beauty.

1. woke up when my body wanted me to today--no alarm. it was great. and 12:36 pm. yessss.
2. finally made my cookies. they turned into more of a cookie cake, but at least they didn't stick. yummy. 
3. managed to not go crazy over the snow like most people here. i love the snow, don't get me wrong, but it was of the ice variety and pretty painful upon contact. but pretty all the same!

so, miss virginia won tonight. i was shocked! she was the one i decided i liked the most last night, and the girls i like never win. and her answer to the interview question about childhood obesity was baller. the first thing she said was "get them away from the tv and the video games and get them playing imaginary games outside like i did when i was little." hell. yes. i knew i liked her for a reason. anyway, the miss america pageant made me want to talk about beauty. beauty is so individual. someone i think is pretty my guy friends think is ugly; a girl i think is unfortunate, they think is hot. what's the deal? even among people of the same sex, what is considered beautiful is so so so varied. i just find it interesting that we are all genetically almost the exact same, yet all manage to look so different. i found this website that allows the user to create his/her own snowflake and it is pretty fun. just like no snowflake is alike, no person is alike (identical twins do not count in this case). and sometimes i think about how if any little think about my conception was different, i would not be here, i would not be me. isn't that a trip?! i have this quote that i like a lot "you can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details." it's so true that it's almost difficult for me to comprehend. how can we all be humans, yet all be so different? the beautiful and specific details are what makes each of us beautiful in some way, to some one. it sounds corny, i know, but it's true when you think about it. beauty is just so hard to define. that's why i'm attracted to it i guess, similar to last night's topic. so how do people get off saying YOU are beautiful, YOU are ugly. sorry. the confines of being beautiful in one culture and ugly in another are crazy to me too. how is that fair or justifiable? it's been said a million times before, but i think it's so true. the influence society has on people to this day is amazing. it's no longer evolutionarily required that society mandate how to live life, yet people are still so drawn in by and affected by its norms and regulations. so this post has mushroomed in a lot of directions, but i'm okay with that. and i'm also finished posting for the night. the picture choice is difficult for this one, but i'm going with corny (again).

does it have to be kept?

1. had a good time last night with high school friends. sat around, chilled, shot the bull until the wee hours--gotta love college. 
2. no classes today! did laundry, caught up on magazines/tv shows, considered baking cookies. maybe tomorrow.
3. i'm enjoying having a nothing weekend. plan on doing work tomorrow, maybe watching a movie, watching the SNOW (yes, did i mention it's snowing?!) and baking cookies.

i already know what i want to talk about tomorrow night--big night and big topic! so look forward to that. but tonight i want to talk about truth. it seems as if people never discuss what is the truth, only what is a lie. lies seems to be gray, nebulous things that are so hard to discern. well, from some schools of thought that's how lies are considered. others define lies as untruths. but that brings me back to my original question--what is the truth? how can one thing be defined by its antithesis? so the truth is...whatever is not a lie? but a lie is an untruth, a skewed version of the truth? see my problem? how can a definition contain the antonym--that seems like cheating. so for something to be a lie, it can either be said or unsaid. but is it the same for a truth? is the truth spoken, known, unspoken? and i think it's weird how something unsaid is a lie, but when spoken suddenly becomes a truth. think about it--someone keeps something from you and tells you something else (a lie); but when the something being kept is spoken aloud, it becomes a truth. the rapid transformation is so interesting to me. lie-->truth. and truth can become a lie when it is then not disclosed. truth-->lie. so then is it truth<-->lie? i think that makes sense. i feel like a philosophy student writing a dissertation.

just chilling.

1. had my classes today--still might drop inls because it's really stupid. but we'll see.
2. at a stupid school for the night. i hate this school. but here i am, with my friends. should be fun! no classes tomorrow.
3. i'm looking forward to a calming weekend. i have had a...stressful...couple of days.

short post tonight. i don't really feel like posting at all. it's been one of those...24 hours? i just don't have much to say.

"street cred"

1. hit the snooze button a lot. it was a nice feeling.
2. HGS--my version of GTL (gym, tan, laundry, for the jersey shore ignorant). homework, gym, shower. good stuff.
3. more homework/lab hours/not eating at dinner. still not hungry for dining hall food. yuck.

so, the promised list of the top six fashion mistakes guys make, again with the disclaimer, in my opinion. i hope guys can learn from this list and correct some of the fashion mishaps they may be making and girls are too nice to tell them about. da da da...here it goes...

1. WIFEBEATERS--okay, first off, the name of this "garment" is unacceptable. wifebeater? come on. wifebeaters are like skankware for a guy. they are gross and unacceptable in most environments. a side note to this comment: no, wifebeaters are not okay at the gym. they are still see-through and cheap looking and most guys who wear them either have too-big egos or don't have the body for it. just wear a t-shirt, please. overall, wifebeaters (and guy tank tops) are just not okay with me. they look like trailor trash clothing, so why would a guy want to emulate that? not so sure.
2. BAGGY PANTS--okay, this is for you. baggy pants do not make you look cool. they make you look like you don't know how to buy something that fits. this actually goes for shirts, shoes, jackets, anything guys wear. it doesn't fit. and yes, maybe it's "cool" or gives you "street cred" to wear baggy pants--but imo you just look like a dumbass. clothes that fit are sexy; conversely, clothes that don't fit (especially if intended to not fit) look stupid. and like you are trying way too hard. or like you don't know how to find clothes that fit your body.
   
3. PLEATED PANTS--so i know this is a lot about pants. but i hate pleated pants. they add bulk and make guys look oddly distended and weird in the pelvis area. they make flat-front pants--so buy them! pleats are such an old-school throwback and make pants look too big and make everything look too bulky (in a BAD way). now, an addendum to this, pleats are okay in rare cases. if the pants fit a guy to a tee and the pleat is there because it needs to be for the pant to fit--that's fine. but most pants with pleats are just trying to look like dress pants, and failing. 
4. SWEATPANTS--yup, this one crosses over between genders. i hate when guys look like slobs. if i took the time to put on clothes, you can too. i can't decide which bugs me more--wearing sweatpants to try to look cool and laid back and hip, or wearing sweatpants because you are lazy as hell. if you look like you don't care, girls don't care either. and will talk to the guy who has attractive, well -fitting clothes on and leave you with your gross sweats for the gym. and it seems that sweats are always paired with wifebeaters--even worse! and if bling is added? oh please.
   
5. MISMATCHED--now, this is not an item of clothing, but it applies to a lot of things. wearing colors or patterns that do not go together is so annoying. did you get dressed in the dark? even if you did, look down when you get outside and make sure color schemes work (if you'd like personal advice, please, just ask me). same goes for patterns--different patterns can match, but it depends. as a general rule, bold patterns (stripes, plaids, dots, floral, etc.) do not go together. one must be the dominant and one the subordinate print. also, make sure dressiness level matches. yes, casual and dress items can be mixed but only to a point. tie, dress shirt, shorts? not okay. tshirt, dress pants, tennis shoes? not okay.
6. HATS/JEWELRY--this is an important one. i generally dislike hats. some people are "hat people," others are not. know which type you are and stick to it. hats inside? never okay. hats backwards because they look "cool?" only okay if you have street cred (note: most of you reading this blog do not. that's right, even you. nope...you don't either). also, jewelry is hard to wear as a guy. bling just looks stupid and bulky and excessive and egotistical. especially if it's fake! earrings can be okay sometimes, but only studs, never loops. bracelets? why do i even have to chastise a guy for wearing a bracelet (and no, not the rubber ones that say inspirational stuff--those are okay). rings? only when married. basically, accessories are typically a "girl thing," especially jewelry. and hats...sigh. i guess i just don't like hats, unless absolutely functional. 

so, that's my list for guys. it's a little less specific, but still important! i think at some point i want to write lists for girls and guys about items i think each should have in his/her closet. yes, those are important lists. these posts were not intended to offend, just offer my opinion and educate!

boots with the fur

1. had my classes, went to my meetings, ate a meal! that was a pretty exciting day considering yesterday was spent alternately napping in bed, writing a paper, and forcing sips of water. yay, recovery!
2. decided (again) that red pumps are a necessity. perhaps if i save up some extra $, it can be redirected into my red shoe fund. donations are appreciated.
3. still working on making friends with new people in new classes--more information coming...

 tonight, as promised to two of my friends, i am posting about bad fashion choices. i will make a list of the top six worst fashion mistakes a girl can make, in my humble opinion. tomorrow night, the same list will be repeated, but for guys. take notes! the fashion policewoman is reporting for duty...

1. UGGS--are only appropriate for sheep herders in the down under. i abhor ugg boots at all times, no matter what. as my friend says "ugg boots make girls look like a paraplegic." while this is not a joking matter (being paraplegic or wearing ugg boots) it must be said that I HATE UGG BOOTS. i've finally said it, out loud and proud. they are the epitome of notgivingadamn, especially when sweatpants are shoved into them and a ratty sweatshirt rounds out the whole ensemble.
2. PAJAMAS--on that note, pajamas in public=not okay. don't get me wrong, i love my pajamas and put them on asap upon arriving in my dorm. however, when i see girls in pajamas walking to class, i'm beyond frustrated. is it that hard to put on jeans instead of pajama pants and a tshirt instead of a sweatshirt? "comfortable" does not have to mean "slept-in." the most illogical thing is changing from pajamas worn to bed into pajamas for class--just put on f'ing real clothes, damn it!
3. LEGGINGS--i can't believe this didn't occur to me earlier. leggings are not pants. leggings are not pants. leggings. are. not. pants. i almost think that this should have been my blog title, just to teach everyone a lesson. leggings are made of see-through, negligee-esque, tight fabric that a) does not function as a pant because it does not cover one's body, b) does not look good on every body type (!), and c) may be comfortable, but please, see above note.
4. SKANKWEAR--while skanky clubwear is more than appropriate in some situations (be they public or private situations, i.e. jersey shore party, bedroom, etc.) in class, at the store, and on the job are example places where skankwear is not acceptable. not only is it not acceptable, it comes across as looking desperate, ditzy, and...well...skanky. now, my friends mentioned above may differ with my opinion on this one, but i'm really not wanting to see your goods flying out of your clothes when i'm trying to talk about Huck Finn, trying to buy my damn groceries, or trying to run a restaurant.
5. CROCS--again, how did this wait until the fifth slot? i hate crocs. i don't care if you stand up all day--there are more attractive shoes that can be functional for arch support as well as easy-to-clean. just...buy another pair of shoes and save the crocs for the...dumpster. actually, in the spirit of giving, can everyone just donate their crocs to haiti? since the only thing they are good for is disaster zones, they might actually be put to use. on second thought, i care more for the haitians than to send them crocs. please, for the sake of humanity, invest in another pair of shoes than crocs.
6. VPL--visible panty line. and other visible undergarments. again, guys may differ for this one, but i hate when i can see a most obvious panty line in a situation when a panty line should not be visible (i.e., at work). the gym is an exception to this rule--by all means look cute at the gym, and by all means wear full-coverage at the gym. but aside from that, if one is going to wear tight pants, PLEASE just wear a thong or a seamless panty. also, bra straps. how can bra straps still show these days when there are bras that convert 50+ ways (no joke). unless it's meant to show (see #4), just buy a bra that works for a lot of styles of shirts. 

so, that's my fashion list (thus far). guys, if interested, read tomorrow night for what you should not wear (again, in my opinion). also, feel free to comment and agree/disagree.

shawty

1. i have been sick as a dog since last night. pretty sure it was food poisoning, also pretty sure i want it to be over and done with asap. being sick sucks so bad--being sick in college is the worst ever. 
2. wrote my first paper of the semester today. yes, that's right, paper #1 is due tomorrow and it's only the third week of classes. gross.
3. started my involvement in another lab today! i like both the lab environments and i'm pumped to start working more in-depth in both labs. i do cool stuff, man.

 this is another short post. reason 1: i feel like i've been punched in the stomach and stuffed with spiky rocks from dining hall food. reason 2: i have to finish editing my paper. reason 3: my mind has been relatively empty of exciting thoughts today. i guess i just want to talk about being lucky. i feel really lucky (despite my torn up insides). mainly, i'm happy about the fact that i know what i want to do with my life. i may not have specifics nailed down, but i have a general idea and i'm taking the steps to make that plan happen. i love what i'm studying in school and am so excited to live college life and see where i go after that. i want new experiences and i want to make everyone in my life proud and i want to be all i can be. so this has been a pretty optimistic and cheesy post, but it's true. i feel lucky to know what i want and to be on the track taking me there. i recognize every day that people are not as fortunate as i am in this respect, and i hope everyone will figure stuff out in his/her own way.

"hokay, so. here is zee earth..."

1. stayed up late again...napped (for once)...did homework.
2. went to the gym! i forgot how much i love going to the gym. it makes me feel like a badass who can beat people up. on that note, i want to take boxing lessons.
3. got sick, still sick, hopefully from dining hall food and not from a stomach bug. ughhhh.
   

 like i said last night, i want to talk about the movie avatar tonight. specifically, how it made me feel and how it addresses environmentalism. the movie made me sad (i cried), furious, hopeless, and awed (beautiful cinematography). i was cheering against the American soldiers and for the N'avi people. the brutality of the Americans and the intrinsically peaceful nature of the N'avi made an obvious historical reference. but what tore me up the most, other than seeing all the people die, was the destruction of the planet. my mother can attest to the fact that i cried when a tree was cut down outside my house when i was a girl. literally, crying and begging my mother to stop them. but no, they cut the tree down anyway, and now my parents regret it because it used to block the view of a house way up on the mountain, but not anymore. ha! anyway, what i want to impress with this post is the importance of conservation of and connection to planet earth. i know people think that the problems today won't matter by the time our generation dies, but that is not true. the environmental crisis is real and it is eminent. i can't fathom how people refuse to take the steps that can reduce the impact humans have already made on this planet. this is our earth, our island home, and we are destroying it. every second of every day. and when people are BLIND and STUPID and UNCARING about their personal impact--it drives me insane. this, unfortunately, is directed mainly at my conservative readers, although i know plenty of liberals who don't care about the earth. i know there are huge and pressing issues that plague our generation, but if the earth is not taken care of, there will be no issues left, because there will be no life left. the earth and her resources and life systems are precious--that is all i can say.

next up on the list--live on my own!

the best is yet to come

1. saw avatar today...it was amazing. like, life-changing.
2. my friend is here visiting, yay! 
3. went out for mexican food--delicious. now it's time for a fun night!

 so i want to post about avatar. but i don't really have time tonight to say everything that i want to say about it, so that post will be tomorrow night. but for tonight i'll talk really quick about family. my family is my life. i love them more than i can ever express and am beyond loyal to my family. they have shaped me and made me into the person i am today--i don't know where i would be without my family, my whole family, my FAVORITE family. each member of my family has made me into the woman i am and continues to change my life. how i was raised is so important to me. i try my best to make them all proud and people know that they don't mess with the people in my life. loyalty is immensely important to me--this goes for my friends too--you mess with my people, i mess with you. it's a very la familia concept (i just wish i was italian though...) anyway, i guess this is just a shoutout kind of to the people who are most important to me in my life. so thank you, i love you, and i wish i could post a picture of you all, but that's not safe!

this life

1. passed the treasurer's test, what-what. only after failing it once...by doing one math problem wrong...whateverrrr. so now i can start my intensive treasurer-ly duties. but really, this is not like high school--college treasurer's are legit.
2. enjoyed a yummy lunch with a friend. ice cream was deferred, although it may have been our last chance to eat it...
3. did no homework and it felt great! that means the paper writing will happen tomorrow (probably not). 

c'est la vie. my mother is always insistent about how life changes. how much do i hate this fact? a lot. i know, i know, i've posted about how i want change in my life and how i need change in my life, how we all need change. that could have been a bit hypocritical considering i can't even accept change in my life--so who am i to preach about other people needing to accept change? i just like routine and i like knowing how things are and how they're going to end up. this is not the best thing considering no one knows what will happen. so i've chosen something impossible to be concerned about--what will happen. but maybe i should just rip the band-aid off (or the strip--hahaha). i guess if i actually do make a major change then it will get easier? i mean, college has turned out well so far, right? talk about a major change. so i can do this right? right? i need some verification here....yikes.

waves

1. walked around all day in the "winter" weather. rainy. cold. gross. not fun.
2. decided that i want to study abroad somewhere like hawaii. looked online, of course, no programs in hawaii. fiji? no thanks, i'm not into 24 hour plane rides. 
3. oh, and i got the job at starbucks but probably can't take it because i'd have to miss classes to train--not happening. so i'm still looking.

i want to talk really quick about the ocean. this discussion is precipitated by two things. 1) the jersey shore season finale tonight, and 2) wanting to go back to hawaii. the ocean has always been a favorite place of mine. i love the  hugeness of the ocean, as well as the consistency. the ocean will never let me down--the waves will always crash. what kinds of things in life are dependable like that? things in nature. the ocean at sunrise is possibly my favorite place to be on vacation.

ruffling feathers

1. so. busy. life is moving at a pace faster than...a cheetah! meetings, classes, homework, job opportunities, my future plans (!), liiiiiiife. it all takes so much time.
   
2. i like being busy, but i also like having a life and downtime--which i have started to just...create...by not doing homework or by postponing it or something. for example, the 55 pdf pages that are do for my 2:00 class tomorrow are getting finished (only 15 left!) tomorrow during my break from 12:30-class time. this is my brilliant plan to get to sleep on time and have social hour with my friends. 
3. hoping that this weekend will work out and my best girl can come visit me! also hope that spring break works out and i can do something fun like visit my other bestie! yay for trips and friends.

i want to talk (briefly, again, sorry) about...politics! haha, dangerous waters, i know. but i just want to leave a brief note or two about the...republican party. i realize that each party sees the other as close-minded, unable to accept change, blatantly refusing to accept advice or help, etc. but really, i truly believe these things and get immensely frustrated by people who accuse liberals of being close-minded. really?! the proponents of gay marriage, woman's choice, legalizing pot (in some cases), and extending help to foreign nations, just to name a few, are close-minded? how, how, how is that being narrow?! i become upset and over-emotional and too involved in political discussions, but that's just my nature. i can't see how republicans/conservatives/whatever label preferred can claim that i am ignorant or weak-willed or idealistic (as if that's a bad thing) for being liberal/democratic/etc. i support a woman's choice, so i'm a babykiller? right. i kill babies. i am a proponent of environmental awareness and protection. so i am a lily-livered treehugger who believes fake science? uh-huh. the earth isn't in danger of drastic negative change. i believe in providing assistance to those less fortunate than myself. so i'm an ignorant and money senseless bleeding heart? okay. sorry i want to help people. my point is that because my political views are a certain way, broad and drastic statements about me are not okay. yes, i do the same thing. and because i don't see eye-to-eye with conservatives, i can never truly see an issue from the other side. but when i hear over and over the criticisms i listed above, my faith in the republican party isn't exactly bolstered. sorry if this post has been erratic, but it's hard for me to clearly articulate all my feelings about this partisan issue. on that note...

bored and busy

1. I like all my classes except one; it is very boring and so hard to care about/pay attention to. 
2. so busy and have so much work, onto of trying to apply to have more work (paid, at least).
3. doing my best to try to remember my mantra "to fly."

so I just watched the movie Paths of Glory for one of my classes. unnamed friend in my class, you know who you are, this post is for you. I brought up a point that I have come to believe about the military and all related institutions. they operate on the principles evident in all humans that Milgram and Zimbardo revealed in their infamous experiments about authority, control, role-playing, and domination. while the claims I made after the movie seemed to ruffle some feathers of the more militaristic in my class, I stand by my point. I am not arguing that the military institutions do not need to run like well-oiled machines and that these institutions are evil or inhumane or anything like that. I am simply arguing that the experiments run revealed fundamental truths about humanity. as an example, I like to use the nazis in hitler's germany. while the convenient thing to assume is that "they were all evil and horrible people who truly believed in the nazi dogma and the extermination of Jews," I like to argue that NO, they were people, citizens, humans, just like you and I. what I have learned from psychology classes is that people like to assume that they are different from those in these experiments or those living under dictatorships. welcome to the beauty of random selection and assignment. random selection: for a psychology experiment (or any experiment), each participant had an equal chance of being picked as every other person from the representative sample being studied. random assignment: the process by which any participant has an equal chance of being assigned to a condition as any other participant. by these stipulations, the people in the control and experimental groups are essentially the same. because of this, the people who shocked the learners to supposed death in Milgrim's and the guards in Zimbardo's experiment are more alike each of us than they are different. now I made this a long post for two reasons: it was indirectly requested, and I have a lot to say on this subject. please feel free to comment with your thoughts or if you would like to continue this discussion. in the end, judgment cannot be passed on the "evil" participants or the "evil" nazis. yes, their crimes were committed and they were horrible (trust me, don't get me started about justice being served), but it is not because they were inherently evil people! final scene of Paths of Glory is a great example...

fly

1. did homework all day! 
2. did my best to help get a friend on the student body president ballot.
3. mentally prepared myself for this upcoming week--procrastination is not my friend and being uberbusy isn't a great thing either...

this is what I want--to take flight. I want to turn into a woman who can take this world. only by taking risks and taking chances will I reach this freedom. breaking away from things in life can be scary, but also necessary. isn't this what these years in my life are about? being a new and free person? how I define freedom isn't something I can explicate right now; it's just something that needs to happen. my new mantra will be to fly. short post, I know, but some of the things I want to say are still wrapped up in my mind and can't quite make it out on paper yet. but soon, everything will come together.

i gotta feeling

1. tried to see avatar 3d today--fail. it was sold out 45 minutes before the movie was supposed to start. ugh, next weekend will be try #2 to see the movie that will change the face of the movie industry. 
2. did homework. reading consumes my life. but it's okay--classes should be pretty good this semester. let's hope I can continue my dean's list record...
3. joined a lot of efforts to help haiti--donating money, items, showing support, etc. btw: wear red on tuesday for haiti. you'll notice if you look at golden globe pictures that some stars wore red bows on their outfits--for haiti. also, some stars are auctioning off their entire outfits for haiti relief efforts. 

 this blog post is titled after the song "I gotta feeling" by the black eyed peas from their newest album, the e.n.d. (energy never dies). the song is basically about how tonight is going to be a good night out on the town, partying and such. my post refers to a slightly different topic. essentially, I gotta feeling that things will turn out OK. this earthquake is just another demonstration of how large scale tragedy brings humans together. the tsunami in 2004 was an example of this, as was hurricane katrina in 2005, and now the haiti earthquake in 2010. what this shows me, amidst immeasurable tragedy, is the human capacity for compassion and love. what I have been struggling with lately is the unfairness of this life--I have a hard time accepting the c'est la vie mentality. but this earthquake, strangely enough, has renewed my hope in humanity. what becomes hard now is understanding why it takes extreme suffering to bring about compassion. is it that so much bad stuff happens in this world that we have become numb to the sense? this is my main hypothesis right now--when people have so much on their plates anyway, it's hard to be concerned about the 15 people who died in a suicide bombing in afghanistan, the village wiped out in africa, the ice species dying in the rainforest, etc. but such huge tragedy that is so impossible to prevent wakes up people. I feel, however, that there is hope; this outpouring of help of all types demonstrates to me (an optimist who is buried underneath a realist) that humans aren't dead inside; a part still lives that allows us to grieve for others like us. tragedy is a leveler in this world--it strikes all people at one point. but I gotta feeling that this sign of life from the world community is a good sign. perhaps this decade will bring about...a change.

another bucket list item: meet with a President

woah oh oh

1. had the best night last night with friends! side note: bus drivers are amazing. "you know who are" will understand this statement...
2. but really, this four day weekend thing going to be legit as hell.
3. basketball game today? not so fun. homework? more fun, sadly, than the game. 

short post again tonight--this might become a trend. but what's important to me is that I'm still posting. this, though, will be a slightly superficial post. I want to talk about going out, having fun, partying. college is about studying and going to school. trust me, I understand that or else I wouldn't have gotten a 4.0 last semester. but it's also about getting crazy when it counts. partying and having a good time out with friends is crucial to having balance at college (for me). I'm not saying that partying is for everyone and that if one doesn't party he/she won't enjoy college. not at all. but for me, it's important to go out with my girls and let loose. as most people know, I love to dance. I went out earlier this week and barely drank anything but just danced all night and it was SO FUN. overall, music and dancing and partying can make for some unforgettable nights in college. again, all the people I'm referencing will understand. good times ahead! I can feel it--this semester is going to be a freshman year throwback--just with my sophomore smarts and sass.

obsession

1. had no classes--love the idea of a four day weekend every weekend! did some homework and caught up on some tv shows and my sleep today.
   
2. during a meeting today for the lab I volunteer in, a senior who started volunteering this semester asked me if I was a graduate student! haha, I said corrected her but felt pretty happy about the mistake. 
3. beautiful weather today; it's just a teaser though since january and february here are the worst months ever weather-wise.

briefly, since it's a friday night, I want to talk about obsessions. I just read an article about how heidi montag from the hills is obsessed with plastic surgery, getting over ten surgeries in one day. this, to me, seems like the dumbest obsession ever. she isn't even trying to be fake a give some dumb reason for it either (which is good); she admits that hollywood pressure has made her want to look perfect, so she keeps spending money on useless surgery. it just got me thinking about obsessions. when I took abnormal psych last semester, we of course covered eating disorders. similar to OCD, people with an ED feel a compulsive need to control their food in some way (and trust me, after doing the research about it, there are so very many ways). anyway, all this talk about obsession makes me question what I'm obsessed with, since I feel like most people in this world have an obsession. maybe it's harry potter? after all, I have read the books and seen the movies countless times. maybe it's with shoes? anyone who has seen my famous shoe tree can attest to the fact that I love shoes and buy them a lot. perhaps I'm obsessed with  my major. I love the field I study and any friend or family member can also verify that. mildly, I'm obsessed with fear. I'm just afraid of a lot of things and try to avoid them (a post yet to come). anyway, we all have our obsessions and I think it's wise to sit back and think about what those obsessions are, and whether or not they are positive or negative. plastic surgery? negative, imo. harry potter? definitely okay with me.

boys

1. had four classes today and have now started my four day weekend! I don't even know what to do really. I don't even have enough homework to merit four days to work on it. which is totally okay with me.
2. trying to focus on the positive in life and hoping the negative will work itself out. I just don't even know where to start with the haiti earthquake. it depresses me beyond belief. donating tomorrow.
   
3. I applied for a job at the starbucks in the hospital right on campus and got called back for an interview. so hopefully I can impress as a barista and make $12 an hour to pay off some of this wintertime debt...

like I said, I'm trying to focus on the positive and also trying to write on lighter subjects so all my posts don't seem dark and gloomy. so, as the title so clearly suggests, tonight's post is about boys. guys. men. I think "boys" most aptly applies to college males, though. anyway, my overall impression is confusion. do I want a boyfriend? no. in response to the subsequent question, the answer is, as my mother used to say, which part do you not understand, the "n" or the "o?". a boyfriend in no way appeals to me right now. they are time-consuming, distracting, whiny, and jealous. at least, this is the impression I have about boyfriends at this point in my life. sorry to the guys reading this (do people read this blog?), no hard feelings. and while I recognize that not all guys are like that, they should recognize that not all girls want a boyfriend! hello?! just because I enjoy talking to you or ask you to dance at a party or ask if you want to hang out does NOT mean I want to declare our undying love. I'm curious what happened to this concept called "dating." whenever it comes up in conversation with my guy friends, they are like "whoa. you mean, hanging out one-on-one with more than one guy? at the same time as another guy? that's not okay, no way." excuse me, but what the hellllll? people used to date, am I right? anyway, this post took a completely different direction than I intended, but I'm happy with it. on another note, there may be guys in my life, but some seem to have a problem with my "independent woman" thing I have going on. whatever...it's just me. and to the same guys who hopefully are still reading this post...just lighten up. not every girl who expresses interest wants "a ring on her finger."

a need for change

1. no classes today would have been fun, but I had HOURS of reading to do instead! literally, I read for my classes tomorrow from 10-present and am still not finished. this is what I get for having a social science interests.
2. started up lab meetings again for the lab I volunteer have volunteered in since last semester. it's hard for me to explain how excited my major makes me. 
3. hopefully this weekend I can catch up on my sleep! the first week back is always hectic...but I have a four day weekend so maybe it'll be a sleepy day on saturday.

change. the "yes we can" speechwriter was just demoted because he hasn't been...producing life-changing speeches recently. he is very young (25? 26?) but maybe he'll grow from this demotion and learn to make some miracles again. going off that, the change I feel approaching in my life is much needed. a change of pace with a new semester, a new year, a new decade is very welcome. I just feel this...anxious excitement for what is going to happen. sure, it's scary, but I like feeling possibility in the air. I'm not really sure the direction this change will take me, but I guess I'll learn to go with it. this summer will hopefully be awesome (!) and maybe I can learn to accept changes in my personal life that have been long-coming. anyway, I'm stoked for whatever comes, and trying to keep a positive attitude (which may be hard...see #1 and previous posts). but we'll see. yes, I can!

average

1. today was an average day. went to all my classes. they seem pretty interesting, albeit a few of them seem like some work. but hey, welcome to college, right? pretty sure I'm going to love my history class, and I officially decided to declare an English minor. still haven't decided about whether or not I'll drop down to a history minor or not yet.
2. had lunch with a good friend; it was nice catching up with him. also, I'm hoping to go out with some friends again tonight. oh, asher roth, you were right about one thing...man, I love college.
3. I've decided that another fear to add to my long list is that my computer will crash and I will lose all my documents and pictures. yikes. Perhaps I should purchase an external hard drive...

like my title suggests, today was an average day. while nothing went wrong, per say, nothing really good happened either. the cold and dreary weather is keeping me in this mildly depressed and pensive mode. hopefully, sunny days and warm[er] weather are ahead, and things will start to look up. like I said, I'm banking on friends and busy class prep to get me through the end of january and the despicable month of february...sorry for the short post. some days, I just don't have that much to say (which is a shocker to all of you who called me a chatterbox my whole life, I'm sure...)

not a happy post

1. had an awkward morning. woke up early to attempt to get a volunteering spot--no such luck. tried to buy books, but forgot my student id, so again, had to traipse back to get my keys and student id to purchase homework. but no classes and a great lunch with friends I missed made the day better.
2. a meeting about my summer possibilities also cheered me up.
3. got terrible news from home--the brother of one of the girls from my church and high school passed away today after a long battle with cancer. he was 24. needless to say, I was speechless. nothing can prepare one for news like that, even if it was expected.

again, needless to say, this will not be an uplifting post. I want to talk about death. this is such an obscure and scary topic for me. I'm one of those people who needs to know things. what are my plans this weekend? where am I going to grad school? will my life turn out okay? this is one reason why dealing with an issue for which there is no certainty makes me extremely nervous. I just want to know. what is death like? what is after death like? these two questions are among the few basic questions that have plagued humanity for thousands of years. it seems as if the questions with no answer are the ones that cause the most controversy, speculation, and despair (makes sense). and perhaps, most important for me right now, why does death happen to those who I would say aren't ready for death? a life lost so young is always felt more than an older person who had lived out a long life. the (again) unfairness of it all--a promising life being snatched away so before 1/3 of the life was even complete--boggles me. again, I apologize for the depressing and realistic dimensions of the two last posts, but I can't seem to get these issues off my mind.