this book i'm reading

1. went to the pool today until it started to thunderstorm! it was nice to get some sunshine time in but we need rain here too.
2. grocery store, vacuum, wash dishes, make dinner, tidy up. such a productive person (today anyway).
3. watched the bachelorette from 8-10. this girl is kind of stupid and keeping some dud guys around. and the guys aren't even all that decent this season. bummer. 

i'm reading this book "why people die by suicide" for my summer work. it's a really depressing book, naturally, that is basically all about this model that tries to explain why suicide happens. i'm about 2/3 of the way through it now and on the chapter about genetics, neurobiology, and mental illness risk factors (yawn). but the final chapter is about prevention and treatment--what i'm most excited to learn about. okay, not excited, but most interested in learning about. the book has some pretty sad anecdotes about suicide and one really stuck out in my mind. a new yorker article in 2003 (i think) wrote about golden gate bridge suicides and told a few stories, one about this guy whose suicide note said something like "i'm going to walk to the bridge. if anyone smiles at me, i will not jump." well...he jumped and died. that is so heartbreaking. our society these days is so globalized and connected yet there are over 1 million suicide deaths per year worldwide. all it would have taken was a simple smile from someone, and the man would not have jumped to his death. it is an uncomfortable story, especially when coupled with the refusal to build a suicide barrier on the golden gate bridge for "aesthetic reasons." such. bullshit. but anyway, my rant about suicide is more a rant about people becoming desensitized. i was driving on the highway one night with  my boyfriend in the front seat when a man came out into the road slowly, waving his hand for me to stop. he seemed pretty normal, glasses and average clothes, and i slowed down to stop but my boyfriend told me to keep driving. granted, it was a deserted road and late at night and kind of suspicious, but i wanted to stop. i felt bad and guilty and like i wasn't helping someone who needed help. i would not have stopped if i was alone, but i figured it couldn't be that bad with my boyfriend in the car. he pointed out how it was weird and possibly unsafe and was logical about it, but i still couldn't get the image out of my head. and i walk past homeless people almost every day in my college town but usually don't stop and help. as a young female, the issue of safety is always brought up as a reason not to help people. but when did our society become so unhelpful and so untrustworthy? it's a damn shame.

this is kitty genovese, by the way.

carrie was right

1. woke up late today and still felt crappy...
2. so i went to the doctor and found out that i have a sinus infection. yay for me!
3. watched legally blonde and made dinner, then did some more homework-ish stuff.

okay, i hate to admit it. carrie from sex and the city 2 was right. carrie annoys me usually and is such a drama queen, but she was right about one thing in the new movie--time flies. she says in the beginning how years pass and suddenly a decade has gone by in what feels like a second. i have this document on my computer where i record all the topics of my blog posts to make sure i don't repeat topics. i got behind on this document and hadn't recorded any topics since march 30th. going back through all my posts and reading them again made me realize how quickly this year is passing. every christmas i get all excited for the new year and know that it will seem to take forever to go by, but in all reality it flies! it's already may 30th!!! where has this year gone--into thin air?! i feel like such an old person talking about time flying by, but it really is true. and i know that once august hits and school starts back up, i'll be like "ugh, a whole nother semester." but before i know it, it'll be december 31st again and hopefully i'll be preparing to go to italy for a semester. so much in life is temporary and i want to do great things with my life but have to question the necessity of it all. i get that being the best is important and working my butt off is important too, but there also has to be joy and zest for life in order for all of that to mean anything. i've realized with this blog that it's hard to talk about stuff just on the fly--i thought it would be easy to think of nightly topics, but it's been hard! but i am still committed and still stubborn and still all the way invested in this project. reading other blogs is fun too. and i love that i just came up with this idea one night and decided to stick to it--that's a very typical move for me. i'm very driven by emotions and how i feel at the time. so i decided to do this thing and have been doing it since.
bucket list item--design a room for my house that is just for me.

ehhh

1. slept late and went to the salon today. talked for awhile with the people there, but they are all kind of old, haha. well, too old for me to hang out with anyway. 
2. saw sex and the city 2 again (matinee) and got more out of it this time. i have the seasons to watch but forgot a vcr player and the first three seasons are all vcrs--so i'm screwed until my family comes to (kind of) visit. 
3. made dinner tonight and then went out to tcby and bought myself a parfait! great decision. thinking about going running tomorrow unless it's sunny and hot (aka pool weather).

i think tomorrow might be a legally blonde kind of day. i love that movie (!) for obvious reasons and need some inspiration. i am reading a book that is pretty depressing right now and want to get through it so that i can read some novels instead. i am starting to feel safer in the apartment but am still worried about being out and alone, so i try to keep my head on straight at all times. living in a city is a big adjustment for me, especially when i'm living alone! i don't have much to say, other than i am still waiting to adjust and still waiting to start work. that is next week, and my mentor seems pretty excited about it, which is good because i want to be busy busy busy! this summer  needs to be what i thought it would be...

simple as

1. went to the pool today. i think that everyone else knows how stupid it is to be outside around here during the summer. but it was nice for me! no one was there, though. 
2. went to the workout room too and it was lame-o! broken machines and no free weights. to get to use the rec center on campus, i'd have to pay $$$ if they even let me join (since i'm not a student). looks like it'll be DIY workouts this summer...
3. did some work on an abstract for a conference and made dinner and watched tlc. it was a nice friday evening, but i'd rather be hanging out with other people (like what was happening in other apartments i can see). 

so i have had a  few thoughts about myself and my life confirmed by this summer's experience so far. i love my college. i love my family. i love my friends. i am shy at first, but i like being with people. i am a scaredy cat. let me elaborate... the college where i go to school is my perfect fit; it's the right size and the right population and the right place for my career interests. i love the people i have met and can't wait to spend two more years meeting more wonderful people. on that note, i love my family. my family is my soul and i would not be me without every single member of my family. big, fun, loving, crazy. the best! my friends--i can't even say how much i love them! the best part is that we all get along and love to hang out and go out and love college. my home friends and my school friends have very special places in my heart and i am fiercely loyal to them (same goes for family). i am shy around people i don't know well. i have a hard time simply introducing myself to new people, especially when i'm alone and not with another friend or group of people. i would much prefer being approached than to do the approaching. i am afraid of a lot of things! i much prefer the daylight hours and being a young female in a city alone at night is kind of intimidating. but i am also smart and (mostly) rational so i can think about the situation logically. but i still sleep with the door to my mini-apartment locked at night! overall, these three days have been quite a learning experience so far--i'm just anxious to get started!

doing the damn thing

1. walked around campus today--it was so hot. like a whole new level of brain-stifling hotness. can't wait to deal with it all summer!
2. got my student id card, did some few remaining errands, and figured out the bus system (kind of). also went on mini-job search. 
3. saw sex and the city 2 tonight!!! all by myself and loved every minute of it (the clothes! the shoes! the hats! the men! the decor!)

so i have decided that i should just woman up and do this summer thing. yes, i am writing this as much as a declaration of commitment as a promise to myself as an attempt to prove that i can and will. i'm still nervous in this big apartment alone, but i am doing it. i miss my family and my friends and my boyfriend and my mountains but i am doing it. i have to do it. part of me is looking into the future with this summer. living on my own, doing what i love to do (hopefully in a cooler climate), and being me. i want to make friends here, though, and want to have things to do on the weekends and people to have over to my apartment. so that's my next step. it'll probably be the toughest one (secretly, i'm maybe, kinda, sorta, possibly shy around people i don't know) but that will be the ultimate test for me in this new place. p.s. i LOVE and WANT carrie's dress...

the best laid plans...

1. shew. big day. moved to my new summer location and it took a long time (8.5 hours) and i only had to stop for help twice (both times near the end because street names had changed).
2. being an adult is hard! i had to unpack my car by myself, move everything to the second floor, and then go to walmart for misc./groceries. note to self: check for shower curtain before going to the store and then realizing that you don't have one. 
3. i am kinda anxious being alone in this apartment all by myself--it's pretty creepy. i am sure i will get used to it, but for now, it's lonesome and strange.

i don't exactly know where to start tonight. i have crossed one item off my bucket list that i'm making for this year--living alone. so far (yes, i realize that it's just been one night, but first impressions are important!) i am not so sure that i am the kind of person who can live alone. i love solitude, yes, but i also like people. and half the fum of an apartment (own room is half--duh) is having friends who live with you! two problems: my apartment is empty, and i have no friends in this town. sooooo. riiiiiiight. ummmm. hopefully i'll meet people at the pool tomorrow. and i am going around the campus sometime this week/weekend to get a feel for things. it'll be very different, i'm sure, since it's summer. it's hard to believe that  my summer has actually started. the plans i freaked out in happiness/excitement about are finally about to happen and it's crazy! this year is flying by and i can't wait to see what else is in store. yes, i am still nervous (!) but i have faith that it will all turn out somehow, even if it's not the way i envisioned. 

"on the wing"

1. had a wonderful, yet bittersweet day. 
2. can't wait for tomorrow, but am nervous about driving. 
3. i love a starry sky. 

i don't have much to say tonight, other than au revoir. here's to (hopefully) a helluva summer!

risky business

1. had breakfast with one of my besties today. said goodbye and it was sad! but i can't wait for people to come visit meeee. 
2. did some errands and started to pack since i am leaving on wednesday. 
3. very excited/nervous and still need directions...working on that now. 

the bachelorette premiered tonight! the new girl, ali, gave up her job working for facebook, her apartment, and her life to go on the show and hopefully find love. touching, yes, but not the reason i am blogging tonight. her fear of leaving the conventional behind is what broke her off from jake, but she gave that up to find love (on a reality tv show that only produced two successful couples in 15 or so seasons...right...). anyway, ali is taking a risk and i admire that. i am taking a pretty big risk on wednesday, moving to a totally new city for an internship that i am not even sure will work out how i want, but i am feeling okay about it. really nervous but confident that i will do well. i feel blessed for the opportunity to learn about and test myself. i want to push to the limit and figure out some more stuff. this 20th year has been working out pretty well and i still have great hopes for 2010. it's almost halfway over and that's scary but to be expected. time marches on, and i just have to keep on keeping on. i'm excited and apprehensive all at the same time. like i said earlier today, "i guess this is 'growing up,' huh?"

disney classics.

1. went to church today and carried a banner in the service--happy pentecost!
2. laid out by the pool at this random hotel with some friends. it was a cloudless day and hot and so nice--part of me is excited for the summer weather i will get to deal with!
3. have been fighting a lethargy most of the day--feel really physically tired and have a pounding headache.

sooooo i have been listening to the disney classics cds for the past several days now. don't judge! they are great. but it is a nice segue to the topic for tonight. favorite disney movies! i took a fairy tales class my freshman year of college and learned a whole lot about fairy tales (disney movies included). one is particular that i always liked was the little mermaid. she was curious and i always liked that about her. while her choice in men was flawed (did prince eric even speak?), she was still a pretty good princess. her hair color was...well, i won't go there. but she was pretty and ursula was a hoot. the message is rather...twisted, but that is expected of any fairy tale. at least disney made its version happier than the hans christian anderson tale...that involved bleeding feet, pain like knives, and eternal flying about in the air. no love, no happy ending. sorry, kids. sleeping beauty is an old disney movie and i loved it as a girl. the fairies were my favorite part! going back and watching it, though, i see that there was not much conversation. just floating about, dancing, and dragon killing. all exciting elements, but how do you just fall in love without speaking? such a great message, disney. but she was blond and had blue eyes and a lovely pink dress (though the other fairy wanted blue). what's not to love about that combination?! on to the serious disney movie--mulan. based on a chinese legend, mulan tells the story of a badass girl who defies her father and country (byah!) and saves china (that's what's up) from the huns. that damned hun guy is so ugly and mean. but mulan and her tiny dragon ancestor (eddie murphy) save china with the help of a cricket and hot chinese soldier (how to they make cartoon characters attractive, and is that weird?). anyway, they are all great movies and i like the songs and the characters and the messages (mostly). but let's be real, i love all disney movies.

bucket list item: visit disney world again! 

fashion--turn to the left. fashion--turn to the right.

1. i love looking at ugly prom dresses! tonight was my old high school's prom and it was and will be entertaining to look at all the prom bombs of the night on facebook.
2. helped my mom get ready for the company this evening and tried to not get sick. 
3. watched the grey's anatomy season finale! insanity.

i chose the three designers who i did because they all have different styles that evoke different aspects of my personality. betsey johnson is fun and whimsical and daring. oscar de la renta is gorgeous and fantastical and soft. diane von furstenberg is sophisticated and smart and classic. my mood affects how i dress every day and what i choose to wear. if i could afford these designers, i'd love to have a closet with the majority of the clothing from these three designers. sigh...maybe one day.

i don't think we're in kansas anymore

1. went to breakfast with an old friend. caught up over chocolate chip pancakes--wonderful idea.
2. visited my mom's school again and hung out for a little bit, then did some errands before heading home.
3. went to dinner with the boy and then hung out at the house. watched american pie, haha.

i used to want to go to home college when i was little. basically, i wanted to be home schooled and never leave my house! that should be proof enough that i love my home and will always love my home. but aside from my house, my favorite places in the world are san sebastian, spain; lake como, italy; and hawaii. san sebastian has the best of both worlds--it has beach and mountains. the mountains are so close to the water and the city is quaint and beautiful. and the beach and the water--gorgeous! it is the perfect town for a vacation, although i would not mind living there either. i have some wonderful memories attached to san sebastian from a spring break trip in high school. it is just a gorgeous mix of ocean and mountains. similarly, lake como in italy has a remarkable view of the mountains and is a glacial-fed lake with icy cold water. the lakeside towns are all different and fun to visit. there is a lot of history on the lake as well, and the scenery can't be beat. i love italy so much, but lake como is definitely one of my favorite areas in the country. the final destination is the ultimate mountains-meets-ocean place. hawaii is absolutely amazing. my trip there last summer was an experience i will never forget and hope to repeat! i only went to maui and kauai but fell in love with both for different reasons. hawaii has so much to offer and is definitely the number one spot on my state rankings list (so there, you know who). i want to and am determined to return to all three. the picture choice for tonight was difficult, since i have beautiful pictures of all three places, but decided upon...

putting it off

1. ate lunch with my daddy and his friend from work today. it was fun!
2. went to the mall and shopped around a bit. that was fun too. 
3. had a great night with my boyfriend and his family. yup, you guessed it--fun!

anyway, i'm stressed out and contemplative right now and don't really feel like blogging, especially about my favorite places. so i'll put that off until tomorrow night and then finish up on sunday instead of saturday. sorry for being boring and messing with the schedule, but i do what i want! and that, right now, is to sleep. and figure everything out.

most excellent adventures

1. ate lunch with an old, good friend today and very much enjoyed myself. had a great calzone and cinnamon knots!
2. visited my mom today at her job and it was pretty funny/fun. it's weird knowing that i was in that same place only six years ago.
3. just hung out with the family tonight. very interesting dinner conversation.

okay, so favorite in this sense means more like "most interesting to me." these moments are all filled with bloodshed and heartache and devastation, but they are what interest me most in history. the revolutionary war is probably one of favorites because...i am an american? it's just such a cool moment in history. the cause! the uprising! the war! the victory! the death and birth! i think the whole process of overcoming the might of the british and defeating an empire to claim our own country is so cool. and it worked! but really, how cool is that. we transformed the global status quo and reshaped how weaker nations saw themselves. the true strength of character that it took to win the revolutionary war still awes me and makes me very thankful to the forefathers of my nation. i'm a huge history buff for WWII for two reasons: the holocaust, and the psychology behind the war. the holocaust is a terrible and fascinating thing to study--the enormity of the holocaust and the unimaginable horrors victims experienced are overwhelming. but to try to understand why and how it happened is so crucial for the present and future generations. building off of that, the psychology of WWII is fascinating. how hitler mobilized his nation, how he conquered other nations, how fdr got support for the war, and how the interactions of all these different people and places came together for the most terrible war in history--all that just intrigues me. the reason that i love the roman empire (a very long time span) is because it was pure power combined with novel concepts about government and leadership, that melded with new intellectual and religious movements, as well as ideas about art and society and war. so much happened! and so much changed! the roman empire was absolutely huge and the roman influence from then until today (and beyond) is shocking. i  mean, they invented concrete. how much more influential can you get? and that's just for starters! their influence spread much further and much wider than just concrete. i took a roman art class this semester and it really opened my eyes to just one facet of roman society. i think it's crucial to consider the beginning of society--and while the romans were definitely not the first, they were early on and massively important. thoughts are always welcome...

mmm mmm mmm

1. got my hair cut this morning, only 1/2 inch off since i'm letting it grow. also got a pre-summer plans pedicure. it's a lovely orangey red color--very appropriate.
2. had a great day just hanging out around the house. then had a great night with my boyfriend eating yummy food and getting to know his family. 
3. my departure date is drawing nearer and i get more and more nervous/excited.

i love food. i told my boyfriend tonight at dinner that i was happy that he loves that i love food--to eat/to cook/to bake/to buy. it's nice knowing that i can eat as much as i want and feel zero shame (like really, would i even feel shame anyway--uh, no). i have been a vegetarian my entire life (perhaps another post) but still have enjoyed my share of delicious food. okay, so why did i list foccacia with olive oil, nachos, grilled sole with lemon-butter-caper sauce as my favorites? right...have you ever had foccacia freshly made and warm from the oven with real, authentic italian olive oil? no? oh, so that's why you don't understand why it's listed as one of my favorite foods. the rustic and simple food is often the best. did i mention italian? italian food is definitely my favorite type of food. especially when i'm eating it in italy... but on to nachos! one word: qdoba. okay, okay, these are definitely not the best nachos on the planet (but they sure seem that way at 2 am). i love nachoes. i like the tortilla chips to be homemade, with lots of black beans and cheese and jalapenos and corn and salsa and guacamole and tomatoes. wow. now i really want some nachos. they are relatively healthy if made properly and with fresh ingredients (lots of veggies, whole grains, protein). and finally, the seafood dish of choice, grilled sole with lemon-butter-caper sauce. um...yum! sole tastes like what it sounds like--a delicious piece of soulful fish. it is buttery and flaky and light, but so simply prepared that it is perfect for any season (especially summer on lake como). the lemon freshens up the whole dish, while the butter roots it down to earth, and the capers are acidic and salty, rounding out the balance between the two flavors. what's not to love?! again, a close fourth for this list was watermelon (fresh, on the rind, on a hot summer day, seedless). now i just want to go cook...and then eat. but i'm going to bed instead! tomorrow is favorite (most interesting to me) history moments.

bookie!

1. slept in today and didn't even leave the house. it was so nice! i miss just having absolutely no plans.
2. i watched peter pan because the song "you can fly!" had been stuck in my head. now the whole soundtrack is stuck in my head.
3. i baked orange-pecan-bluberry breakfast bread because i was bored. it was a bit of an experiment but it turned out well!

disclaimer: contains some plot elements for listed books, so don't read it if you haven't read these books! so why harry potter, life of pi, and east of eden? when examined together, they all seem to invoke a similar question about human nature and attempt to answer it in different ways. humans innately need to know the answers (if my previous posts have not made this clear) and we seek out those answers primarily through works of art--books, dramas, paintings, music compositions, etc. my first selection, though not necessarily my favorite, is the most well known. the harry potter series is...the closest to my heart. i grew up with the books and with the characters and my pre-adolescent and adolescent years were characterized by reading the newest book and waiting for the next one. the whole series tackles the question of good and evil remarkably well. it captures the imaginations of younger readers and raises difficult questions for older readers. the seventh book, though, stands alone as a superior work of literature. the finesse and the detail and the allegory is captivating and thought-provoking. i love the story element combined with the philosophical element. and yes, harry becomes a jesus figure, but this is the coolest way of portraying that story that i have come across. i am still waiting for my hogwarts letter... on to life of pi. again, a way of talking about life that is unique and fresh. i read somewhere that yann martel used animals as a way to project characters so that the reader would have no preconception about the characters while reading the story. it seems like the perfect palate for characterization, even though we do stereotype animals, it is not in nearly the same way as we stereotype our fellow humans. the twist in life of pi where pi offers the story that the animals on the boat were actually humans...it kind of blew my mind. i didn't see it coming, but maybe i'm just dense. the story itself is such a good read and woven so well, but the questions it raises about morality, humanity, and sanity are fascinating. east of eden i love. it's over 600 pages of wonderful writing and even better storytelling. the plot is fast-paced and gripping. i have read it three times and each time find a new piece of the story that i missed before. and the pure hatred that i have for cathy is only matched in one other novel by one other character--dolores umbridge in the order of the phoenix. that should tell you something about the characterization capability of  both authors. but the pure evil of cathy and cal is horrifying, while the extreme goodness of aaron is almost sickening. the story asks questions about the way one lives one's life and the morality of that way of life. all three are fabulous books and i love them through and through and can re-read until my heart's content and never get tired of them. another note, poisonwood bible was a very close fourth place for this list. another excellent book that has similar themes of these three!

favorites

1. went to church this morning and hung around the house most of the day. 
2. made chocolate almond biscotti and finished yann martel's new book, beatrice and virgil. can't even express how much i enjoyed it.
3. watched the miss usa 2010 pageant (without commercials). so very fun. the fakeness and the stupidity always keep me entertained.

at the suggestion of my mother, i am blogging about my favorites--a list of the top three things, in no particular order, for different categories ensues...
favorite books: harry potter series, life of pi, east of eden
favorite foods: foccacia with olive oil, nachos, grilled sole with lemon-butter-caper sauce
favorite moments in history: the revolutionary war, world war two, the roman empire (note: "favorite" is not the right word here--what i mean is "most interesting to me"--will explain later)
favorite places: san sebastian, lake como, hawaii (note: does not include my favorite place ever--my home)
favorite designers: betsey johnson, oscar de la renta, diane von furstenberg
favorite disney movies: the little mermaid, sleeping beauty, mulan
so i figure that six favorite lists will give me monday-saturday to blog about each list and the choices i made. any other lists you are simply curious about, comment and i will address them later. up for tomorrow: favorite books. but for now, my bucket list item: have a piece of writing published. and not academic writing.

all Qs and no As

1. had a YaYa adventure today that was lots of fun! my grandmother turned 77 and it was quite a party. 
2. had a fun night with my boyfriend, my sister, and her boyfriend. hung out and ate a good dinner after that.
3. watched sherlock holmes for the first time and like it a lot! it was kind of slow in the beginning, but it greatly improved towards the end. 

i keep getting anxious about florida. i'm excited, but i wish i knew more of what to expect. and i wish i knew what was going to happen while in florida for 2.5 months. who i'm going to meet, what i'm going to be doing, where my apartment will be, when i'll get to see my friends/family/boyfriend, why the timing in my life is sometimes really off (or seems to be). i can never have the answers. i mean, what would life be if we knew all the answers already? isn't this blog url livlinglife2010? that means go with the flow and live life, experience life, see what happens and where life takes me. i have some ideas for blog posts but i also kind of want some ideas for things to write about. so if you have any particular thoughts, please comment!

sleepytime

1. volunteered this morning doing manual labor for three hours. it wasn't that bad but i had to shower and have small blisters on my hands. 
2. stared yann martel's new book (author of life of pi). it's pretty impressive so far.
3. got to spend part of my day with the boyfriend and really enjoyed myself. he met my two good girlfriends too, after we ate out at the place where i used to work.

i am really tired tonight (almost fell asleep twice while writing this post). okay, three times. i just need to go to sleep and hopefully have good dreams. speaking of dreams, i have a few good ideas for posts for the next few nights.

go, go gadget arm!

1. tried to bake chocolate almond biscotti today and didn't have enough sugar! what a let down. i'm considering making some bread in the morning. 
2. went to lunch with two of my best girl friends. it'd been awhile since we'd all been together! that is definitely one thing i am going to miss about this summer--seeing my friends from home whenever i want to.
3. i confess--i bought another swimsuit today. but! i got rid of three bathing suits, so that's something, right?! ...right? i also bought a cute dress that was on sale for $3 from $20. 

technology has changed this planet, time after time. the semantics of the term "technology" are a bit challenging, i admit, but i am meaning the general and accepted definition of technology. my mother just purchased the new ipad and she ordered and ipod a few days ago. it came in today and it was amazing how compact and beautiful a piece of technology can be. so much goes into that small device, and so much comes out of it. and while technology amazes me, it is also still severely lacking. why can't we stop the oil from pouring into the oceans? hey BP, why don't you tell me that, you sons-of-bitches? oh wait, you're saying it's halliburton's fault? halliburton, you claim that transocean ltd. is at fault? tsk tsk, no one will take responsibility. how is it that the technology that has the potential to change how the planet operates, to move us forward, is not being adopted and funded? the only answer i can come up with is lack of public support, combined with greed and laziness. people don't want to change and people like to complain and be negative--it gives us something to do with our lives. and a way to deal with the guilt. the execs of these companies and the people in power are greedy and want to cut corners and make as much money as possible. what is with this insane obsession to have more money? why have so few people in history actually been content with what is in front of them. i get the idea of wanting to better yourself, but these people are not doing good with their wealth. they are, like, ruining the environment? yes, that sounds right. and laziness, ahh sloth. *notice that both greed and sloth are two of the seven deadly sins* this goes back to being afraid of change. people are just too lazy to recycle and to turn off the lights and to drive a cleaner car and to look for better alternatives. our society is so centered on waste and want. forget the "not" part of that phrase--all we do is want and waste. it's unbelievable to me. how can people be unable or unwilling to look to the future when the earth is DESTROYED because of HUMAN ACTIONS? i don't understand it and will continue to try to do my best to do my part in this green revolution. i wish people would just get the f***ing wake-up call already. and don't get me started on the religious right who have no respect for this planet. what was God's word about protecting and tending to his creation? it seems as if that has been thrown out the window in the face of "more important" concerns. UGH.

tough stuff

1. went to the mall today and only bought one thing! tried on bathing suits and didn't find any i liked. that is probably best since i'm pretty sure i have 12 already...
2. made dinner tonight--it was pretty basic but it's still fun help out my mom sometimes and act like an adult. 
3. played a fun game tonight with a fun person. 

it hit me tonight that i am leaving very soon. like, in a week and a half soon. can i do this? am i strong enough to do this? i think so. i am tough (generally) and have a high pain tolerance (among others). i like adventure and i like to travel. let me clarify... i like adventures like getting lost in venice and catching subways in rome and driving a stick in barcelona and eating food i can't pronounce in paris.  i don't like adventures like getting lost in the dark streets of tallahassee alone on my way home from work, or going out to a bar or to dinner alone or having a really boring and pointless summer. that's what i am most afraid of, i think. that i will go down this summer and spend 2.5 months there and it won't be worth it--that it will be boring and monotonous and not a new and exciting experience for my career. that i will have wasted a summer i could have spent with family and with my boyfriend before he leaves me for a semester, and then i leave him for another semester. but i guess i won't know until i try! and then again, i am not tied into anything. if i am not happy, i can change my situation (within reason). but i'll be damned if i don't give it a helluva shot.

"have a cup of tea," indeed! well i'm sorry, but i just haven't the time!

1. had a pretty lazy day today. it was nice. but i did some more unpacking towards the end of my day and am almost finished!
2. had a delicious dinner (of course) and got to see my uncle. love the family. 
3. a chill night to match a chill day. i'm liking this summer so far...

Mad Hatter: Do you care for tea?
Alice: Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea.
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!

oh, the tea party. i think they are crazy! i feel like tea partiers are crazy for at least one reason: sarah palin. anything she is associated with must be crazy like she is. oh wait, i'm distracted, i can see the communists in russia planning an attack on the us. hold on, hold on, oh wait! that's the grizzly bear i'm going to shoot on my next helicopter hunting trip. just kidding! or maybe that's the group of angry and vicious sarah palin haters coming for me at last! i think she should move to california and try and make "roots" there since she spends so much of her money on lip injections and face lifts. not to mention the wardrobe and hair styling! maybe her calling is in hollywood as a B movie actor? no, they have too much intelligence for her. while she may not be smart (really, how can she be? like...really.) she can play the game. hockey, i mean. isn't that her calling in life? i am just wondering how a hockey mom gets elected in alaska...or anywhere. it terrifies me to think about some of the psycho soccer moms i grew up around running in any sort of election and winning. but hey, first step booster club,  next step VP of the united states! okay, so enough on my sarah palin rant. the tea party. they are named after the tea party protest in boston before the revolutionary war, right? real cool, guys. the tea party only happened once. and i also get this strange sense that the british crown rule is not parallel to the government right now. but who knows! maybe the (sane) rest of the american public will be called tories and traitors and be tarred and feathered! how exciting. i get it--you hate taxes. cry me a river and don't drive on any road, okay? or eat and food you don't grow yourself, or buy anything, or support the economy that you hate so much that is directly tied into the government you hate. if you're gonna be a rebel, then do it, damn it. be like that couple in the northeast (maine, maybe?) that holed up in their fortress and stopped paying income taxes and bought ak-47s instead. take that, government! but really, i just feel like this movement is comprised of adults who are little bitches who can't take some hard times. just man up and leave sarah palin behind and leave the tea party. disclaimer: i am not really educated on this subject beyond the typical new stories and a wikipedia page.

wow

1. unpacked my car and put some more stuff in temporary storage, soon to be packed up again. can't wait to leave, but i know it'll be hard too. 
2. had a great date and good dinner. i like the movie we saw too, date night. it was pretty funny. 
3. went to a friend's 21st and had a great time! just hung out but it was nice seeing people i went to high school with and sharing memories.

it's hard for me to think right now. i'm tired and confused and just want to go to sleep. a lot is about to change in my life and it will be really interesting to see what happens. oh, and my grades for the semester came back--3.500. lowest gpa i've ever gotten but still made dean's list for my fourth consecutive semester. so i did well enough, i guess, but i'm still disappointed. i need to work harder next semester, but i am also hopefully going to life the classes in am registered for in the fall better than i liked my spring classes. anyway, i promise a more exciting post tomorrow night--today has just been kind of weird.

this one's for the mothers

1. went to church for the first time in a long time. it was nice, but i still don't really feel like it's where i need to be figuring out my religious questions.
2. had a wonderful mother's day brunch with my family and my grandparents. mom loved her present and card (aforementioned crafting of last night).
3. i watched national treasure: book of secrets tonight and precious. the national treasure i'd seen before but it's fun to watch movies about conspiracy theories. precious was a great movie--really powerful.

that's a good intro to a post about moms. precious' mom was crazy-horrible. she was mean and hateful and abusive and disgusting. but she was a product of her environment. her childhood was terrible, i'm sure, and her husband was a pedophile and her sole livelihood. that is not the only explanation though. she was lazy and jealous and mean and worthless. and her actions (and inactions) cannot be excused. but precious never had a mother--she had a monster. but the best thing about mother's day for me is that it makes me thankful for the wonderful mother i have. she and my father raised my sister and me to be people who they are both proud of, and i'm proud of us too. i am just very thankful to have the mother i do and have the childhood that i did. so thank you, mom, and thanks to all mothers.
list item: plant flowers outside my apartment. 

those creative juices

1. had a pretty good time volunteering today. it was fun to paint a wall and then decoratively paint it. seeing the result of hard work is always nice.
2. it finally sank in that i don't have to do schoolwork for three months! best feeling ever.
3. i like to plan. i am going to plan lots of things for this summer! 

like i said, i helped paint the wall today at my community center. and i've been doing polyvore lately and doing themed sets. also, i did a little crafty project tonight and that was fun too. i just like to be creative and this blog has helped me do that too. writing is something i didn't do much before i started this blog, except for writing papers. but i'm glad that i decided to make myself pursue this blog project. best new year's resolution i've ever had. but i think that the polyvore sets have helped me express my creativity more too. it's been so fun and it's the kind of creativity i like. but i've always been this way--even as a kid, i was always crafting and creating and it didn't matter how good it was, it was just fun for me. revisiting that part of me is something i've decided i need to do more. creativity.

it's a new day

1. packed up all my stuff and moved out today (with a helper). it's so weird that i'm done with dorms forever, but it's a wonderful feeling. i loved dorm life, but it's time to move forward. 
2. arriving at home made me so happy. the last 15 minutes of my drive is off the interstate and so beautiful and country. i always get excited and start to act goofy. 
3. went to a delicious italian place for dinner with my parents and of course i loved it. great way to start my weekend!

i can't believe i'm now a junior in college. while we were celebrating last night, mention of "the j word" kept coming up because we are all scared to admit that we're juniors in college! in two short years it will be bye-bye to college and hello real world (aka, more school). that is crazy to me, but also exciting...sort of. i don't know anything about the real world! what is a 401(k)? how do you buy a house? what kind of insurance do i need? when do i write a will? being an adult is HARD sounding! so how come everyone does it and makes it through alive? there must be some life secret i am missing. but anyway, i miss everyone. i have made some great new friends and that was all i really wanted to come from sophomore year. i like to meet people and get to know people, and that's what i've done, thanks to my helper. but i am done for the night--been exhausted all day, in all ways. can't wait to have the time to blog for real this summer! summer, glorious summer!

grandness

1. took my last exam today! i'm so relieved that sophomore year is over, but it feels really weird. i will miss all my new friends (and old ones, of course). i can't wait for this summer and next fall, though.
2. as much as i want to hold on to that 4.0 for this semester, i know it won't happen. 
3. this is my last night in the dorms. wow. i can't wait to be in an apartment but i'm not going to lie, dorm life was totally worth it. good times.

i love all my suities. freshman year was amazing and sophomore year was awesome too. i loved not every minute but a lot of it. it's weird, at the end of my sophomore year, i have nothing else to express except gratitude and happiness. so much has changed this year (2010) and it has done nothing but make me happy and excited. i knew 2010 would be a good year for me. i knew it!

i love...

1. took my english final today--i don't feel like i beasted it but i think did pretty well. we'll see on tuesday night, when my grade is available (supposedly). 
2. took some time after my exam to relax tonight, before gearing up for the history one tomorrow. my plan is to wake up and study some more, then take it at 12; it's supposed to take all 3 hours--yay. 
3. had a minor breakdown tonight, but that is over with and i am moving on! and no, it wasn't that bad, just some tears that were a long time coming. but hey, it's good to cry every now and then, and i'd held out for a long while. 

lame jokes. my facebook profile infobox says this and it's true. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saLm2AZfcto
this is a great source of lame jokes, but my favorite is definitely laffy taffy wrappers. they always have the best jokes ever. and telling them with friends is the only way to go (especially friends who will eat the banana ones)! so that was my way to feel better tonight. lame jokes. sometimes the silliest things are hilarious. one of my personal favorites...
Q: Where do kings keep their armies? 
A: In their sleevies.
HAHAHAHAAAA!!!

strength

1. got two of my four final class grades back--both As! so far, a 4.0...but we'll see how long that lasts after my finals tomorrow and thursday. 
2. i went to a yummy breakfast and a delicious midday snack with friends. it's odd how my life has changed so much this year. reflection is revealing a lot to me. 
3. i can't wait to be done, but i'm also nervous! this summer will be...i can't even think of the right words for it right now...

but i will have strength. i came up with a phrase to describe myself awhile ago--heartstrong. my heart is strong and my head is strong and those are the places from where i get my will. after tonight, it's hard to say what strength is. i know that i say i am strong now, when things are going relatively well, but what happens when the rug is pulled out from under me? so much can change so quickly and take us all by surprise, but how we deal with that change is what makes us. sometimes, it is nearly impossible to find strength. but i just have to remember who i am and what i've been through. i learned recently about a password protection feature on word. i can't wait to take advantage of this. while i have enjoyed this blog and all it has offered me in terms of growth and reflection, it has definitely been hard and will only get harder as the days dwindle down. but i know i will miss the blog once my time is up, so i have decided to start a password protected journal to fill the void. like i've said before, i'm terrible with diaries, but i think just typing how i feel will be a great way for me to journal because i can actually read what i write and i won't get a cramp. but anyway, back to strength. i am lucky that i was taught to grow from my life experiences. they have made me the woman i am today and i would change nothing about how i have lived my life. maybe it takes time for me to see how decisions i am making now will affect me, but i have seen how past decisions have shaped my life and i'm pretty proud of myself thus far.

trying harder

1. studied for a lot of my day. it was hard and involved staring at a computer screen. thanks for the migraine, exam week!
2. watched american gangster tonight as a study break. i have watched a movie for the past several nights, and i like it that way. 
3. this year needs to end, but i will miss it. sophomore year has been epic.

i need to try harder on this blog. i swear, once the semester is over (3 days, oh my gosh) my posts will get better. it's sometimes hard to find inspiration in the monotony of everyday life, but then again, that is what my blog is about. seeing the beauty in every day, even if it sucks. but my day was beautiful today, even if it was stressful and long. it was still another day. and stress in my life will soon take a breather because the school year is ending. so i'll just keep my chin up and push on through.

animals

1. finished my 10 page paper today! all that is left is for me to edit it and turn it in. yay for being productive on a sunday!
2. i also spent some time outside with friends lying out in the sun. oh, glorious sun. 
3. did my sunday night dinner ritual with my boyfriend, just added in coldstone ice cream after dinner. delicious combo. 

i watched the matrix reloaded tonight, too. that was a good movie, but definitely not as good as the first one. i am supposed to watch the third one now to finish the story, but i may just read the summary on wikipedia. we will see. but anyway! i wanted to post about, gee, i wonder what...animals maybe? could it be so obvious? yes. i love animals, especially my kitty now and my kitty who passed away recently and my dog who was stolen. animals are so fun to play with and so much fun to be around. it's my theory that everyone feels younger and fresher and livelier around animals. they bring out the best in people, in my opinion. and i think that the therapeutic value of animals is incredible also. just being around my cat makes me feel calmer and happier. research has shown that pets have a positive impact on lots of people with mental disorders. but all that aside, i miss my cat who died recently and i miss my kitty. but i'll be home soon enough, even if only for a little bit, and will get some cat time. but i will always do my damndest to have a pet in my life.

bucket list--adopt an animal.

byah!

1. took my roman art final this morning and got a 96 for the final grade in that class! i'm so happy to have my first A of the semester pinned down. also, i really enjoyed that class and it obviously paid off.
2. almost finished my 10 page paper that is due on may 7th--see, i'm not procrastinating that badly!
3. went out to a delicious dinner with my friends and an even more delicious dessert. orange leaf, i love you.

i watched the matrix for the first time tonight! it. was. so crazy. one of my favorite quotes from the movie was when the oracle says something along the lines of "would you still have knocked that vase over if i hadn't said anything?" that was one of my main problems with the oracle, but this is addressed later in the movie when morpheus tells neo that "she told you exactly what you needed to hear." but it raises another interesting question that the bad guy (mustache guy, cipher) brings up. how is what morpheus is making his followers do any different than what the agents expect from humans? he is still expecting blind obedience to his version of the truth--it's just a different kind of truth. and if reality is only a neurological processing result, then how is what morpheus says is reality real? anyway, it was a damn good movie and i am still undecided about whether or not to see the second and third--the opinions differ.

woes

1. studied and wrote a paper for most of the day.
2. spent some of that study time outside, which was nice. 
3. we figured out i can get a 69 on my exam tomorrow and still get an A in the class. cool.

one of my other classes is not looking so great though--i guess that is what happens when you don't care about a class, huh? anyway, short post tonight, i'm looking to go to bed early and get some sleep. let's hope i wake up in time! i have two alarms set for 7 am on a saturday--sweet!

and so it begins

1. today was the first reading day...that means exams tomorrow!
2. my first exam is saturday at 8 am (did i mention that it's at 8 am in the morning...on a saturday...blasphemy)
3. i am slowly losing my voice and gaining a cough. perfect timing, body!

oh man. it's exam week here. you know what that means. the sweatpants-in-public incidence rises, the adderall bottles pop open, and the fight for a table in the terrible dining halls heats up. people wander around for a good quarter of an hour looking for a study room in the libraries. i never understood that, even though i participate in the endless quest also. i KNOW there will not be an open study room, yet i endlessly HOPE that one will magically open up as i walk by. and the one time in the four semesters i have been in college, it has actually happened. this is what sustains my hope. before making it to the library, though, i have to find the motivation to study. motivation is as abstract and difficult to grasp for a college student as molecular biology or quantitative psychology or ancient history. it. is. so. hard. spring exams are the worst too. like really, it's beautiful outside and you expect me to study in a dusty library?! in-con-ceivable! and it's the end of the year and, honestly, no one gives a shit anymore. it's the end of the year, it's springtime (so close, SO CLOSE to summertime), and how much does that GPA matter anyway, right? now to those of you who are concerned about my academic career...good thing you are because i certainly am not! joke. i am, i swear. but i have a nice movie to watch and a whole day to study tomorrow for a 40 question multiple choice final that is 20% of my final grade. really now, would you be studying either? **disclaimer** yes, obviously, i am still studying and taking my finals seriously. but still, i can gripe.

so over it

1. very hard morning, even harder day as it went on. so glad it's about to be over...
2. tomorrow starts my work days until saturday when my first exam is. let's go!
3. i'm just so tired. 

a huge part of me wants to just cry. i'm so tired and stressed and in pain and emotional. this is not good, since exams are starting and i need to pull myself together and make it through. i promise, a longer and more interesting and hopefully funny blog post tomorrow night.

hokay, here is the...end

1. LDOC!!!
2. i had a great night--made some polyvore sets, wrote two pages of my ten page paper due may 7th, and watched chopped with my boyfriend. now it's bed time. i love sleep.
3. great day planned tomorrow and then it's crunch time.

i am writing a ten page paper for my class and loving it. nerdy? yes. but classic C. i am approaching the end, my classes are over and exams start soon. after the end comes the next beginning. i'm so excited/nervous! great things await me, of that i am sure.

so close...

1. last day of no monday classes for the semester!
2. i am slowly becoming more obsessed with polyvore.com. 
3. i'm a very happy lady. 

my change has taken effect, or rather, has been in effect and i'm very happy with the outcome. i hope that i can keep on keeping on and make use of the happiness i've established.

how low

1. woke up at noon today and had a great morning. not having a roommate is weird but nice because i can live on my own schedule now. 
2. i discovered a new frozen yogurt place today, thanks to my suitemate, and went not once, but twice. it was so amazing. the flavors are delicious, it's cheap, and there are so many toppings. and it's all low- or non-fat and all natural. what could be better?...that's right, nothing. 
3. listened to some music today and cleaned my room and re-organized it. sometimes i get in really productive moods. those are good moods!

dancing. i love to dance. i always have, ever since my sister and her friend "taught" me how to hip hop dance when i was 11. good timing, too, since i had my first school dance the fall after i turned 11 and started the 6th grade. it's the best way for me to release stress. going to the bar on thursday nights has been the most fun i've had in a long time. i go out with my friends, don't have class on friday, and just dance for hours. it's such a good workout and it's SO much fun. i've been told that i'm a pretty good (hahaha) dancer too, so that's good to know. when i hear a song come on that i love, i just want to dance. this kind of relates to my post about  music, but dancing is whole nother lever for me, because i'm actually good at dancing, as opposed to singing. give me a night in college to do whatever i want and it's probably going to involve dancing with people who know how to dance for most of the night. on that note, my bucket list item:
take dance lessons for other kinds that i'm not so good at...to be determined later.

f is for fate

1. i woke up at 2 pm. it was so amazing. i had nothing school-wise to do today and it was so nice. 
2. the semester is winding down and i'm getting geared up for last day of classes (ldoc) and finals. then summer! 
3. rain in college=horrible. at least it is the weekend and i didn't have to walk to class. 

fate. i think it was fate that what happened tonight happened. those who were with me tonight know to what i am referring, those who were not, don't worry, it's not a big deal. but i think it was a message, a sign, so we'll see what happens from here. tomorrow is sunday! one of the few sundays left in the semester...

synonymous.

1. no classes again today; volunteered for my psych lab for most of the day. 
2. ate a yummy dinner with my boyfriend and hung out with friends all night. 
3. got an email from my mom about summer plans...i'm excited! 

tired. exhausted. sleepy. dead. dreamy. loopy. weary. drowsy.
any synonyms for how you feel?
sorry for the short post. i'll do better tomorrow! 

it's that time

1. HAPPY EARTH DAY!!!
2. had a decently fun night out with my friends; can't wait for this weekend!
3. tomorrow is friday! yay! and my summer plans are coming together very nicely...

so, it's the start of the weekend for me. you know what that means...short blog posts. i'm really exhausted tonight. but today was earth day, the 40th anniversary, and i hope everyone celebrated. think about your imprint on this planet and ways to reduce your carbon footprint.

11:11

1. such a fortuitous time to start my blog!
2. had a good (long) day today volunteering in my primary lab. i'm so ready for bed.
3. tomorrow is my last real day of classes! next tuesday is basically a giveaway day; we go over exam material and summarize the semester. a celebration is in order!

i think biology is crazy. i've written about this before, but i've been seeing a lot of statuses lately about people i know from high school having babies and being pregnant and it's so weird to me. the whole aging process is becoming more and more of a miracle to me as the days pass. to think that we all started as microscopic specks and grew in the womb and then were born and then grew up...it's all so weird to me. to think that two people can create an entirely new individual is so fascinating to me. it's interesting that i didn't like biology more than i did because the life process enthralls me. to just think about how we all started and how we'll all end up is crazy, so crazy. even crazier is that our existence on this planet is an eye blink in planet time. not even that, actually. each individual life is so important and so miraculous, but so short and inconsequential at the same time. again, c'est la vie. and it's a beautiful day.

life's little things

1. classes today...the semester is winding down! only two more days of classes to go before finals. so scary!
2. have to wake up really early again, but it's worth it.
3. 4/20 and my 111th post! how fortuitous.

my university hosted a showing of planet earth tonight and had free food to go along with it. we watched jungle and deep ocean. jungle was so cool and deep ocean was just as cool but not as great of filming. it's hard to do time lapse video underwater! but some of the animals in the deep ocean are crazy. it was so fascinating watching nature play out on video. there is so much that happens that humans have no idea about. the little things in life have started to fascinate me. it's part of my recent interest in fate and the "pretty little mistakes" that characterize our existence on earth. watching the mold grow across the forest floor and the mushrooms pop out of the ground...things that happen so slow in real life are sped up by the human technology. but what is crazy is how much we have captured on camera and seen of this world doesn't even compare to what is out there. and while i become disheartened and discouraged by the destruction humans have caused and the depth of our infiltration into the natural world, i am hopeful that we cannot reach all ends of the earth. that there will remain pristine parts of this planet, away from human eyes and human reach. i am hopeful, but maybe that is naive. earth day is fast approaching and i encourage all of us to remember the little things and to watch our steps.

(kind of) sports

1. woke up at 5:15 in the morning and got ready to go to high school all over again! it was such a long day. i've been awake for almost 18 hours right now. that's why i'm about to gtb (go to bed)!
2. came back to college (yippee!) and ran more participants for my second lab. oh, academia.
3. i had a short talk with one of my grad student advisers about this summer and my expectations, the realities, etc. it made me feel better.

baseball. i hate it. it is a pointless sport that is played by guys who like their dip can and steroid needle more than being athletic. soccer is a real sport. i love soccer (perhaps because i played it for 10 years). there is so much action and so much excitement and so much hotness! soccer players are real athletes. world cup 2010, let's go.

sometimes...

1. slept late-ish today, had a wonderful morning and afternoon, did some homework, ate a yummy dinner, now going to bed! 
2. i have to wake up at 5:15 am tomorrow morning for the lab i work in. dedication is the word of the week.
3. i got to play with and babysit kids on the autism spectrum today and it was really fun. they were adorable. all had their specific quirks, but dealing with them wasn't hard after learning how they had to function. but that in no way takes away from the unbelievably hard job parents of children on the autism spectrum have.

...i just get really tired of bullshit. why is there so much petty, unnecessary crap that happens? most of it seems absolutely ridiculous to me. yet my life (just like everyone's) is full of drama sometimes. people can just be really catty and stupid and jealous and projecting. but there isn't much more that i can say without getting way too personal.
my bucket list item: go to a beach famous for its shells and find the best ones on the beach for my collection.

abbrev

1. the title of this blog is for my ladies. good times.
2. i am happy that my parents landed safely from their spring break trip. i get nervous when anyone in my family travels. 
3. went to the mall today. why is the mall so much fun? i'm old enough that it shouldn't but fun, but it still is. 

protection: it's how i live my life. i am all about la familia. this post is for my friends and my family. mess with them and i will mess with you. they are my life. there is nothing i wouldn't do for them. no matter what, they are my life. if you are in my group, i will protect you and i will...f"**k you up if you ever hurt my people. i just love too fiercely and am too loyal to take anything less than that.

hoessick

1. registered for fall classes today! it's so exciting that i'm going to be a junior! and i got most of the classes that i want, but also didn't get a lot of the ones i did want. oh well, it's a give and take. 
2. apparently, though, i'm too OLD to get into italian 101--it's reserved for freshmen. what. the. hell. guess i missed the boat on that one...? lame.
3. went to relay for life for a few hours. it's cool to see the survivor lap in the beginning; a lot of people were crying and it made me really grateful and nostalgic. 

my title is in reference to the security message i was asked to type in when i wanted to comment on another blog. i thought it was really funny. it's not relevant to my blog at all. but i feel myself slipping back. that's all for tonight. and this is for my girl! mia, freshmen year, good times...

good times

1. classes most of the day--slept in to get some sleep to try and get over my illness. it semi-worked.
2. went to a cocktail tonight for my boyfriend's tour guide group that he's in; it was pretty fun and i got to dress up!
3. ladies' night at the bar in town. it was all my favorite girls and so much fun!

tonight is one of those nights i really don't want to blog. so, i'm not going to. nothing is more precious to me right now than sleep and dreaming and getting better. so that's what's on the schedule for tonight! i want everyone who is reading this to forgive me, please, for a lacking post. sometimes, it just happens. but hey, at least i'm still posting...

C being committed

1. woke up SO early today and went to do data collection for the lab i'm in--that was not fun--and it was cold. speaking of cold, i'm pretty sure i have one...in the middle of april...
2. i signed my lease for this summer! i'm SO excited!!!
3. tomorrow is going to be a very long day, so i'm blogging early and going to bed. almost my favorite place on this campus...

so, commitments. i have a major commitment to my blog. i blog every day, regardless of how tired or upset or happy or busy i am. i'm not gonna lie, it's been hard. like right now, when i feel like crap, i'm still blogging. but that's not the type of commitment i meant yesterday when i said i wanted to talk about them. i have a commitment to my future and a commitment to my labs. but when those commitments interfere with my personal life, how do i deal with that? there are certain things i want out of my life, obvious things like friendship and happiness (and many more things). but i also want professional greatness (what i define as greatness) and to be fulfilled in all ways. to flourish, essentially. but my commitments are conflicting right now. my commitment to friendship and the possibilities of friendship are being tested by the commitment i have to my lab, to my future plans, and to my professional self. so where to go from here? i am not sure. i remember from my AP psych class a term "cognitive dissonance." look it up, if you care to know more. anyway, i'm done for the night. still really confused about this topic and also about how much i can say on this blog.

ahhhh

1. i just ate a 14" pizza, a small cup of ben & jerry's ice cream, and am still alive and well. massive props to me!
2. classes today weren't that bad, actually. my break in between classes has become really nice too since i dropped that class awhile ago. 
3. blogging so early tonight because i am getting sick/allergic and feel not-so-good. benadryl, here i come...

me=so excited for summer! i am about to sign the lease (keep your fingers crossed) and can't wait to live on my own! or at least, not live with anyone i know. i hope i can get a job! and work and make money to offset some of the cost for this summer. and i'm excited to make progress in my career. short post tonight, but i feel really full and stuffed up. finishing up watching chopped on food network (best show ever) and then going to sleep! early morning tomorrow. i think tomorrow night i will talk about...commitments.

getting there

1. no classes today! i am trying to say this as much as possible before the semester ends and i can't say it again, since i will not have four day weekend and two days of class in the fall. boo!
2. got a lot of work done between yesterday and today, but still not quite caught up. that's what my break between classes tomorrow is for, though, right?
3. i realized that there are three weeks and three days left in my spring semester. yes..but where has all the time gone? (slight pirates of the caribbean reference)

picking up on the thread of me realizing that my spring semester, WHERE IS 2010 GOING?! this is my 103 blog post. that's a lot of day! almost 1/3 of the year! holy moly!!! where is my life going?! okay, minor freak out session over. but really, i register on friday for my junior year fall semester classes. NO WAY AM I ABOUT TO BE A JUNIOR IN COLLEGE. that is not even possible! okay, so i'm still freaking out. this summer is fast (warp speed) approaching and i don't even know how to deal with it. so much in my life is about to change and i have no way to control that. well, i always have a choice i suppose (according to my friend's dad), but do i really? my life will just happen with no regards to me anyway, so i might as well just accept the changes...right? yeesh. exam week will be here any second, and then summer, and then fall semester, and then december 31st and all this will be over. that is sad, yes kind of a relief. i feel this slight pressure to perform because of this blog. whether or not people actually read it doesn't really matter anymore...it's about me keeping my commitment to myself. following through with this will be the biggest new year's resolution i've ever kept (maybe the only one) and i think that's pretty exciting. okay, back to me freaking out. now that all this is happening and i am realizing that my semester is almost over, i'm suddenly wanting to slam on the breaks and live out my last weeks in slow and peaceful sunshiney bliss. not possible, but still unfortunate. i am still incredibly stoked for summer 2010 (i hope it doesn't let me down...), but i am getting a little nervous honestly. just a little. the "a lot nervous" will come closer to the date i move, most likely. anyway, time is flying and i'm standing still, so i better get my butt in gear and catch up!

polyvor-acious

1. i wrote a ten page paper in 8 hours today and it was awesome. okay, it wasn't that fun to write but it was interesting and seemed to go pretty smoothly. 
2. ate a delicious subway sandwich today. i don't even know what made it so good, but it was just right. 
3. my throat is starting to get scratchy and there are two possible culprits: pollen and no sleep. 

so i've found a new thing: www.polyvore.com. please, see my fashion mistakes post for a framework to understand my new found affinity for this site. it's like i get to shop for and make outfits out of ANYTHING on the internet that i want. let that sink in...any item on the internet i can "clip to polyvore" and make a "set" with it. basically, i online shop (something i'm really good at) and make outfits out of the clothes and accessories i find (something i wish i could do for a living). i love fashion and i love to imagine that i have a limitless supply of money to make the ultra chic outfits that i dream about. alas, i am a college girl just pretending i can afford everything in my set. my obsession with bakelite jewelry is the basis for all my sets; i use bakelite in every fashion set i make. i think it's a really cool and fitting idea that my aunt suggested and my grandmother fostered (many thanks, YaYas). so basically, my name is BakeliteQueen on the website and you (yes, you!) should go and check out/like/comment on my sets. my mother and sister and father (everyone, actually) is concerned that it will become an addiction, but i am no where near that level yet (like some other "polywhores...). it's just a fun way to distract myself and be creative.

bucket list item is fashion-themed tonight: be a pro-bono personal stylist/shopper for those who ask for/need my help.