through all my books in one or two days. pretty soon i will have none left!
2. went to the pool today but it was too sunny and too hot--i only lasted 3 hours! 
3. i officially start tomorrow--can't wait! it's finally here, haha, i hope i'm not let down!

being in a new place is definitely scary. i don't know anyone and it's hard meeting new people. i start tomorrow and i hope like no other that there are other undergraduates in the lab. or that it wouldn't be weird for me to go out with the grad students, although that is probably not the case. i just want to be around people i know or am getting to know and be in a lively place. and i hope more than anything that this summer turns out to be a good one. it's already june and i can't imagine starting tomorrow and finding out that it was all for nothing. but those are just my worries and fears and concerns...i hope that i am wrong. big day tomorrow! it's bedtime.

it's sunday!

1. i lose track of days so easily in the summertime.
2. i'm almost finished with this book serena--it's great so far but doesn't compare to the female villains Cathy and Umbridge. well, not yet, but i'm not finished with the book yet, haha.
3. watched the next foot network star premiere tonight. i would love to go on that show!

maybe that should be my bucket list item--try out for next food  network star. but i really want to accomplish everything on my bucket list from this blog and i don't know if i'd have the guts to actually do that! but maybe that's the point. hey, what is there to lose, right? bucket list item: try out for the next food network star! on another note, i'm starting to like my summer situation better and am starting full-throttle on tuesday--exciting! not much to say again tonight, except that we're more than halfway through the year--how weird! this blog is only half-over but it's also got a long way to go. xoxo, thanks for reading!

again?

1. did some errands today and ran around town for a bit. but it thunderstormed most of the day so i stayed inside and started a new book and watched some tv. you know, the usual.
2. talked to a bestie for about a half hour on the phone tonight! it made me really excited for the fall!
3. I WENT OUT TONIGHT! shocking, i know. but i went out with the girl who i am subleasing from, so random. but it was fun and hopefully her friends i met will be going out partners for the future. 

so i'm not really in the blogging mood tonight, but here i am, blogging anyway. this is dedication. well, stubbornness. i hope that the beach trip with my family and the boyfriend works out! a summer with no beach trip is not a summer. BP can go to hell because i will find a way!

bakelitequeen

1. no pool today, which put me in a sour mood. i had on sunscreen and everything! 
2. finished bel canto by ann patchett and HATED the ending. don't even want to talk about it. 
3. went to an arts festival thingy in downtown with the family friend's friend and her family tonight. it was fun being with people! and they have an adorable little girl who was dressed as a ladybug just for fun. 

i got a package today from my grandmother and it was an empty bottle of chardonnay and a new bakelite bracelet!!! i've been using empty wine bottles to put my bracelet collection on and it looks fabulously shabby chic--love it. i have this thing about bakelite. it's a slight obsession for which i blame my grandmother. she has a wonderfully fabulous bakelite bracelet collection. but maybe i am ahead of myself--what is bakelite, you may ask? it's a vintage plastic from the 30s and 40s that was made only for that time period into jewelry, appliances, knick knacks, anything you can think of. it went in and out of being hugely collectible and it's back on the up and up. my grandmother got me started on it and now i have a nice collection of my own. i love the stuff and wear it a lot. it makes such a pleasant noise and is totally unique on the accessory front. so i'm very excited to have a new piece and i always have to hold off from buying more! look how cool...

"it don't matter if you're black or white"

1. enjoyed reading a book during a nice morning thunderstorm. then the sun came out and i went to the pool to keep enjoying my book!
2. didn't realize until late in the day that it was thursday today! i thought it was wednesday. yay! less than 2 weeks until the hopeful beach trip...
3. went out for coffee tonight with a family friend's friend and really enjoyed it! she told me more about this place and also mentioned that i might get some baby sitting clients. that'd be great!

oh, thank you michael jackson. he sure did have some glory days. anyway, what prompted me to talk about racism was something my boyfriend mentioned to me yesterday about a text one of the ladies at his job received. essentially, it was very racist and stereotypical. something i argue about with him a lot is southern culture. i love the south and he's a northerner (kind of, also a transplant). so while i understand the concept of living in the south, it is really foreign to him. he claims that you have to be born into southern culture to get it. that may be true, but i am just thankful that i wasn't born a northerner. anyway, racism is a big issue for him. don't get me wrong...it infuriates me. it was pretty prevalent at my high school and always a topic for jokes. mainly racism against blacks or hispanics, but sometimes asians. so blatant racism bothers me a lot and often upset me in school. what i want to make a point of proving, though, is that everyone is racist. yes, EVERYONE (even you). while not every person is blatantly racist, most social psychology research agrees that people of all races have stereotypes about other races/religions/social classes/intelligence levels/genders/sexual orientations/etc. so while it may be an uncomfortable topic, especially for people who claim not to be racist, it is true. everyone is racist or prejudiced in some ways. part of it is just in-group and out-group bias, simple social psych stuff. but a lot of it is more deep seated for us--how we were raised, in what environment, around which people. racism is not always taught, but can be picked up from parents, friends, media, books, any source of information that people use to shape their world views. anyway, my point is that, yes, racism is an awful thing and has torn people and countries apart, there are none who are guiltless. racism affects everyone and racism exists in everyone. disclaimer: this picture is not meant to imply that racism is only whites hating blacks--that is not so--"racism" encompasses a lot of things in the context i am using the word.

lazy day

1. woke up relatively early, applied for another job, started a new book. such is my life right now. 
2. sometimes i get paranoid that i repeat blog post titles. 
3. have i had a lazy day before? oh goodness yes, but hopefully not as a title! forgive me, if that's the case.

i want to be productive. i want to start my work here. and i would love to have a real job that pays money too. i like being productive and working hard and being a useful contribution to society. i could never be an heiress! i would feel so lazy and slovenly and bored. and yes, i could travel and shop and eat and do whatever i wanted all day, but what's the fun in that? why spend the money from daddy's (or mommy's) little piece of plastic? the fun is to earn the money yourself and then do all of that stuff! and if an heiress, where's the real contribution to society? i mean, yes, you could give to charities, but does it mean as much when a celebrity who has mega millions gives $10,000? not really. and where is the exercise of the brain? sure, you can go to school for fun, but there is no drive to make money or to make a name for yourself through a job or scholarship. so that's that. glad i'm not an heiress (but also a little bit jealous)!

a facade of culinary woes

1. the pool was nice today! it's really hot here but the pool definitely helps buffer some of the heat. 
2. finished the book on suicide (thankfully) and am starting a new book tomorrow! can't wait to read novels again, haha. 
3. found a perfect pair of red pumps. alas, they must wait until i have some spare change. 

sometimes i don't write about what i really want to on this blog. it's not a diary and i can't use it as a portal to vent all my feelings. unfortunately. so tonight, i am using a facade of talking about the food network show chopped instead of using this space to talk about what i really want to. this show is about four chef competitors who face off against one another and compete for a $10,000 prize. the twist is that each round of the competition, appetizer/entree/dessert, there is a basket of mystery ingredients that have to all be used in that round. 20 minutes/30 minutes/30 minutes. every time i watch this show i live vicariously through the chefs. i would love to go to culinary school and learn how to cook for real. i would love to study in france and italy about how to cook amazing food. but there are also other things i want to do with my life--more pressing things that i am more passionate about. for now, i will stick to watching the show and talking about what i would cook if it were me.

this book i'm reading

1. went to the pool today until it started to thunderstorm! it was nice to get some sunshine time in but we need rain here too.
2. grocery store, vacuum, wash dishes, make dinner, tidy up. such a productive person (today anyway).
3. watched the bachelorette from 8-10. this girl is kind of stupid and keeping some dud guys around. and the guys aren't even all that decent this season. bummer. 

i'm reading this book "why people die by suicide" for my summer work. it's a really depressing book, naturally, that is basically all about this model that tries to explain why suicide happens. i'm about 2/3 of the way through it now and on the chapter about genetics, neurobiology, and mental illness risk factors (yawn). but the final chapter is about prevention and treatment--what i'm most excited to learn about. okay, not excited, but most interested in learning about. the book has some pretty sad anecdotes about suicide and one really stuck out in my mind. a new yorker article in 2003 (i think) wrote about golden gate bridge suicides and told a few stories, one about this guy whose suicide note said something like "i'm going to walk to the bridge. if anyone smiles at me, i will not jump." well...he jumped and died. that is so heartbreaking. our society these days is so globalized and connected yet there are over 1 million suicide deaths per year worldwide. all it would have taken was a simple smile from someone, and the man would not have jumped to his death. it is an uncomfortable story, especially when coupled with the refusal to build a suicide barrier on the golden gate bridge for "aesthetic reasons." such. bullshit. but anyway, my rant about suicide is more a rant about people becoming desensitized. i was driving on the highway one night with  my boyfriend in the front seat when a man came out into the road slowly, waving his hand for me to stop. he seemed pretty normal, glasses and average clothes, and i slowed down to stop but my boyfriend told me to keep driving. granted, it was a deserted road and late at night and kind of suspicious, but i wanted to stop. i felt bad and guilty and like i wasn't helping someone who needed help. i would not have stopped if i was alone, but i figured it couldn't be that bad with my boyfriend in the car. he pointed out how it was weird and possibly unsafe and was logical about it, but i still couldn't get the image out of my head. and i walk past homeless people almost every day in my college town but usually don't stop and help. as a young female, the issue of safety is always brought up as a reason not to help people. but when did our society become so unhelpful and so untrustworthy? it's a damn shame.

this is kitty genovese, by the way.