BIRTHDAY!!!

1. TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! WHOO HOO!!! i was a party animal from the young age of...birth. and there are pictures to prove it. 
2. really starting to feel like my old self again! it's a great feeling. oh! and i got a free cupcake for my birthday today from the cupcakery!
3. I LOVE MY PINK SPARKLY NAIL POLISH. and i only have one participant tomorrow, the early slot, but then i can gym and go to the pool for the rest of the day!

figured i would blog early since jersey shore commences in about 45 minutes and i have to get dressed and all dolled up before that. then we are watching the show and going out! this way i can blog now and when i get home i can just go to bed and sleep. i set my alarm now so all should be good for the morning. i have nothing much to say but encourage you all to read this article http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/03/AR2006120300974.html i know the girl who wrote it and i really like the article/message. but i feel fine about turning 20--it feels the same right now but i'm sure it will sink in later that it's a weird thing to no longer be a teenager. so tonight is the rager dedicated to no longer being a teenager!

ohemgee

1. wowza! it's almost my birthday! yeeee, i'm excited! 
2. walked outside today to the library and back (across campus) and it was 97 degrees but felt like 105. yay, me! i was sweating so much. had class and then lab and then the gym. 
3. i did an extra set of things at the gym today and decided to add on to my gym time every day to push myself a little more. then grocery shopping, just like every wednesday afternoon. 

i think it's happening tomorrow. my fingernails are finally getting painted sparkly pink! but only in honor of my birthday and the jersey shore season two premiere. thanks mtv! i also have a bit of a break from work tomorrow--only half of my participant slots are full. so i think i will lie out by the pool for the first part of the day and then head into work after that, then gym. then party time! got a card/picture in the mail today *xoxo to my suitie* i'm just excited and happy right now! one week. one week! and then a week and a few days! this summer has been awesome--such a good experience for me. will write more on this later...perhaps, my last night here?! yes.

belly laugh

1. long day of work today, followed by gym and then some relaxation. 
2. chopped came on tonight--love my monday and tuesday nights!
3. have some planning and shopping to do to wrap up my final week and then some here and get ready for college!

i'm going to an actual library tomorrow to do research for this paper in an actual book! it's shocking. no one does research in books anymore! it's sort of coming full circle though since i started off my lab work finding some articles in the library and i'm (almost) finishing my time down here doing the same thing. not much to say really. luckily i'm getting the second book from the donna tartt lady to read (thanks) and i think i'll read the namesake next at this point. i like that i've read a lot this summer! i still need to read the help. i'm also interested in the constant gardener. i should have time before school to read all these books. it's hard to find time to read anything other than school books during the semester! but having my own room and a real living space may make that easier. that's what my shopping is for--the apartment. no more spending money this summer/semester. unless it's needed, of course. ta ta! *notice the good mood tonight*

don't let it get away

1. gym early this morning! my trainer kicks my butt; i'm always sweating bullets when i leave! but that's a good thing. he claims he's seen results already, but i think that was just motivation. 
2. worked more on the paper. there is one article i want and one book i want but of course they aren't available online or where i am! very annoying. but it should turn out okay anyway.
3. finished my book at 3 am (hadn't done that in awhile!) and then felt the effects of reduced sleep today. long day tomorrow so i'm going to bed very soon to rest up. 

i read the plot of SALT online the other day. glad i didn't pay money to go see it! it seems really violent and also kind of hard to follow. also, i'm not a huge fan of angelina jolie. but it sounds like it sets up for a SALT 2 so maybe it's just a money making enterprise. probably. aren't all movies? right, yes. anyway, i know that i'm a wuss and can't handle violence so that's why i read plots online. i read the plot for shutter island. the birds. when a stranger calls. seven. pretty much any movie that looks kind of interesting but remotely scary, i have someone screen for me (pun intended) and tell me if i can handle it. if not, wikipedia, here i come! the scariest movie i've seen is the shining. it was terrifying. but my boyfriend at the time had told me every single thing that happens in the movie, so i knew what to expect. yeah, it was still scary. and i watched it alone in my basement during the day. that book last night even scared me! i won't give away major plot details but it involves a murder (clear from the beginning, have no fear...wait...) and by the end i just had the heebiejeebies. and it was 3 am and i was alone in the apartment! but all the doors were locked and i was ready to fight off ghosts from the book if necessary. such nonsense on my part! a lot of my fears like that are so silly. but they seem real at the time. like, i lock my bathroom door to wash my face even when all the other doors are locked too! i don't like having my eyes shut with the door open. but hell, so much light from the balcony seeps into my room that i could see anyone coming in a heartbeat anyway!

poly-bull****

1. lounged around the apartment today. it was deadly hot outside so i didn't tan by the pool and i still couldn't go to the gym. my next personal training appointment was moved from 9 to 10:30 tomorrow morning. can't wait to go!
2. almost 400 pages into my new book and still have a ways to go. it can be quite verbose at times and excessive in detail and meaningless description but it doesn't really feel like it drags. it's interesting still, but just makes for a long book.
3. watched the next food network star and was happy about who they sent home (don't want to ruin it if some readers haven't watched yet). then i watched this crazy show on TLC called "strange sex." it was about these weird and unusual sex stories from couples or individuals. four different stores: polyamory, birth orgasms, sex addiction, and coital incontinence. WEIRD stories. slightly disturbing. and sex addiction isn't a real addiction, by the way. 

not much in a blogging mood tonight but one subject i had already wanted to talk about, cheating, ties in relatively well with the subject of polyamory, something i just learned about tonight! it is called "the learning channel" after all...  polyamory is supposedly the sentiment that you want to be emotionally and physically intimate with more than one person and everyone in the arrangement agrees and wants that same thing. perhaps you can sense my...sarcastic bite about this topic. i feel like it's just a massive cop out. um, hello, have you ever heard of a more precise definition of "have my cake and eat it too?!" didn't think so. yes, i should be open to new experiences and different kinds of love and relationships and all that jazz. but this just seems excessive. maybe i'm traditional (not a word i would use to describe myself typically) but i feel like relationships should exist between two people. but maybe i just haven't progressed to the idea of sharing love with more than one person yet. thankfully. i just think it's an excuse to experiment and change things up but still experience commitment and stability. that isn't fair! sure, maybe it works for some people (obviously) but it doesn't seem like that would be healthy to me. isn't intimacy suppose to be...intimate? meaning that emotional/physical/mental/spiritual bonds shared between two people aren't shared also with a third, fourth, fifth person at the same time? it just seems like cheating to me. and the woman on the show was so manipulative and self-righteous and egotistical and selfish. it just really, really turned me off from the idea of polyamory being healthy and successful in real life. kind of like communism...it would work on paper or in the perfect world...but yeah, no, it doesn't work. and going back to my original idea of cheating, researchers have found that most affairs in marriages/relationships start in a similar way--by sharing things with a person other than your significant other. okay, obviously i don't mean telling your friends about your bad day at work or your relationship problem du jour. but when one starts to share more with someone other than who one shares one's bed with, it can create problems. being emotionally or mentally intimate with someone other than your boy/girlfriend is where most of infidelities start. it's like building a whole new relationship really, so it makes sense that physical infidelity would follow. basic gist: cheating often starts out with a seemingly innocent friendship or working relationship that turns personal rather than staying on the side of impersonal. and polyamory seems to do just that--be intimate with more than one person. how can the bonds remain steadfast when more than one person is in the relationship? and it just seems really unequal. most of the time, it will be one women and more than one man, or one man and more than one woman. in most settings, it doesn't seem like the two or more people of the same sex will be sharing the emotional etc. intimacy so it just becomes an unequal and unfair relationship. i'm not on board yet, but who says i have to be?
bucket list item: sell my baked goods in some sort of store. not my own store necessarily, but someone's coffee shop or bakery or something.

do i look fat in this?

1. woke up early for an appointment and a stop at the cupcake shop! it's this little cupcakery that i was told about and it has delicious cupcakes! they are a tad too cloyingly sweet for my taste (shockingly enough) but the actual cupcake is great--the icing needs to be eaten in small doses, though.
2. worked more on the suicide paper--it's turning out better than expected! and just lazied around the apartment. didn't want to (and couldn't) be outside sunning and couldn't gym today either. that is the plan for tomorrow, though. 
3. got wholly absorbed in a new book! i'm already on page 98 and i started only around 1.5 hours ago. the secret history is the title and i have my father to thank for the suggestion. i absolutely love being sucked into a new book. i mean, harry potter and narnia and a few other books suck me in every time but they are so familiar. new and exciting books are always welcome!

perhaps off a bit of inspiration i also found today, i think tonight is a good night to talk about weight, body perception, societal expectations, and wimmen (translation: women). it is so surprising to me, still, how much women are affected by their weight, body shape, and society's pressures. the average woman is a size 12 in america. however, 1/4 people in america are obese. i'm not saying that size 12 is obese or too fat or anything like that. i'm not here to pass judgment. just to start a conversation about women and their weight. there are some women out there who are unconcerned about weight and body shape. these women often appear on TV shows for the same reason that the baby sea turtles are shown fighting to make it into the rough surf on the beach--both are RARITIES. i am entirely unconvinced that any woman on this planet is satisfied with her weight or shape. i just refuse to believe that we would all give up one of our favorite bitching topics so easily. something can always be altered, corrected, improved. we are conditioned from birth to see ourselves in a critical way. some women, certainly, cling to this idea more than others. a lot of women are happy with their bodies, but whether it is expressed or not, i think that all women feel at least a tiny ounce of dissatisfaction with their bodies. my research on this topic (okay, "research") has supported my claims. there is just such pressure for females to look a certain way (which is different based on culture and race) and the pressure is felt all the time. all you have to do is look at the cover of a magazine in the grocery story to see headlines about bikini season and getting in shape for the new year and not overindulging during the holidays. it's endless! mix that with any inherent need a woman has to prove herself and to find a mate and to be at her best and you've got a stewing cauldron of self-esteem and body size issues to eat up for supper. what is considered average is by no means considered desirable, at least from the media bombardment i'm facing. but even the skinny women aren't satisfied! some want to be skinnier, or have more curves, or longer legs, or who the hell knows. it's crazy to me how it's impossible to be satisfied with body size/shape/appearance.

foodies unite!

1. my only participant of the day didn't show up! i had two slots and one was empty and the other participant bailed on me, leaving my day at work pretty useless. so i went to the pool and almost died after 1.5 hours and then went to the gym. 
2. started writing the paper on acute suicide risk factors and realized (once again) that i write WAY too much. i have two factors to cover and only 3 double spaced pages in which to do it! i'm through the second article of the first factor and finished with one page. problematic!
3. watched my hour of wedding dress shows and talked to some friends. pretty boring night but that's okay. i am saving up all of my energy for junior year! get ready for the craziness.

so i thought i would follow a semi-similar path for tonight's post and talk about local vs. organic food. these two sides are often at war in the health food debate! basically, proponents of local food would rather have food that has been grown locally. the reasoning often varies but can include wanting to support local business,  wanting to reduce CO2 in the atmosphere from trucking or flying food long distances, or wanting to reduce consumer costs. organic foodies are interested in how the food is grown; meaning that no pesticides/insecticides/hormones/fertilizers are used to grow/raise the product. each side has its pros and cons but the ideal place to land is on both sides. finding food that is local and organic is the jackpot. for instance, finding beef that has been raised on pesticide-free grain and without hormones and free-range, but is from argentina is preferable for an organic foodie. apples that were grown by a local farmer who sells at the farmers' market every weekend, but may have used insecticides for treating the trees are preferable for a local foodie. the best of both worlds? blueberries grown locally that are pesticide-free and harvested by a family and sold in the weekly market. finding local or semi-local growers/farmers who don't use pesticides/hormones/etc. for their products would be ideal, but it's often difficult to manage. a piece of advice or two. some fruits/vegetables retain a lot more of the pesticide chemicals that may have been used to grow them. some examples: celery, carrots, apples, avocados, and strawberries. poultry problems may arise with milk/eggs/meat because a lot of the growth hormones stay in the animals at time of butchering/milking and are transferred to the final product. a lot of these chemicals have links to several forms of cancer also. be aware of how the animals were raised. in some instances, like the ones mentioned above, the organic movement overtakes the local movement simply for reasons of safety. with most other produce or foods like bread, buying local can be preferable to buying organic. just make sure to thoroughly wash all produce before consumption. so i feel like this sounds like a little news article and i apologize--it's because i've been writing this review paper tonight. anyway, the local vs. organic war should not be so heated--let's instead encourage middle ground!

here's to a healthy lifestyle

1. started the job search today! i hope i can actually find one that i like and can keep for awhile--i'm definitely willing to work during the school year and during the summer. 
2. of course i did not paint my nails today. i'm the worst with manicures. they NEVER last and i ALWAYS chip the polish off. oh well...
3. one week until my birthday! a little under two weeks until my boyfriend comes and little over two weeks until i'm going home! cannot wait. 

i'm all out of post ideas! isn't that lame? yes, very lame. exercise! that's a new topic, right? this blogging for 365 days thing is harder than i expected. "exercise gives you endorphins. endorphins make you happy. happy people just don't shoot their husbands...they just don't!" thank you, elle woods (legally blonde). but really, she's right. exercise releases chemicals in the brain (endorphins among them) that help boost mood. all the more reason to exercise, right? then why are approximately 1/4 people in america classified as "obese?" isn't that a terrifying number?! "overweight" is usually ten or more pounds heavier than what is expected for one's height; "obese" is 30 or more pounds overweight. terms are thrown around all the time and nutrition and exercise and supplements all comprise a huge industry in this country. again, i ask, why are so many people overweight and obese? because people aren't properly educated about health and fitness. it's a depressing thing, really, and an issue that needs to be addressed immediately (along with all the other depressing and pressing issues). but solving the problems of health and fitness will address a lot of other issues too: mental health, lifetime expectancy, prevalence of heart disease/diabetes/some cancers/etc., health care costs, relationship satisfaction, and many more. the abundance of information out there is obviously not addressing the mass public in effective ways. so much of the dieting advice is crap, and what's good is hard to stick to so people give up. on top of poor dieting techniques, a lot of people don't workout regularly, don't work out enough, and don't work out properly. these problems combined with a general laziness that pervades the american consciousness results in a fatter public. i'm not guilt-free from all these problems i'm mentioning, by the way. but i was lucky enough to be raised by two parents who care about health and fitness and they passed good advice onto their children. but i'm just as guilty as the next person about some of these things (everyone is guilty to some extent--no one, NO ONE is perfect). i was channel surfing tonight and ran across kourtney and khloe take miami about two of the kardashian sisters. kourtney had recently had a baby and was trying to get back in shape for a cover bathing suit photo shoot. she was saying how she wanted to show moms everywhere that it was possible to be healthy and get the pre-baby body soon after delivery, but then she was working out three times a day trying to get that body. she forced her body into exhaustion and had to go to the hospital and was also neglecting her job, her baby, and her family. now, i don't know about you, but that schedule doesn't sound really practical or applicable to "real world" moms. my point with this tangent is that everyone has to work for their idea of the perfect body and everyone has to work to be healthy. so it's not easy but it's certainly worth it. there are so many aspects of psychology i'd love to study and to preach about, and this is definitely one of them--health psychology. but i do study health risk behaviors and eating/exercise patterns are included in that. to health!

"excuse me, waiter!"

1. my computer mouse has died : ( i'm sad and it'll cost to replace it, but i need to have a mouse--i hate having to rely on the built-in mousepad when i'm at home. 
2. i want to paint my fingernails sparkly pink tomorrow. it's not bright pink, more muted, but it's definitely sparkly! post-work and post-gym perhaps i'll give myself a manicure. 
3. i want to do something fun tomorrow night! my birthday is a week from tomorrow but i want to go out tomorrow night anyway. i'd go see SALT but it's not opening until friday. 

i need a job. it's really hard to work during the school year but i need to make the money that i lost this summer. i know it all went to a good cause but i need to make it up and hopefully make even more. it really sucked not being able to find a job this summer, despite how hard i looked. i started looking on craigslist today for jobs at college but it's hard to apply this early. i'd prefer a restaurant job, of course, but those are so easily taken up during school! i need to go the weekend i get back and start asking. it's also hard to give up nights/days/weekends for a job when you really just want to be relaxing/studying/partying. and, i feel like the fact that i'm going abroad in the spring would be a negative, although the employer doesn't need to know about that. babysitting would be fine too but i don't have a whole lot of experience in that area--just one consistent babysitting job. i also don't like kids a whole lot. we'll see what i can come up with. wish me luck!

"take it"

1. had a long, busy day. running experiments, two hour meeting, more participants, gym, dinner, chopped, now sleep! tuesdays are my busiest day though, according to my scheduled experiment times. 
2. i feel myself coming down with a bit of an illness. i need to sleep in a little tomorrow and catch up, then work late. have another gym workout tomorrow though...6 days a week!
3. been thinking a lot lately about this summer--i can't believe it's coming to a close! it's crazy to me how quickly summer flies by. i really have enjoyed my time so far and hope to live out these last few weeks with a positive attitude and an open mind.

been thinking lately about taking the easy way out versus taking the hard way. it should be clear by now that i don't shy away from hard things. i'm a major and double minor (might turn back into a double major--we'll see). i'm blogging for an entire year straight. i'm living in a place where i know no one for an entire summer for my career. i have picked the hardest (yes, harder than med school) graduate program in the country to apply to. i go to and have a 3.8 gpa at a competitive and highly ranked public school. i workout 6 days a week (that's a lot for me!). i could probably think of others but i've run out for now. so i like to push myself and i like to better myself and i like to challenge myself. why, then, am i contemplating taking the easy way out this fall? granted, no way is really an easy way based on what i'm going to feel regardless, but one way is certainly described as being easier than the other. it's a tough question and one that i'm not sure i know the answer to, but i will spend more time thinking, of course, and maybe come up with something soon. love black and white photography...

p-->p

1. woke up bright and early for my first official meeting with my trainer! it was hard but he gave me a workout for this entire week. tomorrow is running/interval training and abs. whoo hoo!
2. took a cat nap before going into work. had a few more participants today than normal and that was nice--good sample size is crucial to having enough power to make the experiment worth it. 
3. watched the bachelorette tonight! it's getting closer to the season finale! no wonder these people are falling in love; they traveled all over the world together and are now in tahiti for the final two shows--this is not real life people!

i don't have much to talk about today. i wish i could talk about the studies i'm running but that's not really allowed. but i am helping write a paper and i did a bit more research on that today. it's exciting all that is happening and it's so weird that the summer will be over in about a month. in one month from today i am moving into my new apartment and starting junior year! i'm very excited but very nervous at the same time. yet again i'm entering a new time for change in my life--it feels strange to be on the brink of something again. i was back from the edge for a long time! oh well, it's good that i have practice at change.

not a happy subject

1. lazied about in the sun for a few hours, did laundry (which i just remembered is still in the dryer) and started a new book. myths about suicide...uplifting! not. but very informative and interesting. 
2. had a great conversation with pookie and am very excited to be back at home!
3. started researching for the sections i'm going to write for the paper about acute suicide risk factors. i'm afraid of messing up but confident i can do well.

so i study a range of things but the primary concern of the lab i'm working in now is suicide/suicidal behavior/ideation/risk/assessment/prevention. it's not uplifting work but i feel that it's influential, so i'm going to briefly go over one of the major theories in this post. this is the work of dr. joiner and his students/colleagues. his theory of why people commit suicide is three parts. the first component is that the person must overcome the fear of enacting lethal self-injury. this can be accomplished in a variety of ways, the most notable being habituation to violence and pain and self-injury. this may come from working in a violent profession (police officers, doctors, etc.) or from engaging in violent behavior (binge drinking, self-injecting drug use, fighting, sports, etc.) or from suicidal behavior (cutting, burning, hitting, etc.). habituation is essentially just getting used to a stimulus. the most powerful of these would be the last--personal experience with inflicting self-injury is a powerful predictor of habituation to pain and fear of death, but the other factors i mentioned above are important too. once the fear of pain and death and self-injury is overcome (at least, up until that moment when it's staring the person in the face), the other two parts of the theory come into play for explaining why people act upon suicidal ideation: a low sense of belongingness and a perceived sense of burdensomness. when people feel socially isolated and no connection to the world in any way, it's clear to see how that would be a major red flag. feeling like one has no association to the outside world would make it seem that much easier to end one's life and cut off whatever remaining connections there were. a perceived sense of burdensomness is when a person feels like he/she is a burden on family, friends, employers, the world, whomever. it is often not the reality, but the person usually feels like those in his/her life would be better off if he/she were dead. the three components on their own are usually not enough to be lethal, but pose a risk for suicide. the combination of the three leaves one at high risk for suicide and requires immediate action. it's a really sad and taboo topic but the light that recent research is giving to the topic is crucial for understanding and prevention.
item: work for the suicide hotline. 

inception

1. woke up at a restful hour. figured out some more furniture stuff with my dad and then got ready for the movies!
2. saw inception. loved it. am going to see it again soon. GO SEE IT. 
3. went to the gym and finished prodigal summer! up next is the secret history. 

i need some sunshine! my plan is to lie out tomorrow and soak up the endorphins and vitamin d. but really, don't read this post unless you've seen inception already. come back to it later because i don't want to give anything away...
i'm so nervous that my thoughts will be stolen tonight! my ideas aren't safe. i'm convinced that the christopher nolan stole his idea for this movie from harry potter. something called "occlumency" was prevalent in most of her books. it's the process by which one can enter another person's thought and take over information or different parts of the mind and plant images or ideas, or steal images and ideas. it's how voldemort got so close to harry and how harry was able to torture voldemort in return. the difference is that occlumency does not require the person to be sleeping, but is able to be used during any state of consciousness. the premise of the inception film is that these people enter dreams, or re-create dreams, rather, and steal ideas for corporate gain. the movie is obviously interesting to me from a psychological perspective. it's frightening to think that someone could enter our dreams and change our present. dreams are a sacred and protected product of the individual mind. to think that those intimate levels could be penetrated and manipulated is terrifying! all i know is that after that movie, other than wanting to see it again, i started to want to carry around a totem, to make sure that my reality is real. how silly! but still, how intriguing...
oh, and i think the top fell over at the end.

miranda

1. day off! figured out some more craigslist stuff with the help of my wonderful dad and then went to waffle house for a yummy breakfast!
2. went to target for some new workout gear and then the gym! i bought the $99 training deal and start on monday!
3. stayed in tonight and had just the kind of friday night i wanted to have. watched freedom writers for the second time and it made me cry all over again. 

how can i be cynical? i used to be optimistic. what happened?
and no, i don't want to talk about it.
and then this movie--lots to think about. 

the chronic-WHAT-cles of narnia

1. had work for several hours today and then rushed to the gym for my personal training meeting at four. 
2. IT WAS AWESOME. 
3. discovered how delicious bryer's all natural fruit bars are--naturally sweet and low fat, and come in three flavors (i had strawberry tonight). 

fair warning, if you haven't read narnia don't read ahead! i love narnia. did i mention this in my favorites post? probably so. nope, just checked, i didn't. good! a new topic. narnia is so well-written, so exciting. the characterization is impeccable, as is the description of the settings. i have the hardest time picking a favorite book, much less an order, but i think i can do it. the voyage of the dawn treader, the last battle, prince caspian, the magician's nephew, the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe, the silver chair, the horse and his boy. maybe. the last two could change places depending on my mood. anyway, the series is magical in more than one way. its treatment of religious themes is obviously what its most known for, but a lot of people don't recognize the themes other than christianity that are prevalent throughout. i don't think they have fauns and centaurs in christianity! those images and the images of nature worship and witches pull from pagan beliefs, as well as greek and roman mythology. guess they don't teach that in sunday school class. i first read the series as a child and was immediately drawn in like a moth to a flame. the story is so intriguing and some of the more obvious metaphors to the christian faith are present to any age reader. but even now i love narnia with the same childish charm. maybe i love narnia for all the wrong reasons. but are there wrong reasons to love a book? i perhaps hold it in too high esteem and look over some of the issues that seem to bother modern critics today (sexism, racism, all those isms). but for me the series has always retained a sense of wonder and beauty and excitement that few other works of art have managed to do for me. and susan didn't get excluded from narnia because she was too wrapped up in becoming a woman and a teenager; she was excluded because she stopped believing. she was too practical for narnia from the beginning and always took her role as elder sister too seriously. lucy is one of the more respectable characters in the series and she is female--she just kept believing in narnia and wanting narnia to be real. well, to her it was real. maybe it is real! perhaps that's why i love it. i want to believe that hogwarts and middle-earth and narnia are real. anyway, that's my bit about narnia. on a side note, i decided that i want waffle house for breakfast! i have a day off from work (on accident, not my fault) so i'm going to lie poolside after waffle house and go to the gym later. la ti da!

surfin' usa

1. just got back from the gym! i didn't have a good time to go earlier today since i went out to eat and needed to stay beautified for that, so i went around 10:30 and got back around 11:15. it felt good to sweat but now i have to shower and try to get normal sleep.
2. made a birthday plan with my apartment mate: dress up like jersey shore girls, party party, watch the premiere of season 2 (thanks for the birthday present, mtv), party party, then go to sleep and wake up for work the next morning, haha. 
3. got some exciting work news today!!! i'll get to be third author on a paper, hopefully--if all goes as planned--but it's looking promising so far. 

isn't it funny how one's general feeling about life can yo-yo from day-to-day? okay, maybe it's just me. but my feelings and moods are so variable! some days are "juggersense" days, some days are great, others are okay, some are awful. little things can make me happy or upset or pissed off or nostalgic. i'm a really emotional person and i wear most of them out on my sleeve (best fashion accessory ever!). i've never really been bothered that i'm a moody person...perhaps it bothers other people?...but that's just how i am. we'll call it my temperament to use a psychology term. temperament refers to the fixed disposition a person is born with. it doesn't really change over time and is a good indicator of other personality traits and interpersonal relationships. so today, as maybe you've been able to tell by now, was a great day. i'm happy, i'm finding some furniture for my apartment, it was my friend's birthday, i got good job news, i went out to eat (alone), i'm reading a good book (prodigal summer), i got some new music, my boyfriend is coming in three weeks, i made birthday plans...the list goes on and on! and while i tend to feel guilty about how self-absorbed my life seems sometimes (i mean, i'm blogging about my life for pete's sake--self-important? yes.) today i've just been trying to ride the wave of feeling happy. so healing vibes to you know who you are, good luck job vibes to you know who you are, and thank you vibes to you know who y'all are.

time flies

1. went to work, the gym, grocery shopping. then read, made dinner, watched chopped, and about to gtb!
2. browsed for more furniture on craigslist and looked online for bedsheets/comforter sets. such fun! hopefully i'll get the furniture i want and it'll all fit in our three cars...
3. made an appointment for my free personal training session finally, and then realized that i have to reschedule! how annoying for me and for the gym. but i'm determined to get it in this week. 

all the furniture shopping makes me excited for junior year and my new apartment and (another) new start in my life! sheesh, 2010 sure has been an exciting year so far! it's weird that i'm already reading the august issue of cosmo. i can't believe how quickly time passes when you actually slow down and look around. but really, time doesn't pass that quickly. it's been a long time getting to july 13th, and all i want is for another three weeks to roll around so that i can be heading home to where i belong. i really have enjoyed this summer, don't get me wrong. and i can't wait for it to get to that point in my life where this summer will all be so worth it. i'm getting to do so many things that most students my age aren't getting to do with their summers. but this summer is a stepping stone to where i want to be later in life. hopefully this year will be a stepping stone to later in life also. it's more like a stepping boulder. but that's what it takes sometimes. i'm excited for classes and excited for friends and excited for going out again! i miss college. i can't imagine graduating. people down here are always surprised that i'm "only going to be a junior." i'm like "only?!" you're kidding, right? that's so old to me! but my sister is in the process of buying a damn house, and i feel old?! geez. people who are over 30 look at me with scorn (trust me, i've gone out with some 30-somethings lately and can barely take the heat--double entendre intended). the withering looks are getting old, but maybe i should stop complaining about "only being a junior."

and it was all yellow

1. had an awful sleep last night and had a really bad morning, but the day slowly got better. 
2. got the passport photos for my visa made today and got the august issue of cosmo in the mail!
3. watched the bachelorette tonight--i'm pulling for roberto! season finale is on august 2nd...that's the week i'm going back home, yay!

don't get me wrong, i've definitely enjoyed my summer. but it's just not been as wonderful as i expected. missing people and being this far away from home has really been a bummer. but the experience has been priceless for my resume and my career goals. cosmo had an article about making the steps to change things in your life that you are not happy with and i've pretty much taken those steps and ended up where i am this summer. but i also have some lingering thoughts that can't be solved with the simple steps cosmo put forth. some things just can't be changed. but i'm really tired after my fitful night last night and need to get some sleep. i've decided that i liked living alone though. the roommate situation has calmed down a little bit and it's pretty much back to normal. and picking out furniture for my new apartment has been fun! next decision: bedding and wall paint color...

7/11

1. woke up late, watched the soccer game (viva espana!) and went to the gym. 
2. planned an outfit for tomorrow, read an article, watched foot network. 
3. started night by elie wiesel and can barely put it down. the writing is so honest and so succinct and so heartbreaking. 

i can't even imagine the holocaust. i put down night when i got to a chapter break and got up to walk to the kitchen to make a frozen dinner. i paused in the doorway and almost started to cry. i could hit myself for how ungrateful i am. not ungrateful, but unappreciative. no, that isn't the right word either. jaded comes closer, i think. i think every holocaust conversation that happens eventually comes to the place i came to tonight--how can i be so worried about some of the stuff i'm worried about when people lived through something like the holocaust? and it is not in the past; it will never be in the past as long as genocides happen, like the ones in the sudan and in darfur and to our planet earth. yes, i think humans are committing a mass genocide against earth. few people acknowledge it, few people try to prevent it or try to fix it, and few people care enough to rise up against the mass consumerism. elie talks in the intro and also in the actual book about his loss of faith. if they were God's chosen people, how were the Jews being subjected to such annihilation and suffering? it was the cruelest torture. and now, God's creation, must be asking the same questions. if you created us and love us and intended us to be used wisely and with care and compassion, how can you let these horrible things happen to us? every evil in this world is just a product of another evil. why are the pink dolphins in the amazon being killed and used as bait, with the carcasses left to rot on the shores? because the people of the amazon region are starved and impoverished and need money for their families. why do they need money for their families? because they are uneducated and don't have access to health care and birth control and cannot control their population. why the lack of basic health care and education, seemingly inherent rights of humanity? there is no government funding and no one who really cares. why no money and no one to care? i am growing tired of answering these questions. they may not even be the right answers. it's just so frustrating. i am outraged at the murdering of the pink dolphins, but how can i be so angry with poor citizens just trying to survive? and questions like that follow all the answers that involve blame. where does the cycle begin? where does it stop?

bucket list item: donate time and money to my causes.

doubt

1. went to the movie today and then to the mall. saw despicable me and it was really cute/sweet and i got a few wardrobe staples that i'm pretty excited about. 
2. came back to the apartment and watched some food network and made dinner. talked with my boyfriend and online shopped for college apartment stuff for the rest of the night. 
3. world cup final tomorrow...viva espana!!! can't decide if i'm going to watch it here or go to a sports bar. 

not much to talk about tonight. but the past few days i've been thinking about my time this summer. i know it was well spent and i've really enjoyed getting more lab experience. everyone tells me that i made a great decision and i really set myself apart resume/experience wise and i believe them all, but i can't help but have seeds of doubt. i know that what i did was best for me career wise, but should that have been all i thought about? i could have lived at home another summer or stayed in my college town and done research there. and it wouldn't have looked as good and i wouldn't have gotten the experience or the letters of rec, but other parts of my life might be more in order. i just miss my family so much and my home and my friends and my boyfriend. i can't help but think that last summer was my last one at home and i didn't even know it. like, from now on, i will not officially be living at my childhood home. i'll visit and still have my room, but it's not like i'll spend a lot of time there. that's a scary thought! my childhood is basically over and i'm not even in my twenties yet. will the steps i took this summer all end up being worth it? i don't know; it's hard to say. i'm sure it will be worth it, but i won't have any idea until further down the road. it's hard taking such a leap like this. i just wish i could know now whether or not i made the right decision.

pow pow pow

1. saddest day ever! my sex and the city marathon is officially over. i knew how it was going to end but it was still so good/sad. and i even know how the two movies happen, so i know more than the original viewer did. such a great show. groundbreaking, really. 
2. time to get back to the real world outside of manhattan. i have books to read and pools to sit by and gyms to go to (though i did go today) and labs to volunteer in. oh, and i guess people to see
3. and a soccer game to watch on sunday! viva espana. the octupus picked spain, so i am too. also, i like spain more than the netherlands, although i did have the change to study abroad in the netherlands and do research. i speak spanish (sort of) so my loyalty is there. 

i love working on my application for florence for next spring! i picked the wrong year to blog apparently! well, not true at all; this blog has been fantastic. i love all that it's done for me and all that has happened so far in 2010 (well, not all, obviously, but a lot of it). maybe i'll keep like a every-few-days-or-so blog in florence; that'd be fun. you know by now my history of journaling. it just won't get down on paper in florence. so i'll have to find someway to record my travels! but not having a strict schedule will be nice. i feel like i am jinxing this! what if i don't even get to go?! that would be tragic. i am so looking forward to it. though a semester away from the college i love is a scary thought. somethings have just been predetermined though. i always thought i'd go to college, always thought i'd study abroad, always thought i'd be a psych major. looks like things are shaping up as expected. the abyss in my life is post-graduation. take a year off? go right to grad school? go to grad school in clinical psych? live in a new place? so many options! so many choices! i am very indecisive. sex and the city has given me this feeling that having so much planned for my life is a bad thing. these women took years to find everything they wanted. is it possible that i can know so soon what i want to do, and actually go for it? i think that's pretty ballsy in itself, though, having a certainty about one's life. i have my guns and i'm sticking to them. figuratively, of course. guns don't match my outfits.

ERS

1. went to the gym, as promised, and then went to work until about 3:30. lazed around and then got ready for my night out at the comedy club. the acts were okay...the headliner guy was funny though. and it was free!
2. slowly working through season six of sex and the city. carrie still annoys me and i still love samantha's jokes and charlotte is so funny and traditional and miranda just needs mental help.
3. tomorrow is friday and i'm so happy. i miss my college life and my college friends and my college. i can't wait for august 7th to role around so i can go back home, and then august 17th so i can move in to my apartment!

there are so many days left that i have to blog! people, make some suggestions here! i know i have, like, zilch readers but maybe someone will stumble along this blog in cyberspace? maybe? it's like when you wear a really cute outfit to a bar or dinner with your friends and you hope for someone to comment on it. you tell yourself, "oh it's just for me--i want to dress up and feel good about myself." right, be real, you are just showing off and want compliments. but hey, everyone needs reassurance! no harm in that! i don't even know what i'm blogging about tonight. maybe i need reassurance. my few readers, please comment, or i will disown you as family members/friends or break up with you! not really, but please? just one comment? k, thanks.

< / 3

1. i'm so sick and tired of allergies! they need to stop bothering me and move on to someone else! or better yet, just leave us all alone.
2. went to LBD (little black dress) night at a hotel downtown and wore black skinny jeans, a black sparkly tank top, and fuchsia platform heels. it was a good night! 
3. finished up season five of sex and the city and set my alarm to go to the gym before work in the morning. i've figured out that from 3-6 the gym is way too busy and i need to go in the morning. 

lost love? broken hearts? trashed relationships? hurt feelings? can it get any worse? yes, throw kids into the mix. anyway, the post i'm supposed to write tonight is about lost love. it seems so hard to contemplate, but most everyone experiences it more than once during a lifetime. maybe not lost love, but lost potential for love. maybe i've been watching too much sex and the city, but i think that charlotte was maybe right on her + or - two great loves in life rule. i think it's kind of easy to fall in love and i think it's relatively easy to make a relationship work, as long as you take the proper steps. relationships fail for two main reasons: money and sex. don't marry someone if you haven't talked about these two issues. hell, don't even move in with someone if you haven't talked about them. having different views about finances or sex can ruin relationships (or so the research says) but i think people just forget to plan ahead these days. sure, what do i know about making a marriage work? that is a fair statement. but i have observed relationships over the years and it takes a lot of work to make things...work (for more than three dates). commitment is tough! so is it worth it? i can't answer that yet, except to say that i was single for a long time in college and am now in a relationship and couldn't be happier. i talked with my good friend yesterday and determined that i am a relationship person. i am, i'll admit it. but that doesn't mean i can't be single and flirt and have fun with the best of them! but i need to meld those parts of my personality together in a relationship. i love to have fun and talk and meet people and get attention (i'm a leo--blame my birth month), but i also love to be settled and content and making it work with just one person. don't get me wrong, this relationship isn't a piece o' cake (unfortunately...i love cake!) but it's also not impossible and doesn't make me crazy and i don't constantly question myself (yes, i've been there). so this wasn't exactly a post about lost love, but hey, it's my blog and i'll write what i want to.

ouch.

1. drove back to my summer program place today. all i know is that after 8 hours in a car and with only two stops, my butt sure is hurting. 
2. watched the bachelorette show that i missed last night and got to see some of lisbon, portugal from the show. it looks beautiful! just another place in europe to visit...
3. had good talks with friends today/tonight. can't wait to be back at school and with everyone again!

i'm really tired and want to go to bed. but i have a blog topic for tomorrow night, if nothing else pops into my head. lost love. this topic is fueled by the second half of the bachelorette that i watched tonight featuring jake and vienna on why their relationship ended. both called the other a "fame whore." all i have to say about that is...you went on TV to find love--of course both of them are fame whores!

a "quasi" post

1. went tubing today on a river for my boyfriend's sister's 18th birthday. fun times all around but it made me really tired and dehydrated and my lips got sunburned. i was happy to be invited, though. 
2. had a family dinner and talked about the rest of my summer and plans for moving back to college.
3. played scrabble for the first time in my life! ending score: 98; final score: 83. not bad for a first timer?

don't let other people make you think that you are wrong! believe in yourself and take a stand! i had the word "quasi" spelled out on the board tonight and the Q was worth 10 points and also was a double letter score, so it would have been 20 points + the points for the other letters. but my ex-english teacher mother told me that quasi was always a prefix and i couldn't use it. so instead of sticking with my word and winning the points and making her lose a turn, i backed down. stupid, stupid me. so i learned my lesson the hard way and now know to stand my ground. and i wouldn't have lost 10 points at the end either because i would have used my Q. hmph. so that's my scrabble story. don't make the same mistake i did!

happy 4th of july!

1. had the family over for a big 4th of july party! i loved seeing everyone and had such a great time. 
2. i got an early birthday present that i am very excited about! crate and barrel, here i come...
3. watched the fireworks at the community center to end the celebration. 

this is one of those nights where i don't really want to be blogging, i just want to be sleeping. but i had a great day and i'm glad i got to celebrate america's birthday with my family. how exciting to think about what happened on the first birthday! such intrigue and excitement and sadness and newness! cool stuff like that doesn't happen anymore! then again, i am biased and think the revolutionary war is really cool. even though it was gruesome and tiring. but hey, we were fighting for independence! pretty damn cool story, if you ask me.

watch fireworks on the capitol steps in DC

ba da BA DAAAA

1. ran some errands, met my besties for lunch, and did some chores at home. why did i come home again? oh right, for a vacation. and to see my family. but hey, it's better than spending the 4th of july holiday alone! too bad that's how i'll spend my birthday...
2. worked a lot on my study abroad application. i'm overly eager and a planner and very organized, so naturally, everything will be turned in weeks early and after be checked and double- and triple-checked.
3. watched quantum solace in HD and for free and it was awesome. i'm not sure if i'm a fan of HD, though. it almost seems too realistic. like, hard-to-believe real as opposed to movie-screen real. 

watching the bond movie made me think about the government. and the night before the 4th of july seems to be an appropriate time to talk about the government. according to interesting new research, the original draft of the declaration of independence used the word "subjects," written by thomas jefferson. he then erased the word using his thumb while the ink was still wet. perhaps he felt that it wasn't a fitting word choice. maybe john adams or benjamin franklin edited the draft after he wrote it and put "w.c." next to the "subjects." anyway, our government was formed by rebels and hell-raisers and pissed off british subjects. i think that is such an intriguing way to start a history, don't you? and now, where are we? did the people living back then have any idea of what really happened in government? the elite and intellectual few ran the country and didn't worry the public about silly affairs of the state. you'll have a hard time convincing me that anything has changed. yes, the electing public is more educated and aware (kind of) and there are laws and ethical practices that people in power have to abide by (supposedly). but i still can't help but think that i have NO IDEA what is really happening in government. the secrets must be overwhelming. the responsibility and the enormity of the job would truly be back-breaking. but someone's got to do it! no, not you, georgie. sorry, but the americans have had enough of you after eight years of hell. i can't believe that a little less than half of my life was spent under your leadership. how tragic for my reputation. but hey, the first time i voted, mr. obama was elected. now that is something to be proud of.

cop out

1. woke up in my home bed and it was a wonderful feeling. although the bed where i am living this summer is a full and my bed at home is a twin so it felt kind of small for the first time in my life!
2. ran some errands in town and had lunch with a friend. i am not in town but for a few days so i can't see many people. but that's fine, i mainly want to stick around my family and boyfriend and close friends anyway. 
3. had the boyfriend over for dinner and watched (kind of...i really slept) through the replay of the netherlands vs. brazil game. it sounded exciting from what i remember. 

i watched the stars tonight and they are so beautiful where i live. there were so many out and i could even see the milky way. i miss seeing stars. they remind me of my future and all i want to accomplish in my lifetime. they also remind me to take care of the planet. it's such a freak of nature that humans are even on a planet that can sustain life and it's sad to think about all the ways we are destroying that planet. but maybe we will learn...i hope soon...

hoooome

1. basically all i did today was drive. a long, long way. but now i am home and so happy to be here!
2. i ate lunch at taco bell? 
3. and i didn't get lost once. 

such an exciting day, i know. but it was great driving the road home and it's so wonderful to be back in this house. i love my house! and my family and my mountains and my kitty. seeing friends and boyfriend tomorrow, and then more friends this weekend and the celebrating the 4th of july on sunday with all the family! can't wait. i'm pretty sad that i have to leave on tuesday. but i decided to leave my internship early and come home about a week sooner in august than i was planning previously. it's great to be home. living far away really makes me appreciate it--i don't know how some kids go to college in such far away places. glad i'm not one of them!

quickie

1. worked today and went to a pre-practicum class for the grad students who are entering their second year. basically, the class teaches people how to be therapists. interesting stuff!
2. finished up season four of sex and the city and had a small dinner over conversations with the new roommate.
3. packed and got directions for my trip back home tomorrow. i cannot wait to be home!!!

quickie post tonight--must get to bed and get some sleep for the long drive! and i put off blogging because i had stuff to do and blogging is usually always put off. plus, a semi-boring day anyway. but i hope i make it safely! i'm definitely nervous, but let's hope the driving gods and God are on my side. and let's hope i don't run into this!

confidence vs. cockiness

1. a busy day in the lab and a semi-exciting one too. the professor i'm working for and the lab team i'm working with are both really doing their best to make my summer worthwhile. i believe at the end of this summer i will have several thank you notes to write (perhaps i should start a list now...).
2. gave myself a pedicure today. sparkly red polish to match the upcoming holiday. i'm going home for the 4th of july and can't wait to see my family/mountains/boyfriend/friends/kitty.
3. onto sex and the city season three! i love aiden! yay! too bad i know how this whole series really ends up...with her marrying big and then kissing aiden and then staying with big. bummer!

ego--what's the deal? i mean, i get being confident, but why the need to be an asshole? and the only thing conceiving this post is the tv show chopped, no interpersonal life crisis. anyway, some people are so egotistical and arrogant. trust me, i've had my fair share of those guys (and girls) in my life. still do, for that matter. but i'm not saying that i'm not an ego maniac sometimes, especially when my ego is bruised. but i've also always seen excessive ego as a defense mechanism for low self-esteem (or something psychological like that). i always get the most testy and arrogant when i'm feeling either really legitimately proud of something i've done or really bruised from something not-so-good that i did. but some people just have over-reactive egos! like, get over yourself already! maybe if you didn't have such a massive ego then doing poorly every now and then wouldn't come as such a shock. everyone screws up sometimes. but don't whine about it and just get back up and get back to life. while i'm writing this, i am (obv) thinking of samantha from sex and the city. talk about ego. then again, girl can back it up. and she can also accept defeat and loss of dignity (on those rare occasions when things happen to her). okay...that's not entirely true. she fights and doesn't take shit from people, but after all of that, she can still take a punch to the ego every now and then. unlike this chef on chopped! don't put all your eggs in one basket.

bueller? bueller? anyone? anyone?

1. WOW no one comments on my blog anymore.
2. headache. too much sex and the city, not enough sleep. 
3. long day tomorrow, thankfully, and hopefully a gym visit that is not as crowded with "tanning salon" barbie clones and scowling juiceheads who don't share equipment. 

do i love this place? eh, wouldn't go that far. i think part of me would fit into new york city for awhile. i can be cynical and sarcastic and critical and a fashionista with the best of them! i could never last though; i'm way too much of a country girl to make that happen. but really, i should get some sleep. long day and longer one tomorrow. it would be fun, though, to live there just for a summer...or just for graduate school...

haterade

1. breakfast with my family friends, walk around the lake (tallahassee water retention center?), and relaxing day with sex and the city. 
2. went to the gym and got hated on by some juiceheads and then hit on by a guy who didn't have much to say. i thought headphones were enough to clue people in to my serious workout routine, but maybe a shirt that says "speak nicely or be able to run fast" would be a better option. 
3. talked more with the girl who lives in the apartment with me now. she is really nice and we get along and have a few things in common. example: neither of us have veins.

procrastination is still the name of the game. now, i'm putting off bedtime to watch sex and the city! and i put off blogging to...watch sex and the city! oh well, the addiction will still be over. and i have to get up somewhat early so i'm still getting to bed at a decent hour. of course, i'm team aiden, but how can i also not be team big? it is possible to be...well...too nice *cue memories of earlier conversation with new roommate*. and really, her and big were meant to be together. they both kind of annoy me. i like samantha the best because she's the funniest. miranda is just awkward and whiney, and charlotte is the definition of too sweet, but so endearing and eager. but hey, i like them all and their conversations over lunch or cocktails are my favorite parts of the show. and to think, it was written by a guy*. anyway, i should stop ignoring the male readers. oh, pish posh. maybe they should watch a few episodes--it could do most men on this planet some good to see things from a female perspective.
bucket list item that was so anticipated: complete (not "compete") a mini-triathalon. oh god. there, i said it.

*allegedly gay, which would make a lot more sense.

would i really do this?

1. i watched the USA lose to ghana in a heartbreaking loss. we basically watched the soccer game instead of playing the soccer game. donovan, i still love you. and dempsey, i love you too. team USA forever!
2. joined a gym today for the remaining six weeks or so of my stay. it was a nice feeling--i plan on going tomorrow and working out and sweating. oddly, i can't wait. 
3. a girl who lives in the apartment i'm subleasing from moved back in today for the summer. her plans fell through, so here she is for the summer. it's weird; i finally adjusted to the change of living alone and have to adjust all over again to living with a girl i met...an hour ago. oh, and she told me i live on the "buggy" side of the apartment--greeeeaat. 

i can't believe i actually made a random decision to blog for an entire year and am actually doing it. it's a weird feeling, being almost six months into 2010. i mean, this year has been a blessing, but it's also been somewhat of a whirlwind. so much has happened to me! i love my life right now and am very happy with it, but i know that come august, that life will be very different. my bucket list item for tomorrow is somewhat shocking...well, for me it's shocking. i've made a commitment to doing every last thing that i put down on my bucket list, at some point in my life. so when i list something, it's serious. you already know how i feel about commitments--look at what i'm doing now--blogging for 365 days, for crying out loud. so there is really no question that i must follow through on my bucket list, or else i'm a big faker! not okay. so you'll see tomorrow what all the suspense is about...let's hope it doesn't disappoint!

"these are my confessions"

1. went into the lab for a bit today and then worked in the clinic some too. left around 4 to start my weekend off right!
2. the tcby right next to my apartment closed--i'm taking that as a sign from above that i need to stop eating delicious frozen yogurt parfaits to cool myself off from the 100 degree heat. 
3. just realized that i have a salon appointment on saturday right in the middle of the USA vs. Ghana soccer game--WTF--and if i cancel, i have to pay $50--again, WTF?! so i'm going to call in the morning and try my damndest to get it pushed up or back. i need to see this game. 

okay, so i feel like it's finally time for me to be up front about something--my major/minors in college. i have spent so much time tiptoeing around this issue and hinting at it and i feel like no one except people i know really read this blog anyway, so i might as well just talk about it. i'm a psychology major and history and English double minor. now it's probably not that big of a deal to my few readers for me to say this, since they already know my school life, but it's nice to finally say it. so psychology basically is my life. i love the field and i love the labs in work in at college and for this summer. i study peer relations, health-risk behaviors, and suicide/NSSI (non-suicidal self-injury) in one lab, and bi-polar disorder with a focus on assessment in my other lab. i love both labs but prefer the former lab; it was the first i entered and it's where my passion really lies (for now). this summer, i am working in a psych lab that studies suicide and NSSI, as well as eating behaviors and it has a pretty neuro-focused feel to the lab, which isn't my thing per se, but is important to the field. basically, i love psychology and am very content with it being my life. my history minor, i'm also crazy about. i declared a history major when i was a first semester freshman after a great history course on modern european history. i declared that as my concentration, and was well on my way to a major. but this past semester i decided to drop down to a minor because i don't want to take a seminar-based course that requires a lot of time and effort and work. i want to focus on my thesis for psych, as well as have time for my English minor and other cool classes. but who knows, maybe i'll get bored and ambitious and change my mind later. the English minor i declared last fall semester and did it kind of on a whim, similar to my history minor. i have an English teaching sister and a mother who taught English, as well as an aunt. maybe it's in my blood? all the same, it's a good minor to have, i think; it shows people who read my resume that i can write well enough to have a minor and that i am well-rounded. plus, i really want to take this jane austen class my senior year. best class ever! so since i'm an English minor, some may wonder why i don't use entirely correct grammar at all times (capitalization). i''m lazy and stubborn. it's a lot easier for me to type this way, in an informal setting, and people also have nit-picked me for not using capitalization, so i naturally went against that trend. it may grate on the nerves of some, but it's just who i am in this setting, as well as other informal settings (email, facebook, etc.). but i can and obviously do use perfect grammar in papers and assignments and anything remotely professional or formal. so that's my story of my school life.

t-minus five weeks

1. went back into the lab today for about 5 hours. had a good day--one part of what i'm doing is really interesting. 
2. weirdly enough, though, i'm ready for the weekend. i want time to myself to recharge and to get used to alone life again. i'm sure i'll be over that sentiment soon enough.
3. went bowling tonight with the lab group and bowled a 128! best score i've ever gotten. three strikes in a row! it was awesome. 

i don't feel much like blogging again. it's been a wonderful week but i'm sad to see it go. i'm definitely feeling the homesickness right about now. and i miss my family but i also just miss my home. and while it's not new for me being in a college setting, it's new being in that college setting and not knowing anyone. i came to college knowing several people, and also knew and loved my suitemates. but this is different. it's a new environment where i don't really know anyone and i'm in a new job setting. and while i love what i am doing and am pumped about getting a letter of recommendation for grad school, i also am not impervious to feeling lonely. and yes, i'm meeting people, but it's not like college. i love college! and this summer is just like a semi-extension of college but it's also practice for real life. my birthday is five weeks from today--how nerve-wracking! i'm excited but also really anxious. hopefully these five weeks will pass slowly...

remember to smile

1. watched the USA kick ass in the game against algeria today!!! can't believe we had another goal taken away from us but i'm so happy that donovan came through in the clutch and scored a win in our group and automatic advancement to the quarterfinals! so exciting.
2. didn't do much other than watch soccer and hang out with my boyfriend. it was a great day. 
3. went to carrabba's for dinner and now i think a movie is in order!

i've been thinking more and more about safety and things i can do to stay safe! basically, i think i have somewhat of a chance if i'm ever in a hand-to-hand combat situation, but i'm afraid of a gun or knife situation--that would be tough to get out of. and while i am afraid of this scenario that is pretty statistically low of a chance and the area where i am living now is really pretty safe, i would rather be more prepared than less prepared. knowing how to protect myself is important, especially as a young female who is alone in this area for the summer. anyway, it was a bit of a tangential post but i think it's important to talk about. again. oh, and remember to smile at people. smiles brighten days.

shawty

1. saw toy story 3 today and it was SO good. the first movie came out in 1995--it's the series of my childhood. the short movie in the beginning is really cute too. 
2. went out to a yummy italian dinner with the boyfriend and then ate marble slab ice cream! they were right next to each other...i couldn't resist. 
3. goofed around tonight and watched chopped on food network, of course. also got some work-related stuff figured out. 

this is one of those nights i don't have much to say, or much that i can really talk about on this blog. i feel a lot of things but this isn't the avenue to express those things. so this is another short post night, but those are pretty frequent occurrences on this blog. forgive me, and until tomorrow...

versus

1. drove home from the beach today. how sad. it was a great trip but i miss the beach and my family already. can't wait to see them for the 4th!
2. found the recycling center today and went on a grocery trip with my boyfriend. just hung around the house and made plans for tomorrow. so glad to have him here for a few more days!
3. no bugs were in my apartment when i got home--good sign. i had a few emails from my job but nothing super important. i am a volunteer, after all. 

an important talk tonight happened between my boyfriend and i. we talked about religion and spirituality. i've blogged about this before but it was so nice sitting with him after dinner and just talking. we sat at the table for several hours and had a wonderful conversation. it was very natural and good conversation. we click. and i miss the beach and miss my family, but like i said last night, i know i'm doing the right thing with my summer and i'm doing what's best for me.

goodbye again

1. last day at the beach. it was a good day, hot and not very windy, but still good. i love the beach so much and am sad to leave. 
2. i was walking with my boyfriend along the beach and we saw a huge school of rays! while it was really cool, it's something i've never seen at this beach before and i'm worried that it was because of the oil spill.
3. it was father's day! i love my dad very much and was glad that i could spend it with him.

i hate saying goodbye to my family. i love them all so much and i am very glad that i got to spend some time with them as a reprieve from my summer. while i'm very glad to be doing what i'm doing this summer, taking a leap and making a career move, it's still rather hard and i find myself wishing sometimes that i had just stayed home this summer, or stayed at college. it would have been a good summer, i feel sure, but very different. i can see in my mind what it would have been like and am happy with that image. but i'm also very happy with what i am actually doing this summer--i think i will be grateful for it later, too. but the morning is fast approaching and i will have to say goodbye again. goodbye to my family, for now. the goodbye to my boyfriend comes later this week. i hope they all make the drive back safely. another reason for me to be nervous...but my dad is a very good driver. but it's the other people on the road i'm worried about! happy father's day and happy sunday!

bucket list item: go to a world cup soccer game.

forever young?

1. i'm so dehydrated! no matter how much water i drink, the hot sun at the beach just sucks the moisture right out of me. it's not a good feeling. 
2. i finally got the water out of my ear! it has been in there since earlier today and it was an awful feeling--i forgot how bad; it used to happen to me all the time when i was little.
3. watched a wedding on the beach and had a lovely dinner and lovely night. 

they played the forever young remix at the wedding and it made me think about being forever young. it sounds terrible. i mean, part of enjoying youth is having the age and wisdom to look back on your younger years. or so i'm told. i think it's weird that i'm going to be a junior in college, but i'm still so young! i have a long way to go. i wouldn't want to live forever, but i sure want to live a long and full life. i think only the gods and people of fairy tales wanted to live forever. it's certainly not a realistic idea and it's definitely not a good one. there is a reason humans have a limited lifespan, there is no need to cheat nature.

life is good.

1. watched the USA vs. Slovenia game this morning and we got robbed from the third goal! it was such bullshit. and the refs made some bad calls throughout the game. but nothing can be done about it now...i just hope USA gets to advance or i'll have to find a new team to support.
2. spent the rest of the day at the beach and alternated between the beach and the pool, since i can't get in the oily ocean. walking along the beach today i actually got some oil on my foot, but dawn dish soap took care of that. 
3. had a good talk with a good friend today. 

so i'm not a snob, i'm just picky. i'm selective about my food and my drink and what movies i will watch and music i will listen to. i want high-quality experiences in life and i like to pick and choose things to fill my time with that reflect that sentiment. i guess that can be seen as snobby, but i just see it as the only way to live life. why not make the most out of what you have? i understand that some people aren't like me and are content to live a different lifestyle and i have no problem with that at all--go for it! but i guess the most important thing to do is live the life that makes you happy. this was a theme of my conversation today and it is something people tend to forget in the hype and stress of daily life. it's also why everyone needs to visit/live in europe and get that mentality and keep it in mind. americans stress out too much. and our happiness levels aren't even that high. so obviously all the prosperity isn't the key to happiness.

responsibility

1. i'm very tired from the emergency room trip last night. i didn't sleep very well either because our room was very stuffy. but maybe tonight will be better since i'm worn out from the sun and the activity on the beach. 
2. game seven was tonight in the nba series. oh wait?! who cares. not me. some people, a lot of people, i guess. but noooot meeeeee.
3. had a great first day at the beach but it's illegal to swim and there is oil residue on the beach as well as a sheen on the water. 

the responsibility that BP needs to take for this oil spill is obvious. being down here and seeing how the oil spill is affecting the area is a wake-up call that i didn't need, but other people do. what's interesting is that there isn't a lot of tar or crude oil or thick sludge on these beaches, but the place is still dead. there is no traffic, not many people on the beach, not many parties in the restaurants, nothing like what is normal for this time of year in this location. and the general mood is just one of depression. but the workers are out here and cleaning up the beaches as things come onto the beach. there are booms out in the water that are visible and a lot of boats just sitting in the water. i assume they are tracking the oil patterns and even putting out booms, but i'm not sure. an escrow fund was created in the amount of $20 billion to cover the costs of clean-up. it's my opinion that the amount given is not even close to the amount that will be necessary to fix all of this. the wildlife and the environment being destroyed is priceless. the monetary loss of lost livelihoods and lost tourism and business can at least be calculated, as can clean-up costs. but BP is not accepting responsibility and are avoiding blame. it's horrifying. but maybe this will wake-up the american public, as well as the global community.

emergency!

1. woke up kinda late and finished packing for the beach! it was kinda stressful, of course, but we got on the road and had a safe trip to the beach!
2. I SAW MY FAMILY!!! YAY!!!
3. walked along the beach on the gulf of mexico and did not step on any tar balls or see any oil. good start so far...

long night. spent in the emergency room. my boyfriend has a food allergy. will write more tomorrow. for now, it's time to go to bed! i'm even feeling the time difference more because where i came from is an hour later than here.

YES.

1. went into the lab for a few hours today and worked. it was cool for the first part and i think the other stuff i trained for will be interesting too. 
2. MY BOYFRIEND CAME TO VISIT!!!
3. leaving tomorrow morning for the beach to see my family! we'll see how long we are able to say, but hopefully the beaches stay clean-ish for a week or so.

i'm so happy that i have company in my apartment! it feels great to have him with me again and i am so happy that everything is normal between us. and i get to see my family tomorrow! and go to the beach! it's going to be so much fun. i can't wait to spend time with everyone and just take a break and chill. i hope that we can bring some business to the ailing gulf coast too. the oil spill is...momentously bad.

we shall see

1. not a very eventful day. went to the mall and saw the new movie killers. i liked it! i laughed a lot and loudly. then came home and cleaned and did some chores for the arrival of my boyfriend tomorrow!
2. TRIED to watch the bachelorette tonight at 8 but couldn't until 8:34 because abc was out in the area due to thunderstorms. of course! at least i got to watch most of it. 
3. started to tentatively pack for the beach, but i'm still expecting a no-go at this point. like the title says, we shall see...

we shall see a lot of things. beach? maybe. from there...i'm not really sure what is going to happen. i had a good talk with an old friend tonight and was just reminded about how sure i am that things will work out. i don't know how or when but i know they will. perhaps this is a naive confidence that i have in my friends and myself, but i am convinced. i think that we will all accomplish what we want to in life, albeit with some regrets and mistakes along the way. but i have wonderful friends from different stages in my life and i love them all. i hope for the best.

"i'm in miami trick"

1. lazy morning and lazy day. tried to lie out in the 100 degree, 80% humidity, full sun weather but was not able to handle it for more than an hour. my skin is probably thanking me. 
2. pedicure today--hot pink was the final color choice. i thought it would be beach appropriate, but it looks like that trip probably isn't happening.
3. the oil is washing up on the gulf shore in a lot of areas now and totally ruining lives. i can't believe people are putting up with this bullshit! why can't people wake up and move past the greedy and lazy dependence on oil?!

enough of that rant. i'm trying to be positive, as was suggested to me by a few people. so one more day til i get to see my boyfriend, which is wonderful (!), but i miss my family a lot and was so hoping to see them for a whole week at the beach. thanks a lot, BP. anyway, i am eager to get on with this summer. yes, i love summer, but i miss college a lot. the whole environment is wonderful and every weekend feels like a little taste of summer. okay, i am going to quickly take my previous statement back. i love summertime and always have. it's my birthday season, my sister's birthday season, independence day, the end of school, and a lot of other awesome things. while i am working this summer, it is still summertime. i can take a break if i want to, i can (hopefully) go to the beach, and i don't have to worry about scheduling every minute of my life or doing this or that homework. grab the margaritas, the bathing suit, the sunglasses, and let the fun gear up!

weekly bucket list item: get a henna tattoo. parents, read again--henna. now repeat, henna, henna, henna.