lateness

1. so freakin' tired, this is unbelievable. have to wake up pretty early for the football game tomorrow too. but i'm excited!
2. having people over tonight for seven layer dip and cookies--let rock bottom friday begin! 
3. good day of classes; got out of italian early...again! and had a few participants to run before going back to the apartment to relax.

have to book my trip for the conference soon. i'm excited that october will be a busy month. staying busy is a good thing for me! i was kind of irritated tonight for a few hours but pretty much got over that when my friends came over. and i got to see friends from high school! that was fun. anyway, i've got to get some sleep before the football game and whatever antics are happening on saturday night. happy friday!

sono bionda!

1. long day of classes today, but my last class let out about 15 minutes early, so that was nice! and i didn't have much homework for friday so i got that knocked out quickly. 
2. finished mockingjay today! it was so so so good. and heartwrenching. but i won't spoil it any more! i want to go back and read them all very soon, probably over christmas break.
3. out to eat with my friends tonight; ladies' night is starting soon so i'm excited for that. i need some fun in my life right now. 

i've been the lamest blogger ever lately! someone asked me earlier why i had a blog and i explained the new year's resolution and how i wanted to make one that i actually stuck to this time around and he accepted it as an answer and gave the typical response of "oh, that's cool." but then i started to wonder why i really am doing this blog. it's been such a long time since i started this blog, or so it seems. i have to reacquaint myself with my reasoning. because sometimes it really is a pain in the ass to blog (as you can tell from my apologetic, short, lame blog posts). sometimes it just feels like a routine that i have to go through and a way to prove to myself that i can stick to a resolution. but then doesn't it seem a tad disingenuous to continue if my heart isn't in it? perhaps, but that's how spiteful i am. and stubborn. and determined. this is kind of like the italian homework i had tonight: describe yourself using adjectives you have learned so far. the ones i just used weren't on the list, unfortunately. anyway, i'm trying to be better about blogging. tonight was a semi-long post! i need to have more funny ones. maybe when i'm in a funnier mood. hopefully that will come soon!

let's fly away...

1. italian class today, a break during which i ate lunch and read for class/pleasure. then had lab time for two hours! boxing club tonight; it was hard, as always.
2. got stuff all worked out for my travel scholarship, i think. also got an email today about how i can apply for a travel scholarship for italy in the summer. that'd be nice!
3. you know i'm thinking you and your family...

don't feel much like talking tonight. i'm really tired and it's been a long day. lots of things are on my mind and most of them are stressful. i wish it were the weekend so i could just relax some and de-stress. but i'll keep on plugging and get through. i feel like i've been emotionally and mentally and spiritually boxed as well as physically.

destiny's child?

1. long day. lots of homework, three classes, some interpersonal stress to boot. i really enjoy all my classes though, so that is a definite plus. the one i was most excited about in the beginning of the year (history of genocide and the holocaust) will probably end up being one of my lesser favorites simply because of the time frame. but i like my southern lit class and my film and culture classes a lot. and italian, obviously.
2. saw some friends today i don't usually see. talked with my mom and sister and boyfriend. got ready for school tomorrow. skipped crossfit because it was supposed to be hella hard (like, squatting with people thrown over your back like a sack of potatoes and bench pressing people. that kind of hella hard). and i walked a fair amount today and was also still a little sore from boxing. i need to catch up on sleep, too.
3. buuuut what might prevent that sleep catch-up is the new book i started, mockingjay. i won't say anything in case people want to read it, but it's great so far! it's so easy for me to devour novels...why is it not that easy to read academic material?

being independent is important to me. it always has been and it always will be. i like to be strong, stubborn, and my own person. college has really helped me embrace that part of myself and to move away from the high school-y clique-ish mentality that so pervades life as a female. i care less now about trying to please everyone, especially if it means being fake, and just living my life to make myself and those i care most about happy. obviously i'm not turning into some sort of monster or anything, i just don't care as much about stupid drama anymore. reason number high-on-the-list i am not involved with greek life. i have really come into a state of happiness in these past several months and i'm overjoyed that college is suddenly turning into the time in my life when i figure out who i am like everyone told me. it just feels right and it feels good (although one part of my life is currently residing elsewhere). so these are good feelings and i get good vibes about this year. we'll see how it goes! so far i was right about 2010 being a great year, but there is still time for the universe to throw that in my face (ever superstitious!).

let's be real.

1. such a long day today, it was ridiculous. only had two classes but i had a quiz in one and the other one is a three hour class that meets once a week. and in between classes i had to watch two movies and read a lot and write a response. it's been crazy.
2. took a fifteen minute nap before boxing club. it was so hard, of course! but i think it'll be worth it for sure. going with friends makes it a lot better. 
3. have been working ever since i got back from boxing. still have to find time to take a shower and then finally get some sleep. ahhhh please let it be the middle of the week already. or better yet, the weekend!

i hate enablers. i was watching this show on drug addicts and got so angry about the families. they just excuse the addiction and make it seem not as bad as it is and continue the cycle of addiction. an addiction is inexcusable and totally beatable. it takes unbelievable will/determination/support. but families cannot be a copout for addicts. they cannot feel this sense of responsibility and loyalty when it is destroying the addict. that is unfair and horrible and will slowly ruin the addict's life. i know that i've never had to deal with an addict but it's just not fair how families perpetuate addiction because they don't want to be forceful or mean or harsh. but sometimes tough love is the best way to show how much you really do love someone.

laughing makes for flat abs

1. had the most amazing weekend ever. it was pure fun. 
2. left the beach today and came back to lots of homework and even more hilarious pictures. SUCH fun times; i love weekends; i love college; i love my life. 
3. have some homework to catch up on, but that is totally fine with me. i'm almost caught up, but will probably have to skip boxing club tomorrow night to get truly caught up.

my friends are so important to me. i spend so much time laughing and having a great time. there are definitely "circle of trust" moments as well. i am just in a great mood and had a great weekend. it's times like these that keep me upbeat and happy and not ruminating, although it is always on my mind. now it's time to buckle down for a new week! bucket list item: make presents for my friends.

DAAAA beach

1. woke up this morning and cleaned the apartment before leaving for the beach. 
2. the beach has been so much fun so far! we were in the water for a long time today, then took naps on the beach, hot tub, dinner, catch phrase (!), more hanging out on the beach and in the hot tub. 
3. going home early tomorrow so that i can do mad work. and hopefully eat pasta at olive garden's never ending pasta bowl promotion.

i don't feel like blogging tonight. i'm so tired from last night and the beach today and these past few days in general.

winning london!

1. early blog post tonight...maybe i'm learning! at the almost end of this blog, haha. 
2. my italian class let out early again and then i went to a luminary lighting for the culmination of suicide prevention week. up next was a meeting for a psych lab and then chill out time. 
3. went to noodles (yum) and then started prep for the people coming over tonight! goodbye, dear suitie! you will be missed...but you'll have an awesome time! 

can't wait, can't wait, can't wait for this weekend!!! we're having people over tonight to celebrate, then going to the beach tomorrow for the night with our friends in a house that sleeps 30 people! that's such a huge house, and we're going for free, save gas money. BALLER. but really, so cool. and i have a lot of work this weekend but i know that i can get it all done. this is what being a junior is all about, i guess. balancing work and fun. that's weird--i'm a junior. okay, no time for a temporary freak out session. time to have fun! and be save, obviously.

planning a trip!

1. long day of classes today, broken up by...reading for classes! but the weekend is fast approaching. 
2. had all the guys over tonight and made brownies and had good talks! circle of trust=good. roaches=bad. 
3. time to sleeeep and get ready for class tomorrow and then the closing of national suicide prevention week.

i am pretty sure the people in my film and culture class hate me. i always try to present the views of the place where i grew up and to try and bring some perspective to the class. but i think i just make enemies. we talked about american history x this week and everyone was just saying the same stuff over and over so i tried to just bring in a new viewpoint. obviously i'm not a skinhead, people. i just don't like when discussions are one-sided and boring and too liberal/unrealistic. so now i pissed those people off (but made excellent points, might i add). then today, i brought up the feminine role in the film and made the feminists of the class angry. but people were just saying stupid stuff about how the sister and mom were strong female figures and i totally disagreed! they never stood up to derek for more than a few minutes (before backing down), they totally ignored all his skinhead and racist ideology and practices, and after prison they took him back into their lives like nothing ever happened. and they tolerated the same bullshit from danny. i'm sorry, but i do not respect that, or see those women in a positive/strong feminine light. so now the feminists are angry at me. oh freakin' well. i feel that i made intelligent, thoughtful remarks and the teacher seemed to agree with/think about my points. and she is the one who ultimately assigns the grade.

stick and jab!

1. had a long, busy day today. class at ten, then meetings and commitments from then on out until around four. at least i was productive.
2. went to boxing club for the first meeting and it was an intense workout! but i'm joining with two other friends of mine and hopefully it will whip us into shape. 
3. this week is national suicide prevention week. comment if you want information about how you can get information about ways you can help (including funding my out of the darkness walk hosted by the AFSP).

the plan for boxing club and crossfit? to get in shape. i used to be in really great shape when i played soccer. i went to the gym 4-5 days a week in high school after i quit soccer, but never really kept up a strict regimen in college. i gained a few pounds and you can't even really tell, but i just want to feel and look how i used to. so my goal is so get in great cardiovascular shape and get as toned as a girl with a body type me can. i just feel really motivated and really ready to look how i used to and feel how i used to. not that i look or feel bad now by any means...i just want to get back to my status quo. but i also don't want to become consumed with calorie counting or anything like that. as long as i look and feel great and am happy and eating well, that's what counts for me. whoo hoo for enthusiasm!

meh.

1. had two classes today instead of three--that was a bright spot!
2. got to talk to my parents and my boyfriend. did some homework and hung out before...
3. crossfit! it was really hard. but i'm glad i did it. i plan on going on thursday too. 

not really in the mood to blog tonight (shocker). but i will post about america and our society and the movie and the class i had today. i promise! maybe on thursday since that's when i have my next class. it'll be a good, long post--i promise! now it's bed time.

Xcuses

1. had a lazy day. chatted with my boyfriend, did some homework, cleaned/finally bought kitchen stuff. 
2. watched american history x and cried. one of the most powerful movies i have ever seen.
3. then, saw this article. why is life so painfully ironic sometimes? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100907/ap_on_re_as/as_afghanistan

i am just in shock about the state of our society. but i'd rather not go into a societal rant this late at night/early in the morning. i'll save that for tomorrow. trust me, i won't forget about the thoughts going on in my head now...utter disbelief.

finally a good bucket.

1. woke up kinda late (before noon, but still). cleaned the apartment, read some poetry homework, painted my toenails, took a shower. 
2. ate a delicious salad for dinner. got to talk to my boyfriend today! and just hung out all day. it was so nice. i love sundays. 
3. got to look at pictures from sevilla! it seems like a gorgeous and funky city. hopefully a fun night is ahead of me (yes, i am blogging before i get too tired). 

bucket list item: keep a travel blog but also a travel journal from now forward for extended trips. 

firenze?

1. did absolutely nothing today, haha. woke up, skyped with my boyfriend, and hung around the apartment. 
2. went to the mall with my roommate, ate at CPK (!), and came back to watch the first football game of the season!
3. i love three day weekends. they're so much fun! 

i'm such a procrastinator. i need to get better at blogging. the problem is that i wait until it's late at night and then i am just so tired that i want to get it over with. but maybe i'll start blogging better soon. don't give up hope on me! i know that i am also going to do a travel blog while i am abroad in italy next summer. if i get to go! i really hope so. it'd be amazing.

pick two

1. had a nice nap today after my morning class and before my late afternoon meeting. that made me feel refreshed and ready for fun. 
2. went grocery shopping again for the fixin's for a quiche, black bean and corn salsa, and guacamole. yum!
3. had a fun night out with my friends. it was a hilarious and amazing night.

and, once again, i'm tired and going to bed. cool post, huh?

bar night.

1. jamming out to b.o.b. before going out with my girls! i need something fun to focus on tonight.
2. long day of classes today but they were pretty interesting and went quickly. 
3. went grocery shopping, killed two huge bugs (!), and did my italian homework. 

not feeling like blogging tonight. i just want to go out and have fun. then have one class, then weekend time!

italian?

1. long ass day today! gosh, i thought wednesday was supposed to be my easy day. GUESS NOT! i was on campus from 10 til 8. FML. i at least had a good workout.
2. my boyfriend landed safely and i heard from him a few times during the day. i realized that there is a limited time frame during which we can talk on most days...maybe this should have been obvious to me before but a six hour time difference is a pretty big bummer. 
3. four day weekend is fast approaching!!! i love labor day.

i need to stop procrastinating and get to work! i still have some reading for my 11:00 class that i have not yet finished. but it'll get read (some tonight and some tomorrow morning). i have decided, though, that i worry A LOT A LOT about things that probably don't need as much worrying. i worried about planes landing safely, i worried about dairy allergies, i worried about the gym, i worried about walking home alone. but in all reality, i also don't worry about a lot of things and just kind of live and let be. sometimes i'm a worry wart but others i'm a cool cucumber. speaking of cucumbers, i need to go grocery shopping tomorrow...

bye bye

1. today was a long, tough day. my classes were pretty interesting though and i had a dinner with friends and then frozen yogurt after! 
2. my boyfriend had some...traveling issues. passport? no go. but he's on a plane now and will hopefully land safely soon.
3. chopped champions tonight! it's a 5 part series featuring all of the returning champions competing again. the one who wins the first four shows competes in a final showdown among the four winners for $50,000.

goodbyes are hard. that's a given. but saying goodbye for five months and knowing that things could be totally different when saying hello again makes them even tougher. i know this will be a hard semester, that's another given. but i am also hoping to get a lot out of it academically, inter-personally, and personally. i will have more time to myself (even if i didn't want all that time to myself) and more time to think. so i need to occupy myself and my mind until i've started to manage my feelings and thoughts better. i am already wishing for spring 2011 but i also know that i need to take this semester one day at a time and make sure to keep living my life (just like my blog title suggests). because everyday, no matter how bad, is still a beautiful day (right...?).

ready for this movie to be over

1. my body is tired but my brain is not. gym workout today for the first time in a few weeks and also a long walk home. 
2. i think i am getting added to italian...that would be the ideal scenario. but it's still in the works. keep your fingers crossed!
3. watching the birth of a nation right now. it's a three hour movie about the civil war, reconstruction, and the ku klux klan based on the book "the clansman" by thomas dixon. shoot me now. 

long day today. long day tomorrow. i just want it to be the weekend again! but oh well, you don't always get what you want. i promise, i'll post a better post when i'm not watching this HORRIBLE movie. it's a silent film. three hours. but i'm going to my newest class tomorrow so we'll see how it goes!

not a happy day

1. tired and have a headache. thanks to my tears for a large part of the day. cool.
2. the drive back to school was all traffic and really frustrating and stressful. 
3. got some school stuff situated and started homework. then realized that i need my book to finish it...maybe i should buy that tomorrow...

i know i said i would blog about goodbyes tonight and katrina too but i'm just so exhausted. i need to sleep. so that's what i'm going to do. i'll blog better this week, i promise!

plans

1. not too tired but getting to sleep pretty early tonight anyway. big day tomorrow!
2. had a good day today helping my boyfriend pack and running errands and eating lunch. said goodbye to my other good friend who is going on the same study abroad trip! sad times. 
3. had a yummy dinner, a good family chat, and watched the shallow seas episode of planet earth in hd--baller picture and sound quality. 

again, i'm being boring. perhaps tomorrow i will talk about...goodbyes? yes, that will be fitting (very fitting). i also want to do a post about katrina. lots to say on that subject...but for now, just another early night. hope everyone is doing just as well as i am right now!

the blessed power of

1. went back home today. my boyfriend drove my car and he came over for dinner. planet earth watching with the parents after that! i love the glacier one.
2. i'm so tired. 
3. my class schedule is still not working out...frustration. 

i need to sleep. i think some mental healing is definitely in order. it also feels good to be home. i know that i will stay busy in college, though, which is ideal. but sleep is in order and then comes the next step.

working my way there

1. morning class that i really like and then my afternoon class was canceled! already! she is in new york for a conference or something. it was very nice! 
2. added a new class today--it fills a requirement and should be pretty interesting...it's also with a professor i had last fall and really enjoyed. 
3. had a fun night with friends! my boyfriend said goodbye to all his college friends today. but the night was well spent.

tonight has been an interesting night. the days are winding down. but i'm feeling very happy and very comfortable and very ready. much more calm than i thought i would feel. you know, being a junior and all. but i can handle this! just one more class to tackle with and hopefully i'll be home free...and with only 15 instead of 18 hours.

stupid people.

1. only one class today...hopefully i'll get into it! i really need italian 101, since i want to study abroad in the spring. 
2. spent the rest of the day in meetings for my psych labs and buying a few more books. 
3. had a relaxing evening doing some homework and then went out to a delicious dinner with my boyfriend. 

there was quite the incident at dinner this evening. well, two things actually. my boyfriend is allergic to dairy so he can't have any cheese/butter/milk/cream/etc. he told the waitress this when he ordered his meal (a vegan pasta dish) and she said she'd take care of it. when we received our food, his had mozzarella cheese on top as a garnish. he explained again about the dairy allergy and she apologized and comped the meal (so i got it for free!) and sent him a new plate of food. then, sort of like during our whole dinner, there was this loud group of college age kids eating at this relatively upscale italian restaurant. there was an issue apparently with the food for one of the girls and she talked with the waitress about it (both seemed pretty upset). then, the cook came out (crazy italian guy) and started to get in an argument with the girl; he ended the conversation by saying, "you can sue me if you want to." so, we later asked the same waitress what happened and she said the girl complained that there were not enough vegetables in here dish (which was a sausage dish) after eating the entire plate of food! she wanted her meal for free. absolutely RIDICULOUS. there are so many rude people in this world! she obviously just wanted her food for free and expected him to give it to her. well, she messed with the wrong chef! he refused and she did not get her way. spending a lot of my working life in a restaurant, i can attest to the idiocy and slovenliness that accompanies some customers. UGH. so, that's my blog post for tonight--a rant about restaurants.

"back on my feet again"

1. woke up early and showered and got ready for class! rushed to the bus but made it, thankfully. liked my first class a lot, was totally lost/confused in my second class (soon to be dropped), and think my last class will be relatively easy. 
2. had orientation for work today. it seems to be kind of disorganized, like every restaurant, but it seems like it will be a fun place to work.
3. had a birthday dinner for a friend and also baked a cake for him! fun times with friends. 

don't feel like blogging much tonight. i'm having a good time hanging out with my friends and getting into the swing of classes, so i'm not focused on my blog right now. but soon, i will return with full force! talk soon (like tomorrow), xoxo...

day 1.

1. woke up kinda late but had a productive day all the same! 
2. ate lunch, bought some textbooks, and got a job as a server! i'm excited. i have an orientation session tomorrow and then set up a training schedule. 
3. roaches are slowly taking over the apartment. IT IS WAR. 

i love college! living in an apartment makes me feel like i'm not even in college. living off campus and not going on campus except for class will be weird. making and eating my own food is a nice feeling! i love playing house...so far. i'm sure paying bills and dealing with ROACHES will not be that fun. but classes start tomorrow. we'll see how they go; i still have a few more books to buy. the one i'm most excited for is on monday night! i hope that's not a let down.

joke.

1. slept in today but then woke up and made pancakes for my friends. 
2. did a lot of unpacking. must take pictures tomorrow! 
3. my roommate moved in today!!! yay. 

something productive. HAHAHA.

ha!

1. i'm so tired tonight. college life is exhausting! 
2. i did some more unpacking/arranging today and am slowly getting rid of boxes. it's a long process!
3. still have to buy books...maybe i should do that tomorrow...but it makes me feel better that no one else has bought books yet either. 

i'm excited to start classes. i wish classes would just be four days a week and weekends were three days. that would be ideal. i've also decided to stop apologizing for bad blogging because it's my blog and my resolution and it's a big enough deal that i'm even doing this every day. so there!

thanks again

1. loooong day. looooong night. stressful. but i'm making progress on the apartment. next up: finish unpacking and buy school books. whoopee!
2. made a big trip to target today to buy apartment stuff and started to set stuff up but i needed help. thank you, boyfriend!
3. drama fo yo mama! 

not much to say again tonight. didn't i make the promise that i would be a poor blogger in these next few days? yes, i did. now i don't feel as bad, shew! thanks again to my move-in helpers--couldn't have done it without you all! xoxo.

move in day!

1. I LOVE MY SCHOOL.
2. shoutout to my mom and aunt for all their wonderful help! also, a shoutout to my boyfriend and friend for helping move all the boxes and furniture!
3. went to my friends' apartment and hung out with everyone! fun times. 

sometimes i wish that college with no classes could last for two weeks or so before we're made to go to classes. don't get me wrong, i love classes and i'm excited for this semester, but the time before classes start is so much fun! lots of bonding, lots of friend time, lots of partying. gooood times. 

hanging party!

1. got all my boxes organized and had two great helpers in the car packing party today! got all three cars packed with college STUFF.
2. getting to bed pretty early so i can be rested for tomorrow's big move...i'm very excited!
3. had a delicious but filling dinner. another reason i am so tired, i think. 

i'm nervous about the move tomorrow. i keep thinking that someone will get in a wreck and besides the obvious of why that is horrible, it'd be even worse tomorrow! these cars are jammed full of furniture and decorations and clothes. i'm also nervous about being settled in a new place and starting a new year. i wish some things about it were different, but i have no control over that now. sometimes (most of the time) life doesn't work out how you plan or even how you want. it's about adjustment and flexibility (my two strong suits...not). but i think being in an apartment finally will be really nice and i have a few days to chill and relax and party before classes start. but i'm also nervous about the classes! i am really looking forward to them and i hope that i'm not let down. perhaps i should lower my standards, but i refuse. so, nervousness aside, i'm hopefully for a painless and simple and easy move. maybe i should lower my standards on that front...

if the shoe fits...

1. had a good day. woke up and did some cleaning on my apartment furniture and helped make pear butter from home grown pears (um, yum!). 
2. went into town to see the boy and went shopping for lamps! and a trashcan! whoopee! 
3. ate mexican with my friend and came home to watch the first sex and the city movie (birthday present...yes!).

just realized something from the sex and the city movie...my third time watching it. when they are first looking at the gorgeous penthouse on 5th, he says something about "man friend" making him sound like a dog...carrie replies with "if the shoe fits." at the end of the movie, mr. big proposes by asking carrie to marry him in her closet and then slips a brand new, manolo blahnik on her foot (how very fairytale). i would say that is was just a coincidence if it weren't for two reasons: 1) this is hollywood. come on., 2) she reads lily "cinderella" and attempts to teach her a lesson about love. so for this reason, i think it was on purpose. but it is a nice way to tie up the story and bring everything full circle. i like carrie bradshaw for two reasons: 1) her wardrobe, 2) she wears pearls to bed (although they are fake). but she screws up the wedding and she makes big freak out and then is les miserables for six months. it makes for a good movie and yes, of course, i will watch it over and over (and the second one when it comes out on dvd), but still. cut the crap, carrie. it was partially your fault. she made it all about her...never a good idea when talking about a couple! but i understand her eagerness to finally tie the knot with big--talk about a procrastinator. but they end up happy in the end--who would have guessed it! the movie just made me think about my own life and my own relationships.

rockin' to the beat

1. i don't even know what day of the week it is! i get so behind during the summer months. but i guess i better get my mind straight since i'm moving back to college on thursday...eek! lots of organizing to do before then. 
2. got my arm punched out by the dermatologist today. she took off a mole she was concerned about and sent it to the lab. now i understand why she called it "punched"--that's what my right tricep feels like now. 
3. had a yummy family dinner and then boyfriend time! we watched the proposal and it was pretty funny (i like sandra bullock and ryan reynolds), but i totally called the last half of the movie's plot. 

so here i am, another night. with nothing interesting to say. i'm sorry! perhaps i should talk about....oh wait. all my ideas have run out! for now...ideas are (dur) always appreciated. i should apologize in advance, also, for the negligence my blog will be subjected to during the next week or so. i'll be preoccupied and busy and most likely not itching to focus on good blogging. but hey, as long as i do it every day, that is good enough for me. trust me, i want to do better than that, and will, but also need to cut myself a mid-year break. but i'll still be blogging! no doubt.

getting thinner

1. woke up pretty early today and went to church, then went to the restaurant where i used to work for lunch (calzone, yum). 
2. came back home and relaxed before my packing frenzy! i just got in a mood to pack up for the move on thursday, so i attacked! it was very successful. 
3. had a small dinner, watched the finale of food network star, got some bad news. 

i just took a benadryl because my allergies started to act up tonight! i'm not sure why but it's a pain when they do. i wish my post title referred to my waistline, but alas, it does not. it refers to my...self. like, my availability and my time. i'm starting to feel like i'm worn thin and i'm getting stressed about it. i have people i want to spend time with and people i want to visit with before i leave but my days are slipping away so quickly. i have family, friends, my boyfriend. i want to be at my home but i have appointments and things to do and tasks to accomplish. it's becoming overwhelming. i just wish i could freeze time for a bit and move it forward only when i'm ready. i'm awful at goodbyes and i'm about to make some to my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my home, my cat, etc. i'm not ready yet.

bucket list item: turn in some privilege cards and exchange them for service cards.

3 x 4

1. woke up this morning in a comfortable bed (not on the floor like yesterday morning) and had pancakes courtesy of my sister for breakfast. 
2. hung out, went to see eat, pray, love and got ready for to picnic/band party tonight. 
3. my uncle's band played and i got to hang out with the family. it was nice out and really fun!

the movie interpretation of eat, pray, love was pretty good. some parts i could have done without out, but they were needed for background if you'd never read the book. but come to think of it, most people in the theater would have seen the book anyway. julia roberts was great, of course, and so was richard jenkins. the man who played the medicine man ketut was so cute! i liked hearing all the advice again that he gave liz again, though. it's kind of crazy that her life was written up into an international bestseller and is now a hit movie. that must be the weirdest feeling! one of the themes of the book is balance. she spends equal time in each of the three places and learns important lessons about balance in life in each place. italy is all about savoring life and "dolce far niete"--the sweetness of nothing. india is about determination and focus and forgiveness. bali is about love and completeness and balance and fear. it all wraps up into a wonderful, balanced life for liz gilbert. the trick is taking those principles and applying them to your own life. the book has gained a sort of cult following, you know, people doing the same thing she did with one year of life. and however tempting, it's not always practical or necessary for everyone. i believe there are many ways to develop into who one wants to be while simply living one's normal life. some changes may be necessary, but embracing change is crucial to sustaining life. i know, i know. who am i?! i hate change. but maybe i just need to learn to roll with it?

friday the 13th...again

1. i'm so very tired right now. had a late night and a busy day.
2. ziplining was so much fun! i was scared at first but it got easier after the first few zips. i had great friends for my "zipping" guides. 
3. spent my afternoon and evening with my sister! had some chill time and then dinner and trivia night at the local bar. we did okay...

every now and then i view this blog as just a ritual. it becomes something that i hate to check off my list every day (night). at this point, all i can think is "the faster you finish blogging, the sooner you can get to sleep." but it's so hard to stay focused on blogging when all i can think about is falling asleep and staying that way for a long time. so on that note, i'm finished for now.

animal house? yes.

1. finished up the yaya sleepover with breakfast and relaxation. 
2. ran some errands in town and got some more apartment stuff!
3. headed out to spend the night with my friends and had a toga party and plan to zipline in the morning!

i've never been ziplining before but i'm pretty excited! i've heard it's fun but it also looks kind of scary. i'm not afraid of heights or anything but i will be attempting for my first time on friday the 13th! eeek! i'm sure (i'm hoping) that all will go well! 

yaya4eva

1. had breakfast with friends and then another appointment. 
2. headed to my aunt's to meet my sister, mom, and grandmother for a sleepover! 
3. went out to a lovely lunch, hung out, made pizzas, watched top chef, ate ice cream, all this fun and delicious stuff! 

i am so much happier around my family. the yayas are just always having fun and having good conversations and having an overall great time! i have fun but sometimes i miss being around my immediate family. my dad is still working so i don't see him as much. my mom is retired though so i get to see her. but soon, both will be retired and having a grand ole' time and i'll be able to hang out with both parents and my whole family too.

"are we breaking up? are you breaking up? is there trouble on the line?"

1. slept pretty late considering that my room gets SO light in the mornings. had a funny dream about jersey shore and a wedding, weird, but funny. 
2. had a lunch with my friend and said goodbye until november! dentist appointment went surprisingly painless and then a haircut. 
3. home for a yummy grilled fish dinner. started a new book and watched chopped! love food network in hi def. 

breakin' up is one of my favorite songs by rilo kiley. i love that it's upbeat and energizing and witty. and it's about breaking up with a guy! typically a depressing topic among music artists, but this song is light and funny, though still somewhat dark. perhaps i should say now that i am not breaking up with anyone or anything like that, i just have wanted to talk about this subject for awhile and tonight struck me as appropriate. breakups are often really difficult. sometimes, they are easier than others because it just falls into your lap that it's the right time for something to end. in my experience personally and from hearing loads of break up stories in my 20 years on this earth, break ups are rarely truly mutual. that is typically a cop out for one person to get what they want while manipulating the other person to think that they want to break up too. not very nice, but common. another common mistake in the break up world is not being honest with yourself or the other person. if you aren't clear with yourself about what you want and need, there is no way you are going to be able to adequately communicate it to another person. also, lying to yourself will ultimately just be a major pain in the ass (for you and everyone involved). another piece of advice, don't go yapping to everyone and their brother about the break up. keep it how the relationship was (or should have been)...i like to think of it as similar to a pane of foggy glass. people can still discern what is happening on the other side, but to truly know what is going on in depth, you have to be on the other side of the glass. keep others on the foggy side of your love life. unless, of course, there is some danger or chance of harm or anything serious like that present in the relationship. i also suggest taking time to be single. yeah yeah, sex and the city girls complain all the time about how being single is tiring and stressful and it's impossible to find a good man. but i think people forget to figure out who they are in between relationships and discern what they learned/how they changed/etc. post-relationship. single time is very, very important--it's like recovery after a surgery. recovery is essential in order to be 100% out in the real world after any sort of surgery. my final piece of advice is to not be afraid. don't be afraid of loneliness or emotional pain. don't be afraid of hurting someone else in your quest for happiness (within reason, of course). don't be afraid of feeling relieved or better about yourself post-breakup. don't be afraid to trust again or to like someone again (those ones are big). and don't be afraid of being yourself and being honest with and true to yourself. someone will eventually come around and appreciate you enough to spend his/her life with you (and if someone doesn't come around...would it be all that disastrous?).

shoulda coulda woulda

1. it's that time of the day again. 
2. woke up kinda early and hung out around the house finishing a book and watching television. 
3. went out to dinner and to see the other guys with my boyfriend. the movie was pretty funny (slow in some parts) and dinner was yummy but...

i should have gotten the fettuccine.

222

1. fell asleep last night to the sound of tree frogs and cicadas--i love my home! 
2. went to church today and saw everyone. and didn't stop at the grocery on the way home, wahoo!
3. had my belated birthday dinner with family and boyfriends! i had a wonderful meal, i got great presents, and i had a delicious ice cream cake.

i'm very tired and want to go to bed but i need to say thank you to everyone for my presents and such a wonderful birthday! thank you notes get written tomorrow and i hopefully make plans to see people from home during the short time that i'm here. i'm so happy to be home but also very excited to get back to school! i know, i know, another slack post. oh well...i've had a lot of food today and i'm still tired from yesterday. plus, these frogs and bugs put me to sleep quickly.

bucket list item: take a break next new year's and make a simpler resolution! 

bye!

1. drove home today!!! it was a hard drive but i had company that was much appreciated. 
2. yummy dinner outside and family time! it doesn't get much better than this...
3. very tired and worn out...can't wait to get to bed. 

after a long drive, my summer has come to a close and i'm back home. for now. school starts soon and i move into my apartment and do all that fun stuff. should be fun/interesting/hard/etc. i'm ready, though. and i'll have good help. now, it's bedtime!

see ya!

1. packed up all my stuff today...preparing to move out tomorrow. 
2. i can cross off one item on my bucket list so far...live alone. such an experience! 
3. can't wait to get back to my home and then back to school. it's been a long time coming. 

once again, my life is about to change. i'm excited and also nervous. tonight, i just want to remind myself that everything will be okay. i believe in myself to accept all challenges, and i believe that i know when to seek help from others. i can do this!

C is for cookie

1. webmail is down! how frustrating. i hate not being able to check my email. 
2. had a nice, relaxing day with my boyfriend. went poolside, watched narnia, went out to visit friends, ate dinner, watched JERSEY SHORE!!! 
3. i've been twenty for a whole week not. t-minus 51 weeks until 21!!!

okay, okay, so guilty as charged. no interesting blog tonight. i'm sorry! i promise that they'll be more interesting soon. i need to start blogging earlier. pretty sure i've already said that before too. oh well...going to see a movie tomorrow hopefully and just hanging out. i got a fortune cookie tonight that said "you will enjoy doing something different this coming weekend." i feel like fortune cookies and horoscopes are all just cop outs. they are so generic that they HAVE to be true for most anyone. but i really am doing something very different this weekend, so that's exciting!

school's out for summer

1. boyfriend came today!!! picked him up from the airport and it's been great just hanging out all day. 
2. got lovely birthday presents and went out to a delicious birthday dinner! thanks to you know who...
3. massive thunderstorms today. while i was running participants in the psych building the fire alarm went off and announced to stay away from windows and doors due to hail, winds of 60 mph+, and rain. scary!

not much to blog about tonight. another boring post! just excited to have company and excited to be moving back home soon. this summer has been great but i'm ready for school to start. i should be in some pretty cool classes. speaking of which, i need to buy books soon...

fiiiierce

1. early (!) gym workout, work most of the day. final meeting with my supervising professor. everything ended on a great note. 
2. cleaned my suite area for my company tomorrow! vacuumed, did dishes, organized recycling, taking out the trash in the morning, picked up the floor. i like cleaning sometimes and really go to town.
3. watched some shark week episodes tonight and now chopped is on and i'm blogging during commercial breaks. early to bed tonight since i'm waking up and driving to the airport tomorrow to pick up said company. 

i like being a competitor. i've mentioned before my love of the cooking competition show, chopped, and i've mentioned that i want to go to grad school in clinical psychology--the most competitive graduate program in the country. i grew up watching the original iron chef and iron chef america on my grandmother's tv. i like any show or book that involves competition. it makes for a great, fast-paced plot line and makes life exciting! to have ambition, drive, a competitive edge, you have to care. i care A LOT. especially about my academics. i've always been competitive against myself, but never saw the need to be really concerned about other people's performances. it was more about making myself better (or the best). so when the application process for grad school rolls around, i hope to go above and beyond what i ever thought i was capable of. honestly, i never saw myself on this track, mainly because i never knew it was really an option. but i've always been interested in human behavior and emotions and interactions and psychopathology. what i can't ever comprehend is how everyone else isn't as interested in this stuff as i am! but i think that is a true sign of passion and of devotion. so i'm competitive and i really feel like i can do this. all of this. so i need to remember that next time i turn in some writing that gets critiqued...

roberto!

1. gym, pool, work. 
2. dinner with the lab! it was delicious and really nice and not as awkward as i expected. 
3. bachelorette season finale!!! she chose the guy i wanted her to (and the guy i would have chosen)!

that show is so ridiculous! but in a good way. i like having some of my downtime devoted to trashy television and the bacehlorette definitely suffices. i'm tired already and have to wake up at 7:30 for an 8 am training session at the gym! talk about early morning work out. it will hopefully keep my metabolism up all day and it'll be nice to get to the gym pretty soon after my decadent dinner. i'll be a better blogger tomorrow night, scout's honor!

twofifteen

1. melted at the pool, worked on the paper, did laundry, SHARK WEEK!!!
2. almost five days until i'm driving home! yippee! 
3. about to watch a rerun of the next food network star since i missed the show due to SHARK WEEK.

tonight is my 215th post. that's not really landmark or anything, but it's still a pretty big number! that means there are 150 days left and 150 posts left. how weird is that?! i'm excited about this year and ready to see how it will turn out, but also nervous about some things. for tonight, my bucket list item is to get a photo published in a magazine/book/calendar/etc. i just love taking pictures and i always wanted to be a photo journalist when i was little and work for national geographic. so maybe this item is a way i can make a small dream of mine from childhood come true.

grading hat

1. turned off my phone and just woke up when my body wanted to wake up this morning. it was a nice feeling. 
2. ONE WEEK UNTIL I AM HOME!!!
3. took criticism on my first draft of the paper personally (of course) and FINALLY found bedding that i want. i hope it's still available in the morning...

criticism. i don't take it well. i take everything personally and it always just makes me feel like a disappointment of a person and a bad writer and like there is no hope for me to improve and mainly just like a disappointment. i hate feeling this way. i've gotten better at letting things roll off my back but i'm still not quite there. i can handle insults about my appearance or personality pretty well, but i just hate criticism to my writing. it always affects me negatively. so this draft for the paper i turned in and got some criticism, good and bad, but i always zero in on the bad. i don't know how to just let things go, either. i can't not think about it or get upset or see things positively. it's just not in my nature. i'm eager to please on the academic front and always feel disappointed in myself when i don't. on that note, i should get back to work on this paper. hopefully i can deliver better goods next time.

madness

1. what a night. 
2. had work for a little bit today and worked on revisions for the suicide paper.
3. took a nap earlier but hopefully i can still get to sleep early tonight. 

i don't really feel much like blogging tonight. not much to say and not in the mood to think of anything to write about. sorry for being boring...