would i really do this?

1. i watched the USA lose to ghana in a heartbreaking loss. we basically watched the soccer game instead of playing the soccer game. donovan, i still love you. and dempsey, i love you too. team USA forever!
2. joined a gym today for the remaining six weeks or so of my stay. it was a nice feeling--i plan on going tomorrow and working out and sweating. oddly, i can't wait. 
3. a girl who lives in the apartment i'm subleasing from moved back in today for the summer. her plans fell through, so here she is for the summer. it's weird; i finally adjusted to the change of living alone and have to adjust all over again to living with a girl i met...an hour ago. oh, and she told me i live on the "buggy" side of the apartment--greeeeaat. 

i can't believe i actually made a random decision to blog for an entire year and am actually doing it. it's a weird feeling, being almost six months into 2010. i mean, this year has been a blessing, but it's also been somewhat of a whirlwind. so much has happened to me! i love my life right now and am very happy with it, but i know that come august, that life will be very different. my bucket list item for tomorrow is somewhat shocking...well, for me it's shocking. i've made a commitment to doing every last thing that i put down on my bucket list, at some point in my life. so when i list something, it's serious. you already know how i feel about commitments--look at what i'm doing now--blogging for 365 days, for crying out loud. so there is really no question that i must follow through on my bucket list, or else i'm a big faker! not okay. so you'll see tomorrow what all the suspense is about...let's hope it doesn't disappoint!

"these are my confessions"

1. went into the lab for a bit today and then worked in the clinic some too. left around 4 to start my weekend off right!
2. the tcby right next to my apartment closed--i'm taking that as a sign from above that i need to stop eating delicious frozen yogurt parfaits to cool myself off from the 100 degree heat. 
3. just realized that i have a salon appointment on saturday right in the middle of the USA vs. Ghana soccer game--WTF--and if i cancel, i have to pay $50--again, WTF?! so i'm going to call in the morning and try my damndest to get it pushed up or back. i need to see this game. 

okay, so i feel like it's finally time for me to be up front about something--my major/minors in college. i have spent so much time tiptoeing around this issue and hinting at it and i feel like no one except people i know really read this blog anyway, so i might as well just talk about it. i'm a psychology major and history and English double minor. now it's probably not that big of a deal to my few readers for me to say this, since they already know my school life, but it's nice to finally say it. so psychology basically is my life. i love the field and i love the labs in work in at college and for this summer. i study peer relations, health-risk behaviors, and suicide/NSSI (non-suicidal self-injury) in one lab, and bi-polar disorder with a focus on assessment in my other lab. i love both labs but prefer the former lab; it was the first i entered and it's where my passion really lies (for now). this summer, i am working in a psych lab that studies suicide and NSSI, as well as eating behaviors and it has a pretty neuro-focused feel to the lab, which isn't my thing per se, but is important to the field. basically, i love psychology and am very content with it being my life. my history minor, i'm also crazy about. i declared a history major when i was a first semester freshman after a great history course on modern european history. i declared that as my concentration, and was well on my way to a major. but this past semester i decided to drop down to a minor because i don't want to take a seminar-based course that requires a lot of time and effort and work. i want to focus on my thesis for psych, as well as have time for my English minor and other cool classes. but who knows, maybe i'll get bored and ambitious and change my mind later. the English minor i declared last fall semester and did it kind of on a whim, similar to my history minor. i have an English teaching sister and a mother who taught English, as well as an aunt. maybe it's in my blood? all the same, it's a good minor to have, i think; it shows people who read my resume that i can write well enough to have a minor and that i am well-rounded. plus, i really want to take this jane austen class my senior year. best class ever! so since i'm an English minor, some may wonder why i don't use entirely correct grammar at all times (capitalization). i''m lazy and stubborn. it's a lot easier for me to type this way, in an informal setting, and people also have nit-picked me for not using capitalization, so i naturally went against that trend. it may grate on the nerves of some, but it's just who i am in this setting, as well as other informal settings (email, facebook, etc.). but i can and obviously do use perfect grammar in papers and assignments and anything remotely professional or formal. so that's my story of my school life.

t-minus five weeks

1. went back into the lab today for about 5 hours. had a good day--one part of what i'm doing is really interesting. 
2. weirdly enough, though, i'm ready for the weekend. i want time to myself to recharge and to get used to alone life again. i'm sure i'll be over that sentiment soon enough.
3. went bowling tonight with the lab group and bowled a 128! best score i've ever gotten. three strikes in a row! it was awesome. 

i don't feel much like blogging again. it's been a wonderful week but i'm sad to see it go. i'm definitely feeling the homesickness right about now. and i miss my family but i also just miss my home. and while it's not new for me being in a college setting, it's new being in that college setting and not knowing anyone. i came to college knowing several people, and also knew and loved my suitemates. but this is different. it's a new environment where i don't really know anyone and i'm in a new job setting. and while i love what i am doing and am pumped about getting a letter of recommendation for grad school, i also am not impervious to feeling lonely. and yes, i'm meeting people, but it's not like college. i love college! and this summer is just like a semi-extension of college but it's also practice for real life. my birthday is five weeks from today--how nerve-wracking! i'm excited but also really anxious. hopefully these five weeks will pass slowly...

remember to smile

1. watched the USA kick ass in the game against algeria today!!! can't believe we had another goal taken away from us but i'm so happy that donovan came through in the clutch and scored a win in our group and automatic advancement to the quarterfinals! so exciting.
2. didn't do much other than watch soccer and hang out with my boyfriend. it was a great day. 
3. went to carrabba's for dinner and now i think a movie is in order!

i've been thinking more and more about safety and things i can do to stay safe! basically, i think i have somewhat of a chance if i'm ever in a hand-to-hand combat situation, but i'm afraid of a gun or knife situation--that would be tough to get out of. and while i am afraid of this scenario that is pretty statistically low of a chance and the area where i am living now is really pretty safe, i would rather be more prepared than less prepared. knowing how to protect myself is important, especially as a young female who is alone in this area for the summer. anyway, it was a bit of a tangential post but i think it's important to talk about. again. oh, and remember to smile at people. smiles brighten days.

shawty

1. saw toy story 3 today and it was SO good. the first movie came out in 1995--it's the series of my childhood. the short movie in the beginning is really cute too. 
2. went out to a yummy italian dinner with the boyfriend and then ate marble slab ice cream! they were right next to each other...i couldn't resist. 
3. goofed around tonight and watched chopped on food network, of course. also got some work-related stuff figured out. 

this is one of those nights i don't have much to say, or much that i can really talk about on this blog. i feel a lot of things but this isn't the avenue to express those things. so this is another short post night, but those are pretty frequent occurrences on this blog. forgive me, and until tomorrow...

versus

1. drove home from the beach today. how sad. it was a great trip but i miss the beach and my family already. can't wait to see them for the 4th!
2. found the recycling center today and went on a grocery trip with my boyfriend. just hung around the house and made plans for tomorrow. so glad to have him here for a few more days!
3. no bugs were in my apartment when i got home--good sign. i had a few emails from my job but nothing super important. i am a volunteer, after all. 

an important talk tonight happened between my boyfriend and i. we talked about religion and spirituality. i've blogged about this before but it was so nice sitting with him after dinner and just talking. we sat at the table for several hours and had a wonderful conversation. it was very natural and good conversation. we click. and i miss the beach and miss my family, but like i said last night, i know i'm doing the right thing with my summer and i'm doing what's best for me.

goodbye again

1. last day at the beach. it was a good day, hot and not very windy, but still good. i love the beach so much and am sad to leave. 
2. i was walking with my boyfriend along the beach and we saw a huge school of rays! while it was really cool, it's something i've never seen at this beach before and i'm worried that it was because of the oil spill.
3. it was father's day! i love my dad very much and was glad that i could spend it with him.

i hate saying goodbye to my family. i love them all so much and i am very glad that i got to spend some time with them as a reprieve from my summer. while i'm very glad to be doing what i'm doing this summer, taking a leap and making a career move, it's still rather hard and i find myself wishing sometimes that i had just stayed home this summer, or stayed at college. it would have been a good summer, i feel sure, but very different. i can see in my mind what it would have been like and am happy with that image. but i'm also very happy with what i am actually doing this summer--i think i will be grateful for it later, too. but the morning is fast approaching and i will have to say goodbye again. goodbye to my family, for now. the goodbye to my boyfriend comes later this week. i hope they all make the drive back safely. another reason for me to be nervous...but my dad is a very good driver. but it's the other people on the road i'm worried about! happy father's day and happy sunday!

bucket list item: go to a world cup soccer game.

forever young?

1. i'm so dehydrated! no matter how much water i drink, the hot sun at the beach just sucks the moisture right out of me. it's not a good feeling. 
2. i finally got the water out of my ear! it has been in there since earlier today and it was an awful feeling--i forgot how bad; it used to happen to me all the time when i was little.
3. watched a wedding on the beach and had a lovely dinner and lovely night. 

they played the forever young remix at the wedding and it made me think about being forever young. it sounds terrible. i mean, part of enjoying youth is having the age and wisdom to look back on your younger years. or so i'm told. i think it's weird that i'm going to be a junior in college, but i'm still so young! i have a long way to go. i wouldn't want to live forever, but i sure want to live a long and full life. i think only the gods and people of fairy tales wanted to live forever. it's certainly not a realistic idea and it's definitely not a good one. there is a reason humans have a limited lifespan, there is no need to cheat nature.

life is good.

1. watched the USA vs. Slovenia game this morning and we got robbed from the third goal! it was such bullshit. and the refs made some bad calls throughout the game. but nothing can be done about it now...i just hope USA gets to advance or i'll have to find a new team to support.
2. spent the rest of the day at the beach and alternated between the beach and the pool, since i can't get in the oily ocean. walking along the beach today i actually got some oil on my foot, but dawn dish soap took care of that. 
3. had a good talk with a good friend today. 

so i'm not a snob, i'm just picky. i'm selective about my food and my drink and what movies i will watch and music i will listen to. i want high-quality experiences in life and i like to pick and choose things to fill my time with that reflect that sentiment. i guess that can be seen as snobby, but i just see it as the only way to live life. why not make the most out of what you have? i understand that some people aren't like me and are content to live a different lifestyle and i have no problem with that at all--go for it! but i guess the most important thing to do is live the life that makes you happy. this was a theme of my conversation today and it is something people tend to forget in the hype and stress of daily life. it's also why everyone needs to visit/live in europe and get that mentality and keep it in mind. americans stress out too much. and our happiness levels aren't even that high. so obviously all the prosperity isn't the key to happiness.

responsibility

1. i'm very tired from the emergency room trip last night. i didn't sleep very well either because our room was very stuffy. but maybe tonight will be better since i'm worn out from the sun and the activity on the beach. 
2. game seven was tonight in the nba series. oh wait?! who cares. not me. some people, a lot of people, i guess. but noooot meeeeee.
3. had a great first day at the beach but it's illegal to swim and there is oil residue on the beach as well as a sheen on the water. 

the responsibility that BP needs to take for this oil spill is obvious. being down here and seeing how the oil spill is affecting the area is a wake-up call that i didn't need, but other people do. what's interesting is that there isn't a lot of tar or crude oil or thick sludge on these beaches, but the place is still dead. there is no traffic, not many people on the beach, not many parties in the restaurants, nothing like what is normal for this time of year in this location. and the general mood is just one of depression. but the workers are out here and cleaning up the beaches as things come onto the beach. there are booms out in the water that are visible and a lot of boats just sitting in the water. i assume they are tracking the oil patterns and even putting out booms, but i'm not sure. an escrow fund was created in the amount of $20 billion to cover the costs of clean-up. it's my opinion that the amount given is not even close to the amount that will be necessary to fix all of this. the wildlife and the environment being destroyed is priceless. the monetary loss of lost livelihoods and lost tourism and business can at least be calculated, as can clean-up costs. but BP is not accepting responsibility and are avoiding blame. it's horrifying. but maybe this will wake-up the american public, as well as the global community.

emergency!

1. woke up kinda late and finished packing for the beach! it was kinda stressful, of course, but we got on the road and had a safe trip to the beach!
2. I SAW MY FAMILY!!! YAY!!!
3. walked along the beach on the gulf of mexico and did not step on any tar balls or see any oil. good start so far...

long night. spent in the emergency room. my boyfriend has a food allergy. will write more tomorrow. for now, it's time to go to bed! i'm even feeling the time difference more because where i came from is an hour later than here.

YES.

1. went into the lab for a few hours today and worked. it was cool for the first part and i think the other stuff i trained for will be interesting too. 
2. MY BOYFRIEND CAME TO VISIT!!!
3. leaving tomorrow morning for the beach to see my family! we'll see how long we are able to say, but hopefully the beaches stay clean-ish for a week or so.

i'm so happy that i have company in my apartment! it feels great to have him with me again and i am so happy that everything is normal between us. and i get to see my family tomorrow! and go to the beach! it's going to be so much fun. i can't wait to spend time with everyone and just take a break and chill. i hope that we can bring some business to the ailing gulf coast too. the oil spill is...momentously bad.

we shall see

1. not a very eventful day. went to the mall and saw the new movie killers. i liked it! i laughed a lot and loudly. then came home and cleaned and did some chores for the arrival of my boyfriend tomorrow!
2. TRIED to watch the bachelorette tonight at 8 but couldn't until 8:34 because abc was out in the area due to thunderstorms. of course! at least i got to watch most of it. 
3. started to tentatively pack for the beach, but i'm still expecting a no-go at this point. like the title says, we shall see...

we shall see a lot of things. beach? maybe. from there...i'm not really sure what is going to happen. i had a good talk with an old friend tonight and was just reminded about how sure i am that things will work out. i don't know how or when but i know they will. perhaps this is a naive confidence that i have in my friends and myself, but i am convinced. i think that we will all accomplish what we want to in life, albeit with some regrets and mistakes along the way. but i have wonderful friends from different stages in my life and i love them all. i hope for the best.

"i'm in miami trick"

1. lazy morning and lazy day. tried to lie out in the 100 degree, 80% humidity, full sun weather but was not able to handle it for more than an hour. my skin is probably thanking me. 
2. pedicure today--hot pink was the final color choice. i thought it would be beach appropriate, but it looks like that trip probably isn't happening.
3. the oil is washing up on the gulf shore in a lot of areas now and totally ruining lives. i can't believe people are putting up with this bullshit! why can't people wake up and move past the greedy and lazy dependence on oil?!

enough of that rant. i'm trying to be positive, as was suggested to me by a few people. so one more day til i get to see my boyfriend, which is wonderful (!), but i miss my family a lot and was so hoping to see them for a whole week at the beach. thanks a lot, BP. anyway, i am eager to get on with this summer. yes, i love summer, but i miss college a lot. the whole environment is wonderful and every weekend feels like a little taste of summer. okay, i am going to quickly take my previous statement back. i love summertime and always have. it's my birthday season, my sister's birthday season, independence day, the end of school, and a lot of other awesome things. while i am working this summer, it is still summertime. i can take a break if i want to, i can (hopefully) go to the beach, and i don't have to worry about scheduling every minute of my life or doing this or that homework. grab the margaritas, the bathing suit, the sunglasses, and let the fun gear up!

weekly bucket list item: get a henna tattoo. parents, read again--henna. now repeat, henna, henna, henna.

accident

1. went to a pool party for a few hours and met some fun people. yes, that's right, i met people!
2. baked cookies for the dinner that i was invited to tonight by family friends. their little girl is so adorable!
3. fell asleep watching house. yes, you heard me. i fell asleep watching house. 

that led to some worry and some freak out, but all is well now. i apologize for the freak out but i lock the doors in my apartment and to my bedroom, so unless someone breaks the glass (which trust me, i'm afraid of that too) i'll be fine. it's interesting because last night the family i was with talked about safety in this area and crime rates and stuff like that. they said the incidence of muggings and robbing by gun and rape were pretty high, but that is expected in a college town. i was like, say what? my college town is pretty safe. or at least i think it is, but i'm sure there is a lot that i don't know about. anyway, i'm a smart girl and i know tips and tricks for how to be safe. and while i'm smart, it also looks like i can be a bit forgetful and careless at times. my apologies, dear readers. why i watch house: for house himself (3rd from right) and for some british doctor (3rd from left)

veg head

1. had some more work in the lab today and got a grand tour of the building. the really nice, brand new, huge building, where i now work. 
2. finished up committed and she annoyed me some at the end of the book, just like how she did in eat, pray, love, but oh well, it was still a good read. on to the help!
3. took a little cat nap today and i knew i shouldn't have because now i'm not tired. oh well, good thing tomorrow is saturday!

people always freak out when they find out that i am a vegetarian. not only a vegetarian, but have only had meat twice in my life, both times on accident, both times i freaked out! my mother turned vegetarian at 15 (hippie) and raised both of her daughters that way. no, my dad is not and could never be a vegetarian. i would have it no other way than to be vegetarian. it is unique, good for my health, good for the earth, and means i get to eat a lot of pasta and fish--yum! yes, let me clarify. i am a broad spectrum vegetarian. an ovo-pesco-lacto vegetarian. a pescatarian. whatever you want to call it, i eat seafood and dairy. so i'm not vegan (i eat animal products like eggs/milk/cheese/etc.) and i'm not a strict vegetarian (since i still technically eat meat). but i like it best this way. even at a steakhouse or bbq joint, i can pretty much find something to eat. it's easy to accommodate being vegetarian, especially in these times. i'm not trying to make people be vegetarian and i'm not grossed out by meat, it's just not something i'm interested in ever eating. the impact of red meat and poultry farming on the planet is enormous and i think it's selfish that people don't want to give up any sort of lifestyle to better this planet. i'm not saying give up all red meat, i'm just saying eat less. your heart will thank you too. red meat is typically pretty bad for you and not necessary for protein or minerals or vitamins, all of which are available from other, healthier sources. will my kids be vegetarian? absolutely. will my husband? probably not, it's not a big trend in the male population. at best, i suggest trying it for lent or for new year's or for the hell of it. can't believe i forgot to mention sensation salad as one of my favorite foods...and no, this is not sensation salad (at all) but it's still a yummy looking salad. mmm!

"i believe in a thing called love"

1. had more lab stuff today. it's so nice to finally be doing stuff with my summer! i'm not one to be lazy for long periods of time (more than a few days, vacations not included).
2. ate kashi pizza for dinner and it was so yummy! i think i'll blog soon about being vegetarian. 
3. since i've started to work, i look forward more to the weekend! it'll be a nice break and my vacation starts on tuesday night (hopefully). 

thank you, the darkness, for the lovely song from which i pull my post title. i'm reading this book committed by the eat, pray, love lady and mainly it just makes me want to re-read that book (for the third time?) and be really jealous of her life. but the movie will come out soon (starring julia roberts, love) so that will be good. but this book raises some excellent points about matrimony and society and human nature. it's historical and funny and personal and evaluative and obvious all at the same time. what i like most about her book is that she examines marriage from all angles and gives me more hope about the institution. she also makes a virtually flawless argument for same-sex marriages. but, that is another topic. anyway, she makes marriage seem much less scary than how i see it now. and this is coming from a self-proclaimed marriage phobic, as she calls herself. i am afraid of divorce just like every other human being and i am especially afraid of it because i just don't want to deal with what i have seen people around me deal with. i couldn't imagine saying vows to someone you think you will love forever and then just ripping that bond apart over "irreconcilable differences." like, what the hell. imagine starting over after something like that. i don't know how people have the courage to do it. but her book is a pretty good and logical look at marriage and i think it's interesting to read about in this day and age where marriage has a lot of problems to contend with--same-sex, divorce, infidelity, celebrity portrayals, religious aspects, etc. anyway, it's a good read.

yeahhhh booiiiiii

1. had my first meeting with my primary summer mentor today and it went so well!
2. got an autographed copy of his second book with a personal message included. so. cool.
3. went out for mexican tonight all by my lonesome. can't really say i enjoyed the experience, but it was good food. 

there is so much that happened to me today that i can't really talk about on this blog. i don't make my personal life really transparent on this blog for safety reasons (though i feel like fewer than five people read it anyway) so i can't discuss how excited i am about today! i see good things coming from this summer and it validates what i am doing so much to know that i have approval on all ends. i just hope that what i'm doing gets me to where i want to be in the end.

tired

1. met with the primary grad student tonight--it was a good start and made me even more ready to dive in!
2. no pool time but started a new book anyway. committed, by elizabeth gilbert, sequel to eat, pray, love.
3. went out tonight and it was so much fun! finally, out of the apartment.

not much to say tonight--very tired. but after my meeting tomorrow with the professor, i will have more of a grasp of what i am doing and talk more about it tomorrow night! not much substance for a picture, but here goes...it's a great new music video that is out. ask me more if you are curious...

yeeee

1. almost finished the book that i started this morning. it's like i'm going through all my books in one or two days. pretty soon i will have none left!
2. went to the pool today but it was too sunny and too hot--i only lasted 3 hours! 
3. i officially start tomorrow--can't wait! it's finally here, haha, i hope i'm not let down!

being in a new place is definitely scary. i don't know anyone and it's hard meeting new people. i start tomorrow and i hope like no other that there are other undergraduates in the lab. or that it wouldn't be weird for me to go out with the grad students, although that is probably not the case. i just want to be around people i know or am getting to know and be in a lively place. and i hope more than anything that this summer turns out to be a good one. it's already june and i can't imagine starting tomorrow and finding out that it was all for nothing. but those are just my worries and fears and concerns...i hope that i am wrong. big day tomorrow! it's bedtime.