i get by

1. great day--read a good book, wrote up some stuff for school, went to lunch and had an amazing with my grad student friend. 
2. it was cold and beautiful (one of those days i really love).
3. went out tonight with my friends, old and new. it was so much fun.

so i've blogged a lot about my friends and how much people in my life mean to me. but this is a different kind of post. it's similar to one of my previous posts about how random people can end up being so significant in my life. during the lunch talk today, we talked about how decisions can change people's lives without even knowing it. how is it that so many people have and will continue to impact my life? i guess this post is about how relationships change people. so this is an obvious statement, right? like, duh, C, people change other people's lives. but think about how many people had to make each specific decision in their lives to end up in yours. and then think about how all of these people will have impacts on your life. and when someone new enters one's life, it's hard to judge how that person will affect one's current path in life. but one thing is for sure: you never know when your life will change (at every second of every day), nor do you know why it is changing. and that is enough to think about for a lifetime.

momentum

1. looooong day today. class all day and then a meeting from 7-10:15. yikes.
2. but about to go out now! let's relieve all the stress from this week by hanging out with my girls. more than looking forward to this weekend, too.
3. SUPER EXCITING NEWS! but it's not like i can actually talk about it here. if interested, get in touch with me and i'll share. 

isn't it weird how feelings work in spirals? one week can be REALLY bad, but then the next can be REALLY good. i've always wondered whether it's a function of how people tend to perceive one day, and then they let that carry on to the rest of the week, or the days in a week really are just all similar. but i've been having one of the good momentum pushes lately. and today, when it had started to wear off (stress, headache, homework, etc.), it all of a sudden got WAY better. so now i am confused. maybe it's just a pattern that i'm noticing because i'm living in the moment right now. this could just be my experience. but isn't that what this blog is about? tangent, sorry. anyway! i'm really excited and i spent a majority of my night doing a literature search (nerdy? yes. required? yes.) and i just ended up getting really excited about grad school because i spent time looking at researchers who do work where i want to go to school and who i want to work with. so this post hasn't had much direction, my bad. but it's just been a way for me to get my thoughts out! and to say (in my eternally optimistic way) that things may seem like they are bad, but they will get better.

color me

1. waking up at 6 am benefits: i heard the birds chirping, there was no traffic, and it made me feel like i accomplished a lot. waking up at 6 am drawbacks: starbucks/alpine bagel were not open, the ROTC runners made me feel guilty, and it was cold.
2. did a lot of work today; still not quite caught up but i'm feeling much more optimistic than i was this time last week. tomorrow at 4:45 my weekend starts! then it's spring break!
3. SPRING BREAK!!! countdown: 9 days.

the color of my day today was orange. orange to me in energy and vitality and accomplishments. i felt good today because my adviser announced my summer plans in the lab meeting and i got some "ohhhs" and "ahhhs." good stuff. my days and my moods are always characterized by colors. whether or not i actively think about it or not, looking back on a day i can always figure out what color a day was. and this is why i cannot pick out my clothes the night before. i always dress for my mood and wear whatever fits my mood that day. this is how i see my life--in moods, in colors. my favorite color is yellow, so those days are always the best. but sometimes, a blue day or a red day are just what i need. blue, rightly so, is usually subdued and relaxed, sometimes sad or pensive. red is a "get your ass in gear day." i like those days. they make me feel (hypomanic) and uberproductive and like i can do anything. green days are good too; those are like when i am feeling friendly and helpful and content. pink, oh pink. pink days are glam and sexy and confident. i think wearing pink takes cojones--it's a notice-me color. so pink days are notice-me days. purple...fierce and funky. basically. again, all these are personal for me and how i feel about colors and how they reflect on my life. but i take these motifs and look at other people through these lenses too. i just see the world in full color, and try to live my life the same way. it's about recognizing that not every day is a typically beautiful day, but that every day has inherent beauty. not every color is considered beautiful, but by just being part of the spectrum, they are beautiful. so is this a corny way to end a post? yes, but it's true. i'm thinking (but how can i know?!) that tomorrow is a purple day.

watch out!

1. i actually ate breakfast this morning. unfortunately, it was in the dining hall. gross. 
2. class today wasn't bad; my last class always seems to go really quickly (a huge relief), and my history class is proving more interesting as the weeks progress.
3. did i really just set my alarm for 6 am for tomorrow morning?! ugh...i haven't been up that early since hawaii this summer. but i did stay up that late last weekend...yeesh!

i'm super nervous that just by posting about all my superstitions, they will come not work anymore. so that should tell you what i'm posting about tonight...i am a very superstitious and nervous person! i believe in the cosmic connection (i've talked about this before) and i absolutely believe in jinxing, bad juju, the evil eye and the whole nine yards. i knock on wood anytime anyone says anything that can be jinxed. "oh, you'll do fine on that test!" "there is no way we can lose tonight." "don't worry, i've never wrecked doing this before..." these are all examples of times i furiously knock on wood to appease the cosmic forces at work. it's such a "gotcha!" mentality--you say something is for sure, and the world will show you that nothing is for sure. bad juju may just be a southern thing, but it's a definite cause for concern. you have to be nice to the witchy women or they will juju the hell out of you. meaning, they will make your life miserable! so you better have your gris gris handy to ward off any evil. okay, so this is getting very voodoo very quickly, but really. i am always concerned that things will be jinxed or i will mess up some crazy cosmic balance and get screwed because of it. for example, when i was a little girl, i would never step on the cracks on the ground. like, i'm talking OCD behavior. not even the cracks in the floor tiles in the schools were OK to step on, much less sidewalk cracks. also, blowing all the seeds off of the dandelions was crucial to the success of the rest of my day when i was little. i would get so worried so easily that something bad would happen as a result of me not protecting myself. now that i am typing this out, it seems really weird. i was not a crazyweirdscarymovie kid...just superstitious and slightly OCD. when looking at a cognitive-behavioral model, these go hand-in-hand. i will not bore my readers by going into the basics of this model--just take my word for it that the two concepts are related (a.k.a., they are both reinforcing anxiety-reducing behavior...). one last superstition, i try as hard as possible to stay inside on friday the 13th (really...just ask my friends). and yes, i used to spend a lot of time looking for these...

la da dee, la de daa

1. got new shoes in the mail today! i love them. purple, silver, and white tennis shoes.
2. after falling off the wagon for some of my lent items, i have added them back on. gotta stay strong.
3. very excited about stuff in my school/career life right now!

for all the references to songs that i have sprinkled throughout my posts, it is crazy that i haven't posted yet about music. music=♥ i grew up listening to blues, jazz, and oldies. side note: believe it or not, but i did not like CCR (creedence clearwater revival) for a large portion of my life. crazy, i know. i love louis armstrong, santana, ella fitzgerald, van morrison, the black eyed peas, dr. john, miles davis, U2, joe walsh, enya, CCR, frank sinatra, john lee hooker, vivaldi, lucinda williams, the beatles, rilo kiley, girl talk, beyonce, jack johnson, lil wayne, so so so much more. music is such an outlet in my life and allows me to express my feelings. granted, i do not play any instrument or sing (i would not torture the world) but i can still appreciate music and its capabilities to make my life wonderful. i love the fact that artists and songs have touched so many people's lives. music is so personal and so individual, but can be wildly popular and have an effect on so many different kinds of people. that appeals to me. one song or one band can cross generations, races, social classes, and political views. that kind of unity for people is rare, and the fact that the music industry can create it is intense power. my moods are pretty variable and the songs i listen to always accommodate. i have songs for all my moods and all my activities--the ipod is a great invention.  

for those we...

1. woke up late again, but was more productive today than yesterday. 
2. it was a feast day! yay for eating junk food!
3. bed early tonight. like, really early. i'm thinking 10.

i need to talk tonight about sacrifice. this is a pretty personal topic. sacrifice is really individual and what each of us has done in terms of sacrifice for other people can change dramatically from person to person. i have had so many people sacrifice so much for me. when i think of my all that my parents and my family have done for me, i get so overwhelmed. i don't like to feel indebted to people, so i like to relieve that burden by helping other people. this is a trend in my posts lately, but it's a huge part of who i am. i need to be able to pay back the people in my life who have done so incredibly much for me. and what's hard for me also is not knowing about all the sacrifices that have been made for me for things i don't even realize or know about. how can i ever repay what i don't know about? and the answer to that is by doing similar things for people around me. not similar things, really, but sacrificing for the sake of someone around me just because it's what they need. so that's what i'm going through in my life right now. there are things i rarely sacrifice, like my school and career ambition, but sometimes i have to learn to defer in other parts of my life to do what is best. it's like socialist feelings--feel what is best for the most people. i have to balance my need to live my freakin' life the way i want to live it with needing to realize that other people are affected by how i act and by what choices i make. this has been a bit of a wake-up call. not that i've been running around being selfish and ruining lives, not at all. i just need to remember that choices i make has this inexplicable and unforeseeable effect on people. i have lost my train of thought now. but basically, sacrifice is a big part of my life right now, and it's difficult to deal with. but it's something that needs to happen.

the next item for my list: go on a roadtrip. like a legitimate roadtrip with friends involving not much planning, junky food, amazing music, and beautiful weather.

everyone is doing it

1. woke up laaaaate. like, freshman year late. it felt great.
2. went to the mall with my girls, ate dinner, now just hanging out and seeing where the night will take me. 
3. had a crazy intense dream last night. i love my dreams (usually). i have a few that reoccur relatively often. some are scary, some are great. but i am glad that i remember my dreams.

mistakes. everyone makes them. everyone is affected by their own and others'. some mistakes turn out to be life-changing, others we can't remember the next day that we made them. and while the concept that "everyone makes mistakes" is accepted and understood, it's still hard to deal when other people let you down or do the wrong thing. or when you make a mistake and then have to live with the fallout. everyone has made a mistake that has changed their life (or if you haven't yet, you will). but sometimes when it happens, you don't know the full impact of what has just happened. life has a funny way of revealing surprises later down the road. i'd rather not get specific on this blog, but i've had a few of those mistakes that only later i realized how big of a deal they actually were. or sometimes, when you make a decision and only figure out later how important that decision actually was...those are weird moments. like realizing that a decision while driving saved your life, or a meeting with a professor changed your career. moments like that blow my mind. it's still so crazy to me how much life works out so much of the time. one thing happens and that leads to something else and then another thing, and before you know it the course of your life has changed. and i always think back, what if i hadn't done x, y, or z? where would i be now? thinking about the multiple paths in life has always been hard for me to comprehend. would i end up in the same place in the end, just by different means? who can say, really. i only get "one shot" at this particular life, right? so yeah, this post has turned into a tangent, but that's fine with me. signing off...

why why why

1. had a great day. had lunch with a friend, spent a lot of time replying to important emails, relaxed. i love fridays. went out to dinner, now hanging out with new friends.
2. got two packages today. so exciting. i love packages.
3. did i actually purchase jeans with holes in them? yes, but only because they were originally $80 and i got them for $20. am i a sucker for good deals? yes.

it seems like a growing trend that i don't have much to say on the weekend. maybe when i'm living (alone) this summer, my weekends will be more boring. i think a good subject for tonight is something i have noticed lately...a difference between men and women. while women support their friends "'does this dress look okay on me?' 'yes! are you crazy? everything looks good on you,'" men give their guy friends hell. for everything. "'did you get with that girl?' 'no, man, it didn't work out.' 'ohhh, what a loser!'" "'did you get with that girl?' 'yeah man, she was so hot.' 'ohhh, i can't believe you actually did her. so gross.'" i don't get it. truly, how can guys stand being cut down 24/7?! yes, yes, it's all in jest. but really, my self-esteem would plummet if my girls gave me as much hell as guys give to one another. but maybe, since they all make fun of each other all the time, it has less significance? i don't know. i wish i could figure out what goes through guys' heads. i would make a million dollars. but guys are...simple creatures. so it shouldn't be that hard, right? au contraire. end of story, guys are confusing. yes, girls are crazy, but guys are confusing. i wish everyone could just say what they mean! but then, life would be simple because guys would be simple. and we just can't have that.

let's get this understood

1. class all day today. i had to really drag myself to class today. but of course i went and of course i took notes and of course i contributed. geez. 
2. but i got out of class-related activities around 8:30 and got ready for my night out with friends! it was fun, being with (most) of my girl friends again and having fun. makes me excited for living off campus!
3. so, a confession. i ate alpine bagel three, yes three, times today within a seven hour period. what is wrong with me?! it's like lent starts and i give up all this junk food, so i just overcompensate with alpine bagel. but i don't even care, it was amazing each time. and i'm pretty sure the staff all love me.

so i had this important talk today with one of my lab advisers. grad-student-mentioned-in-last-night's-post and i talked some yesterday about how to approach this meeting. needless to say, it was a delicate meeting. we talked about...my academic career? even though i'm a sophomore? (really, i just wanted to say "i'm 19." and let the awkward silence happen; grad student, this reference is for you). anyway, this is all relatively irrelevant to what i want to talk about tonight, which is that feeling. you know what i mean, that feeling that things are just...going well. i get this sense that my life is on the up-and-up. i know what i want and know that i have the gumption to make this happen. i believe in myself more than ever right now, and i don't even know why! it's just this sense i get that things are dovetailing perfectly. this rarely happens in life, maybe like once or twice for me before this, but it's happening again. and i could be totally wrong? but i'm not. i can feel it in my heart and know in my head that i am doing things right. i am living 2010 how it needs to be lived so far, and i want to stay on this track. i am beyond excited for this summer, for the me time that will last three months. and it's almost spring break, which means my school year is almost over too, which is weirdly exciting. and i'm excited about housing for next year and my friends. this is one of those days when life is extraordinarily beautiful. and that's what this whole blog was about, right? finding the beauty in each day? i want to continue on this path of...being fully myself and loving myself for that.

this life of mine

1. oh you know, did the wednesday thing. GSH (jersey shore fans understand this reference, the uncultured do not). gym, shower, homework. then a few meetings here and there. now back to homework and hopefully going to bed early! 
2. had a talk with a grad student from one of my labs. we talked about a lot of stuff. please, read on to hear more about it...
3. this is one of those days like i mentioned in my first post (http://livinglife2010.blogspot.com/2010/01/beginning.html). there just isn't that much to say about the day-to-day life on a wednesday (usually). 

a theme in the conversation i had today with aforementioned grad student was about how to balance different professional paths. i have, for the longest time, wanted to help people. i guess it's called "a calling" but it's just something that has always been a part of me. i have to help people how people in my life have helped me. so another thing i have wanted is to be famous. not necessarily famous but...i want people to know my name. so the obvious juncture of these two wants is to do good things in this world that make me well-known. now, how to go about doing this is a different story. i want to say more and be more specific, but i can't. however most of you readers know enough about me to have a general idea of what my major is, what i want to do when i grow up, etc. so what can i do with this life of mine that makes me happy? all the things i want...i just feel this urge to be all i can be and to live my life to the absolute tip top. how can i maximize the good that i do in this world? questions like this are always on my mind, to some degree or another. more specifically what we talked about today was how to take the hard reality of life and meld it with lofty academic research world. i want my name in print, i want to change my field; but i also want to reach out to the people who are suffering and offer any guidance i can. i haven't been able to make it where i am without people reaching out to me, so how can i offer that same help to other people dealing with life? it's just all so confusing now. i know what i want...but how to get there? how to be all i can be? man, don't we all wish we knew the answer to that question. i want to repay the people in my life by being that person for someone else. i wish this didn't all sound so abstract, but i can't really get specific in this blog. and i feel like i've been rambling and repeating myself. but the basic points: i want to be great. i want to help people. how do i mesh the two in this convoluted world?

life=hard

1. sometimes, life is hard. thus, blogging is hard. there are things i want to say, but can't. the fact that this is online and public makes it a little harder...sometimes i just want privacy. but hey, i started this blog and i will finish it. some days are just harder than others. there are things i want to scream and say but i can't. there are things i want to cry about and ask for sympathy but i can't.
2. class was pretty painless today. and it was mardi gras, so i got to wear purple, green, and gold! but i'm jst tired. i need to sleep and recover my normal thought process.
3. lent starts tomorrow--giving up candy, cookies, ice cream, and soda (not that i drink that much...). so basically i'm giving up the stuff that is bad for me. this list may be added to at some point, but i'm not sure yet. we'll see as lent progresses if i want to be more ambitious--but this list suffices for now. 

i guess i have one thing to talk about, which i mentioned above. i'm struggling with wanting to just spill out my life details on this blog, but there is so much i can't say. i have people who read it and those people (no one, actually) needs to know the minute details of my life. but it's been getting difficult lately to manage keeping my privacy and anonymity and still sharing with the online world like i wanted to do when i started this blog. and i know some of my readers will want me to stop blogging, especially if this is starting to cause me some minor stress. but these same readers know how stubborn and dedicated i am--i will follow through. and i will continue to blog until december 31st of this year. isn't that weird? i will have blogged every day of the entire year of 2010. so i need to reiterate to myself that every day is a beautiful day, at least in some way. i need to remember why i'm writing this blog--so that's what i'm doing tonight. reinforcing my mission, almost 1.5 months into this year...

ain't no sunshine

1. wished every second of today that i was back in hawaii. 
2. it rained all day which matched perfectly my mood.
3. booked my spring break trip (the only real high point).

not a good night. not much to say. i guess this had colored my views of how my day actually was (it was pretty good). i just...i guess...want to talk about life. and how confusing and complicated it is and always will be. when people say "life doesn't have to be hard," they are very wrong. people are incredibly complicated and confusing, so life is thus that way too. i was just writing this post and looked up and saw my card that says "fly." i guess that's what i'm needing to do right now...just fly. please have faith in me.

"love stinks"

1. i love waking up at noon. and hate those heart-shaped chocolate boxes with mystery chocolates.
2. so yes, it was valentine's day and i ate frozen food for dinner (alone), watched youtube videos and ate half a pint of ben & jerry's (alone), and did homework (alone). that's my kind of day!
3. but really, i enjoy beautiful, chilly days and days when i can regroup and get "me time." today combined both of those, so i am content.

despite all my hating on valentine's day, this has been a surprisingly mild day. i'm happy for all my friends who are happy either in relationships or single, and i'm grateful for my friends and family who make me feel loved every day, and not just on one day! but i promised some stories about valentine's day memories. my worst valentine's day ever was my junior year of high school. it was my boyfriend-at-the-time's first valentine's day with me and we wanted it to be special (ugh). so we went to a new restaurant and had a nice time..until he got food poisoning. it was awful. i spent the rest of the night trying to make him feel better until i had to go home to meet curfew. oh, did i mention that it wasn't even on valentine's day because he had practice after school? i was deferred for sports practice, yes indeed. but to give some credit, they were state champions. needless to say, it was not a fun night. one year, in seventh grade, i was dating a guy and he got me a huge stuffed white teddy bear, a silver ring, flowers, and a balloon. it was a little bit of overkill, i'm not going to lie, especially since i had to walk to the school office to get all my stuff. embarrassing. another time, in elementary school (please see previous post), a boy gave me a bouquet of flowers from our playground flower beds and said "will you be mine?". okay, what happened to those days of innocent little kid love? of course i said yes. so those are my short stories of loves come and gone. hopefully i won't be a valentine's day curmudgeon for the rest of my life...but i know i will. love to all those who read my blog, speaking of love.

get floor seats at an [unnamed team] vs. [unnamed team] basketball game.

fear.

1. great day--slept in, basketball game, dinner with friends, relaxing night.
2. i like comments on my blog (!).
3. missing friends from home; i'm ready to see my people again. i wish they could just all come visit at once so i could have school friends and home friends all in one place.

the title says it all. that itty bitty four letter word can wreak havoc in this life, this world. fear can run people's lives and control actions and words and even thoughts. i can't imagine what it would be like to live with a phobia. we all have our fears and our aversions, but to have an intense phobia of something would be awful. i guess i have some pretty run-of-the-mill fears. i'm afraid of not being all that i can be. i'm afraid of change. i'm afraid of missing out on opportunities because of my fear of change. i'm afraid of roller coasters (note last bucket list item), i'm afraid of dying a painful or early death, i'm afraid of jellyfish (!), and i can be afraid of flying. all of these things seem so evolutionary though. as humans we are supposed to fear things that could prevent the passing on of our genes. but how to some people end up afraid of snakes, other spiders, others sharks, and others heights? it's weird, isn't it, how we all have the same basic idea behind some fears but they manifest in different ways? it seems, then, that a combination of learned and innate factors would make fears different yet the same. and we all have egos, so a fear of failure would be expected. but what is important to each of us and what we don't want to fail at varies so much. the moral of this post: life is complicated, and fear makes it more complicated. while i just want to be my best person and be happy and live my life, the fear (counterintuitively) holds me back.

sentimental

1. i pressed the snooze button so many times; it was an amazing feeling. 
2. i got to spend today doing what i love--chilling. went to the mall with two of my girls, and now i'm chilling with more (new!) friends. 
3. it's snowing here! i love snow.

"i guess i'm sentimental over you." great lyrics. but really, i've been thinking a lot lately about all the great times i've had in my life. i've been so fortunate to experience so much and i'm so thankful that i get the opportunity to experience more each day. the summer before and my freshman year in college was probably the best year of my life so far. i had the most amazing time strengthening friendships, meeting new people in college, and experiencing life on my own. the first year was like no other. there will never be a year like it again in my life--isn't that crazy?! i learned so much about myself and grew a lot as a person, and met some amazing people along the way. so major shoutouts go to my suities, the guys next door, and everyone else great i met that first year in school. i miss it every day. i can't replicate those memories and wouldn't trade them for everything. sure, not everything was great (cough cough) but it was all part of the experience, you know? like i said, i would change nothing. the people i met, the places i went, the nights, the days, everything was so influential for me and beyond my best hopes. when i'm feeling really stressed or anxious, i just remember the lesson i learned freshman year: maintain balance. don't study/party too much--balance the two spheres of life and all will be well. this sounds so pensive and corny but it's true. man, i love college.

don't know

1. turned in my paper today. it's possibly the worst one i've ever written, but i'm okay with that. it's the weekend! i get to my last class on thursday and remember how much i love having four day weekends.
2. i painted my fingernails black today in celebration for valentine's day. bring on sunday; seeing a movie with friends, eating yummy food, doing homework, and drinking vino. keep it classy and love-free.
3. and now i'm hanging out with friends. tonight will be a good, good night!

i almost forgot to blog! that's happened several times though. anyway, in the spirit of valentine's day, i'm going to write about the day when i wasn't bitter about this special day on february 14th. back in elementary school! when everyone brought valentines for everyone else, when it was a day of candy and love-related math problems and word finds. back in the days when we all loved each other and everyone was friends (at least for a day). this one time, i was behind my friend when he fell off the slide. he broke his arm and claims to this day that i pushed him. not true. but look at us now--best friends. i've had my share of good and bad valentine's days...see sunday for those stories...but i'm just feeling sentimental i suppose. when did i get old enough to be in college?! this is crazy sometimes, thinking about those days in elementary school and even middle school. i can still remember day one of kindergarten and preschool and daycare. it's crazy the people who have come in my life, left my life, but still shaped me into who i am today. i can remember friends i had who i couldn't even tell you whether they are dead or alive now. but the point is, those years were amazing. i loved elementary school and valentine's day. but those days are in the past.

this is it

1. only one meeting today--shocker! venturing outside was a poor life decision, though. it was windy and freezing cold! my jacket was definitely not enough protection from the violent winter weather. but i'd rather wind than rain!
2. added to my forever growing collection of school shirts today--i guess tonight's major event made me feel like it was a necessity. 
3. i'm excited for this weekend! i love weekends in college. for some reason they are way better than weekends in high school ever were. 

well, the night has come. the greatest rivalry in college sports is about to commence. and i have a ticket, biatch! i'm SO excited! i really hope we win, but there is a definite chance that we won't. i have hope, however (please see last night's post)! tonight has the potential to be amazing. and even if it's not, i'll be the best fan that i can and remember this game forevermore. i hate the opposing team. and while i'm doing my best not to reveal personal details, anyone reading this may be able to figure out where i go to school based on this post. but i just had to talk about this rivalry tonight. i can't explain the hatred i have for this school. i used to think in high school that i hated our rival school, but that hatred pales in comparison to what i feel now. it's is inexplicable and yet totally understandable for any fan of my school. i hate, loath, despise everything about the other school. the people, the academics, the sports, the campus, the city, everything. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCHOOL SUCKS. end of story. and even if we don't win tonight, we will ALWAYS win off the court because we are ALWAYS better. okay, i'm trying to not get violent in this post so i'll leave it at that. go to hell...you know who you are.

oh, angles.

1. i had an unwelcome but useful review of geometry today. i understood it much more the second time around--and like it a lot more. why did my 9th grade teacher not teach like that?!
2. it rained today...i had no umbrella until i was lent one. long day, but good day! i still have a paper to write for thursday though, not fun. 
3. big game tomorrow--so excited! and i actually don't have crazy amounts of meetings to attend, so i can actually write this paper and then go to the game. good times!

quick one tonight! lots to do tomorrow and not much to say really. i feel like everyone is surprised when i don't have much to say; i have always had quite the reputation for being a chatterbox. i think a good topic for tonight is pessimism/optimism. i have always been an optimist, except in certain situations in which i become a complete pessimist. for example, the big game tomorrow night? totally pessimistic. but getting into the grad school of my dreams (which will remain unnamed)--totally optimistic. i have this annoying way of being super optimistic for other people too. i like to be cheerful and positive and try to lift people's spirits. i am almost never a debbie downer for other people's lives or issues or concerns. now i can be very pessimistic about my own prospects if the situation is fitting, don't get me wrong. but i like to stay positive if at all possible. it can override my realistic and rational side, but oh well--that's just me. i like this whole theme of being me that i'm living with lately. this blog has been good for me. i'm still very happy with my decision to keep this as a new year's resolution. hopefully the upward trend will continue (and that's the optimist in me...)!

your turn

1. my favorite ice cream flavor has changed. the main favorite flavor is still cookie dough (duh, the best) but my favorite between chocolate and vanilla has changed to vanilla. it's not as heavy as chocolate and is still just as delicious--plain, but delightful.
2. busy week! but i like being busy--it keeps me motivated to plan my time well, stay organized, and keep on pushing. or, in other words, it makes me be an "overachiever."
3. i have become mildly addicted to skype. nothing major, just...a minor problem right now. well, not problem...yet...

it's girl's night tonight! the major dating tips i have for girls are as follows. and no, i'm not saying i am perfect at the dating scene (uh, come on), but i have some general advice that i have gotten from guys about dating that i feel may be useful for other women!

1. don't be a bitch--this just needed to be said, right off the bat. i'm not using this term to be derogatory towards women; it's similar to how i used asshole last night for guys. i'm just referring to last night's post to by being clear that guys have egos. fragile-as-spun sugar egos. so girls, we don't need to be mean when interacting with guys. if they are not getting the picture that you are not interested (drunk/clingy/stupid), then just be blunt. let them down, but easily. leave the poor guy the ability to recover and hit on other girls. so whether it's while letting a guy down, communicating a need (more drink?), or simply interacting in any way, there is usually no need to be bitchy. exceptions do exist.
2. be clear--yes, this goes for girls too. we need to work on being clear, ladies. just get to the damn point. be up front with guys about what you're looking for. mixed signals are annoying from guys, right? so what makes you think guys aren't annoyed by them? of course mixed signals, unclear communication, and lies are annoying for guys. i'm convinced that guys and girls share a lot of dating goals but just see them in different ways. everyone wants people to be straight with them--so just do it. just be clear, tell the truth, but don't give up your mystery.
3. don't be hypocritical--this really annoys me. if you are dressing like a skank and a guy treats you like one, don't be surprised. guys are simple--they see, they like, they want, they go after. remember that guys think with their sex drive and girls think with their brains (in most cases). so if you are dressing, acting, and talking like a slut, guys will treat you that way. there are ways to be sexy and inviting without being slutty. guys will respect that every day of the week, but won't respect a hypocrite. there are some exceptions, like when you are just wearing clothes and guys find the extreme need to remind you that you have breasts. thanks, i know. but just show yourself how you want to be perceived and don't mess around with guys minds (it may be funny, but be kind).
4. approach him--guys can be wusses! and i addressed this in last night's post, but it needs to be encouraged on both sides. girls, you shouldn't be afraid to approach guys. they are probably intimidated by your beauty, charm, intellect, humor, and kindness. so just approach him! sure, it can be scary, and he might have a girlfriend, or be a jerk, but so what? just move on and try again. you can't except to just be lazy and have good things fall from the sky (sorry, weather girls). there needs to be balance between chasing and being chased though. don't do all the work, but the guys shouldn't have to do everything either. let's make this a little more equal.
5. don't settle--if you know what kind of a man you want, don't take less. be your own person, don't rely on a man! do what makes you happy. that's some scattered advice but losing yourself in a relationship or in the dating quest will never work out well in the end. just be you and be happy with yourself before trying to get involved with a guy.

"such a big ego"

1. woke up in a gloriously comfortable bed, nice change from college, and had a good morning with my sister that was a follow-up after a good night!
2. two teams i actually cared about were in the super bowl! and the one i wanted to win actually did! GEAUX SAINTS!!! who dat nation baby.
3. decided to not write the optional paper for my class on tuesday. great decision, i think! that means i'll have to write one in two weeks--but hey, that's two weeks away! and i have an extra busy week ahead.

okay, i've decided to do it--tips for guys for improvement on the dating scene. let's see if i can be tactful but truthful for this one...

WARNING: POTENTIAL FOR BRUISED EGO AHEAD

1. lack of confidence--now, this is a delicate one. confidence≠liquid courage. i'm not saying that getting drunk and asking out a girl will make your dating life awesome. i'm saying have real confidence. but don't be a hot shot. girls are typically turned off by overly active egos and turned on by confidence. think of it this way: if she turns you down, you can just go find the hotter version of her and ask her out instead. that may sound (eek!) scary, but it's true. i'm going to tell you guys a secret--everyone (yes, that means every single person) gets rejected. it happens. suck it up, put a bandaid on your ego bruise, and move on to bigger and better things! believe in yourself.
2. know when to walk away--this is kind of the flip side of the previous one. again, alcohol makes these situations much worse. would you rather the girl slap you when you try to dance with her after she already said no? exactly. so just know when the chance has evaporated. most girls will be clear about this. walking away, dancing with other guys, talking to her friends, and looks of disgust are all good indicators that a girl is not into you. so just know when to gracefully move on, and do it. maybe collect yourself in the corner (but don't look creepy) and then regroup with your wing man, and get to talking to other girls. think about it like a probability--one girl out of a whole bar/room/party will like you. most likely...let's hope so...or else these tips probably won't help you...
3. to speak or to shut up--this kind of melds the first two, but also brings in a new aspect. be smart about what you say to a girl you are interested in. for example, if you are thinking "wow her tits look great today," i suggest not saying it out loud. if you just thought about hooking up with her, don't count the times out loud. get the picture? also, don't lie about stupid stuff. if you lie to attract a girl, then you have to keep lying until you stop seeing said girl. you tell a girl at a bar: "oh yeah, i'm a professional movie reviewer" when you're really a dump truck driver (no dig intended at either job) then she's going to want to read your articles and hear your movie suggestions--then you have to lie more and end up the creek without a paddle if the relationship lasts more than a night (which it may not--see below).
4. be clear--again, alcohol factors in here. while i mean this in more than one way, the most literal sense is always helpful too--don't slur your words, speak a different language, or get confused mid-conversation. also, be clear about your intentions with a girl. if you want to be single and are enjoying that, then say so: that you're looking for something casual and are open to hanging out. if you are in it to meet a girl for a relationship, say so from the near-beginning. no, don't say "hi, i'm ______ and i want a relationship!" weird. just let the girl know, if things go well, that you are looking to maybe see how things could develop long-term. don't be weird, don't be an asshole, and don't tell half-truths. just be straight with girls--we can handle it, i promise. and if a girl can't handle it, she's probably not right for you anyway.
5. don't be...--an ass. a creeper. a liar. a tool. those are the four basic things--avoid most instances of these nouns and your dating life should take off soon!

it's sunday--bucket list time. i want to ride a scary rollercoaster!