bye!

1. drove home today!!! it was a hard drive but i had company that was much appreciated. 
2. yummy dinner outside and family time! it doesn't get much better than this...
3. very tired and worn out...can't wait to get to bed. 

after a long drive, my summer has come to a close and i'm back home. for now. school starts soon and i move into my apartment and do all that fun stuff. should be fun/interesting/hard/etc. i'm ready, though. and i'll have good help. now, it's bedtime!

see ya!

1. packed up all my stuff today...preparing to move out tomorrow. 
2. i can cross off one item on my bucket list so far...live alone. such an experience! 
3. can't wait to get back to my home and then back to school. it's been a long time coming. 

once again, my life is about to change. i'm excited and also nervous. tonight, i just want to remind myself that everything will be okay. i believe in myself to accept all challenges, and i believe that i know when to seek help from others. i can do this!

C is for cookie

1. webmail is down! how frustrating. i hate not being able to check my email. 
2. had a nice, relaxing day with my boyfriend. went poolside, watched narnia, went out to visit friends, ate dinner, watched JERSEY SHORE!!! 
3. i've been twenty for a whole week not. t-minus 51 weeks until 21!!!

okay, okay, so guilty as charged. no interesting blog tonight. i'm sorry! i promise that they'll be more interesting soon. i need to start blogging earlier. pretty sure i've already said that before too. oh well...going to see a movie tomorrow hopefully and just hanging out. i got a fortune cookie tonight that said "you will enjoy doing something different this coming weekend." i feel like fortune cookies and horoscopes are all just cop outs. they are so generic that they HAVE to be true for most anyone. but i really am doing something very different this weekend, so that's exciting!

school's out for summer

1. boyfriend came today!!! picked him up from the airport and it's been great just hanging out all day. 
2. got lovely birthday presents and went out to a delicious birthday dinner! thanks to you know who...
3. massive thunderstorms today. while i was running participants in the psych building the fire alarm went off and announced to stay away from windows and doors due to hail, winds of 60 mph+, and rain. scary!

not much to blog about tonight. another boring post! just excited to have company and excited to be moving back home soon. this summer has been great but i'm ready for school to start. i should be in some pretty cool classes. speaking of which, i need to buy books soon...

fiiiierce

1. early (!) gym workout, work most of the day. final meeting with my supervising professor. everything ended on a great note. 
2. cleaned my suite area for my company tomorrow! vacuumed, did dishes, organized recycling, taking out the trash in the morning, picked up the floor. i like cleaning sometimes and really go to town.
3. watched some shark week episodes tonight and now chopped is on and i'm blogging during commercial breaks. early to bed tonight since i'm waking up and driving to the airport tomorrow to pick up said company. 

i like being a competitor. i've mentioned before my love of the cooking competition show, chopped, and i've mentioned that i want to go to grad school in clinical psychology--the most competitive graduate program in the country. i grew up watching the original iron chef and iron chef america on my grandmother's tv. i like any show or book that involves competition. it makes for a great, fast-paced plot line and makes life exciting! to have ambition, drive, a competitive edge, you have to care. i care A LOT. especially about my academics. i've always been competitive against myself, but never saw the need to be really concerned about other people's performances. it was more about making myself better (or the best). so when the application process for grad school rolls around, i hope to go above and beyond what i ever thought i was capable of. honestly, i never saw myself on this track, mainly because i never knew it was really an option. but i've always been interested in human behavior and emotions and interactions and psychopathology. what i can't ever comprehend is how everyone else isn't as interested in this stuff as i am! but i think that is a true sign of passion and of devotion. so i'm competitive and i really feel like i can do this. all of this. so i need to remember that next time i turn in some writing that gets critiqued...

roberto!

1. gym, pool, work. 
2. dinner with the lab! it was delicious and really nice and not as awkward as i expected. 
3. bachelorette season finale!!! she chose the guy i wanted her to (and the guy i would have chosen)!

that show is so ridiculous! but in a good way. i like having some of my downtime devoted to trashy television and the bacehlorette definitely suffices. i'm tired already and have to wake up at 7:30 for an 8 am training session at the gym! talk about early morning work out. it will hopefully keep my metabolism up all day and it'll be nice to get to the gym pretty soon after my decadent dinner. i'll be a better blogger tomorrow night, scout's honor!

twofifteen

1. melted at the pool, worked on the paper, did laundry, SHARK WEEK!!!
2. almost five days until i'm driving home! yippee! 
3. about to watch a rerun of the next food network star since i missed the show due to SHARK WEEK.

tonight is my 215th post. that's not really landmark or anything, but it's still a pretty big number! that means there are 150 days left and 150 posts left. how weird is that?! i'm excited about this year and ready to see how it will turn out, but also nervous about some things. for tonight, my bucket list item is to get a photo published in a magazine/book/calendar/etc. i just love taking pictures and i always wanted to be a photo journalist when i was little and work for national geographic. so maybe this item is a way i can make a small dream of mine from childhood come true.

grading hat

1. turned off my phone and just woke up when my body wanted to wake up this morning. it was a nice feeling. 
2. ONE WEEK UNTIL I AM HOME!!!
3. took criticism on my first draft of the paper personally (of course) and FINALLY found bedding that i want. i hope it's still available in the morning...

criticism. i don't take it well. i take everything personally and it always just makes me feel like a disappointment of a person and a bad writer and like there is no hope for me to improve and mainly just like a disappointment. i hate feeling this way. i've gotten better at letting things roll off my back but i'm still not quite there. i can handle insults about my appearance or personality pretty well, but i just hate criticism to my writing. it always affects me negatively. so this draft for the paper i turned in and got some criticism, good and bad, but i always zero in on the bad. i don't know how to just let things go, either. i can't not think about it or get upset or see things positively. it's just not in my nature. i'm eager to please on the academic front and always feel disappointed in myself when i don't. on that note, i should get back to work on this paper. hopefully i can deliver better goods next time.

madness

1. what a night. 
2. had work for a little bit today and worked on revisions for the suicide paper.
3. took a nap earlier but hopefully i can still get to sleep early tonight. 

i don't really feel much like blogging tonight. not much to say and not in the mood to think of anything to write about. sorry for being boring...

BIRTHDAY!!!

1. TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! WHOO HOO!!! i was a party animal from the young age of...birth. and there are pictures to prove it. 
2. really starting to feel like my old self again! it's a great feeling. oh! and i got a free cupcake for my birthday today from the cupcakery!
3. I LOVE MY PINK SPARKLY NAIL POLISH. and i only have one participant tomorrow, the early slot, but then i can gym and go to the pool for the rest of the day!

figured i would blog early since jersey shore commences in about 45 minutes and i have to get dressed and all dolled up before that. then we are watching the show and going out! this way i can blog now and when i get home i can just go to bed and sleep. i set my alarm now so all should be good for the morning. i have nothing much to say but encourage you all to read this article http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/03/AR2006120300974.html i know the girl who wrote it and i really like the article/message. but i feel fine about turning 20--it feels the same right now but i'm sure it will sink in later that it's a weird thing to no longer be a teenager. so tonight is the rager dedicated to no longer being a teenager!

ohemgee

1. wowza! it's almost my birthday! yeeee, i'm excited! 
2. walked outside today to the library and back (across campus) and it was 97 degrees but felt like 105. yay, me! i was sweating so much. had class and then lab and then the gym. 
3. i did an extra set of things at the gym today and decided to add on to my gym time every day to push myself a little more. then grocery shopping, just like every wednesday afternoon. 

i think it's happening tomorrow. my fingernails are finally getting painted sparkly pink! but only in honor of my birthday and the jersey shore season two premiere. thanks mtv! i also have a bit of a break from work tomorrow--only half of my participant slots are full. so i think i will lie out by the pool for the first part of the day and then head into work after that, then gym. then party time! got a card/picture in the mail today *xoxo to my suitie* i'm just excited and happy right now! one week. one week! and then a week and a few days! this summer has been awesome--such a good experience for me. will write more on this later...perhaps, my last night here?! yes.

belly laugh

1. long day of work today, followed by gym and then some relaxation. 
2. chopped came on tonight--love my monday and tuesday nights!
3. have some planning and shopping to do to wrap up my final week and then some here and get ready for college!

i'm going to an actual library tomorrow to do research for this paper in an actual book! it's shocking. no one does research in books anymore! it's sort of coming full circle though since i started off my lab work finding some articles in the library and i'm (almost) finishing my time down here doing the same thing. not much to say really. luckily i'm getting the second book from the donna tartt lady to read (thanks) and i think i'll read the namesake next at this point. i like that i've read a lot this summer! i still need to read the help. i'm also interested in the constant gardener. i should have time before school to read all these books. it's hard to find time to read anything other than school books during the semester! but having my own room and a real living space may make that easier. that's what my shopping is for--the apartment. no more spending money this summer/semester. unless it's needed, of course. ta ta! *notice the good mood tonight*

don't let it get away

1. gym early this morning! my trainer kicks my butt; i'm always sweating bullets when i leave! but that's a good thing. he claims he's seen results already, but i think that was just motivation. 
2. worked more on the paper. there is one article i want and one book i want but of course they aren't available online or where i am! very annoying. but it should turn out okay anyway.
3. finished my book at 3 am (hadn't done that in awhile!) and then felt the effects of reduced sleep today. long day tomorrow so i'm going to bed very soon to rest up. 

i read the plot of SALT online the other day. glad i didn't pay money to go see it! it seems really violent and also kind of hard to follow. also, i'm not a huge fan of angelina jolie. but it sounds like it sets up for a SALT 2 so maybe it's just a money making enterprise. probably. aren't all movies? right, yes. anyway, i know that i'm a wuss and can't handle violence so that's why i read plots online. i read the plot for shutter island. the birds. when a stranger calls. seven. pretty much any movie that looks kind of interesting but remotely scary, i have someone screen for me (pun intended) and tell me if i can handle it. if not, wikipedia, here i come! the scariest movie i've seen is the shining. it was terrifying. but my boyfriend at the time had told me every single thing that happens in the movie, so i knew what to expect. yeah, it was still scary. and i watched it alone in my basement during the day. that book last night even scared me! i won't give away major plot details but it involves a murder (clear from the beginning, have no fear...wait...) and by the end i just had the heebiejeebies. and it was 3 am and i was alone in the apartment! but all the doors were locked and i was ready to fight off ghosts from the book if necessary. such nonsense on my part! a lot of my fears like that are so silly. but they seem real at the time. like, i lock my bathroom door to wash my face even when all the other doors are locked too! i don't like having my eyes shut with the door open. but hell, so much light from the balcony seeps into my room that i could see anyone coming in a heartbeat anyway!

poly-bull****

1. lounged around the apartment today. it was deadly hot outside so i didn't tan by the pool and i still couldn't go to the gym. my next personal training appointment was moved from 9 to 10:30 tomorrow morning. can't wait to go!
2. almost 400 pages into my new book and still have a ways to go. it can be quite verbose at times and excessive in detail and meaningless description but it doesn't really feel like it drags. it's interesting still, but just makes for a long book.
3. watched the next food network star and was happy about who they sent home (don't want to ruin it if some readers haven't watched yet). then i watched this crazy show on TLC called "strange sex." it was about these weird and unusual sex stories from couples or individuals. four different stores: polyamory, birth orgasms, sex addiction, and coital incontinence. WEIRD stories. slightly disturbing. and sex addiction isn't a real addiction, by the way. 

not much in a blogging mood tonight but one subject i had already wanted to talk about, cheating, ties in relatively well with the subject of polyamory, something i just learned about tonight! it is called "the learning channel" after all...  polyamory is supposedly the sentiment that you want to be emotionally and physically intimate with more than one person and everyone in the arrangement agrees and wants that same thing. perhaps you can sense my...sarcastic bite about this topic. i feel like it's just a massive cop out. um, hello, have you ever heard of a more precise definition of "have my cake and eat it too?!" didn't think so. yes, i should be open to new experiences and different kinds of love and relationships and all that jazz. but this just seems excessive. maybe i'm traditional (not a word i would use to describe myself typically) but i feel like relationships should exist between two people. but maybe i just haven't progressed to the idea of sharing love with more than one person yet. thankfully. i just think it's an excuse to experiment and change things up but still experience commitment and stability. that isn't fair! sure, maybe it works for some people (obviously) but it doesn't seem like that would be healthy to me. isn't intimacy suppose to be...intimate? meaning that emotional/physical/mental/spiritual bonds shared between two people aren't shared also with a third, fourth, fifth person at the same time? it just seems like cheating to me. and the woman on the show was so manipulative and self-righteous and egotistical and selfish. it just really, really turned me off from the idea of polyamory being healthy and successful in real life. kind of like communism...it would work on paper or in the perfect world...but yeah, no, it doesn't work. and going back to my original idea of cheating, researchers have found that most affairs in marriages/relationships start in a similar way--by sharing things with a person other than your significant other. okay, obviously i don't mean telling your friends about your bad day at work or your relationship problem du jour. but when one starts to share more with someone other than who one shares one's bed with, it can create problems. being emotionally or mentally intimate with someone other than your boy/girlfriend is where most of infidelities start. it's like building a whole new relationship really, so it makes sense that physical infidelity would follow. basic gist: cheating often starts out with a seemingly innocent friendship or working relationship that turns personal rather than staying on the side of impersonal. and polyamory seems to do just that--be intimate with more than one person. how can the bonds remain steadfast when more than one person is in the relationship? and it just seems really unequal. most of the time, it will be one women and more than one man, or one man and more than one woman. in most settings, it doesn't seem like the two or more people of the same sex will be sharing the emotional etc. intimacy so it just becomes an unequal and unfair relationship. i'm not on board yet, but who says i have to be?
bucket list item: sell my baked goods in some sort of store. not my own store necessarily, but someone's coffee shop or bakery or something.

do i look fat in this?

1. woke up early for an appointment and a stop at the cupcake shop! it's this little cupcakery that i was told about and it has delicious cupcakes! they are a tad too cloyingly sweet for my taste (shockingly enough) but the actual cupcake is great--the icing needs to be eaten in small doses, though.
2. worked more on the suicide paper--it's turning out better than expected! and just lazied around the apartment. didn't want to (and couldn't) be outside sunning and couldn't gym today either. that is the plan for tomorrow, though. 
3. got wholly absorbed in a new book! i'm already on page 98 and i started only around 1.5 hours ago. the secret history is the title and i have my father to thank for the suggestion. i absolutely love being sucked into a new book. i mean, harry potter and narnia and a few other books suck me in every time but they are so familiar. new and exciting books are always welcome!

perhaps off a bit of inspiration i also found today, i think tonight is a good night to talk about weight, body perception, societal expectations, and wimmen (translation: women). it is so surprising to me, still, how much women are affected by their weight, body shape, and society's pressures. the average woman is a size 12 in america. however, 1/4 people in america are obese. i'm not saying that size 12 is obese or too fat or anything like that. i'm not here to pass judgment. just to start a conversation about women and their weight. there are some women out there who are unconcerned about weight and body shape. these women often appear on TV shows for the same reason that the baby sea turtles are shown fighting to make it into the rough surf on the beach--both are RARITIES. i am entirely unconvinced that any woman on this planet is satisfied with her weight or shape. i just refuse to believe that we would all give up one of our favorite bitching topics so easily. something can always be altered, corrected, improved. we are conditioned from birth to see ourselves in a critical way. some women, certainly, cling to this idea more than others. a lot of women are happy with their bodies, but whether it is expressed or not, i think that all women feel at least a tiny ounce of dissatisfaction with their bodies. my research on this topic (okay, "research") has supported my claims. there is just such pressure for females to look a certain way (which is different based on culture and race) and the pressure is felt all the time. all you have to do is look at the cover of a magazine in the grocery story to see headlines about bikini season and getting in shape for the new year and not overindulging during the holidays. it's endless! mix that with any inherent need a woman has to prove herself and to find a mate and to be at her best and you've got a stewing cauldron of self-esteem and body size issues to eat up for supper. what is considered average is by no means considered desirable, at least from the media bombardment i'm facing. but even the skinny women aren't satisfied! some want to be skinnier, or have more curves, or longer legs, or who the hell knows. it's crazy to me how it's impossible to be satisfied with body size/shape/appearance.

foodies unite!

1. my only participant of the day didn't show up! i had two slots and one was empty and the other participant bailed on me, leaving my day at work pretty useless. so i went to the pool and almost died after 1.5 hours and then went to the gym. 
2. started writing the paper on acute suicide risk factors and realized (once again) that i write WAY too much. i have two factors to cover and only 3 double spaced pages in which to do it! i'm through the second article of the first factor and finished with one page. problematic!
3. watched my hour of wedding dress shows and talked to some friends. pretty boring night but that's okay. i am saving up all of my energy for junior year! get ready for the craziness.

so i thought i would follow a semi-similar path for tonight's post and talk about local vs. organic food. these two sides are often at war in the health food debate! basically, proponents of local food would rather have food that has been grown locally. the reasoning often varies but can include wanting to support local business,  wanting to reduce CO2 in the atmosphere from trucking or flying food long distances, or wanting to reduce consumer costs. organic foodies are interested in how the food is grown; meaning that no pesticides/insecticides/hormones/fertilizers are used to grow/raise the product. each side has its pros and cons but the ideal place to land is on both sides. finding food that is local and organic is the jackpot. for instance, finding beef that has been raised on pesticide-free grain and without hormones and free-range, but is from argentina is preferable for an organic foodie. apples that were grown by a local farmer who sells at the farmers' market every weekend, but may have used insecticides for treating the trees are preferable for a local foodie. the best of both worlds? blueberries grown locally that are pesticide-free and harvested by a family and sold in the weekly market. finding local or semi-local growers/farmers who don't use pesticides/hormones/etc. for their products would be ideal, but it's often difficult to manage. a piece of advice or two. some fruits/vegetables retain a lot more of the pesticide chemicals that may have been used to grow them. some examples: celery, carrots, apples, avocados, and strawberries. poultry problems may arise with milk/eggs/meat because a lot of the growth hormones stay in the animals at time of butchering/milking and are transferred to the final product. a lot of these chemicals have links to several forms of cancer also. be aware of how the animals were raised. in some instances, like the ones mentioned above, the organic movement overtakes the local movement simply for reasons of safety. with most other produce or foods like bread, buying local can be preferable to buying organic. just make sure to thoroughly wash all produce before consumption. so i feel like this sounds like a little news article and i apologize--it's because i've been writing this review paper tonight. anyway, the local vs. organic war should not be so heated--let's instead encourage middle ground!

here's to a healthy lifestyle

1. started the job search today! i hope i can actually find one that i like and can keep for awhile--i'm definitely willing to work during the school year and during the summer. 
2. of course i did not paint my nails today. i'm the worst with manicures. they NEVER last and i ALWAYS chip the polish off. oh well...
3. one week until my birthday! a little under two weeks until my boyfriend comes and little over two weeks until i'm going home! cannot wait. 

i'm all out of post ideas! isn't that lame? yes, very lame. exercise! that's a new topic, right? this blogging for 365 days thing is harder than i expected. "exercise gives you endorphins. endorphins make you happy. happy people just don't shoot their husbands...they just don't!" thank you, elle woods (legally blonde). but really, she's right. exercise releases chemicals in the brain (endorphins among them) that help boost mood. all the more reason to exercise, right? then why are approximately 1/4 people in america classified as "obese?" isn't that a terrifying number?! "overweight" is usually ten or more pounds heavier than what is expected for one's height; "obese" is 30 or more pounds overweight. terms are thrown around all the time and nutrition and exercise and supplements all comprise a huge industry in this country. again, i ask, why are so many people overweight and obese? because people aren't properly educated about health and fitness. it's a depressing thing, really, and an issue that needs to be addressed immediately (along with all the other depressing and pressing issues). but solving the problems of health and fitness will address a lot of other issues too: mental health, lifetime expectancy, prevalence of heart disease/diabetes/some cancers/etc., health care costs, relationship satisfaction, and many more. the abundance of information out there is obviously not addressing the mass public in effective ways. so much of the dieting advice is crap, and what's good is hard to stick to so people give up. on top of poor dieting techniques, a lot of people don't workout regularly, don't work out enough, and don't work out properly. these problems combined with a general laziness that pervades the american consciousness results in a fatter public. i'm not guilt-free from all these problems i'm mentioning, by the way. but i was lucky enough to be raised by two parents who care about health and fitness and they passed good advice onto their children. but i'm just as guilty as the next person about some of these things (everyone is guilty to some extent--no one, NO ONE is perfect). i was channel surfing tonight and ran across kourtney and khloe take miami about two of the kardashian sisters. kourtney had recently had a baby and was trying to get back in shape for a cover bathing suit photo shoot. she was saying how she wanted to show moms everywhere that it was possible to be healthy and get the pre-baby body soon after delivery, but then she was working out three times a day trying to get that body. she forced her body into exhaustion and had to go to the hospital and was also neglecting her job, her baby, and her family. now, i don't know about you, but that schedule doesn't sound really practical or applicable to "real world" moms. my point with this tangent is that everyone has to work for their idea of the perfect body and everyone has to work to be healthy. so it's not easy but it's certainly worth it. there are so many aspects of psychology i'd love to study and to preach about, and this is definitely one of them--health psychology. but i do study health risk behaviors and eating/exercise patterns are included in that. to health!

"excuse me, waiter!"

1. my computer mouse has died : ( i'm sad and it'll cost to replace it, but i need to have a mouse--i hate having to rely on the built-in mousepad when i'm at home. 
2. i want to paint my fingernails sparkly pink tomorrow. it's not bright pink, more muted, but it's definitely sparkly! post-work and post-gym perhaps i'll give myself a manicure. 
3. i want to do something fun tomorrow night! my birthday is a week from tomorrow but i want to go out tomorrow night anyway. i'd go see SALT but it's not opening until friday. 

i need a job. it's really hard to work during the school year but i need to make the money that i lost this summer. i know it all went to a good cause but i need to make it up and hopefully make even more. it really sucked not being able to find a job this summer, despite how hard i looked. i started looking on craigslist today for jobs at college but it's hard to apply this early. i'd prefer a restaurant job, of course, but those are so easily taken up during school! i need to go the weekend i get back and start asking. it's also hard to give up nights/days/weekends for a job when you really just want to be relaxing/studying/partying. and, i feel like the fact that i'm going abroad in the spring would be a negative, although the employer doesn't need to know about that. babysitting would be fine too but i don't have a whole lot of experience in that area--just one consistent babysitting job. i also don't like kids a whole lot. we'll see what i can come up with. wish me luck!

"take it"

1. had a long, busy day. running experiments, two hour meeting, more participants, gym, dinner, chopped, now sleep! tuesdays are my busiest day though, according to my scheduled experiment times. 
2. i feel myself coming down with a bit of an illness. i need to sleep in a little tomorrow and catch up, then work late. have another gym workout tomorrow though...6 days a week!
3. been thinking a lot lately about this summer--i can't believe it's coming to a close! it's crazy to me how quickly summer flies by. i really have enjoyed my time so far and hope to live out these last few weeks with a positive attitude and an open mind.

been thinking lately about taking the easy way out versus taking the hard way. it should be clear by now that i don't shy away from hard things. i'm a major and double minor (might turn back into a double major--we'll see). i'm blogging for an entire year straight. i'm living in a place where i know no one for an entire summer for my career. i have picked the hardest (yes, harder than med school) graduate program in the country to apply to. i go to and have a 3.8 gpa at a competitive and highly ranked public school. i workout 6 days a week (that's a lot for me!). i could probably think of others but i've run out for now. so i like to push myself and i like to better myself and i like to challenge myself. why, then, am i contemplating taking the easy way out this fall? granted, no way is really an easy way based on what i'm going to feel regardless, but one way is certainly described as being easier than the other. it's a tough question and one that i'm not sure i know the answer to, but i will spend more time thinking, of course, and maybe come up with something soon. love black and white photography...

p-->p

1. woke up bright and early for my first official meeting with my trainer! it was hard but he gave me a workout for this entire week. tomorrow is running/interval training and abs. whoo hoo!
2. took a cat nap before going into work. had a few more participants today than normal and that was nice--good sample size is crucial to having enough power to make the experiment worth it. 
3. watched the bachelorette tonight! it's getting closer to the season finale! no wonder these people are falling in love; they traveled all over the world together and are now in tahiti for the final two shows--this is not real life people!

i don't have much to talk about today. i wish i could talk about the studies i'm running but that's not really allowed. but i am helping write a paper and i did a bit more research on that today. it's exciting all that is happening and it's so weird that the summer will be over in about a month. in one month from today i am moving into my new apartment and starting junior year! i'm very excited but very nervous at the same time. yet again i'm entering a new time for change in my life--it feels strange to be on the brink of something again. i was back from the edge for a long time! oh well, it's good that i have practice at change.